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Don’t Screw Future-You

Finance, Life

A conversation between me and my temporally displaced self.

Future Me: Excuse me, Jason?

Me: Yes?

FMe: <Slap!>

Me: May I ask what that was for?

FMe: Of course.

Me: What was that for, jerk?

FMe: That was payback for all of the hell you have put me through.

Me: What?!? I’ve never even met you, before.

FMe: Of course you have. I am future-you, and I’m sick of getting screwed by past-me, that is, you.

Me: Huh?

FMe: Listen close. You’re not the sharpest brick in the box and I don’t want to explain this twice.

Me: ???

FMe: A long time ago, when you first met our wife, you were dumb.

Me: I don’t appreciate….

FMe: Shut up. I was dumb then, too. Remember? You…err…we bought a new truck, built an addition on our…err…your…err…whomever’s house, got married in the same year. On top of many other expensive decisions. Do your recall?

Me: Yes, I do. So what?

FMe: If that wasn’t enough, you and your smoking-hot bride are still shopping like you’re rich. You drive a new car. Your kids wear new clothes. You’ve got a house full of new furniture. How did you pay for all of that?

Me: Naturally, I charged it. Zero payments, zero interest for a year! Pretty smart, huh?

FMe: What happens in a year?

Me: I don’t know. I’ve got a full year to figure that out.

FMe: <Slap!> I’ll tell you what happens! Future-you, that’s me, gets screwed! Your raise didn’t come through. You had a baby. The truck broke down. Your wife took maternity leave. A roommate moved out. You took a loss in the stock market. You didn’t plan! You had no savings to cover any of those problems because you were too busy servicing debt to pay for your current life.

Me: How was I to know?

FMe: <Slap!> Life happens! You never know what is coming next. You need to plan and save for what might happen. Otherwise, you’ll just accumulate more debt to be serviced by yours-truly. That is not acceptable.

Me: So? What are you going to do about it?

FMe: <Slap!>

Me: Really? Again?

FMe: <Slap!> I’m struggling to pay your debt. Your son starts college next year, but you’ve left me completely unable to help. Your daughter wants to get married in a couple of years, but the Father-of-the-Bride can’t afford a tux. My wife, your beatiful bride, wants a vacation that I can’t afford. You’ve screwed me, dude.

Me: I’m sorry. What can I do to fix it?

FMe: Buy me dinner, first.

Me: Huh?!?!?

FMe: Stop the excess spending. Spend less than you make, for a change. No credit.

Me: None?

FMe: None. Nada. Zip. Zilch. Only spend what you can afford. Budget. Pay off those nasty bills. Don’t leave me hanging.

Me: So, what you’re saying is that, if I don’t have the money, I shouldn’t buy it?

FMe: Exactly. That’s the path to wealth, freedom, and financial independence. Live in the real world.

Me: Gee, thanks, Future-Me! Now I know.

FMe: And knowing is half the battle.

What would your future-you have to say to you?

Saturday Roundup

Life, Misc

First, the shameless self-promotion:

If you want to see the glorious wisdom that is my Twitter feed, follow me on Twitter. I’m @LiveRealNow.

Please take a moment to subscribe to Live Real, Now by email. You get a choice between having all of the posts delivered to your inbox, or just occasional updates and deals. Both options get my Budget Lessons, free of charge, including exclusive access to articles that are not published anywhere else. Woo!

If you prefer to get all of you information and interaction on Facebook, become a fan!

And of course, there is always the wonderful RSS subscription.

Next, for the part you’re here for…

The Cute War.

Budgeting In the Fun Stuff guest-posted here a few days ago. The post was about her dog. Nicole asserted that her kittens were cuter than BFS’s pug. There is some personal risk involved for me, but my pets are cuter. The proof:

The Best Posts of the Week:

Frugal Dad discusses What to Do When Your Beneficiaries are Minors. We settled this by not making our minor children the beneficiaries. If we both leap off the mortal coil at once, my Dad gets the money. I trust him to take care of my kids with it. No, Dad, you can not work on my brakes.

