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Living the XBox Life on an Atari Income

: Image via Wikipedia

At some point, everyone has “champagne wishes and caviar dreams.” Over the last 25 years, we’ve even been peddled the “you can have it all” myth from every direction, including the media and the government.

The truth is simple: you cannot have it all. You can have anything, but you can’t have everything. In order to have one thing, you have to give up something else. It’s a law of nature. If you have $5, you can either get a burger or an overpriced cup of coffee, but not both.

“But wait!” you shout, rudely interrupting the narrator, “I have a credit card. I can have both!”

Wrong.

And stop interrupting me.

If you have $5 and borrow $5 to get some coffee to go with your burger, you will eventually have to pay that money back with interest. You will have to give up a future-burger AND a flavor shot in your overpriced coffee.

Everything you buy needs to be paid for, some day.

If you have an Atari income, but insist on living the XBox life, you will wake up one day, buried in bills, forced to live the Commodore-64 life out of sheer desperation.

There is a solution.

Don’t get all XBox-y until you are making XBox money. That way, you’ll never have to worry about going broke tomorrow paying for the fun you had yesterday.

Even when you have an XBox income, ideally you’ll restrict yourself to living a Gamecube life, so you’ll be able to put some money aside to support future-you instead of constantly having to worry about your next paycheck.

Shaving for Real

Life

: Image via Wikipedia

When you look at a safety razor, you see the mostly-unguarded blade. When you look in the mirror, you see your throat and you see this blade–by definition, razor-sharp–and you realize that you are about to put a knife to your own throat. Why?

Because shaving sucks.

For my 18th birthday, I received 2 Mach3 razors. I used them for more than 10 years. It certainly beat disposable Bics, but not by much.

I liked it, but only because I didn’t have anything good to compare it to.

I’ve start using an old-fashioned safety razor. Now, I can shave smoother and with less irritation than I ever could with a modern razor and it only takes a few extra minutes.

Why would you want to abandon modern technology to put a blade against your jugular?

Modernization isn’t always an improvement. There is something about reaching back in time a couple of generations and doing things, not only the way they used to be done, but the way they should be done. It’s the same feeling I get handling an old rifle or sitting in an antique car.

A real shave is 15 minutes of peace and focus. Lock the kids out of the bathroom and focus on the task at hand. The concentration will usually give you a chance to forget about the rest of the world for just a few minutes. This is pure meditation.

As a benefit, when you’re done, you feel refreshed and well-groomed. It feels good to take care of yourself.

What do you need to shave like a real man?

Start slow and ease your way into it. Put a cup in the bathroom. If you shave with a modern razor, the easiest way to improve your shave is to use hot water. Put your shaving cream in the cup and add a bit of hot water. Mix that up and use it to shave. The hot foam will do wonders for your skin and the closeness of your shave. I did that and immediately start trolling antique stores looking for a good, cheap shaving brush.

A brush makes applying your shaving cream a small pleasure. Spreading the hot foam on your face with a brush gets in on all sides of each hair, softening it for the razor. Ideally, you want a badger-hair brush, but I’ve been perfectly happy with boar hair. I found one at an antique store for $5.

Shortly after acquiring my antique shaving brush, I decided to go even older-school and upgraded to an old-fashioned safety razor. I took my life, and my life-blood, in my own hands to shave for real. I went with a Merkur 23C Long Handle Safety Razor. It’s a basic razor with a longer handle, because I have large hands and long fingers. Don’t worry about getting an adjustable razor. There’s no point. It cost $29 at West Coast Shaving*.

You will need blades for the razor. West Coast Shaving sells a variety pack of 45 blades for $15. Try them all and stick with the one that works best for your facial hair. I tend to change blades every 4-5 shaves. More than that, and they get a bit dull and make me bleed. I try to avoid bleeding.

Now that you’ve got a brush, a razor, and blades, it’s time to get rid of the worthless can of shaving foam. Shaving soap works much better. You can get 3 discs of Col. Conk’s soap for $15, and they will last 6 months each, easily. They are almost exactly the same diameter as a regular coffee cup, so guess what? Just drop it in your cup.

That’s everything you need to shave for just $65, and of that only the blades and soap are recurring costs. Your razor and brush will last forever. I figure it costs me about $1 per month to shave, now.

How do you avoid killing yourself while getting ready for work?

It’s all a matter of technique.

Dampen your cheeks with hot water to soften the hair. I prefer to shave immediately after I shower.
Run hot water over your brush. Get it thoroughly soaked, then shake off the excess water. You want it hot and wet, but not dripping.
Briskly brush the soap disk until the brush picks up as much soap as it can. It may or may not form a lather in the cup.
Put the brush on your face and whisk it around. I use a quick circular motion to build up a lather on my cheeks. This works the hot soap into each hair. Keep brushing it onto your face until it forms peaks.
Pick up your razor. I run it under some hot water, just so the cold metal isn’t a shock after the hot foam. From here, you need your full attention on what you are doing.
Shave.

When you are shaving there are a few things to keep in mind.

