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The no-pants guide to spending, saving, and thriving in the real world.

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Don’t Screw Future-You

Finance, Life

A conversation between me and my temporally displaced self.
Future Me: Excuse me, Jason?
Me: Yes?
FMe: <Slap!>
Me: May I ask what that was for?
FMe: Of course.
Me: What was that for, jerk?
FMe: That was payback for all of the hell you have put me through.
Me: What?!?  I’ve never even met you, before.
FMe: Of course you have.  I am future-you, and I’m sick of getting screwed by past-me, that is, you.
Me: Huh?
FMe: Listen close.  You’re not  the sharpest brick in the box and I don’t want to explain this twice.
Me: ???
FMe: A long time ago, when you first met our wife, you were dumb.
Me: I don’t appreciate….
FMe: Shut up.  I was dumb then, too.  Remember?  You…err…we bought a new truck, built an addition on our…err…your…err…whomever’s house, got married in the same year.  On top of many other expensive decisions.  Do your recall?
Me: Yes, I do.  So what?
FMe: If that wasn’t enough, you and your smoking-hot bride are still shopping like you’re rich. You drive a new car.  Your kids wear new clothes.  You’ve got a house full of new furniture.  How did you pay for all of that?
Me: Naturally, I charged it.  Zero payments, zero interest for a year!  Pretty smart, huh?
FMe: What happens in a year?
Me: I don’t know.  I’ve got a full year to figure that out.
FMe: <Slap!>  I’ll tell you what happens!  Future-you, that’s me, gets screwed!   Your raise didn’t come through.  You had a baby. The truck broke down.  Your wife took maternity leave.  A roommate moved out.  You took a loss in the stock market.  You didn’t plan!  You had no savings to cover any of those problems because you were too busy servicing debt to pay for your current life.
Me: How was I to know?
FMe: <Slap!>  Life happens!  You never know what is coming next.  You need to plan and save for what might happen.  Otherwise, you’ll just accumulate more debt to be serviced by yours-truly.  That is not acceptable.
Me:  So?  What are you going to do about it?
FMe: <Slap!>
Me: Really?  Again?
FMe: <Slap!>  I’m struggling to pay your debt. Your son starts college next year, but you’ve left me completely unable to help.  Your daughter wants to get married in a couple of years, but the Father-of-the-Bride can’t afford a tux.  My wife, your beatiful bride, wants a vacation that I can’t afford.   You’ve screwed me, dude.
Me: I’m sorry.  What can I do to fix it?
FMe: Buy me dinner, first.
Me: Huh?!?!?
FMe: Stop the excess spending. Spend less than you make, for a change.  No credit.
Me: None?
FMe: None.  Nada.  Zip.  Zilch.  Only spend what you can afford. Budget.  Pay off those nasty bills.  Don’t leave me hanging.
Me: So, what you’re saying is that, if I don’t have the money, I shouldn’t buy it?
FMe: Exactly.  That’s the path to wealth, freedom, and financial independence.  Live in the real world.
Me: Gee, thanks, Future-Me!  Now I know.
FMe: And knowing is half the battle.

What would your future-you have to say to you?

 

Sunday Roundup: Outta Town

Misc

Scrapbooking Cupcakes!
Image by clevercupcakes via Flickr

This weekend, my wife is off scrapbooking with my mother and sister-in-law.   Instead of hanging around the house trying to keep three kids entertained, I’m at my brother’s house, since his wife abandoned him with their kids, too.   I’ll let his kids keep mine entertained, and vice versa.  Woo!

30 Day Project Update

I am on the Slow Carb Diet.   At the end of the month, I’ll see what the results were and decide if it’s worth continuing.   For those who don’t know, the Slow Carb Diet involves cutting out potatoes, rice, flour, sugar, and dairy in all their forms.   My meals consist of 40% proteins, 30% vegetables, and 30% legumes(beans or lentils).    There is no calorie counting, just some specific rules, accompanied by a timed supplement regimen and some timed exercises to manipulate my metabolism.   The supplements are NOT effedrin-based diet pills, or, in fact, uppers of any kind.  There is also a weekly cheat day, to cut the impulse to cheat and to avoid letting my body go into famine mode.

I’m measuring two metrics, my weight and the total inches of my waist , hips, biceps, and thighs.   Between the two, I should have an accurate assessment of my progress.

Weight: I have lost 30 pounds since January 2nd!   That’s only 1 pounds since last week.  12 more to meet my goal for February.  The difference this week?  I’ve cut back on the supplements, to see if they actually make a difference.  It would appear they do.

Total Inches: I have lost 16 inches in the same time frame, down 1.5 since last week.

