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The Story of Sammy

As I’ve mentioned, we’re cleaning out my mother-in-law’s house. She was a hoarder who passed away a couple of months ago. As of yesterday, we’ve filled two 30-yard dumpsters. For perspective, that’s big enough to park our F150.

I’m not here to talk about that, or the 20 year old can of green beans that burst and ran down my leg on Saturday.

Last month, we put a recliner out on the curb with a free sign. A few minutes later, a couple of guys stopped by and grabbed it.

Last week, one of the guys–I’ll call him Sammy–stopped by and left a note on the windshield of one of our inherited cars, asking about buying it.

Long story short, we sold him two cars. One hadn’t been run in a year or two, and one had been parked for almost 20 years. We signed this titles and let him take the cars while he was still $50 short of the purchase price. This isn’t a story about the cars.

It’s a story about Sammy.

Sammy doesn’t have a lot of money. He’s living off of a monthly check from an old injury, and his fiancee works part-time. They’re living in Section 8 housing, and consistently have more month than money. When he was younger, he made some decisions that make some forms of employment difficult now.

On Friday, Sammy stopped by. He was supposed to give us $50, but said that getting one of the cars running had cost more than expected, and it still had a problem that was keeping it from being safe on the road. He asked about an extension.

No problem.

Then, he looked around my mother-in-law’s overgrown yard and asked if he could help. After we negotiated the price, he asked if he could a) borrow our tools for the work, and b) get a ride Saturday morning.

I am a nice guy.

Saturday, I was planning to pick him up, then drive downtown to pick up a friend who has been living at the Salvation Army since moving to the area. His friend was so excited about the work, he hopped on a bus at 6am and got to Sammy’s house.

When I got there, Sammy also had a teenager he was mentoring. He told me that his dream was to start a lawn-care business with his friend, so they can put kids to work and help them turn into productive citizens. Idle, broke, and bored teenagers are a recipe for disaster. Teenagers who grow into men not believing they have a chance to change their future are worse.

I dropped them off and went to have a chat with my wife.

We’re far from rich but, at the moment, we are fairly flush. We’ve found some cash, and a there is a bit of life insurance money. Most of that will be going into remodeling the house, but we have a bit extra. If we can take a few hundred dollars, and help launch Sammy into a business that will help him, his family, and a circle of kids with few prospects, I think it’s the right thing to do.

When I told Sammy what we were considering, he started to break down. It was a truly emotional experience for him to know that somebody was willing to take a chance on him.

I told him to put together plan. I want to know what it would take for him to get started. Hopefully, he’s serious enough to do that. I’d like to help.

Prepping for an Estate Sale

Finance

At the end of the month, we’re having a massive garage/estate sale. When my mother-in-law died, she left us a lot of stuff.

A lot.

Really, when I say “lot”, I mean it. When most people say they have a lot of stuff, they mean they’ve got a closet to clean out. That’s similar to looking at a “scale of the universe” app and comparing a grain of salt to the Oort cloud. We’ve donated several truckloads of blankets, jackets, and toiletries to a homeless shelter and more than 80 rubbermaid containers full of clothes to the Salvation Army. That’s on top of two dumpsters(big enough to park a truck in) full of garbage of things we didn’t think were worth salvaging. That has still left us with several rooms packed full of stuff.

When I say ” a lot”, I mean it in a visceral, oh-my-god-can-this-be-over-or-should-we-consider-arson kind of way.

Now, it’s time to get rid of the stuff that’s left.

The things that have sentimental value have already come home with us.

The things that look unique, rare, or collectible–like the 1970s Pepsi glasses–have been set aside for more research. They may end up in the sale, or on eBay, depending on what we find out.

From here, I think I can just follow my garage sale guide.

We’re going to run the sale on Friday, Saturday, and Monday of Labor Day weekend, to maximize traffic.

We’ll advertise in the paper and put up some signs. The house is on the busiest street nearby, so passing traffic should be high.

The nice thing about having an emptied house is that setup can be completely done ahead of time. We’re setting up tables and starting to price it all this weekend.

On the days of the sale, we’ll have at least 2 people working the entire time. One will be inside, while the other will be outside for the tools and furniture that are getting sold. Both will have money and be able to make change.

Outside, we’ll have the bigger pieces of furniture, tools, and some kid stuff to draw in passerby. Inside will be the appliances, jewelry, and the small and/or valuable items. We’ll only be setting up in the living room and dining room, with the back hallway and kitchen roped off, to control access and visibility.

We’ve got a bit of help available at different times over the weekend, so we should be able to handle the entire sale, including breaks, relatively smoothly.

Have you ever run an estate sale? Anything I’m missing?

