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Effen Carpets, Effen Pets
We’ve got pets. Lots of pets.
- 4 cats
- 3 kids
- 2 pythons
- 1 dog
- 1 hamster
And yours truly.
I count, I make a good mess.
Pets have hair. Well, except for the python and the horrible abominations of mis-evolved Chinese food known as bald cats.
Pet hair gets every-damn-where.
A few weeks ago, we watched our friend’s dogs for a few days.
Those things pee. Not in the backyard like good dogs, but on the girls’ bedroom carpet.
I hate pee.
Not my own, of course.
I really, really hate animal pee in my house.
So we got the carpets cleaned. Linda told me it would be a bit more than normal, since we were going to get the air ducts cleaned at the same time. I was fine with that. Animal hair gets everywhere, and in the ducts, it makes the furnace and air conditioner work poorly.
Then, I got an email alert from Capital One.
Seven hundred freaking dollars!
That’s about $400 more than I was expecting.
Not flipping thrilled! <—-Understatement.
Thankfully, we have money tucked aside for crap like this, but if stuff keeps coming up, we’re going to be hosed.
About
I am a husband, father of three, and a software engineer and I think I am going through a mid-life crisis*. I woke up one morning and took stock of my life. There are quite a few things I am not happy with in my life. It’s time to correct that.
We have too much debt. My wife and I have gone through a slow financial meltdown over the last ten years. We spent so much time living beyond our means that, now that we are earning a comfortable salary, we can’t afford to do the things we did on half this income. Our lives are upside down. This is going to change. As a start, I’ve been slashing expenses and selling my toys in an effort to get out of debt.
We have too much stuff. I’ve been downsizing and simplifying everything we own. I have thrown out truckloads of stuff we don’t need or can do without. We recently moved a close friend into our spare bedroom. Making room for him was a chore, due to our excess crap. It’s gotta go. If we don’t know what we have, we don’t need it.
I’m out of shape. I used to be in great shape. Ten years of surburbia and desk jobs has changed that. I’ve started running and will get back in shape. I intend to live long enough to be a happy burden to my children.
I don’t spend enough time with my wife. I’m still completely in love, but we need to be closer. I’m in this for the long haul. Fifty years of watching TV isn’t good enough. We need to be close.
Those are my problems and some hints towards my plans to correct my life. There is nothing I’ve earned that I regret, but definitely some things I want to improve. In short, I want to be the man my children think I am.
*If this is mid-life, I’ve made some very bad life choices.
Fighting Fair
This was a guest post on another site early last year.
Everyone, at times, has disagreements. How boring would life be if everyone agreed all of the time? How you handle those disagreements may mean disaster.
This is particularly true when you are arguing with your spouse. You spend most non-working moments with this one person, this wonderful, loving, infuriating person. Your emotions will naturally run high while discussing the things you care most about with the person you care most about. Arguments are not only natural, but inevitable.
How do you have an argument with someone you love without lasting resentment?
You have to argue fairly. There are a few principles to remember during an argument.
- When your partner is talking, your job is to listen with all of your energy. You are not interrupting. Your are not planning your rebuttal while waiting for your turn to talk. Your are listening, nothing else. If you don’t listen, you can’t understand. If you don’t understand, you can’t find a resolution.
- Remember that your partner cares. If she didn’t care, she wouldn’t feel so strongly about the argument. This isn’t a war, just an argument. She still wants to spend the rest of her life with you. Keeping this in mind will change the entire tone of the argument into a positive interaction. You will still disagree, but you will be looking for a solution together, instead of finding a “win” at any cost.
- Search for the best intent. Remember #2? There is an incredibly good chance that, if there are two ways to interpret something your partner has said–a good way and a bad way–your partner probably meant the good way. Even if you are wrong, it is far better to err on the side of resolution than the side of antagonism.
- When your partner has finished speaking, it’s still not your turn to argue. Your job now is to repeat your understanding of the issue, without worrying about problem-solving. Before you can refute the argument–or even establish your disagreement–you have to know that you understand her position and she has to know that you do. Without understanding, there can be no path to resolution that doesn’t cause resentment. If you have too much resentment, you won’t have a marriage.
After all of this, it will finally be your turn to make your point. Hopefully, your partner will be following the same rules so you can solve your problems together, without learning to hate each other.
Arguments in your marriage aren’t–or shouldn’t be–intended to draw blood. Fights happen. If your goal is to win at any cost, you will both lose, possibly everything.
Transparency
A friend–let’s call him me–recently had a bit of a hangup with a business relationship.
On a long-term project, there were some unavoidable setbacks. My friend decided to work through them, hoping to get everything back up to speed…before the customer noticed.
It’s a funny thing, but customers like to look at status reports on long-term projects. A couple of months after the biggest problem, the customer called my friend wanting an in-person status update. They told him to be prepared for an uncomfortable conversation.
Crap.
Now, the setbacks were truly unavoidable. Things came up that were entirely outside the realm of my friend’s control, but he had to deal with them anyway. When the problems were laid out in front of the customer, it went from uncomfortable to a discussion on how to expand the business relationship.
Transparency for the win.
Bad things happen. Anybody who doubts this is clearly not equipped to deal in the adult (that’s adult in the “grown-up” sense, not adult in the “porn” sense) world. Companies know that bad things can happen to derail a project. They are going to be more interested in how you get the project back on track than anything else.
When things go wrong, be open about it. Your customers/family/friends/one-night-stands will appreciate not having to wonder what’s going on.
Introduction
I am a husband, father of three, and a software engineer and I think I am going through a mid-life crisis*. I woke up one morning and took stock of my life. There are quite a few things I am not happy with in my life. It’s time to correct that.
We have too much debt. My wife and I have gone through a slow financial meltdown over the last ten years. We spent so much time living beyond our means that, now that we are earning a comfortable salary, we can’t afford to do the things we did on half this income. Our lives are upside down. This is going to change. As a start, I’ve been slashing expenses and selling my toys in an effort to get out of debt.
We have too much stuff. I’ve been downsizing and simplifying everything we own. I have thrown out truckloads of stuff we don’t need or can do without. We recently moved a close friend into our spare bedroom. Making room for him was a chore, due to our excess crap. It’s gotta go. If we don’t know what we have, we don’t need it.
I’m out of shape. I used to be in great shape. Ten years of surburbia and desk jobs has changed that. I’ve started running and will get back in shape. I intend to live long enough to be a happy burden to my children.
I don’t spend enough time with my wife. I’m still completely in love, but we need to be closer. I’m in this for the long haul. Fifty years of watching TV isn’t good enough. We need to be close.
Those are my problems and some hints towards my plans to correct my life. There is nothing I’ve earned that I regret, but definitely some things I want to improve. In short, I want to be the man my children think I am. I have three wonderful children, and I want our lives to be as perfect as possible.
Please, join me for the ride, starting December first.
*If this is mid-life, I’ve made some very bad life choices.
