- Up at 5 two days in a row. Sleepy. #
- May your…year be filled w/ magic and dreams and good madness. I hope you…kiss someone who thinks you’re wonderful. @neilhimself #
- Woo! First all-cash grocery trip ever. Felt neat. #
- I accidentally took a 3 hour nap yesterday, so I had a hard time sleeping. 5am is difficult. #
- Wee! Got included in the Carnival of Personal Finance, again. http://su.pr/2AKnDB #
- Son’s wrestling season starts in two days. My next 3 months just got hectic. #
- RT @Moneymonk: A real emergency is something that threatens your survival, not just your desire to be comfortable -David Bach # [Read more…] about Twitter Weekly Updates for 2010-01-09
The Friday Tax
I’ve been at the doctor’s office every time my kids have been scheduled to get shots. I let them know what to expect before the shot, hold their legs still during, and comfort them after. It’s not pleasant, but it is a bonding experience. It builds trust. My kids know that if I tell them something won’t hurt, it won’t, because I tell them when it will. Unpleasantness is never a surprise. Somehow, this policy hasn’t led to a fear of the doctor. They always know what to expect and how tough I’m expecting them to be, so they don’t worry.
Last Friday, it was time for the unpleasant duty. Both of the girls had checkups and one was due for shots. I took the afternoon off to meet my wife and kids at the clinic.
It was a beautiful day. It was warm, the sun was shining, and traffic was light. The windows were down and music was playing; it was an almost perfect start to the weekend.
Did I mention I have a lead foot?
“No, honey, I don’t think we need to buy that” certainly loses some of it’s effect shortly after “Uh, honey? I just paid the voluntary driving-too-fast tax.”
For days, I heard, “Well, I wasn’t the one who got a speeding ticket!” This sounds like nagging, but it’s not. I am normally the one issuing reminders about spending and saving. This time, it was her turn. It’s not my job to hold her accountable. It’s our job–jointly–to hold each other accountable. If I mess up–and I did–she is perfectly within her rights to hold me feet to the fire. I certainly don’t hesitate when the roles are reversed.
I haven’t had a ticket in almost 12 years, so this isn’t a habitual problem. It is an expense that should have been avoided.
Now, I’ve got to take a day off of work and go to court to try to keep it off of my record, so it won’t affect my insurance rates. That means court costs on top of the fine.
Monetary weakness or a lapse in judgment can derail goals. We haven’t destroyed our budget for the month, but it’s not an insignificant amount of money. I try figure enough padding into our budget that this isn’t painful, but it is money that could have been “snowflaked” onto our debt. It could have meant another $150 in the vacation fund. That is disappointing.
It’s time to establish the habit of driving the speed limit.
Update: This post has been included in the Money Hacks Carnival.
4 Ways to Flog the Inner Impulse Shopper
Welcome to the time machine! This was originally posted on December 16, 2009.
Impulse shopping kills. Not literally, of course, but it stings. You need to stop. I need to stop. We all need to stop.
Here’s how:
1. Use a list. Everybody tells you to shop with a list. Nobody has problems shopping with a list. How, exactly, does a list prevent you from buying something on a whim? A list keeps you from forgetting things, it doesn’t stop your from putting Terminator:Salvation in your cart. Skip this one. It doesn’t count. No beatings for the inner impulse shopper means no honorable mention here.
Take 2:
3 Ways to Flog the Inner Impulse Shopper
1. Don’t Shop. I’ve found that it is almost impossible to leave Target for under $100. It’s too easy to grab a discount DVD or a small surprise for the kids. My solution is to use Alice.com. That’s right, I get my toilet paper by mail-order. With Alice, there are few opportunities for impulse purchases. I add the items I need, scan the deals for items I will need in the next few weeks, and have my wife review the cart for things I’ve either missed or don’t need. A few days later, there’s a big blue box full of deodorant, toilet paper and soap sitting on my front step. The manufacturer coupons are automatically applied and shipping is always free. I’ve easily saved $1000 in retail impulse purchases using Alice over the past few months. Alice is my favorite shopping-dom. Full disclosure: The Alice links are all referral links. If you click one and join, I will get 3% commission on your purchase for a year, and you will get a $10 credit after you spend $50 .