Marko found a fascinating photo series of WWII war photos overlaying modern pictures of the same location. It’s kind of creepy in places.

My favorite dinosaur has a child has been reclassified as a child itself, not an actual dinosaur. That makes youthful me very sad.

Finally, a list of the carnivals I’ve participated in:

Both the Carnival of Personal Finance and the Yakezie Carnival included Selling Your Home: For Sale by Owner.

The Festival of Frugality has It’s Better to Buy a House than Rent.

If I missed a carnival, please let me know.

How Banks Work

Finance

The National Bank, Oamaru, built 1871: a prostyle Palladian portico on a neoclassical facade (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

On the first and the fifteenth of every month, my paycheck is deposited into my bank account. Some fraction of it is saved, while another(larger) fraction is spent. They put the money in a vault and protect it from being stolen. Anything I manage to save and anything I haven’t managed to spend yet, will build interest. The bank pays me to keep my money there, even if it’s just for a short time. Why would they do that? If I asked you to hold on to $100 for me, in exchange for giving me $10 next week, you’d laugh at me. Right? If I told you that I was expecting you to keep that $100 heavily guarded in a locked room that requires a staff and utilities, you’d try to have me committed, yet that’s what banks do every day.

What’s in it for the bank?

Let’s start at the beginning. In the financial world, there are fundamentally two types of people: those who have money and those who need it.

The people who have money get it by producing something or otherwise providing value to someone for something. They then spend less than they made, leading to an accumulation of money. Woo! Rich people! Naturally, this money gets stuffed in a mattress for safe-keeping. Their money does nothing except collect dust and, occasionally, hungry insects. It is also used to soften a hard mattress.

People who need money have a few choices. They can beg for it, work for it, or steal it. The third option leads to perforation or imprisonment, so we won’t address that one. Now, you can work for your paycheck, like most adults, or you can go, hat in hand, to a charity and ask for money. But what if you want to start a business? You’ve invented the super-widget, a device guaranteed to revolutionize the world more than anything since sliced bread or the USB-powered pet rock. You got a concept and a prototype, you just don’t have the tooling or manpower to produce the millions of super-widgets the world will soon be beating a path to your door to own. You also lack a marketing budget to tell the world to stock up on path-beaters to make it to your door. What do you do?

Enter banks.

A bank will approach the first class of people and talk their money out of the mattresses and mayonnaise jars. They offer to hold the money for the people who have it. They will protect it from theft and they will pay the owner a fee for the privilege of holding on to the cash safely. Of course savers jump at the chance. They can quit worrying about the maid making the bed and becoming a millionaire and they can build wealth with no work. But wait…TANSTAAFL, right? You can’t get something for nothing. The world doesn’t work that way.

The bank takes your money–and the money of thousands of people like you–for safe-keeping. They pay you a fee, called interest. The rest, the loan out to the second group of people, the ones who need the money. They set aside some of the deposits so the owners can make withdrawals, but the rest goes into the loan-pool. People who need money come to the bank, explain their needs and demonstrate their ability to repay the loan, then they are given money for a fee, also called interest. The interest rate for the borrower is significantly higher–sometimes 20 times higher–than the interest paid to depositors. The difference between interest earned and interest paid is what pays the bank’s bills. That gap pays for the rent, taxes, and payroll.

Ultimately, a bank’s job is to connect the savers with the spenders in a way that’s reliable enough to ensure everybody benefits. If anybody in the chain ceases to benefit, the system collapses. Depositors switch back to using mattresses, borrowers go back to their loan-shark grandparents, and banks close their doors. This is the system that allows the entrepreneurial spirit to thrive, while making money for everyone involved.

The Lord Will Provide

Finance, Life

Debtors like to make excuses.

When I used to work collections, I’d try to work out a payment plan to get people out of debt, and I often heard “The Lord will provide” as their only excuse for not paying the money they owed.

That’s crap. It’s not a financial plan. It’s not a life plan.

