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Fighting Fair

This was a guest post on another site early last year.

Everyone, at times, has disagreements. How boring would life be if everyone agreed all of the time? How you handle those disagreements may mean disaster.

This is particularly true when you are arguing with your spouse. You spend most non-working moments with this one person, this wonderful, loving, infuriating person. Your emotions will naturally run high while discussing the things you care most about with the person you care most about. Arguments are not only natural, but inevitable.

How do you have an argument with someone you love without lasting resentment?

You have to argue fairly. There are a few principles to remember during an argument.

When your partner is talking, your job is to listen with all of your energy. You are not interrupting. Your are not planning your rebuttal while waiting for your turn to talk. Your are listening, nothing else. If you don’t listen, you can’t understand. If you don’t understand, you can’t find a resolution.
Remember that your partner cares. If she didn’t care, she wouldn’t feel so strongly about the argument. This isn’t a war, just an argument. She still wants to spend the rest of her life with you. Keeping this in mind will change the entire tone of the argument into a positive interaction. You will still disagree, but you will be looking for a solution together, instead of finding a “win” at any cost.
Search for the best intent. Remember #2? There is an incredibly good chance that, if there are two ways to interpret something your partner has said–a good way and a bad way–your partner probably meant the good way. Even if you are wrong, it is far better to err on the side of resolution than the side of antagonism.
When your partner has finished speaking, it’s still not your turn to argue. Your job now is to repeat your understanding of the issue, without worrying about problem-solving. Before you can refute the argument–or even establish your disagreement–you have to know that you understand her position and she has to know that you do. Without understanding, there can be no path to resolution that doesn’t cause resentment. If you have too much resentment, you won’t have a marriage.

After all of this, it will finally be your turn to make your point. Hopefully, your partner will be following the same rules so you can solve your problems together, without learning to hate each other.

Arguments in your marriage aren’t–or shouldn’t be–intended to draw blood. Fights happen. If your goal is to win at any cost, you will both lose, possibly everything.

Healthcare.gov: Is this failure a warning of what’s to come?

Politicians

The official launch of online registration for government healthcare has been rife with disastrous glitches from the very beginning. This cataclysmic failure has spurred severe service outages across the country, and this chronically dysfunctional interface serves as foreshadowing for an epidemic of systematic organizational deficiencies. Healthcare.gov is only the first in a series of planned bureaucratic catastrophes.

Luckily, this informative overview exists to demystify the overly complex world of the medical legislation informally known as Obamacare. Being armed with the facts provided below can protect anyone during these times of economic uncertainty in which the destabilizing influence of expensive health treatments can suddenly arise.

The Internet Errors

The requirement of preemptive registration resulted in a complete system crash. The ability to input health data was also starkly limited. Security issues also seemed evident as certificates failed to show updated validations, and there was no indication of where confidential information would be stored.

Lack of Foresight and Oversight

The decision to mandate initial registration was a hastily made last-minute change that failed to consider the magnitude of public interest. This unfortunately coincided with a government shutdown, which left limited federal resources available to respond to claims of malfunctioning servers. The biggest mistake made by the Department of Health and Human Services was underestimating the massive influx of uninsured applicants.

To further complicate woes, a chief contractor behind the layout of healthcare.gov is expected to testify that additional time and money could not have salvaged the doomed enlistment effort. His official testimony will shed light on administrative laziness, and the legislative committee is expected to issue serious reprimands, but nothing will recompense the thousands of individuals deprived access to healthcare registration on the date promised to them years in advance. These problems were completely avoidable, but the team in place refused to promptly pay attention.

Proposed Solutions

The Obama Administration has conveniently remained mum on the topic of minor adjustments to the healthcare law, but Congressional Democrats have proposed implementing small delays to the overall roll-out. The dates for enforcing the individual mandate have become a focal point of discussions to modify Obamacare. Because citizens were not given feasible access to the online enrollment system, it would be unconstitutional to levy fines for their lack of registration.

