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5 Life Altering Lessons I Learned From My Debt

Starting position of a chess game. House of St...
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Several years ago, my wife and I dug ourselves into debt pretty deep.   It wasn’t as bad as some, but it was much worse than anybody could actually want.    Recognizing the problem as a problem was a life-changing event.  From there, I’ve been examining every thing else about my life.   As part of that examination, I’ve spent a lot of time really thinking about the ultimate causes of the debt and what it has taken to motivate ourselves to get rid of it.

I’ve realized a few things:

      1. The things I want right now do not matter. I own around 2000 movies.   Up until last spring, every time I went into a store that sold movies, I’d peruse the cheap rack and buy 2-3 moves.  I’d watch them all, but the vast majority were only ever watched once or twice.  The rest may as well have been rented.   I wanted them and I wanted them “right now”, but after watching them once, the value vanished.   Most things I’ve bought on a whim lost their value to me shortly after bringing them home.  Planned purchases are enjoyable longer.
      2. The things I care about do not cost money. I cannot buy a kiss from my kids, or a hug from my wife.   The school project my son did on his hero(Me!) is absolutely priceless.  The TV, the smartphone, a new car, these things are fleeting.   Teaching my kids to read or ride a bike, getting beat by a 6 year old at chess, these things will last us all forever.  It took $30,000 of unsecured consumer debt to drill that lesson home.
      3. Instant gratification is easier than security, but not nearly as gratifying. It is incredibly easy to buy what you want when you want it.    It is much harder to postpone buying something until you can afford it.   Once you build that habit, and see the savings of delayed gratification, it’s worth it.   There is a comfort in having a few months worth of expenses in an emergency fund that no amount of knickknacks can match.
      4. I like getting stuff more than I like having stuff. It’s easy to succumb to the temporary high of a quick purchase.  It’s easy to train yourself to crave that high to the point that it’s impossibly to walk out of a store without buying something.  I did that.    When I cleaned out my entire house this spring, I came to the realization that I don’t need–or even want–most of the things I own.   I wanted it once, but once I had it, the infatuation was gone.  I didn’t have many problems unloading most of my crap.  It felt good to get rid of it.
      5. Owing money sucks. The borrower is slave to the lender.   When our debt exceeded our annual income, we were working 3/4 of the time just to stay afloat.  Instead of being able to spend my time and money on the things that matter, I was forced to spend thousands of hours just covering interest and pretending to make progress on my shackles.  That’s not how I recommend spending your life.   Time is the one thing you have that you can never get back.  Don’t waste it on crap like debt.

 

Have you learned anything from your debt?

Keep Your Friends Out of Debt

Local Brick
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If you’re like me, you get a bit evangelical about getting out of debt.  I try to convert spendthrifts and irritate my fellow debtors.   I’m probably pretty annoying at times.   What I’ve learned–or at least pretend to have learned–is the direct approach rarely works.   Hitting someone over the head with a brick won’t convince them of anything, even if it’s a very frugal brick.  Try it sometime.  You may convince them to buy a bigger brick to return the favor, but you won’t convince them to save money.

What can you do?  Your friends want to spend money they don’t have and worse, they want you to come with to spend money you either don’t have or don’t want to spend on bad music and overpriced beer.  Suggest less expensive activities.

If your friends want to catch a movie, suggest a matinee or hitting redbox for a night in.   It may even be worth investing in a projector and screen if movie night becomes a habit.   My couch is certainly more comfortable than the theater seats and my soda is cheaper.

When you are invited to dinner, suggest a potluck or have a barbecue. It’s almost always cheaper to eat in, and cooking together can be a wonderful social activity.   If that’s not practical, use coupons.  Restaurant.com has some amazing deals, but don’t use them without an coupon.  Their default price is a $25 gift certificate for $10.  With a coupon (currently DAD), you can get that same certificate for $3.   That usually means a minimum tab of $35 and mandatory tip of 18%, but it’s still a good savings.  Your $35 meal will cost $19.30 when all is said and done.

[ad name=”inlineleft”]Don’t compete for the coolest gadgets. “I just got an iPod for $300″ should be countered with a receipt for a $20 mp3 player, not an ad for an iPad.   Race to zero, not zeros.

