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Don’t Screw Future-You

Finance, Life

A conversation between me and my temporally displaced self.

Future Me: Excuse me, Jason?

Me: Yes?

FMe: <Slap!>

Me: May I ask what that was for?

FMe: Of course.

Me: What was that for, jerk?

FMe: That was payback for all of the hell you have put me through.

Me: What?!? I’ve never even met you, before.

FMe: Of course you have. I am future-you, and I’m sick of getting screwed by past-me, that is, you.

Me: Huh?

FMe: Listen close. You’re not the sharpest brick in the box and I don’t want to explain this twice.

Me: ???

FMe: A long time ago, when you first met our wife, you were dumb.

Me: I don’t appreciate….

FMe: Shut up. I was dumb then, too. Remember? You…err…we bought a new truck, built an addition on our…err…your…err…whomever’s house, got married in the same year. On top of many other expensive decisions. Do your recall?

Me: Yes, I do. So what?

FMe: If that wasn’t enough, you and your smoking-hot bride are still shopping like you’re rich. You drive a new car. Your kids wear new clothes. You’ve got a house full of new furniture. How did you pay for all of that?

Me: Naturally, I charged it. Zero payments, zero interest for a year! Pretty smart, huh?

FMe: What happens in a year?

Me: I don’t know. I’ve got a full year to figure that out.

FMe: <Slap!> I’ll tell you what happens! Future-you, that’s me, gets screwed! Your raise didn’t come through. You had a baby. The truck broke down. Your wife took maternity leave. A roommate moved out. You took a loss in the stock market. You didn’t plan! You had no savings to cover any of those problems because you were too busy servicing debt to pay for your current life.

Me: How was I to know?

FMe: <Slap!> Life happens! You never know what is coming next. You need to plan and save for what might happen. Otherwise, you’ll just accumulate more debt to be serviced by yours-truly. That is not acceptable.

Me: So? What are you going to do about it?

FMe: <Slap!>

Me: Really? Again?

FMe: <Slap!> I’m struggling to pay your debt. Your son starts college next year, but you’ve left me completely unable to help. Your daughter wants to get married in a couple of years, but the Father-of-the-Bride can’t afford a tux. My wife, your beatiful bride, wants a vacation that I can’t afford. You’ve screwed me, dude.

Me: I’m sorry. What can I do to fix it?

FMe: Buy me dinner, first.

Me: Huh?!?!?

FMe: Stop the excess spending. Spend less than you make, for a change. No credit.

Me: None?

FMe: None. Nada. Zip. Zilch. Only spend what you can afford. Budget. Pay off those nasty bills. Don’t leave me hanging.

Me: So, what you’re saying is that, if I don’t have the money, I shouldn’t buy it?

FMe: Exactly. That’s the path to wealth, freedom, and financial independence. Live in the real world.

Me: Gee, thanks, Future-Me! Now I know.

FMe: And knowing is half the battle.

What would your future-you have to say to you?

Budget Lesson, Part 7

Finance

It’s been a month(again!) since I’ve written a post for the budget series, so I’ll be continuing that today. See these posts for the history of this series.

This time, I’m looking at how to reduce my “set aside” funds. These are the categories that don’t have specific payout amounts and happen at irregular intervals. One of the convenient features of our set-aside funds–also a feature of our non-monthly bills–is that the money sits in our checking account, providing a buffer against overdrafts. The buffer is big enough that I can withdraw our entire month’s discretionary budget on the first of the month.

Parties – Twice a year, we have large parties. We have a barbecue(not necessarily low and slow, I’m in the midwest) and a Halloween party. We also have three kids with birthdays. Each year, we try to do something exotic at the barbecue. One year, it was a turducken. This year, we’ll be skipping the show-off portion of the show. The Halloween party is never expensive. I don’t drink much, so the bar stays well-stocked without frequent expensive shopping trips. We throw two large parties for less than $300 combined, and our guests start RSVPing a year in advance. We’re fun. The kids are getting gypped this year. I am over my addiction to expensive birthday parties for my kids. There will be a small party for one, a sleepover for another, and a party combined with some cousins’ birthday parties for the third. It sound horrible but all of them will have fun.
Gifts – We set aside money for presents, but we don’t feel we need to spend all of the money we have set aside. Anything left over stays here. Eventually, it will be something nice for all of us.
Pet Care – We have 4 cats and a dog. Cat litter and food are expenses that we can’t make disappear. We don’t buy the fancy food, but we also don’t buy the stuff that uses cardboard as filler. We have set a new limit at 3 pets, but that limit will only be reached through attrition. There’s nothing to cut here for a few years.
Car Repair – This is another category with nothing to cut. If we don’t spend it, and something catastrophic happens to a car, we’ll be covered. If it doesn’t, we’ll have a bit more cushion in our checking account.
Furnace Warranty – When we bought a new furnace and air conditioner, we got the extended warranty. This is an unlimited renewal warranty, so, in 5 years, we’ll have to buy it again to keep it. If we keep it forever, they will eventually replace our furnace when it dies.
Medicine/Medical – It’s a sad fact that people get sick. We set aside a small amount to cover our costs. The costs rise and fall, but over any given quarter, I don’t think I’ve been off by more than $5.