Take your time.
Never, ever, ever, ever turn the blade while it is in contact with your face. You will bleed. Once the blade touches your face, it goes in a straight line.
Keep the edge of the blade as close to parallel with your face as possible.
The goal is hair reduction, not removal.

I make 4 passes when I shave. First, I shave from the top down. Next, from the back towards my nose and mouth. Then, from the front to the back. Finally, I shave against the grain from the bottom to the top. This results in a closer shave than anything I’ve ever had with a modern razor.

When I think I’m done, I dip my fingers in some warm water and run them around my face, in all possible directions, to see if I missed a spot.

When the hair is gone, wipe of the remaining cream and splash cold water every place the razor touched. This closes the pores and will help prevent infections and razor bumps.

The last step is aftershave. Aftershave disinfects your face. It also prevents infections and makes you stink nice.

There you have it: the secret to a baby-butt-smooth shave and 10-20 minutes of masculine meditation. If you are looking for a present for someone, you could do a lot worse than a real razor set.

*I have absolutely no affiliation with WCS. I am just very happy with the service and the product.

Make a Budget

Finance

: Image by r.lovewell via Flickr

In the past, I’ve gone through a detailed series of budget lessons demonstrating how to make a budget and showing my personal budget spreadsheet template. If you weren’t here to see them develop, you probably haven’t seen them at all. I’ve never built an actual index for those posts.

This is the master index of my budget planning resources. As I develop more, this will grow.

Budget Lesson #1 – In this lesson, I go over how we handle discretionary income and I explain our modified envelope system. The discretionary budget contains things like our grocery bill, or the clothes we buy. We have near-total discretion over what is purchased, hence the name.

Budget Lesson #2 – Lesson #2 contains the details of our monthly bills. These are the ones that are consistent, predictable, and actually due each month. Most people take these for granted as the bills they have to pay, but it’s not true. You can get almost all of your regular bills reduced just by asking. You would also be surprised what you can do without, when properly motivated.

Budget Lesson #3 – This is where I explain how we deal with the non-monthly bills. That is, the bills that have to be paid, but are not due on a monthly basis. I also share the personal budget spreadsheet template I developed. I am working on a few sample templates to match various imaginary scenarios. If you’d like to be an anonymous case study, and get free help setting up a budget, let me know, please.

Budget Lesson #4 – In this lesson, I describe our “set-aside” funds for things that will need to be paid eventually, but not on a set schedule. Sometimes, they are never actually due. We set aside money for the parties we throw, for car repairs and for a number of other things. A few of these items are outright optional, but they are part of what makes life fun. You can’t make a budget without including some of the extras.

Budget Lesson #5 – This is the companion piece to lesson 2. Learn how I’ve reduced–or attempted to reduce–each of these bills. For the better part of two years, I called Dish Network every few months to ask for a discount. For almost 2 years, it was granted. Then one, day, they told me they were putting a note on our account to keep us from getting any more discounts, so I canceled. 100% discounts help us save more.

Budget Lesson #6 – This is the reduction companion to lesson 3. These bills are harder to reduce. Have you ever successfully gotten your property taxes lowered?

Budget Lesson #7 – This is the reduction companion to lesson 4. Notice a pattern, yet?

Budget Lesson #8 – Here, completely out of order, is the reduction companion to lesson 1. Watch as I magically reduce–or rationalize–our discretionary budget.

So, dear readers, what part of budgeting should I address next?

Debt Burnout

Finance

You’ve got a budget. You’ve got a debt repayment plan. You’ve been paying off your debt. You’ve even paid off a few of your smaller debts. Now you’re staring down the barrel of your big debts: your mortgage, a $30,000 credit card, maybe a car payment. You’re looking at months of payments with no quick wins; no more watching your debts die every few months. You’re in the middle of a very long slog.

All of the easy milestones have been reached and the next one is a year or more away. This is when debt repayment gets hard. How can you avoid getting burnt out doing the same thing, month after month, with no major visible progress?

1. Keep your eye on the prize. Try focusing on the end result, while ignoring the time it takes to get there. Do you have a reward planned for when you pay off your debt? If not, consider that to be your new shining goal-post. My wife and I plan on taking an Alaskan cruise when our debt is repaid.

2. Ignore the prize. If #1 doesn’t work for you, try focusing on just the current month’s progress. How much did you pay off this month? Was it more than last month?

3. Make micro-goals. Try breaking the long slog into bite-sized pieces. How fast can you pay off the next $1000? How many months will it take to pay off that TV you bought last year? Sometimes, meeting a smaller goal can make the whole works feel like it’s going by faster.

4. Take a snowball vacation. For just one month, take every dollar you would normally apply to your debt–except your required payments–and have some fun with it. Take a weekend trip, have a fancy dinner, or pick up that video game system you’ve been eying. Something. Anything to take your mind off of your repayment plan for a while. Be careful not to make this a habit or you will never get out of debt.

5. Start a blog to share your pain.

A debt snowball is a long, intense process. If you’re not careful, you can burn out and let the whole thing collapse. How do you avoid burnout?