Don’t be ashamed of your frugality.   “I they are laughing you don’t need ’em, cuz they’re not good friends.”   My habits aren’t secret. If I say something isn’t in the budget, my friends know I won’t be doing it.  It’s not up for debate.

Above all, I try to be proactive. I try to suggest cheaper alternatives before the expensive options are on the table.   Having a beer on my deck and watching a movie in my living room is so much cheaper than drinks at a club before a concert.

Update:  This post has been included in the Carnival of Personal Finance.

Avoid Getting Ripped Off On Ebay

My son, at 10 years old,  is a deal-finder.   His first question when he finds something he wants is “How much?”, followed closely by “Can I find it cheaper?”   I haven’t–and won’t–introduced him to Craigslist, but he knows to check Amazon and eBay for deals.   We’ve been working together to make sure he understands everything he is looking at on eBay, and what he needs to check before he even thinks about asking if he can get it.

Pricing
Pricing

The first thing I have him check is the price.  This is a fast check, and if it doesn’t pass this test, the rest of the checks do not matter.   If the price isn’t very competitive, we move on.  There are always risks involved with buying online, so I want him to mitigate those risks as much as possible.   Pricing can also be easily scanned after you search for an item.

The next thing to check is the shipping cost.  I don’t know how many times I’ve seen “Low starting price, no reserve!” in the description only to find a $40 shipping and handling fee on a 2 ounce item.  The price is the price + shipping.

Feedback
Feedback

Next, we look at the seller’s feedback.   The feedback rating has a couple of pieces to examine.   First, what is the raw score?  If it’s under 100, it needs to be examined closer.   Is it all buyer feedback?  Has the seller sold many items?   Is everything from the last few weeks?   People just getting into selling sometimes get in over their heads.  Other people are pumping up their ratings until they have a lot of items waiting to ship, then disappear with the money.   Second, what is the percent positive?  Under 95% will never get a sale from me. For ratings between 95% and 97%, I will examine the history.   Do they respond to negative feedback?  Are the ratings legit?  Did they get negative feedback because a buyer was stupid or unrealistic?   Did they misjudge their time and sell more items than they could ship in a reasonable time?  If that’s the case, did they make good on the auctions?   How many items are they selling at this second?

[ad name=”inlineright”] After that, we look at the payment options.   If the seller only accepts money orders or Western Union, we move on.  Those are scam auctions.   Sellers, if you’ve been burned and are scared to get burned again, I’m sorry, but if you only accept the scam payment options, I will consider you a scammer and move on.

Finally, we look at the description.   If it doesn’t come with everything needed to use the item(missing power cord, etc.), I want to know.   If it doesn’t explicitly state the item is in working condition, the seller will get asked about the condition before we buy.  We also look closely to make sure it’s not a “report” or even just a picture of the item.

Following all of those steps, it’s hard to get ripped off. On the rare occasion that the legitimate sellers I’ve dealt with decide to suddenly turn into ripoff-artists, I’ve turned on the Supreme-Ninja Google-Fu, combined with some skip-tracing talent, and convinced them that it’s easier to refund my money than explain to their boss why they’ve been posting on the “Mopeds & Latex” fetish sites while at work.    Asking Mommy to pretty-please pass a message about fraud seems to be a working tactic, too.  It’s amazing how many people forget that the lines between internet and real life are blurring more, every day.

If sending them a message on every forum they use and every blog they own under several email addresses doesn’t work and getting the real-life people they deal with to pass messages also doesn’t work, I’ll call Paypal and my credit card company to dispute the charges.   I only use a credit card online.   I never do a checking account transfer through Paypal.  I like to have all of the possible options available to me.

My kids are being raised to avoid scams wherever possible. Hopefully, I can teach them to balance the line between skeptical and cynical better than I do.

3 Habits Every Soon-to-be-Successful Debtor Needs to Cultivate

Getting out of debt is primarily a matter of changing your habits.   We’ve all heard people swear by skipping your morning cup of coffee to get rich, but that’s just a small habit.   Much more important are the big habits, the lifestyle habits.  Here are 5 habits to cultivate for financial success.