Mortgage Race

Finance

I spent last week at the Financial Blogger Conference. Saturday night was the big debauch, a 90s themed hip-hop dance party.

Yeah.

Instead, Crystal, Suba, and I hosted a super-secret pizza party to let some of the less “dance party” inclined attendees discuss things like the sanitary concerns of group body shots, sex toys, and horror movies.

During the course of the party, Crystal and I decided to race to pay off our mortgages.

Her balance is just under $25,000.

My balance is $26,266.40.

We both technically have the cash to pay off the balances right now, but we are both dealing with secondary housing issues. She’s building a new one, and I’m updating an inherited house. Neither of us is willing to use our cash reserves to pay off the balance right this moment.

Now that my credit card is paid off, I’ve moved that money to an extra interest-only payment on my mortgage, effectively doubling my mortgage payment, which puts my projected payoff date as about the end of next year. Crystal’s aiming for June, so I’ll have to hurry.

We do have tenants lined up for February, and all of the non-expense related rent will go to the mortgage.

I think I can win.

Update:

I forgot to mention the terms of the bet. The loser has to go visit the winner. When I win, Crystal’s going to fly to Minnesota to experience snow.

Car Dilemma

Finance

I’ve got most of my bills set up on auto-pilot, so I don’t have to worry about getting the payments in on time. It’s a huge time saver, but it occasionally comes with a downside.

A couple of weeks ago, I was reviewing our bills and saw this on our insurance statement:

2002 FORD	$51.07
2005 CHRYSLER	$47.40
1994 MERCURY	$1.64
2008 DODGE	$39.96
1986 HONDA — ANNUAL	$17.76

There are two problems with this.

1. We sold the 1994 Mercury a few months ago. Then, we forgot to tell the auto insurance company. We probably only wasted $6 on storage insurance, but it could have been worse.

2. We have 2 drivers in the house and 3 vehicles to drive, and the highest premium is on the vehicle getting driven the least.

We haven’t decided what we are going to do, yet.

Here are our needs:

We have 5 people in our family. My 13-year-old son is bordering on 6 feet tall and shows no sign of not growing.
Every weekend, we have at least 1 extra kid, sometimes 2.
We still have a giant(24 foot) boat that we won’t be selling until spring.
My wife wants to lease a couple of ponies next summer, which will mean a horse trailer to haul them in.

The Dodge is a Caliber, which is small. I don’t fit comfortably in the front seat for a long period of time, and I’ve got no idea how my son manages to fit in the backseat behind me, next to two car seats without complaining. It gets great gas mileage.

The Chrysler is a Pacifica, which fits out family perfectly, as long as there are no extras. It gets crowded with a dog and luggage for a trip, but it’s doable. We get gas mileage higher than the car is rated, but it doesn’t have a towing package. Even if it did, the car can’t handle a trailer full of horse.

The Ford is an F150 we bought new. It’s less roomy in the backseat than the Caliber, but better in the front seat and it can tow anything we need. Also the worst gas mileage of the lot.

The Honda is a motorcycle. I could haul both of the girls if I bungie-strap them to the backrest. Sucks in the winter.

Our choices seem to be:

A. Sell the Caliber. Drive the truck. Not perfect for hauling lots of kids, but it can work.

B. Sell the truck. Drive the Caliber. Screw the horses. (Not literally. Jeez, you have a dirty mind!) This still isn’t great for family outings, but works for a commuter.

C. Sell the truck. Sell the Caliber. Buy a mini-van. We’re looking at the GMC Acadia or the Chevy Traverse. Both are built on the same body, have third row seating that can fit an adult comfortably, and are rated high enough to tow a trailer full of horse. If we sold the car and the truck, and cash out an inherited IRA that has to be cashed out over the next few years anyway, we can come up with $22,000. That will buy a 1-year-old Traverse outright or get us within a few thousand of a similar Acadia.

I think C is the best long-term solution for our family. What do you think?

How to Build a Business on Cannibalism

Business

Last week, my wife posted on Facebook that she was frustrated with her job hunt.

HUFU: The healthy human flesh alternative.

An hour later, she got a call from someone she hadn’t talked to in 10 years. He wanted to talk about a great business opportunity. He wouldn’t say what it was, but wanted to bring a friend over to discuss it.

Fast forward to last night.

The night my wife agreed to meet with the old friend.

The meeting we forgot about.

So we invited our friend and his friends into the house. We sat down at the dining room table to hear the pitch. Our friend is just getting started so his “friend” delivered the pitch.

While I was waiting for him to explain the business, he was showing us pictures of he and his wife traveling around the country.

Instead of explaining the product, he asked about our most expensive dreams.