2. Set a goal and reward the goal – AFTER the goal is met. My wife and I have a goal to be out of debt in four years. We will enter 2014 free from debt. No car payment, credit cart, or mortgage. I have promised my wife that, in exchange for almost 5 years(we aren’t starting the process today) of frugal living, when we are done and have saved a bit at the other end of debt, I will take her on a cruise anywhere in the world. A real, debt-free vacation. AFTER we pay off all of our debt. AFTER we save enough to make the trip without sliding back into debt. This is the carrot instead of the stick. If the carrot doesn’t work, you can always try the stick. Not on your spouse, of course, but on the inner impulse shopper. Beat that little jerk ’til he cries.
3. Make yourself accountable. If you’re married, make yourself accountable to your spouse. If you’re single, go public with your frugality. “I’m a cheap bastard and I’m swearing off xxx until I’m out of debt.” Let your family and friends know what you are doing so they can be your support system. I regularly call my wife from a store, just so she can say “no” to me. When we are ready to check out at a store, we find some out of the way location and go through everything in the cart to see if we really need it or if it was simply an impulse grab.
How do you flog the masochistic little demon in your wallet?
Kids Are Temporary
Have you ever watched someone go nuts after they have kids?
I mean, even after the I-haven’t-slept-more-than-20-minutes-in-a-row-for-3-months stage of babydom?
These people dedicate their lives to their kids. They sacrifice all of their hopes and dreams and focus on the brats. They can’t have a date night because little Sally might get lonely without mommy and daddy. Can’t have a hobby because Johnny’s on the traveling soccer team. Can’t get laid because it’s a family bed and that’s kind of creepy when the kids are right there.
Everything for the kids.
As they grow, it gets worse. You spend more time helping with homework and less time talking to your wife. More time playing chauffeur, less time playing doctor.
It’s a nasty cycle, and it comes with an abrupt stop.
What happens when school’s out? Little Johnny graduates with a dual degree in Practical Philosophy and Experimental Art History, gets a job at the local Stab-and-Grab, gets married, and starts a family.
When that happens, parents suddenly become “extended family”. The kid has a life of his own and probably doesn’t need his clothes picked out in the morning, a ride to soccer practice, or someone to write his name in his underwear.
This is planned. It is–in theory–the reason we raise our kids. It shouldn’t be a surprise, even if it is a bit of a shock.
Can you survive it? Can your marriage?
If you’ve spent the last 20 years of your life pretending you are nothing but a system for delivering food, rides, and gadgets for your kids, what are you going to do with your time when they are busy pretending they are that system for their kids? If you’ve never developed a hobby, are you going to go extra-special, bat-**** crazy now?
For 20 years, have all of your conversations been about your kids? Have all of your outings been birthday parties? Will you have anything to say to your spouse when the kids are gone?
Your kids are temporary.
They are important. They are your genetic legacy and the people who will choose your nursing home. Don’t neglect them, but you do have to hold something back. Make time for yourself. Make time for your husband or your wife. Or both, if you can make that work.
When your kids are working 90 hour weeks building a new career, or hustling 4 kids to 10 after-school activities, your life doesn’t get to revolve around them.
All you’ve got is yourself and your wife. If she’s not feeling secure about your feelings now, when she loses the distraction of puke in her hair, that insecurity will blossom in unpleasant ways. If you can’t find a conversation that doesn’t involve the kids now, the silence will be blistering when you eventually lose that crutch.
If you don’t have a hobby, get one.
If you don’t have a relationship with your wife, get one. Take her on a date tonight. Your kids are temporary, your marriage shouldn’t be. This is the rest of your life. Make it worthwhile.
Saturday Roundup – The OMG It’s Busy Edition
- Image via Wikipedia
Last Saturday, my 3-year-old rode in her second horse show. She got third place out of 4, which is pretty good for her second show.
