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Meditation

Life is crazy.

“Really, Jason, that’s news?”

I spend so much time going in so many different directions.

Cleaning out our inherited hoarding house, managing the remodel, work, side hustles, kids, friends, family, relationships, maintaining our house, maintaining a relationship with my wife, garage sales, school starting, junior high football season, insurance policies, probate, rush hour, insomnia.

Some days, I feel insanely scattered. I can’t focus. I have a hard time making decisions. I waste time.

Those days, I need to clear my head.

That’s where meditation comes in.

I don’t do the money hum. (Om mone padme, Om)

Instead, I have three activities that demand a total focus. They drive out any scattered thoughts or unimportant concerns.

They have to because, quite frankly, they can be dangerous if I don’t concentrate.

1. I shave. I use a double-edged safety razor, so bleeding for the throat is a real concern. For 10 minutes, nothing else in the world matters. It has only recently struck me how valuable this is. That value makes me want to start shaving every day, with a straight razor. More focus, more often.

2. I ride. For the past couple of years, it’s been hard to find time get my motorcycle out. Small children seem to want attention every day. It got to the point where I was ready to sell my bike. This spring, it was seriously misbehaving. Finally, at the end of the summer, a friend got it running better than it ever has. I took it out for a couple of hours and came back feeling more clearheaded than I have in a long time. I won’t be selling my bike until I have its replacement.

3. I shoot. Shooting involves a series of simple actions that require concentration to do well. Load the gun, line up the sights, which eye is dominant, breathe, don’t breathe, squeeze the trigger, hole in the paper. Again, it’s not an activity that’s conducive to worrying about the bills or work. It’s a way to shut out the world for a few minutes.

For me, a few moments or a few hours of shutting down everything except one thing is the way to stay sane and focused.

How do you deal with it when the world comes crashing in from every direction?

What motivates me financially?

Finance, Parenting

This post was originally written for a blog swap run by the Yakezie personal finance blog network to answer the question “What motivates you to be financially responsible?“

This may not be the most original motivation, but I am financially motivated by my family. Before I had kids, I didn’t care much about money or “stuff”. My goal was to sell everything I owned and backpack Europe. Yeah, it’s a bit cliché, but that’s the way it is. I was also considering trying to live out of saddlebags while touring the country 1000 CCs at a time.

Now, I’ve got so many other considerations. Four, to be exact. A wife and three kids certainly change your perspective. If it doesn’t, you’ve got flaws that I can’t help you with.

When my family started, it was a huge wake-up call. Suddenly, I had responsibilities (cue scary music). Overnight, I had things to care about that didn’t involve a party, or instant gratification, or, well, me. Merlin the Stork floated down, waved a wand and Poof! I was a grown-up. This may not sound like much of a shock, but my wife and I had baby #1 when we were 20. Adulthood was still pretty new to us, and suddenly we’re parents?

As a grown-up, with three precious little monsters dependent on me for absolutely everything, I had to start worrying about their security. This was more than just keeping them physically safe. I’ve had to manage their emotional health, their physical needs, and their entertainment. They rely on me (and my wife!) for everything. How could I live with myself if I couldn’t put food on the table and a roof over their heads? Winter boots? Clothes without holes? Visits to the doctor? Have you ever noticed how much kids cost, even without considering the Japanese fad games and Barbie dreamhouses? Having a kid is like cutting a hole in your wallet and holding it over a blender nestled comfortably in a roaring fire fueled by napalm.

Then, after I’ve got them clothed, fed, sheltered, and entertained, I have to teach them how to be real people. I’m of the opinion that children in their natural state are little more than wild animals. Generally cuter, but that’s about it. It’s a parent’s job to train that ravenous little beast into an acceptable, successful person. Part of that consists of teaching the little brats how to start paying for their own clothes, food, shelter, and entertainment, and how to manage that without becoming a drain on society. Productivity and success can be defined a thousand different ways, but none of them include letting other people pay your way or borrowing money you have no intention or means of repaying. Ultimately, being an adult–being a successful part of society–involves recognizing your responsibilities and living up to them.

Caring for, providing for, and teaching my children the things I know provides me with an irreplaceable opportunity to watch them grow and learn, while giving me a chance to steer that growth. It is, without a doubt, the best, most satisfying, and most difficult thing I have ever done. The pleasure I get from raising my kids reinforces my desire to become the best person I can be.

Really, I just want to be the guy my kids think I am.

Monica Wright Gets Engaged: How Much Ring is Too Much?

Gossip

It’s love in the land of basketball. If you are a true basketball fan, then you have already heard of the recent engagement of NBA star Kevin Durant of the Oklahoma City Thunder and the WNBA star Monica Wright of the Minnesota Lynx. These star basketball professionals have known each other for years, according to recent press reports. The newly-engaged couple has not decided on a wedding date yet, but everyone who is in the world of celebrity basketball knows that the Durant-Wright wedding is going to be one of the top 2014 weddings.