The Foreboding Warning

If politicians cannot even tackle basic website programming, then they should not be trusted to manage the well-being of millions of Americans. Partisan divisions have made two factions that are fully noncoalescent, which means all future fixes will be the result of an incomplete compromise between two warring parties. Real health concerns have been forgotten by the incessant squabbling of politicians in their ivory towers. This means that every new initiative will only cause further societal strife and struggle. Members of Congress have expanded the breadth of their authority without grasping the technological realm. As a consequence, these politicians will continue overextending the limits of their power, and the public will be left to pick up the pieces.

Rental Property Update

Business

As I’ve mentioned before, we are fixing up the house we inherited in April to rent it out.

We already have renters lined up starting in February. My wife has known the couple for several years, so we’re not worried about strangers wrecking the place. We will be doing a lease, because skipping that is dumb, even if you know the tenants. They will be paying $1200 per month, plus electric, water, and garbage. We’ll be covering gas and–of course–property taxes. We’re paying the gas bill because we’re going to have most of the appliances on the repair plan through the gas company so we won’t have to worry about appliances breaking.

Those expenses will run about $325 per month, leaving $875 as profit. We’ll probably save another $200 of that to cover future vacancies and for property issues that I’m not foreseeing, leaving $675 to save and invest.

Over the summer, we have spent quite a bit of money fixing the place up.

Dumpsters x3, $1200. Did I mention my mother-in-law was a hoarder?
New boiler, $4500.
Electrical repair, including running power to the garage, $1400.
Plumbing & gas repair, $900.
New stove & refrigerator, $1000.
Landscaping, $2500.
Other repairs, $8000.

So far, we have spent about $19,500 fixing this place up. There is still a bit of work left to do.

Are we done?

Crap, no.

We have two rooms of stuff that we need to research and price individually before we sell. This includes some old cameras, typewriters, and collectibles.
We need to buff and polish the hardwood floors that are in surprisingly good shape.
We have to scrub the entire house. Cobwebs and mouse crap show up in interesting places when 90% of your house is buried for most of 30 years.
We have to clean the last of the debris out of the basement. This, and some other stuff, will mean yet another dumpster.
We have to paint walls and ceilings all over the house and the basement floor.

The to-do list will come with a price tag somewhere between $1000 and $1500.

That comes out to about $21,000 spent to make $675 per month. In just 3 years, the property will be turning a profit, then it becomes an actual profit center for us, hopefully forever. The expenses are all tax deductible, but only as depreciation, which means the cost has to get deducted a bit at a time over the course of the next 5 to 30 years.

On the other hand, we could probably sell the place for $200,000. It’s going to take 25 years of renting to make up that difference.

Olivia Wilde is Having a Baby: What are the first-month expenses?

Celebrities, Gossip

English: Olivia Wilde at a San Diego Comic-Con... — English: Olivia Wilde at a San Diego Comic-Con panel for Tron Legacy in July 2010. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Olivia Wilde recently announced her pregnancy with fiance Jason Sudeikis as she’s due with her first child in the coming year. Although the couple have declined to reveal their due date, they likely are expecting to set aside a budget for their baby, even with their high incomes. With forty percent of moms saying that having a baby is more expensive than they initially assumed, it’s important to look at the overall costs in the first month for plenty of preparation and financial planning.

Food

The first-month’s expenses can slightly range, depending on if the mother is using formula to feed the baby or is breastfeeding.

Breastfeeding is free and will not cost a dime, besides the breastfeeding supplies that cost an average of $15 in the first month due to nursing pads and milk storage bags for freezing.

Name-brand formula can be expensive, an average cost of $25 a week as the baby will be feeding on it several times a day, totaling about $100 in the first month. Generic brands of formula cost half the amount, an average of $12 a week.

Medical

Health insurance is one of the most expensive costs for newborn babies with 39 percent of mothers paying $1,000 with their childbirth. Some even pay at least $5,000. Health insurance will also likely increase to $200 a month for the child with co-pays that range from $30 to $100 per visit. Some health insurance will refuse to cover certain costs, which include vaccines and immunizations.

Daycare

Paid maternity leave is considered a luxury in the U.S. and is often unavailable for mothers who are self-employeed or do freelance work, making daycare a necessity. Daycare for newborns averages to $100 a month, but can be at least $1,000 for celebrities that use an in-home nanny.