Halloween is well under way here. Normally, I get everything set up the last weekend of September, but we went out of town that weekend to visit my sick Grandma, so things are behind schedule. Now, I’m trying to finish decorating my yard in the evenings, between work and sunset. That really cuts into blogging time.
Today, my two oldest kids are having a birthday party together. October is a crazy-busy month.
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The best posts of the week:
Every blogger needs a WordPress cheatsheet, right?
$93 of generosity turned into $100,000 of charity. It’s an inspiring story about how the little things add up. What a way to make a difference!
The debt-settlement meany-butt-jerkfaces have to obey an entire new set of laws to keep them from lying to their customers.
I love precious metals. The only gold I own is on my ring finger, but I’ve got a small stack of silver in the house. There’s just something about a gold or silver coin that makes me want to fondle it.
Finally, a list of the carnivals I’ve participated in:
Last week:
20 Lazy Ways to Save Money was in the Carnival of Money Stories.
3 Reasons You Hate Your Budget was included in the Carnival of Personal Finance.
The Magic Toilet was included in the Festival of Frugality. I love my magic toilet.
This week:
Halloween Decorations Ain’t Cheap was picked up by the Carnival of Personal Finance.
Thrifty Sucks was included in the Carnival of Money Stories.
If I missed anyone, please let me know. Thanks for including me!
Time Management, Part II
I have horrible time management skills.
Part of the reason is that I take on a lot of projects.
Part of the reason is that I’m easily distra…ooh, shiny!
And part of the reason is that I’m a terrible procrastinator. On second thought, that’s not quite true. I’m actually a very good procrastinator. It’s a skill I’ve built up quite well.
Stephen Covey tells a story–one I’ve always heard applied to personal finance–called The Big Rocks of Life.
One day this expert was speaking to a group of business students and, to drive home a point, used an illustration I’m sure those students will never forget. After I share it with you, you’ll never forget it either.
As this man stood in front of the group of high-powered over-achievers he said, “Okay, time for a quiz.” Then he pulled out a one-gallon, wide-mouthed mason jar and set it on a table in front of him. Then he produced about a dozen fist-sized rocks and carefully placed them, one at a time, into the jar.
When the jar was filled to the top and no more rocks would fit inside, he asked, “Is this jar full?” Everyone in the class said, “Yes.” Then he said, “Really?” He reached under the table and pulled out a bucket of gravel. Then he dumped some gravel in and shook the jar causing pieces of gravel to work themselves down into the spaces between the big rocks.
Then he smiled and asked the group once more, “Is the jar full?” By this time the class was onto him. “Probably not,” one of them answered. “Good!” he replied. And he reached under the table and brought out a bucket of sand. He started dumping the sand in and it went into all the spaces left between the rocks and the gravel. Once more he asked the question, “Is this jar full?”
“No!” the class shouted. Once again he said, “Good!” Then he grabbed a pitcher of water and began to pour it in until the jar was filled to the brim. Then he looked up at the class and asked, “What is the point of this illustration?”
One eager beaver raised his hand and said, “The point is, no matter how full your schedule is, if you try really hard, you can always fit some more things into it!”
“No,” the speaker replied, “that’s not the point. The truth this illustration teaches us is: If you don’t put the big rocks in first, you’ll never get them in at all.”
The original point to the story is just as relevant as the personal finance lessons associated with it. If you let your life fill up with the little crap that doesn’t matter, you won’t have time for the important things.
At work, I have 4-5 major projects I’m working on. Some of these are behind schedule. I get interrupted sometimes twenty times per day. Each one of those interruptions kills my concentration; it wrecks my groove. By the time I’m back on track, 20 minutes have passed and I’m getting interrupted again.
No wonder I don’t seem to get anything done.
If I close my door and ignore my email, the little rocks usually don’t fill up my day, allowing me to concentrate on the high-value projects. That’s not always possible, and my coworkers get upset when I throw rocks at them for interrupting me, but it does help me get things done.
Now, I just need to focus on the big things and let the little rocks slide. No twitter, no internet forums, no coworker interruptions. Then we’ll see how productive I can be.
What are your “little rocks”? How do you avoid getting bogged down?