I’ve taken a hard look at most of the bills over time, so there isn’t always a lot to cut. Next time, I’ll be addressing our discretionary spending.

6 Questions to Financially Get to Know Each Other

Finance

This topic has been blatantly stolen from Budgets are Sexy.

1) How do you spend: cash, debit or credit? I use cash almost exclusively. I live in Minnesota and have two small children, so bundling the brats up to go inside the gas station to pay is nuts. Gas stations get the debit card. Online shopping, or automatic payments set up in the payee’s system are done on a credit card that gets paid off every month.

[ad name=”inlineright”]2) Do you bank online? How about use a financial aggregator (Mint, Wesabe, Yodlee, etc.)? I bank online. I use USBank for my daily cash flow, INGDirect for savings management and Wells Fargo for business. I used Mint strictly as a net worth calculator and alerting system. I use Quicken to manage my money and a spreadsheet for my budget, but I really like the quick, hands-off way that Mint gathers my account information and emails low balance alerts.

3) What recurring bills do you have set on autopay? Absolutely everything except daycare, 2 annual payments, and 1 quarterly payment.

4) How are your finances automated? I use USBank’s billpay system, instead of setting up autopayments at every possible payee. This gives me instant total control and reminders before each payment. The exceptions are my mortgage, netflix, and Dish. My mortgage company takes the money automatically from my checking. The other two hit a credit card automatically. Our paychecks are direct-deposited and automatically transferred to the different accounts and banks, as necessary.

5) Do you write checks? If so, how often? Once per week, for daycare. Occasionally for school fundraisers.

6) Where do you stash your short-term savings? I have quite a few savings accounts with INGDirect to meet all of my savings goals. For the truly short term, I add a line item in Quicken and just leave the money in my checking account.

Who’s next?

Totally Money Carnival #5, the Superbowl Edition

Misc

Welcome to the Totally Money Carnival #5, the Superbowl Edition. It’s my privilege to be the first outside host for this carnival.

I don’t watch the Superbowl. I’ve never been into spectator sports unless I have some skin in the game. If I’m playing, or have some money riding on the outcome, I’m watching. Other than that, I’ll usually pass. Yesterday, a bunch of grown men in tights earning envy-inducing amounts of money ran around for a few hours in front of people, some of whom paid 5 figures for the privilege of watching. Yay!

Editor’s Picks

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hpjaOUjUPUc

Mike Piper presents Protecting Your Private Files posted at Oblivious Investor, “How can you keep your sensitive documents (scanned tax returns, for instance) both backed up and protected in the event of computer theft?” Ed. I love this solution, and I use it. All of my tax returns, online receipts, and documents I don’t want to lose get treated this way.

Suzanne K. presents The Psychology of Why You Can’t Budget—And Five Tips to Help You Do It posted at PsychologyDegree.net. Ed. I’ve always been a fan of trying to understand what makes people tick.

Silicon Valley Blogger presents Prepare Your Tax Return: Tax Products vs Tax Pros posted at The Digerati Life, saying “If you don’t enjoy preparing your taxes, you’re not alone. There are various ways to get your tax returns done. How do you go about preparing your taxes: DIY or with the help of a pro?” Ed. Tax time sucks. If we abolished payroll deductions and made everybody in the country write a check to the IRS every year, there would be a revolt on the next April 15th.

Kevin McKee presents How To Know if Your Job is Expendable posted at Thousandaire, saying “When businesses start doing poorly, some people are at risk of losing their job, while others are safe. Find out which category you fall in with these simple questions.” Ed: I was given a demonstration that defines expendability in the workplace. Fill a glass with water and place it on the counter in front of you. Stick your finger in the glass. Now, pull it out. See the impression you’ve made? I’ve done the rockstar bit, and I’ve been in positions that were necessary for the profitability of larger divisions of large companies. It doesn’t matter. Corporate loyalty is a joke.

Budgeting

35% of people who attend the game write it off as a corporate expense. (source)

Miss T presents 5 Ways to Lower Your Monthly Bills | Prairie EcoThrifter.com posted at Prairie Eco-Thrifter, saying “Believe it or not, there are lots of ways to save money, no matter how much of it you have- or don’t have.”

