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Bribes vs Rewards

Rewarding good behavior
Rewarding good behavior

What’s the difference between a bribe and a reward? It’s a question that has been heavily on my mind lately. As a father of three–1, 3 and 10–motivating children occupies a lot of my thoughts. Is it possible to motivate a child and reward good behavior without resorting to a bribe?

First, let’s look at the definitions:

bribe n.
1. Something, such as money or a favor, offered or given to a person in a position of trust to influence that person’s views or conduct.
2. Something serving to influence or persuade.

re·ward n.
1. Something given or received in recompense for worthy behavior or in retribution for evil acts.
2. Money offered or given for some special service, such as the return of a lost article or the capture of a criminal.
3. A satisfying return or result; profit.
4. Psychology: The return for performance of a desired behavior; positive reinforcement.

In my mind, a reward is given either as a goal for planned activity or a surprise for good behavior.  When used for surprises, it should never be common enough to be expected.  If a child is only behaving because she is expecting a reward, it is bribed behavior.  She should always be surprised to get the reward.

Using a reward for goal setting is no different than collecting a paycheck.  Is my company bribing me to do the work I do every day?  They plan to reward or compensate me for the work I plan to do for them.  While that my be blurring the line between compensation and rewards, it is valid.  My future paycheck is the motivation for my current work.

Bribes, on the other hand, are reward for bad behavior.   If my three-year-old is throwing a tantrum in the grocery store and I promise her candy to stop, I have just taught her that the “reward” for a public tantrum is candy.   This is reinforcing negative behavior, which will only escalate in the future.   If a temper tantrum earns a candy bar, what will she get for hitting Mommy with a frying pan?

The line is further blurred by preemptive bribes.  If I tell my children there will be candy when we get home if they behave in the store, it’s still a bribe.   Promising dessert if my son cleans his room is a bribe.

So what is the difference?

Bribes reward negative behavior. Whether that is actual behavior or anticipated behavior, bribes provide a reward for it.  If you use a treat to end or preempt bad actions, you are bribing your child.

Rewards celebrate positive behavior. A promised treat for going beyond expectations or a surprise for excellent behavior is a reward.  It should never become common, or the child will discover that withholding the positive behavior will generate promises of larger rewards.  The goal is to reinforce the good to encourage positive behaviors even when there is no likelihood for reward.

For example, my son’s school is part of a reading contest.   Over a two month period, if the students read 500 pages outside of school, they will get tickets to a basketball game.  If they are in the top three for pages read, they will get personalize jerseys and on-court recognition.  My son did the math and was reading enough to surpass the 500 page goal, but not enough to get into the top three.   I offered a prize  if he made it to 2500 pages.  In my opinion, that’s a reward.  He was already going beyond the requirement.  I have provided motivation to push himself beyond what he thinks he can do. That’s positive reinforcement of good behavior.

On the other hand, when my eight-year-old was refusing to eat dinner, we offered a cookie for dessert if she ate well.    That’s reinforcing negative behavior by giving a reward for misbehaving. A bribe.

Rewards are positive responses to positive behavior to motivate future good behavior.   Bribes are rewards for negative behavior, real or anticipated, that only serve to encourage more bad behavior in the future.

 

Posting rate

For the new year, I am setting a new posting schedule.

I’ve been posting for a month, and started with half a dozen articles.   There is a decent base of reading material.  Now, I need to be posting at a sustainable level that will allow me time with my family and allow me to pursue some opportunities.

From now on, I will be posting 3 times each week.  Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.  There will still be other miscellaneous updates, especially regarding my year of 30-Day Projects.   The twitter summary on Saturday is automated.

Happy New Year!

Giving It All Away

Monday, I start a new job, but I wasn’t actively looking for a new job.

In fact, over the last month, while I wasn’t actively looking for a new job, I’ve had 5 job offers.  Solid job offers.  Some of them came after I announced I was leaving.

How does that happen?

First, I’m good at what I do.   At my last job, the company that developed the software system I managed would refer other customers to me if they wanted to do something the software wasn’t designed to do.  I had a reputation for doing the impossible.

Second, I give it away.   When somebody asks me for help, I do.  When I can, I try to share as much of my knowledge as possible.  I don’t hoard what I know, scared that somebody will steal it.   That has led to a number of people who make it a habit to call me before pitching an idea or moving forward on a new strategy.  “Jason, is this possible?  What would it take?”   If I can, I answer those questions, even if I’m not going to be doing the work.