General Care

Wipes will cost an average of $13 in the first month with a $5 increase in the water bill for the baby’s laundry and baths.

Diapers are one of the scariest expenses that are priced at $80 for basic Pamper diapers for newborns. Using cloth diapers are a one-time expense, so if provided by a friend or relative at a baby shower, they are free to use consistently and do not require much water or detergent to wash every other day.

Bath soap, detergent, and baby-safe shampoo will cost $30 a month to maintain the hygiene of your baby.

Although Olivia Wilde’s baby will be unique in its feeding habits and the materials for diapers used, the average cost in the first month will likely total $200 and can go as high as $4,000 for a celebrity. Many of the costs simply depend on the baby and are determined by the type of diapers used, the amount of doctor visits, daycare that may be needed, and whether the baby prefers breastfeeding or feeding on formula.

Side Hustle: Garage Sale Wrap-Up

Finance

We are now to the end of Garage Sale Week here at Live Real, Now. I hope you’ve enjoyed it.

After you shut down on the last day, take the evening off. You’ve just been hard at work for 2-3 days and need a break. Deal with the stuff tomorrow. Tomorrow–and probably the next few days–you’ve got work to do. What do you do with everything that didn’t sell? If you’re planning on making garage sales a regular side-hustle, just box it all up and put it to the side until next time. After all, it’s all priced, sorted, and ready-to-go, right? If, like me, your goal was to declutter, then it’s time for some serious downsizing. Let’s dump the crap.

The first thing we did was box up all of the books and movies to bring to the used book store. We dropped the items at the sell table and spent half an hour browsing a bookstore. That’s never a good way for me to save money. The store we went to checks the demand for everything you bring in. If there’s no demand, they donate or recycle the items and you don’t get paid. DVDs bring about $1 each. VHS is demand-based. Paperbacks are something less than half of the retail price. Hardcovers are demand-based. We were offered $28 and pointed to the huge pile of discard/recycle items that we were free to reclaim. I picked out 4-5 books and movies that I thought had value and left the rest. Bringing the clutter back home would defeat the purpose of going there.

The clothes were handled two ways. First, all of the little girl clothes were bagged and set aside for some friends with a little girl. The rest were bagged and loaded in the truck for a run to Goodwill. The clothes filled the box of our pickup.

The random knick-knacks were also boxed up and delivered to Goodwill, along with most of the leftover toys. This was another completely full truck box. We had a lot of stuff in our sale.

The beat-up or low-value furniture that didn’t sell was put on the curb with “FREE” signs. I posted the free items on Craigslist and they were gone in just a few hours. The Craigslist ad said “Please do not contact, I will remove the listing when the items are gone.” Otherwise, there are usually 10-15 emails per hour asking if the items are still available. The ad didn’t even have pictures and it worked quickly.

Some of the furniture–the toddler bed, changing table, china cabinet, and the good computer desk–were hauled back to our garage to post on Craigslist with a price-tag. They are too good to give away. If the camera wouldn’t have died two nights ago, the pictures would already be up. Some of the other items were also reserved for individual sale. The extra router, the 6 inch LCD screen, and a few other toys will go on Ebay.

Finally there was some stuff that we decided we weren’t going to get rid of. We kept a few movies, but only because I didn’t notice them until I got back from the bookstore. My wife kept a box of Partylite stuff–though most of the leftovers were donated. Very little of the things we had ready for sale are being kept in our lives. Almost all of it is gone, or will be soon.

All in all, this was a cathartic end to last month’s 30 Day Project. There was some surprising emotional attachment to some things I didn’t think I cared about. It’s good to see it gone.

Note: The entire series is contained in the Garage Sale Manual on the sidebar.

Search Results for: three-alternatives-to-a-budget/subscribe-by-email/budget-lesson-part-3/money-problems-day-1-setting-goals/budget-lesson-part-5/budget-lesson-part-1/questions-from-a-reader/one-year-later/how-much-should-you-tip/budget-lesson-part-2/what-happens-when-you-save

The Internet Errors

Lack of Foresight and Oversight

Proposed Solutions

The Foreboding Warning

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