Credit

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jRYLhkOV2so

Tim Chen presents Pentagon Federal Offers Best Gas & Airfare Credit Card Rewards, Period. posted at NerdWallet Blog – Credit Card Watch, saying “There is only one credit card in America that offers no strings attached 5% cash back at any gas stations (excluding the likes of Costco) – the Pentagon Federal Platinum CashBack. It also gets you 2% back at grocery stores.”

Miranda presents Accelerate Your Credit Card Debt Pay Down posted at CreditScore.net, saying “Use these techniques to pay down your credit card debt faster.”

Buck Inspire presents Moving Up and On From Prepaid Debit Cards posted at Buck Inspire.

Ryan Hudson presents How I Got a Credit Card Late Fee Waived posted at Best Credit Cards IQ, saying “Don’t take accidental late fees laying down. Do something about it. Here’s how I got rid of my late fee.”

Debt

No network footage exists of Super Bowl I. It was taped over, supposedly for a soap opera.(source)

John presents Get Out of Debt Fast – How to Speed Up the Process posted at Passive Family Income, saying “There are quite a few people today that are beginning to dig their way out of debt. They have monitored their spending, created a budget, and have done the best that they can to stick with it. But, as many of you have experienced, the excitement of becoming debt-free gets pretty old after a while.”

Finance

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VRDx18GYITw

Mike Collins presents Defined Benefit vs Defined Contribution posted at Saving Money Today, saying “Understanding the different types of retirement plans.”

Boomer presents 10 Ways For Women To Obtain Financial Empowerment posted at Boomer & Echo, “It’s not that difficult to get your financial life under control (your control). Remember, a man is not a financial plan.”

Frugality

The Super Bowl is measured in Roman numerals because a football season runs the span over two calendar years. This year the season began in 2010 and ends in 2011. (source)

Madison DuPaix presents Substitute, Improvise, and Make Do With What You Have posted at My Dollar Plan, saying “So often, when we run out of things we need, we run to buy something or spend money when we don’t have to. Find out how you can avoid this trap.”

Money Beagle presents The Power Of The Free Calendar posted at Money Beagle.

Amanda L Grossman presents Homemade Diversion Safes: Save Money by Making Your Own posted at Frugal Confessions – Frugal Living, saying “You can purchase your own home security money safes (diversion safes), but I thought it would be more frugal and fun to think of ones to make on your own. See what I can do with a used deodorant!”

Money Management

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KQkK1UCH1EU

MoneyNing presents What Would You Do with a Million Dollars? posted at Money Ning, saying “I know what I would do with a million dollars. How about you?”

Other

More drivers are involved in alcohol-related accidents on Super Bowl Sunday than any other day of the year (except St. Patrick’s Day), according to the Insurance Information Institute. (source)

Joe Morgan presents Is Gen Y Irresponsible, Or Is It A Matter Of Perspective? posted at Simple Debt-Free Finance, saying “Generation Y has a reputation for having a sense of entitlement, but here’s one reason it may just be a matter or perspective.”

Saving

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_78ylMLa0JQ

Ryan @ MFN presents Roth IRA Qualifications posted at The Military Wallet, saying “Are you qualified to open a Roth IRA? Find out income and contribution requirements to see if you are eligible!”

Brian @ BeBetterNow presents Money’s Golden Rule: Spend Less Than You Earn posted at Be Better Now, “In the end, most personal finance advice boils down to spending less than you earn. Here’s another article to reinforce that.”

Spending

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g364TG_8Qmw

Barb Friedberg presents Wealth in Life: 25 Cheap Ideas for Fun posted at Barbara Friedberg Personal Finance, “Join in to build a massive list of low cost fun!”

Taxes

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R55e-uHQna0

PT presents Tax on Unemployment Compensation posted at PT Money, saying “A detailed look at what taxes are due on your unemployment compensation.”

Ken presents Important Tax Update for 2010 You Don’t Want To Miss posted at Spruce Up Your Finances, saying “A few of the tax provisions applicable to tax year 2010 such as the extension of tax filing date, expanded tax benefits, phase out on some limitations, etc.”

Fanny presents Top 10 Tax Deductions for Parents posted at Living Richly on a Budget, “Being a parent is one of the most important roles in life. Why not take advantage of all the deductions you qualify for?”

Thank you all for participating! Next week’s host is Saving Money Today, so be sure to submit your posts.

Carnival Roundups: The Weaponized Syphilis Edition

Life, Misc

Last weekend, I was in Denver for the Financial Blogger Conference. Last week, I had a sore throat that got worse each day until my tonsils started touching on Friday. I could barely talk, so I went to the doctor, then to bed.