Frugality

“Beware of little expenses; a small leak will sink a great ship”– Benjamin Franklin

As Chris Farrel wrote in “The New Frugality“, being frugal is not about being cheap, but finding the best value for your money.  When my wife and I had our second baby, we couldn’t justify spending $170 on a breast pump, so we bought the $30 model.   It was quite a bit slower than the expensive model, and was only a “single action”, but for $140 of savings, it seemed worth the trade.   Six weeks later, it burned out so we bought a new one, still afraid to justify $170 on quality.   This thing took at least 45 minutes to do its job.  When it burned out 6 weeks later, we decided to go with the high-end model.   This beauty had dual pumps, “baby-mouth simulation” and it was fast.  The time was cut from a minimum of 45 minutes to a maximum of 15.   That’s 3 hours of life reclaimed each day fro $140. Six months of breastfeeding for each of two kids means my wife regained 45 days of her life in exchange for that small amount of money.   At the rate of 6 weeks per burnout, we would have gone through 8 cheap pumps, costing $240.   The high-end unit was still going strong when we weaned baby #3.  Buying quality saved us both time and money. I wish we would have gone with the good one from the start.  Sometimes, the expensive option is also the cheap option.

Maturity

A very sad, sad panda :(
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“Maturity is achieved when a person postpones immediate pleasures for long-term values.” -Joshua Loth Liebman

Being a mature, rational adult is hard.   It means accepting delayed gratification over the more enjoyable instant variety. We save for retirement instead of charging a vacation.  It takes a lot of restraint to put off buying the latest toys, clothes, gadgets,  cars or whatever else is currently turning your crank until you actually have the money to actually afford it.   It means planning your future instead of looking like a surprised bunny caught in a spotlight every time your property taxes come due.   (Who knew that the year changed every year?  Do they really expect annual payments annually?  Geez!  There’s so much to learn!)   It means thinking about your purchases and buying what you actually need, actually want, and will actually use instead of resorting to retail therapy whenever you feel like a sad panda.    The only benefit to mature, rational management of your finances is that, given time, you will have the security of knowing that, no matter what happens, you will be okay.   That’s a huge benefit.

Pleasure

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“Do not bite at the bait of pleasure, till you know there is no hook beneath it.” – Thomas Jefferson

If it hurts, you won’t do it.   You have to learn to take pleasure from from things that won’t make you broke and you have to learn not to hate putting off the things you can’t afford.    Take pleasure in the little things.  Enjoy the time with your family.  Presence means so much more than presents. So many people never learn how to enjoy themselves.  Take the time to experience life and enjoy doing it.

Update:  This post has been included in the Carnival of Debt Reduction.

Sunday Roundup: Spent weekend

Photographer: Frank C. Müller
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The problem with running a training class for a side hustle is that it sucks up half of my weekend, whenever I hold a class.   I like my weekends.  Unfortunately for downtime, I like extra money more.

30 Day Project Update

This month, I am trying to do 100 perfect push-ups in a single set.  I’m recording each session in a spreadsheet.  I am currently up to 50 in a set and 175 in a session, spread across 5 sets.  This week, my elbow started hurting, so I took 2 and a half days off.

Weight Loss Update

I am on the Slow Carb Diet.   At the end of the month, I’ll see what the results were and decide if it’s worth continuing.   For those who don’t know, the Slow Carb Diet involves cutting out potatoes, rice, flour, sugar, and dairy in all their forms.   My meals consist of 40% proteins, 30% vegetables, and 30% legumes(beans or lentils).    There is no calorie counting, just some specific rules, accompanied by a timed supplement regimen and some timed exercises to manipulate my metabolism.   The supplements are NOT effedrin-based diet pills, or, in fact, uppers of any kind.  There is also a weekly cheat day, to cut the impulse to cheat and to avoid letting my body go into famine mode.

I’m measuring two metrics, my weight and the total inches of my waist , hips, biceps, and thighs.   Between the two, I should have an accurate assessment of my progress.

Weight: I have lost 38 pounds since January 2nd.   That’s 2 pound since last week.