Best Posts

I totally got live this joke.

Are you a compulsive shopper?  Money Crashers has some tips to cut that down.

Before I got a smartphone, I relied on a PocketMod for almost everything a smartphone does.  Does that make me a geek?

$39Glasses is having a killer sale.  $15 off a $40 item is huge.

Tim Ferriss has a guide to slow-carb seasonings.   It’s worth reading if your food is boring you.

LRN Timewarp

This is where I review the posts I wrote a year ago.  Did you miss them then?

This was Scam Week last year.  I had a post on debt scams and scams that target disaster victims.  As we roll into flooding season, it’s important to know how these scams work.

I also discussed my attempt to teach my son to savor delayed gratification.  It has been working.  He makes long-term(for an 11 year old) plans regularly.

Carnivals I’ve Rocked and Guest Posts I’ve Rolled

Money Problems: Setting Goals was included in the Festival of Frugality.

Your Budget is Worthless was included in the Carnival of Personal Finance.

Brown Bagging Your Way to Savings was included in the Carnival of Money Stories.

Debt Burnout was included in the Totally Money Carnival.

Thank you! If I missed anyone, please let me know.

Get More Out of Live Real, Now

There are so many ways you can read and interact with this site.

You can subscribe by RSS and get the posts in your favorite news reader.  I prefer Google Reader.

You can subscribe by email and get, not only the posts delivered to your inbox, but occasional giveaways and tidbits not available elsewhere.

You can ‘Like’ LRN on Facebook.   Facebook gets more use than Google.  It can’t hurt to see what you want where you want.

You can follow LRN on Twitter.   This comes with some nearly-instant interaction.

You can send me an email, telling me what you liked, what you didn’t like, or what you’d like to see more(or less) of.   I promise to reply to any email that isn’t purely spam.

Have a great week!

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Saturday Roundup – Dirty Beggar Edition

Misc

Ninjas killed my father
Image by Chris Pirillo via Flickr

I have a favor to ask.  Free Money Finance is running his annual March Money Madness blog contest.   Please drop by and vote for me. Just comment with “Game 6: Bags”.  Thank you!

Starting next week, my roundups will be happening on Sunday.   I weigh in on Saturday, and that just makes me feel rushed on Saturday mornings.

Free Money Tip

INGDirect is having a sweet promotion.  Open a checking account, use it three times in 45 days, and get $50 free.  Free money is the best kind.  I love my ING account and keep all of my savings there.  If you don’t have an account there, yet, now is a great time to open one.

30 Day Project Update

This month, I am trying to establish the Slow Carb Diet as a habit.   At the end of the month, I’ll see what the results were and decide if it’s worth continuing.   For those who don’t know, the Slow Carb Diet involves cutting out potatoes, rice, flour, sugar, and dairy in all their forms.   My meals consist of 40% proteins, 30% vegetables, and 30% legumes(beans or lentils).    There is no calorie counting, just some specific rules, accompanied by a timed supplement regimen and some timed exercises to manipulate my metabolism.   The supplements are NOT effedrin-based diet pills, or, in fact, uppers of any kind.  There is also a weekly cheat day, to cut the impulse to cheat and to avoid letting my body go into famine mode.

I’m measuring two metrics, my weight and the total inches of my waist , hips, biceps, and thighs.   Between the two, I should have an accurate assessment of my progress.

Weight: I have lost 20 pounds since January 2nd.   That’s 3 pounds since last week.

Total Inches: I have lost 10 inches in the same time frame, down 1 since last week.

That is kind of a disappointing week, after losing 17 pounds in the two previous weeks.  Still, it’s progress.   Should I blame it on getting sloppy with the supplements and timed exercise, which aren’t(technically) necessary, the vagaries of losing weight, or the fact that I(gasp) had some feta cheese on a salad yesterday(Dairy is out, but I didn’t recognize it until it was too late and I was happy.)?   I’ll go with B.  Weight loss is never completely consistent.

Best Posts

If some puny little constellation can mess up our zodiac signs, what will a second sun do?

Everyday Tips and Thoughts ran a post on cell phone etiquette.  I agree wholeheartedly with the bathroom talkers.  I’m in there trying to concentrate, and you’re yammering to your bank, or your girlfriend?  Expect me to flush every 2 minutes.

Important question: what caliber for land shark?

Do you juggle too much?   Project Happily Ever After explains the difference between balls that bounce and balls that break.

Buy Like Buffet is giving away an iPad.

LRN Timewarp

This is where I review the posts I wrote one year ago.