It apparently wasn’t strep throat, but beyond that, it could be anything from motaba to weaponized syphilis*.

This is one of those occasions when I’m happy to be living in the future, where a quick trip to the clinic can knock out what would have been hopeless and fatal and few hundred years ago. Antibiotics and a day spent in bed watching super hero movies made me better. That beats bloodletting any day.

Live Real, Now was included in the following carnivals recently:

Yakezie Carnival: FINCON Edition hosted by Finance Product Reviews

Carnival of Money Pros hosted by My University Money

Carnival of Retirement #36 hosted by Making Sense of Cents

Carnival of Personal Finance #377 hosted by Money Life and More

Yakezie Carnival: Labor Day Edition hosted by Stock Trend Investing

Yakezie Carnival: The Best of Summer Edition hosted by On Target Coach

Carnival of Money Pros hosted by Simple Finance Blog

Carnival of Retirement #34 hosted by My Family Finances

Lifestyle Carnival #17 hosted by The Free Financial Advisor

Yakezie Carnival: Dog Days of Summer Edition hosted by Frugal Portland

Carnival of Money Pros: Back to School Edition hosted by See Debt Run

Nerdy Finance #7 hosted by Nerd Wallet

Yakezie Carnival hosted by The College Investor

Yakezie Carnival – Rescue Edition hosted by See Debt Run

Carnival of Financial Camaraderie #45 hosted by My University Money

Carnival of Money Pros hosted by Aaron Hung

Carnival of Retirement #32 hosted by Young Family Finance

Thanks for including my posts.

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* Weaponized Syphilis

This involves giving each of the syphilis spirochetes an M16 and a Manifest Destiny indoctrination before releasing them into the wild. The transport mechanism (the “insertion method”) remains as fun as ever.

Have a great weekend!

Fall From Grace

Finance

When you accumulate a certain level of debt, it feels like you’re wading through an eyeball-deep pool of poo, dancing on your tiptoes just to keep breathing. Ask me how I really feel.

It shouldn’t be a surprise that I’m in debt. We have gone over this before. The story isn’t one of my proudest, so I’ve never talked much about how it happened.

Our debt was entirely our fault. We messed up and dug our own poo-pool. There were no major medical bills, no extended unemployment, just a strong consumer urge and an apparent need for instant gratification. Delayed gratification wasn’t a skill I’d considered learning. The idea of it was a thoroughly foreign concept. Why wait when every store we visited offered no payments/no interest for a year? We didn’t give much thought to what would happen when the year was up.

We got married young. We bought our house young. We started our family young. We did all of that over the course of two years, well before we were financially ready. Twenty years old, we had excellent credit and gave our credit reports a workout. Credit was so easy to get. By the time I was 22, we had a total credit limit more than twice our annual income. We fought so hard to keep up with the Joneses. A new pickup, a remodel on our house. Within a month of paying off the truck, I got a significant raise and rushed out to buy a new car.

Every penny that hit the table was caught in a net of lifestyle expansion. I was bouncing on my tiptoes.

Four months into my new car payment, I was laid off. There’s me, hoping for a snorkel. A week later, we found out our son was going to be a big brother. Our pool had developed a tide.

We killed the cable and cut back on everything else and…managed. Money was tight, but we got by. I got a new job, but had we learned any lessons? Of course not. We got a satellite dish, started shopping the way we always had. Times were good, and could never be bad. We had such short memories.

Fast forward a couple of years. Baby #3 is on the way while baby #2 is still in diapers. Daycare was about to double. Daddy started to panic. I built a rudimentary budget and realized there was no way to make ends meet. There just wasn’t enough cash coming in to cover expenses. That’s when I made my first frugal decision: I quit smoking. That cut the expenses right to the level of our income. It was tight, but doable.

There was still one serious problem. Neither one of us could control our impulse shopping. For a time, I was getting packages delivered almost every day. It was never anything expensive, but it was always something. Little things add up quickly.

Last spring, I realized we couldn’t keep going like that. I started looking into bankruptcy. Somehow, we managed to toss ourselves into the deep end of the pool. We had near-perfect credit and no way to maintain it.

While researching bankruptcy, I found our life preserver. We put together a budget. We cut and…it hurt. It’s taken a year, but every bill we have is finally being tracked. We have an emergency fund and we are working towards our savings goals. It hasn’t been an easy year, but we are making progress. We’ve eliminated 15% of our debt and opened out budget to include some “blow money” and an occasional date night. We are always looking for ways to decrease our bottom line and increase the top line. Most important, we are actually working together to keep all of our expenses under control, with no hurt feelings when we remind ourselves to stay on track.

We are finally standing flat-footed, head and shoulders above the poo.

Update: This post has been included in the Carnival of Personal Finance.