Mums the word on a lot of the details, and that may be because Durant and Wright are trying to adjust to a time of engagement and are trying to let the excitement of this season soak in a little before going full force into wedding planning. Certainly, their busy game and workout schedules are going to keep them busy and make it difficult to plan a wedding. An engagement period should be a time of relaxing with your loved one and celebrating with family and friends through engagement parties. Durant and Wright are sure to have an all-star line up at both their nuptial celebration parties and their actual wedding, but before they get to the big plans, can we please talk about that ring on her finger?

No one has written about Monica Wright’s ring, and there are few details about how large it is. But from photos, it looks huge. Monica Wright has gorgeous hands, and that massive diamond looks great on her slender basketball woman hands. However, we have to ask celebrities: How much ring really is way too much? Celebrities have money to spend, but it a culture that promotes materialism while most of the country struggles to pay for food and to just get by, can’t big-time stars like Durant and Wright make the decision to make a different kind of statement. Cannot there be a celebrity out there who chooses a small diamond, or better yet, a simple band for an engagement ring? Cannot celebrities put there money into projects and people who really need that money? Does every engagement ring have to be dripping with expensive diamonds?

No one is doubting that Monica Wright is beautiful and talented. No one is doubting that Kevin Durant and Monica Wright together can use their money to help those in need. But they also can make a difficult decision to have a different kind of celebrity wedding and engagement ring. I personally would like to see positive role models like Kevin Durant and Monica Wright take a stand for those who are in need through the unconventional way they approach their upcoming nuptials. Who says that a beautiful wedding and engagement ring has to be worth millions of dollars? It is time for celebrities to think through these issues before they start writing endless checks for extravagant affairs. Congrats to the couple!

The $10 College Fund

Finance, Parenting

I recently started a college fund for my kids. With my oldest getting ready to turn 10, this was a late start. However, when he was born, we were in no position to set aside anything extra.

At least, we didn’t realize we were at the time.

When our oldest son was born, I was 20 years old. I was working in a factory and hadn’t gone to college myself, yet. That’s a situation that makes it hard to justify a college fund. Financial planning and responsibility was to come at a later date.

So, how much do we have in this shiny new college fund? [Read more…] about The $10 College Fund

The Happy Challenge

Life

Watch this video.

Done?

Great.

For the cheaters, the part I am most interested in is the bit about reprogramming your brain for happiness. Studies are showing that you can rewire yourself to be happier by doing happy things.

The science is sound. Good things trigger a dopamine reaction. Your body likes dopamine, so you start craving the things that make it happen, which all happen to be good things. As you suffer dopamine withdrawal, you become driven to do what it takes to get your fix.

The process is similar to heroin withdrawal, with no downside.

Hugging your kids(assuming you like them) triggers the reaction. So does sex, successes at work, and beating a video game.

The specific plan mentioned in the video is to write down three things that you are grateful for, once per day, for 21 days in a row. That will begin the self-reinforcing training that can get you hooked on being happy.

That’s a win. 75% of job success is predicted by your attitude. You are 31% more productive when you are happy. You’re also more fun to be around.

That’s a win.

Here’s my challenge:

For the next 21 days, do it. Write down 3 thing you are grateful for. What makes you happy? It’s okay if it’s hard. If it’s hard for you, you need it more than most.

Now, the truly hard part:

Fill out this form every day. Your answers can be as long or as short as you’d like, but there has to be 3 new things every day for 21 days. We’re going to train your brain to look for the positive, so you can’t give me 63 things on day 21. 3 things, 21 days.

On day 22, tell me how the previous 3 weeks have been.

When it’s over, I’ll hold a drawing for everyone who completed the challenge. Not everyone will see this immediately, so I’m going to run the challenge until May 15. That means you have until April 24th to get started.

3 answers per day means three prizes. I’ll give away a total of $250 to three lucky participants. That’s a $125 prize, a $75 prize, and a $50 prize, but you have to obey the rules. 3 things, 21 days in a row.

Be happy. I dare you.

Financial Blogger Conference

Finance, Misc

Three days, 800 miles, and 18 sessions later, I am back from the Financial Blogger Conference.

Here’s the breakdown of my spending:

The conference itself: $67

Breakfast on Friday: $8

Lunch on Friday: $19

Lunch on Sunday: $10

Gas: About $160

Hotel: $182

Tips to the bartender: About $10

That brings the total to $456. The hotel cost is really an opportunity cost, because my rewards card will be reimbursing from my accrued miles. Actual out-of-pocket cost: $274.

What did that money get me?

First, I got to meet a lot of the bloggers I read every day, including a lot of my fellow Yakezie members. That’s invaluable.

I got to spend three days meeting other bloggers, and learning how they operate. I got to hear how they manage Twitter, how often they post, what they do, and how they do it. Phenomenally valuable.

I got to spend 2 days learning better ways to do this whole blogging thing, by listening to some of the biggest names in the personal finance blogging world. That’s a value that you’ll have to judge for yourselves over the next few months as Live Real, Now evolves.

From a purely financial perspective, was this a good spend? Probably not. I spent $274 to get intangibles that won’t pay my bills or put food on the table. There is certainly an argument to be made that this was a waste of money. However, I strongly believe that those intangibles will prove far more valuable than any other way I could have spent that money. Using simple math, I may have wasted that money. Looking at the long-term value, it was definitely worth the time and money.

I will be going back next year.

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