It’s a crappy excuse to make you feel better about why your life sucks, has always sucked, and will–most likely–continue to suck.

Over the weekend, I got to spend quite a bit of time with family, including some that we don’t get to see often. One couple in particular really stands out. Neither of them are employed. She’s got some medical problems and has several major surgeries recently. I’d give her a pass for that, but she was unemployed for many years prior to that. He used to have a job, but lost it a couple of years ago, and is now milking welfare with his wife and daughter. They recently lost their house and had to move in with his mother.

Neither one is looking for work. Between the two of them, they smoke 4-5 packs of cigarettes a day. They want to buy a house soon, or rent an apartment, or something. They aren’t very clear in their planning because, “It’s in God’s hands.”

No plan, no ambition, no goals. I don’t understand how anybody can go through life with no intention of improving it. How can you try to hide behind platitudes instead of making things better?

Here’s the bumper sticker that can actually improve your life: “Good things come to those who bust their asses and make good decisions.”

It’s not the easy path, but in the long run, it’s a better path and one of the few paths that doesn’t lead to royal life-suckitude.

Fighting Evil by Phone

Finance

A few years ago, I was under the control of the Local Worthless Telephone Company(LWTC), and forced to use their long-distance provider, Evil Telephones & Thieves (ET&T). There was never a month that didn’t involve calling LWTC to get our bill corrected. Every month, something was wrong.

One month, we got a bill for $800 more than expected. Another month, another mistake. I called LWTC to get it corrected. This wasn’t a big deal, just another screwup in long list. They refused. They had never refused before. They informed me that the charge came from ET&T, not their system, preventing them from doing anything about it. There went an hour of hold time I’ll never get back.

I called the Evil Mother of All Telcos, The Malevolent Bastard Offspring of a Government-Shattered Monopoly, the Unholy Source of All Communications-Related Errors and Communicable Social Diseases. Hold. Hold for soul-rending abuse. Do you sense a pattern? Evil abounds. The inspiration for Wolfram & Hart. Employee meetings open with ritual sacrifice and close with the desecration of the holy symbols of obscure religions from distant corners of the globe.

Niue Island

When the customer service rep came on the line, I asked for an explanation of the charge. I was informed that I had made a 30 minute call to Niue Island. I politely reminded them that I had long-distance blocking on my phone. They couldn’t explain how the call went through, but it had, so I was obviously responsible. They refused to consider doing anything about the charge. The next day, I called back. I explained the situation to a new rep, one who hadn’t yet been trained in the art of stealing the souls of the living. She recognized the logical impossibility of international calls through the block and reversed the charge. She was swell.

Ten minutes later, her supervisor called to explain that the good witch didn’t have the authority to reverse those charges. I was responsible for paying the bill, even though she couldn’t explain how I was responsible for making the call. I explained the situation, again. I begged. I pleaded. Nothing. I was informed that I had to pay the bill. If I didn’t, they would take me to court to make me pay. She swore their computer system was solid enough to pass as evidence in court. She was angry, rude and snotty. She told me there was nothing I could do.

That wasn’t going to work for me.

I started gathering papers. The next day, a certified letter was sent to both ET&T and the Evil Para-Monopoly Telco. The contents of this letter were golden.

I sent:

A dispute letter crafted using every bit of my experience in one of the largest collection agencies in the world.
A copy of the problem bill, with the impossible charge and the long-distance blocking highlighted.
A copy of a Minnesota Attorney General complaint.
A copy of a Minnesota Public Utilities Commission complaint.
A copy of an FCC complaint.

That was the end of it. There was no follow-up call, no collections notice, no court notice. There was nothing. The following month, there was no mention of the unpaid balance. The bill disappeared. Victory! I had conquered evil, driven a righteous stake through its beating, dust-filled heart, and poured garlic salt in the wound. I never even had to submit the complaints to their respective agencies.

