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Thug-cenomics

Recently, a friend of mine told me about a friend of his who was attacked by a flash mob. This was a negative flash mob, not the fun kind.

She was walking down the street with her phone in her hand when around a dozen thugs surrounded her, knocked her down, and stole her phone before running off.

With me being the person I am with the hobbies and side-hustles I have, certain things came to mind.

This is why standard capacity magazines should never be outlawed. Sometimes, a six-shot revolver just isn’t enough.
Before anyone complains about #1, when you are beaten to the ground by a pack of violent thugs, the length of your life is up to them, not you. They are the problem.
Walking down the street while talking on your cell phone is not the best way to stay aware of your surroundings. Would she have been able to get away if she had been paying more attention to the thugs on the corner than her conversation? I have no idea, but it’s certain that talking on a cell phone is a distraction.
Walking down the street with an expensive gadget in your hand is asking for trouble.
What were these thugs thinking? Even a $500 cell phone turns into a $50 mp3 player the moment the victim gets to a real phone to call the cell phone company. That’s a generous $50 payout. With 12 people, that’s means everyone gets $4.10 as their share. The federal poverty level is just under $12,000 per year, which means they would have to do this 8 times a day, just to get to barely enough money to survive.
In Minnesota, this is, at a minimum, 3rd degree assault, which carries a possible 5 year sentence and $10,000 fine. That’s 8 public attempts to throw away 5 years of their lives, every day. How can they consider this a good risk.

It was pointed out to me that this thuggery is probably made possible by direct government sponsorship, in the form of welfare checks, so this is probably just a way to pass the time. Somebody should tell those brutes that welfare checks stop when you’re in prison.

So I’m considering launching a basic economics class for thugs and street rats. I want to teach them how to do a risk assessment by comparing the level of loot to the possible outcomes of getting caught.

Possible test questions include:

I could stab that guy for the $10 in his wallet, but if I get caught, I’m facing 40 years in prison. Should I do it?
My flash mob makes $50 per phone we steal from defenseless women. Would my buddies rat me out to avoid 5 years of hard time, and do I consider that worth $4?
Meth makes the faces of my customers dissolve from the inside before killing them. Is it possible to build a sustainable business based on slowly killing my customers? What marketing skills do I need to develop to replace the natural attrition of poisoning my customers?
Meth labs explode. Is it better to hire my own junkies, or should I outsource that risk and take a smaller profit margin?
This is a shall issue carry permit state. There are nearly 100,000 carry permit holders here. That’s 1.87% of the total population and 2.6% of the adult population. Statistically, how many people can my friends and I jump before getting justifiably shot? Is that number times the $4 profit considered a good return on investment? What would the ROI have to be to make this a worthwhile career choice?

Anybody know any violent thugs willing to beta test my new class offering?

Selling Your Car

Finance

: English: Jalopy car in Joshua Tree National Park in Hidden Valley Campground (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

When it’s time to replace your car, most people focus on the new car, instead of the old, but that is ignoring real money. Your old car–unless it has disintegrated–still has value. Sometimes, it’s just time to ask yourself, “When should I sell my car?”

When you’re looking to sell your car (like with We Will Buy Your Car), you generally have several options:

Tow & crush. If your car has been wrecked, doesn’t run, or is just old and beat up, you may be stuck with calling a junkyard and accepting $50 for them to pick up your car and crush it for scrap.
Trade it in. This is probably the least hassle, but–other than #1–doesn’t pay well. Dealerships are willing to pay something under what they will get at a wholesale auction, which is quite a bit less than the blue book value.
Sell it yourself. Now you’re thinking, “He’s going to buy my car! Oh, bother.” It can be a pain, but it’s also the best way to get a decent price for your wheels.

When you sell your car, there are a few things to keep in mind, much like when you sell something on Craigslist.

Don’t be alone. There are bad people in the world, but they don’t like witnesses. Bad things are much less likely to happen if you have company.
Know your price. Specifically, know three price: your dream price, the price that would make you happy, and the absolute lowest price you are willing to accept. Make sure you figure these numbers out ahead of time. Know what you are comfortable with before it comes time to close the deal.
Check IDs. The buyer is going to want to test-drive your car. That’s fine, but you want to make sure you know who is driving off in your car. “Officer, Sumdood took my car. He was wearing jeans.” That won’t get your car back.
Clean it up. Get the car detailed before you show it to a potential buyer. A sparkling-clean car will almost always bring in a few hundred extra dollars. It’s well worth the expense.

Following this plan should make the sale go as smoothly as possible and bring you the most possible money.

Readers, what have you done to dispose of an old car?