Inadvertent BOGO

Finance

I refuse to buy my kid more expensive video game systems. He’s got a friend who’s got one of each, going back 15 years.

We don’t do that, so he’s spent the last 6 months saving to buy his own XBox 360. After his birthday this month, he finally had enough, so we ordered it a few days ago.

Wednesday was the Great Unboxing.

I was making dinner in the kitchen while the punk and his friend unpacked the box from Amazon.

The squeals were normal. The shouts of “Dad, why did you buy two XBoxes?” were a surprise.

Two?

No.

Actually, yes. There were two of the things in the box. Did I order two? Did I accidentally pay for two?

Nope. The packing slip only listed one, my order history only showed one, and my credit card was only charged for one.

Yet, there were two in the box. Free XBox! Woot!

That means an XBox in the bedroom for Grand Theft Auto and Red Dead Redemption, and an XBox in the basement for Madden and Star Wars. No fighting. No turns to take. And it didn’t cost us an extra $200.

That’s all win.

If there’s nothing on the packing slip, then Amazon didn’t know I had it. Even if they did, I didn’t do anything to make them send it. There was no fraud. Legally, I had no obligation of any kind to do anything other than enjoy my new prize.

Lots of win.

The kids were excited. Everyone gets a turn. Multiplayer games.

The parents were excited. We get a turn. M-rated games.

So much freaking win in that box.

But….

There’s always a but.

We didn’t order it. We didn’t pay for it. It wasn’t ours.

A friend told me to sell it. She knows how hard we’re working to pay off debt.

A coworker said, “Screw them. They’re just a big corporation who’d be happy to screw you first.”

But it wasn’t ours.

I spent 12 hours trying to rationalize a way to keep it that wouldn’t be unethical, make me feel guilty, or–most important–send a horrible message to my kids.

I couldn’t do it.

It wasn’t ours.

I had a talk with my son. It was his money that got this little prize into our house, after all. He wanted to keep it, naturally. He’s got a lot to learn about persuasion. He acknowledged that sending it back was the right thing to do. He agreed that it would suck if the roles were reversed. His only argument in favor of keeping it was “I want it.”

Even he admitted that was completely lame.

It’s going back. I let him think that was his decision.

I talked to Amazon. They apologized for the inconvenience and gave me a UPS label to send it back at no cost. It didn’t cover pickup, but I’ve got a drop box in my office building, so I can deal with that.

My wife was pissed. The customer service rep never bothered to say thank you. She called Amazon to complain to a manager. After reminding him that we had no duty to return the free XBox, he gave us a $25 gift card to say thank you.

I love my wife.

My son, for deciding to to the right thing, gets to spend the gift card. My wife, for being awesome, gets to be with me. I miss my free XBox.

What would you do? Would you keep the free XBox, sell it, or send it back?

Three Alternatives to a Budget

Finance

the envelope system: day one — Image by J. McPherskesen via Flickr

Budgets aren’t for everyone. For some people, the very idea of trying to track where their money going is painful. And that’s just the idea of tracking the money. It gets far worse when you’ve got $10 budgeted for coffee, $12 for fast food, $66.50 for gas, and $0.75 for entertainment. It’s can be hard to follow a strict budget for long.

If you know you need to track your money, and you also know that a strict, zero-based budget won’t work for you, what can you do? Luckily, there are alternatives.

1. Hope and Pray. This is otherwise known as the “Call my bank everyday and see how close I am to over-drafting” system. To fully embrace this system, you need to not only abandon a written–or even organized–budget, but you should also throw your checkbook register in the garbage. Make sure you’ve got a good overdraft protection account attached to your checking account and let your money take care of itself. This is the ultimate zen of personal finance. Don’t stress or worry, just hope for the best. This system works best if you make more money than Oprah and have modest tastes. For those of us who have to watch our money a bit to make sure the month outlasts our money, this probably isn’t a great plan.

2. The Envelope System. To implement this system, you do need to create a basic budget so know what you are obligated to pay. Once you have that done, take a stack of envelopes and label them for each item you have to pay. Add another envelope for food, another for entertainment, and another for miscellaneous because there is always a miscellaneous. Divide the money among the envelopes. Now for the magic. When you have to spend something, take the money out of the appropriate envelope and spend it. That’s it. If, however, there isn’t enough money in the right envelope, but you still need to spend the money, you have to take it out of a different envelope and spend less on the category that lost money.

3. Percentages. This is the simplest of the non-budget budgets. Take 50% of your money and spend it on necessities, like the mortgage, food, and utilities. The next 30% goes to savings and retirement. The last 20% is for fun or any other thing you want to spend it on. This naturally works best if you are out of debt, but if not, just make sure most of the 20% fun money goes to repaying debt. This system works best if your bills are automated and you will need to set up a basic budget first, so you can make sure your necessities come in under 50% of your income.

Not every budget plan will work for everyone, but there are always alternatives that can still help you manage your money.

How do you track your money?

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