That was the month we dropped our home phone line to eliminate that headache. At the time, the cell phone with the best family plan gave us $300 shared minutes for $75. It was worth it to get away from the Abomination That was the Union of LWTC and ET&T. A year later, when a business telephone provider decided to expand into the residential market in our area, we had our home phone reinstated. In the nine years since, we’ve never had to dispute a bill with McLeod USA.

Lesson learned: When you are battling evil, go big or go home. It’s better to swat a mosquito with a sledgehammer than to poke a dragon with a safety pin.

BUYING LIFE INSURANCE ONLINE: THE PROS & CONS

Finance, Life

This is a guest post.

English: $10,000 life insurance policy for Pre... — English: $10,000 life insurance policy for President James A. Garfield, the twentieth President of the United States. Discovered in a family scrap album dating from the late 1800’s. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

In today’s day and age, nearly everything that we do in our day-to-day lives can be done online and we’ve come to not only expect that, but somewhat rely on that convenience. Insurance, however, is kind of a grey area when it comes to online purchases – no matter what kind of insurance you’re purchasing. After all, an insurance policy is no small purchase; it’s major and can have a profound financial effect on your life, and the lives of your loved ones.

Think about it like this – how wary are you of even just making a small eBay purchase? Most of us look at the seller’s rating, read their feedback, and try to accurately gauge what the risk is compared to the reward. This same mentality should apply to making a life insurance policy online and is far more deserving of it. You can follow this link to learn more from Suncorp today.

This isn’t to say that making an online life insurance purchase can’t be beneficial; depending on your situation, it can be very beneficial, indeed. However, it is going to take substantially more research on your part to get to where an insurance agent might be able to get you, sometimes in half the time.

Pros of Buying Online

One of the most alluring reason for life insurance seekers to buy online are the prices, the comparing conveniences, and sometimes the lack of medical exam. There’s plenty of aggregator sites out there that can take a sampling from across the internet and return you a quote within a matter of seconds – how’s that for convenience?

Probably the most favored feature, though, is the comparison shopping. Once an aggregator provides you with a slew of options, with a wide variety of price points, you’re able to compare all of the details among them, quickly and easily. Something that would easily take your hours if you were having to do all of that research yourself, one by one.

At the minimalist level, though, you’ll often find that some individuals just truly feel more comfortable making insurance purchases from the comfort of their own home, without any agents or appointments. Either because these situations make them nervous, or because they simply don’t have the time to sit down with an agent.

Cons of Buying Online

One of the big ones revolves around the last “pro” that I mentioned – if you don’t have the time to sit down with an agent for a limited amount of time, and let them do all of the work from there, you certainly don’t have the time to handle all of the research that comes along with going through this process on your own.

Also, you shouldn’t always assume that shopping around yourself is going to save you money with it comes to life insurance – after all, life insurance agents have personal connections, favors to call in, and think-on-their-feet knowledge that might drum up an innovative solution; something that online aggregators can’t do.

Furthermore, building that one-on-one relationship with your life insurance agent can be incredibly beneficial. For one thing, you can have every last little thing that you don’t understand about the fine print thoroughly explained to you – this is a big one. Another thing is having such a relationship with you agent, that you can call them at any time, when anything comes up, or when you need sound financial advice. Try calling an aggregator and see if you get much beyond the auto-answering system – I assure you, it’ll be a challenge.

If You Do Decide to Buy Online…

Don’t Give Out all of your Personal Information – No matter what the insurer tells you, you don’t need to provide any crucial personal data just to obtain a quote.
Enlist the Service of an Aggregator that Can Give You a Wide Variety of Options – Comparing an insurer there and an insurer there, means very little actually. You need a plethora of results in order to make a decision that will best be tailored to your situation.
Don’t Get Swindled – Make sure that you’re getting the right information, from a reputable company, that doesn’t deal in the ole’ “Bait-and-Switch”; which refers to when crooked life insurance agents inflate your worth and buy you either a higher policy than requested, or even a different policy entirely – all for their commission!
Thoroughly Research all Potential Candidates – Obtain the financial rating of any establishment, online or otherwise, to find out more about the reputability of both.