Instead of telling us how the marketing worked, he mentioned something about utilizing the internet–and i-Commerce–and talked about changing our buying habits.

Instead of showing us a product, he talked about driving volume and building a team.

There was nothing concrete, but a lot was said to ride on the dreams of people who are frustrated with their income or are living paycheck-to-paycheck.

More than an hour into the presentation, it was revealed that the “product” is a buying portal to allow people to buy Amway products from your personal Amway store.

Freaking Amway.

How do they find your personal Amway store, you ask? I don’t know, because you are supposed to be your own best customer. You make money by buying the products you use anyway, but buy them from Amway. For example, there’s the $10 toothbrush, the $16 baby wipes, or the $38 toilet paper.

For six frickin’ rolls.

Seriously, this stuff is meant to touch my butt once. I don’t need it made from pressed gold.

As for the visual…you’re welcome!

So I sell a kidney to buy enough toilet paper to keep my nether bits clean for a month and I get one point for every $3 I spend. I figure that’s about 50 points per month, given the foot traffic our bathrooms see.

If I hit 100(I think, he didn’t leave the paperwork) points, I get 6%(again, I wasn’t taking notes) back at the end of the next month. For the sake of the math, I’m going to double the number of butts in my house. 100 points means I need to spend $300. That’s 47 rolls of toilet paper. In exchange for this $300–and on top of gold-embroidered silk I now get to flush down the toilet–I’ll earn $18.

I know exactly how much toilet paper I buy right now. Amazon sends me a 48 roll package every other month for $31.42, shipped.

To simplify, Amway is offering me the ability to spend $300 to get $18 plus $31.42 worth of toilet paper. I’m supposed to end my financial worries by turning $300 into $50 every month.

Yay!

[Note to self: Demolish Amway’s business model by starting a company that will let people turn $200 into $50, without the nasty overhead of stocking overpriced crap. A 33% increase in efficiency will make me rich!]

But wait, say the imaginary Amway proponents that I hope aren’t frequenting my site, you’re forgetting the most important part!

Oh really?

There’s also a thing called a “segmented marketing team”. To the rest of the multi-level marketing world, this is known as your downline. If you can con your family and friends into turning their $300 into $50 every month, then help them con their family and friends into turning $300 into $50 every month, you’ll get rich! Amway has apparently figured out a way to share a small fraction of their 600% markup with their victims to make them feel like it’s a business opportunity instead of a robbery.

If I get 9 people in my “business team” and each of them build out their team, I get the coveted title of “Platinum Master” or whatever. All I have to do is sell the souls of 72 people and I can make a ton of money! If each member of my downline turns $300 into $50, Amway will get $18,000. In exchange for delivering those souls, the “average” Platinum Ninja makes about $4500 per month. That’s about $12,000–free and clear–for Amway.

When your business model consists entirely of your sales force doing all of the buying and consuming, it’s not a business model, it’s cannibalism.

Slumlord Update

Finance

We’re six weeks into our new lives as slumlords. Our tenants moved in late in January for a lease that started February first.

Our tenants are paying $1200/month for a two bedroom, 1 bathroom house and 2 of the 3 stalls in the garage. This is in a first ring suburb. The house itself is a bit under 2 miles from the border of Minneapolis.

The rent is on the lower end of the curve for the size and location, and my wife has known the tenants for years.

Of the $1200 we get each month, here are our fixed expenses:

Water/sewer/garbage: $170 per quarter
Property taxes: $2359 for last year

That’s $253.25 per month we pay for the property.

The tenants pay gas, electric, and cable.

That leaves $946.75 in profit for us each month. Yay!

But wait.

Two days after moving in, the new boiler went out. It was a pain in the butt, but the company fixed it for free. They even loaned our tenants some space heaters, since this happened when it was -20 degrees Fahrenheit.

A couple of days after that, the drain pipes coming from the bathtub gave out. Eighty-year-old cast-iron pipes do that. $325 for that fix.

The paint we put in the kitchen is peeling? $250 and a day of painting.

Part of our project with Sammy has him maintaining the property. For the winter months, he’s been cleaning out the snow every time it falls. $425 for February and March. Welcome to Minnesota. I’m not sure this is going to be a continuing part of the property service next winter.

Sink clogged further down that we can reach with our pipe snake? $125.

3 feet of snow melting faster than the ground underneath is thawing, allowing water to seep through the basement walls? We don’t know, yet. That fix has to wait until the snow is gone.

Of the $1893.50 “profit” we’ve received so far, we’ve had to pay out $1125. Of the remaining $768.50, we’re setting aside $500 per month for future repairs, which we expect to keep making for at least a few months.

Hooray for a -$231.50 profit! It makes all of the work for the last 10 months worth it.

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