I wrote a post about saving money on health care.  It’s still a good post, but the HSA/FSA rules have changed.  Now, you need a  prescription to stock up on OTC meds at the end of the year to spend out your account.

When you buy something, do you ask yourself if you really need it? I wrote a post to help answer that question.

I also posted lesson 4 of my budget series.  This is where I go over my “set aside” funds, the money for bills that are not regular or for set amounts.

Carnivals I’ve Rocked and Guest Posts I’ve Rolled

5 Things to Do in the New Year was included in Crystal’s rockin’ Totally Money Carnival.  I’ll be hosting it in a couple of weeks.

Quit Smoking: My First Frugal Move…Ever was included in the Carnival of Personal Finance.

Thank you! If I missed anyone, please let me know.

Get More Out of Live Real, Now

There are so many ways you can read and interact with this site.

You can subscribe by RSS and get the posts in your favorite news reader.  I prefer Google Reader.

You can subscribe by email and get, not only the posts delivered to your inbox, but occasional giveaways and tidbits not available elsewhere.

You can ‘Like’ LRN on Facebook.   Facebook gets more use than Google.  It can’t hurt to see what you want where you want.

You can follow LRN on Twitter.   This comes with some nearly-instant interaction.

You can send me an email, telling me what you liked, what you didn’t like, or what you’d like to see more(or less) of.   I promise to reply to any email that isn’t purely spam.

Have a great weekend!

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Money Problems – Day 6: Reducing Expenses

Finance

Lincoln memorial cent, with the S mintmark of ...
Image via Wikipedia

Today, I am continuing the  series, Money Problems: 30 Days to Perfect Finances.   The series will consist of 30 things you can do in one setting to perfect your finances.  It’s not a system to magically make your debt disappear.  Instead, it is a path to understanding where you are, where you want to be, and–most importantly–how to bridge the gap.

I’m not running the series in 30 consecutive days.  That’s not my schedule.  Also, I think that talking about the same thing for 30 days straight will bore both of us.   Instead, it will run roughly once a week.  To make sure you don’t miss a post, please take a moment to subscribe, either by email or rss.

On this, Day 6, we’re going to talk about cutting your expenses.

Once you free up some income, you’ll get a lot of leeway in how you’re able to spend your money, but also important–possibly more important–is to cut out the crap you just don’t need.  Eliminate the expenses that aren’t providing any value in your life.  What you need to do is take a look at every individual piece of your budget, every line item, every expense you have and see what you can cut.  Some of it,  you really don’t need. Do you need a paid subscription to AmishDatingConnect.com?

If you need to keep an expense, you can just try to lower it.  For example, cable companies regularly have promotions for new customers that will lower the cost  to $19 a month for high-speed internet.  Now, if you call up the cable company and ask for the retention department, tell them you are going to switch to a dish.  Ask, “What are you willing to do to keep my business?”  There is an incredibly good chance that they will offer you the same deal–$20 a month–for the next three or four months.  Poof, you save money.  You can call every bill you’ve got to ask them how you can save money.

I called my electric company and my gas company to get on their budget plans.  This doesn’t actually save me money but it does provide me with a consistent budget all year long, so instead of getting a $300 gas bill in the depths of January’s hellish cold,  I pay $60 a month.  It is averaged out over the course of the year. It feels like less and it lets me get a stable budget. Other bills are similar.  You can call your credit card companies and tell them everything you take your business to another card that gave you an offer of 5% under what ever you are currently paying. It doesn’t even have to be a real offer.  Just call them up and say you are going to transfer your balance away unless they can meet or beat the new interest rate.  If  you’ve been making on-time payments for any length of time–even six months or a year–they’re going to lower the interest rate business, no problem.  Start out by asking for at least a 5% drop.  In fact, demand no more than 9.9%.

Once you’ve gone through every single one of your bills, you’ll be surprised by how much money you’re no longer paying, whether it’s because somebody lowered the bill for you or you scratched it off the list completely.

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Experience the Live Real Magic

Misc

As some of you have noticed, the link to subscribe by email has changed.   While you do still have the option to subscribe to the rss feed through Feedburner, I’m no longer providing the link or recommending it.   What I have in its place is an actual email list.

Yes, you can now subscribe to Live Real, Now by email, without having to go through Feedburner. That means you can get all of the updates in your email, for free! This is magic.  This magic gives me another option to offer contests and free stuff.

There are two lists to choose from.

  1. The Magic option will have occasional deals, giveaways, contests, and opportunities not available to anyone else.
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Your email will never be shared, with anyone, for any reason whatsoever. Ever. I hate spammers with a passion fueled by the fiery pits of hell to which spammers should be cast. I won’t be that guy.

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