This is a sponsored post written to provide some insight into the world of used car retail.

Babies Are Expensive

Finance, Parenting

From the comments here. The discussion is on how much it costs to have a baby. Edited for clarity.

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Actual birthing costs vary. We’ve had three kids over ten years and birthing costs have varied from $250 out of pocket to $8500. Our highest and lowest price births were 20 months apart. The highest price birth involved induced labor with an epidural. For the lowest out-of-pocket price, I added my wife to my policy before the birth, so she was double-covered. If one of your policies is less than ideal and there are multiple policies available, I recommend doing this. It saved us thousands. All told, If things go well, you could slide for as little as $1500 total.

For the highest price birth, we threw ourselves on the mercy of the finance department. They have a charity fund to pay the bills of the less fortunate. We qualified…barely. If you have a medical bill you can’t afford, ask if there is a grant or donation you can apply for. Always ask if there is some way the bill could be lowered.

Breast-feeding beats the heck out of formula, financially, but breast-feeding doesn’t always work. Ignore the boob-nazis who insist you are slowly killing your kid by using formula. I’ve got 3 kids, and each had different feeding issues.

Baby formula runs $19 for a big container at Sam’s Club, or a large percentage of your soul at most other big box stores. Formula alone will pay for your membership in under a month. For a big eater, that’s $20-30 per week. For a normal eater, 2-3 weeks. For planning purposes, assume $100/month in formula costs for the first six months, when food starts coming into play heavily. After that, the formula expense goes down, but not away for at least 6 more months.

Diapers are painful. Not just the smell–though that hurts, too, sometimes–but the expense. I currently have 2 in diapers; one is potty-training. Our monthly costs for diapers, now, are about $75. It was easily twice that when they were younger. Figure at least $100 per month in diapers. Unless your baby has irritation problems, go with cheap diapers. Leak-guard is a joke. If you are relying on leak-guard to keep the contents inside the diaper, you aren’t changing your baby often enough.

I couldn’t begin to guess at how much you’ll spend on baby clothes. I have never bought clothes for our kids. Whatever didn’t come free from friends and family walked into the house of it’s own volition, following my wife home from the store.

Toys are an almost purely voluntary expense. You’ll get as much as the kids needs free, as presents. You’ll go overboard and give the kids 10 times that, without realizing it. Don’t. For the first four to five months, its fingers and toes will be entertaining enough. After that, if there are more than about ten toys, it’s too many; the kid will never get attached to any of them. Keep it small. It’s better for the kids and the budget. Little kids prefer boxes to toys, anyway. Give the kid a shoebox instead of a Leapfrog. Really.

Portraits suck, too. If you have to get them done professionally, get a membership that covers sitting fees, and use coupons. I recommend JC Penney’s. Using judicious coupons and the membership, we get portraits for under $20.

Baby food is probably cheaper to make in a food processor, but you can’t beat the convenience of the little jars. If you watch sales, you can stock up affordably. Mix every meal with some rice or oatmeal mush to stretch it, without making it unhealthy. Depending on your kids, and how much you listen to the “experts”, this is a nonexistent expense before six months. Our kids started eating baby food in their second months, at least a little bit.

Babies are expensive. Don’t doubt that for a second, but ignore the polled averages when it comes to expense. Hand-me-downs, thrift stores, and good sales cut the expense a lot.

How do you save money and value with a baby in the house?

Magical Thinking

Life

dark alley 8698 — Image by korafotomorgana via Flickr

A few weeks ago, on my way to work, while merging onto the highway, a soccer mommy in an SUV decided that she was going to accelerate to fill the opening I was going to use. Not before I got there, which would have left her in the right, if still a jerk, but as I was moving into the lane.

The entire reasoning was that she could be rude and dangerous under the assumption that I would be more civilized and back down, allowing her to indulge her little fantasy about how the world works. Luckily I saw her speed up, and had time to move out of the way. Physics very nearly taught her an expensive lesson.

This is similar to the people who think they’ll be safe because “nothing has happened before” or think “He won’t hurt me because I;m a good person” when confronted with a mugger.

This is magical thinking. Basing assumptions of other people’s actions on nothing more than your personal hopes and biases. The truth is, your halo does not provide a shield. Your luck at dodging criminals while strolling through bad neighborhoods does not circumvent statistical likelihood and your jerkface attempt to run me into a guard rail had better be backed by the stones to deal with a wreck.

Magical thinking, wishful thinking, and baseless hope are not rational methods of running your life. Criminals hunt for victims who wrap themselves in a smug, yet naïve, superiority. Murphy’s Law is waiting for someone arrogant enough to think that the laws of physics don’t apply when you’re commuting. The only rational means of predicting the behavior of others is to look at the signals they are actually producing.