Total Inches: I have lost  22.5 inches in the same time frame, down 1.5 inches since last week.   My biceps, which are part of this measurement, have grown half an inch each since I started doing push-ups twice a day.

Best Posts

My mother-in-law hates dandelions, with a passion that just isn’t sane.   I want to make her a meal that consists of nothing but dandelions.

When I got my first RSA SecureID card, I thought it was the coolest thing ever.   If you’ve never had one, it gives you a rotating password that changes every 30 seconds, so nobody can guess you password for long.  It was neat, and, apparently, not that secure.

The idea of a tortoise on wheels makes me smile.

I’d like to try to make yogurt.  I can try whatever flavors I like.  Poptart-and-broccoli yogurt just sounds….

I work really hard to save money on vacations, and this post is full of good ideas to help me do that.

eBay is making changes to their fee structure that will make it a lot cheaper to sell things.  I’m guessing the back-the-customer-no-matter-what-at-the-expense-of-the-seller’s-getting-scammed policy was costing them some money.

The big box stores are pushing for Amazon to collect sales tax on all sales, in opposition to a Supreme Court ruling on the topic.  It won’t make a difference in sales.  Amazon will still be cheaper.  And I’ll get a Canadian mail drop.

LRN Timewarp

This is where I review the posts I wrote a year ago.  Did you miss them then?

I talked about teaching my kids the joy of delayed gratification.  Interestingly, my son has since decided he doesn’t want an XBox 360, because the buy-in is too high, with having to buy games and controllers to match the console.  We’ve also changed his allowance to savings ratio.  Now, 25% of everything he makes hits his bank account.  The rest is his to do with as he sees fit.

Last year at this time, it was scam week here.  I wrote a post on debt scams and another on disaster scams.

Carnivals I’ve Rocked and Guest Posts I’ve Rolled

Money Problems: Boosting Your Income was included in the Totally Money Carnival.

Living in Debt: How I Sacrificed My Future was included in the Carnival of Personal Finance.

My post on spendthrift whiners was hosted on Faith and Finance.  In return, I hosted his post on paper statement fees.

Thank you! If I missed anyone, please let me know.

Yakezie Blog Swap

Jacob hosted the Yakezie Blog Swap, which is a bunch of bloggers writing on the same topic and sharing the posts with each other.   Here is his list of the participants this round.

He wrote about 3 of my financial pet peeves (spending too much money on drinks, financing expensive furniture, and active investing strategies) on Narrow Bridge Finance.

Robert from The College Investor wrote about how people making mistakes with their 401k accounts is a big “no-no” at Thousandaire.
Narrow Bridge Finance posted about how people not taking responsibility for their financial actions infuriates him on My Personal Finance Journey.
Prairie Eco-Thrifter posted about how sales tax is her biggest financial pet peeve at 101 Centavos.

101 Centavos posted about how wasting food makes his blood pressure rise at Prairie Eco-Thrifter.

LaTisha D Styles writes about how greedy banks upset her at Retire by 40.

Retire by 40 wrote about how bigger is not necessarily better at FSYA Online.

Bucksome Boomer writes about how advertisers that hide the real price of a product is maddening at The Single Saver.

The Single Saver wrote about parents who do not teach their children financial responsibility at Bucksome Boomer.

Kevin from Thousandaire writes about people having misconceptions about Roth IRA’s at The College Investor.

Time from Faith and Finance vents about financial institutions charging to send paper account statements, but still send out a plethora of paper junk mail at Live Real Now.

Jason from Live Real Now politely rants about how aggravating it is to see people whine about their less-than-ideal financial situations, yet do nothing about it, at Faith and Finance.

Money Sanity vents about people complaining about paying overdraft and bank fees, while at the same time, having no idea how much credit card debt they have or their checking account balance at The Saved Quarter

The Saved Quarter writes about people who are financially irresponsible and want to complain about how broke they are while showing off the new things they bought at Money Sanity

Barb Friedberg talks about how investment advisors that get paid to sell products (more salesman than investment advisors in my book) upset her at Happy Simple Living

Happy Simple Living writes about how companies and people that exploit others aggravate her at Barb Friedberg Personal Finance. 

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Have a great week!

 

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