Third, I’m not afraid of my limits.   If I don’t know the answer, I say so.  If I don’t know how to find the answer, I say that, too.   Admitting you don’t know something automatically makes everything else you say sound more credible.

In the case of the job I’ve accepted, I was available for my new supervisor for more than a year before he started with the company.  I helped him plan the websites and social media strategies around his book.   When he accepted his job, our next conversation progressed from “Let me ask you something” to “I’d like to hire you” over the course of a lunch because of the long foundation we had together.   At every step of the interview process, I continued to share. As we discussed the website, the social media, the marketing plans, I gave my feedback as thoroughly as possible, before I had a job offer.

Giving away my knowledge and experience with no expectations has consistently helped me to improve myself and my situation.   It helps that I enjoy being helpful.  I kind of dig being treated like an expert, too.

How about you? Do you share selflessly, or do you keep what you know to yourself?

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Questions from a reader

Image by Manda Mia via Flickr

Today, I’m going to post some questions I’ve been asked, either by email or elsewhere.   I’m not going to post my answers, because I would really like to know what you think.  Please help me answer these questions.

Q1. My DVD player broke recently, just after the warranty expired.   I want to go buy a new one and then put the broken one in the box to return.   Do you think that’s wrong?

Q2. My wife and I fight about money constantly.   She doesn’t see the point in saving, when she can use the money to be happy right now.  I want to retire early.  How can I show her she’s wrong?

Q3. I know I should start bringing lunch to work, but I need to network with my coworkers and supervisors to advance my career.  How can I balance that?

Like I said, I’m not going to answer these questions until you, my readers, have had a chance to weigh in.    I know what my knee-jerk response is, and I know that none of these questions are as simple as they first appear.   What’s your take?

Everyone who gives a real answer to all three questions will be entered into a drawing for a $20 Amazon gift card.  Just leave a comment with all three answers and you’ll be entered.   How’s that for a bribe?   I’ll draw a name on Wednesday.  That way, you can use the money to either celebrate or mourn the election results.

Edit: I used random.org to do the drawing and the winner is….mbhunter!  Congrats, email is sent.

Repair Plans, Appliances, and Rancid Meat…Oh, My!

Older refrigerator model, with freezer compartment
Image via Wikipedia

We recently had our annual barbecue.   (For the purists, I am Minnesotan.  Barbecue means “cooked over fire”.)   Due to massive scheduling conflicts, it was a bit smaller than normal; only about 20 people came.  At least 10 other people RSVP-ed that they were going to make it, but didn’t.  Grr.

Naturally, we had food for everyone said they would be there and enough for half of the people who didn’t say anything, since Minnesotans don’t RSVP well.  That translates to a lot of leftovers.   No problem.  After all, leftover ribs are hardly a punishment.

Sunday morning, we woke up to find that our refrigerator was happier at room temperature than the standard “cold”.  We didn’t know it at the time, but the defrost unit was borked, so the cold air couldn’t circulate from the freezer to the refrigerator.  Bye-bye leftovers.  Hello, Mr. Repairman.  We needed an excuse to clean out the fridge, anyway, but not at the price of my beautifully seared meat! (Sadness strikes.)

Monday evening, the repairman came out, worked for 2 hours and left a functional refrigerator and a $240 invoice in his wake.  Thankfully, we are on the appliance repair plan through the gas company.  We pay $26.40 per month to cover repairs to our range, water heater, furnace, drier, sewer main, and refrigerator.  The first four items are standard, the final two are options that cost extra.

We originally got on the plan for the sewer main.  We had a tree whose roots grew into the main and clogged it every year.  A backed-up sewer main is a crappy way to wake up.   Getting that snaked to the street cost $200 per year.  At the time, without the refrigerator, the plan cost about $12 per month.  One $200 call-out more than paid for the plan for the year.  That was easy math.   Now, our 20 year old refrigerator has been repaired twice in the last year, giving us $500 worth of repairs for $316.80.   I would like to take this time to thank all of the people with reliable appliances for subsidizing my repairs.

My furnace, drier, and range are all reasonably new and shouldn’t need repairs any time soon, but the refrigerator and sewer main have paid for the plan themselves, several times over.

Should you get a similar plan?  If your covered appliances are more than 4-5 years old, I would consider it.  If they are more than 10 years old, I wouldn’t hesitate at all.  Repairing quality appliances is cheaper than replacing them, especially when the repair cost is paid monthly and subsidized.

Do you use a service plan?