Someone tentatively trying to squeeze into an opening in traffic is far more likely to submit to your passive aggression than the guy who merges with a turn signal and the gas pedal.

Someone in the park after hours in a hoody is more likely to hurt you than the guy in running shorts.

The guy lurking in the shadows of the parking ramp, refusing to make eye contact is a more likely mugger than the suit trying to find his Lexus.

A million years of evolution have given us an incredible ability to detect danger. A few hundred years of relative peace at the end of a few thousand years of relative civilization have not erased that ability, it has just convinced us to ignore our instincts under the mistaken assumption that all predators live in the jungle.

Fear has survival value. Don’t allow your rational brain to override your lizard brain completely. Let your fear keep you safe.

What’s in it for me?

Finance, Parenting

Lately my son has been in full-on greed mode. It seems like every time I talk to him he asks me to give him something buy him something, do something.

“Dad, can you buy me a Yu-Gi-Oh card?”

“Dad, can you buy me a videogame?”

“Dad, can I get this?”

“Dad, can I get that?”

That is really kind of obnoxious. My response has turned into “What’s in it for me?”

Really, he’s constantly asking for stuff and he’s trying to provide no value back. What kind of lesson would I be teaching him by handing him everything he’s asking for? So, I’ve decided to make him come up with a value proposition: “What’s in it for me?”

Now, when he asks me to buy him a video game, I ask what’s in it for me.

Sometimes, he comes back with “Well nothing, you just love me.” That is garbage. I’m not going to buy him stuff just as because I love him and teach them that you can buy someone’s affection or that you should be paying for someone’s affection.

Other times he comes back with “If you buy me video game, I will clean all of the poop out of the backyard.” (We have a dog. I’m not messy.) That seems like a much better deal.

Other times, he reminds me that I owe him back-allowance. That one’s a given. If I owe him more than whatever he is asking for, he’s going to get it.

Sometimes, he’ll say that he willing to do a bunch of extra chores or something, but he is learning that he needs to trade value for value instead of assuming that every whim he’s got is going to be indulged by me just because I’m his parent and I’ve been generous in the past.

New 100 Dollar Bill – What Changed?

Business, News

The new $100 dollar bill was introduced to the world recently and Benjamin Franklin, the iconic figure who has traditionally graced the C note for decades, would, as a garish and innovative guy himself, completely approve.

What’s new about it?

The Federal Reserve added many clever designs to thwart counterfeiters. First of all, there’s lot more color. The older designs that were all variations of green, black and gray have been glammed up with oranges, copper and blues, all with the purpose of adding extra security.

A blue ribbon that runs vertically through the bill is actually hundreds of thousands of little liberty bells that change shape as the bill is turned different angles. So if you’re in the habit of giving crisp Benjamins to family members, you might want to show them how the bells change into “100s” right before their eyes. Cool, huh?

Is that a feather? No, it’s a quill. Not just any quill, it is put there, in a lovely shade of copper, to represent the signing of the Declaration of Independence. Phrases from that document are on the bill too, in tiny letters, so readers can get a micro-lesson in American history (and counterfeiters groan in frustration!)

If that weren’t enough, and it isn’t if you’re trying to one-up the bad guys, a colored ink well has another liberty bell in it. This bell changes from green to copper as the perspective on it changes, just like the 100 that’s next to it.

New textures along Franklin’s shoulder are also more than just a delight for the senses, they could also challenge any counterfeiter. Raised textures are all over the bill and makes holding a C note more fun than ever. With over three billion of these Benjamins in circulation, the government has no choice but to take every measure to protect its currency.

Franklin also makes an appearance in a watermark. If you hold it up to the light, you can see him again. What would he think of all these changes?

If you turn the bill over, besides seeing a bold 100 in bright gold/orange numbers, you’ll also see Independence Hall in Philadelphia, from the back. The back? Why would the Federal Reserve want a photo of this historic landmark where they keep the lawn mower and recycling bins? (Thankfully, they’re not in the picture.) Again, this is for the counterfeiters’ benefit. If you’re going to go to all the trouble of counterfeiting, now you’ll have to get Colonial architecture accurate. (Counterfeiting is a felony and can earn you some serious jail time. It’s not worth it, kids!)

The new $100 bill is a work of art, a technological achievement and a tribute to our great nation, and more specifically, a prominent figure in our history. Benjamin Franklin, inventor, printer, signer of the Declaration of Independence and Philadelphia’s most famous kite flyer, would probably be thrilled with the technological upgrades, the bling and all those Liberty Bells on the new $100 bill.

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