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How to Complain – The Squeaky Wheel Gets the Grease

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Have you ever been screwed by a company? Have they sent you the wrong item, or an empty box, or left your order backordered for so long that you can’t even dispute it with your credit card company any more?

What can you do?

I know you’ve heard the phrase, “The squeaky wheel gets the grease.” That means, he whines loudest, gets the most. The thing is, you have to whine effectively, or you’ll just get round-filed.

Targeting Subsystems On

Who you complain to matters more than what you complain about. The clerk at your local big-box retailer isn’t going to refund your online purchase. You need to complain to someone who can make a decision to help you. First, find the customer service email address. Next, if you are complaining about a recurring service, find the retention department’s email address. Finally, find the email address for absolutely everybody Vice-President or above for that company, including the board of directors. Go to their website, find the email for some PR drone and figure out the format. First.Last@Company.com or FirstInitial.LastName@Company.com or whatever. Look up the company in Google Finance and translate everyone’s name into the email format. You might not have the perfect list, but it should be close.

Target Locked On

Now that you know who you are about to blast, what are you going to say? A few things to include are:

Your contact information. If they can’t get back to you, they can’t make it up to you.
Details of the problem. Include the date of purchase, date of delivery, and a detailed description of what actually went wrong.
Scanned copies of receipts.
Any names of anybody you’ve had to deal with, either in the original transaction or when the problem occurred, if you have the names.

Engage!

What to say, what to say?

Don’t be abusive. It’s okay to be angry, and it’s okay to let them know your are angry, but swearing or threatening their lives will–at best–only get you ignored. Worst case, threats are illegal and they can pass your email along to the police.
Stay brief. It doesn’t matter that your daddy took you to Starbucks to use their free wi-fi when you were just three years old. Don’t talk about that time the aliens abducted you or how sad you are that they never call like they promised they would. Keep to the point. “This is who I am. This is what happened. This is what I want you to do about it.”

Send that sucker out. If you feeling particularly perturbed, send a CC to your state’s Attorney General and any possibly related regulatory agencies. I tend to save this step for round 2.

The Spending Styles of the Rocky Horror Picture Show

Finance

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Everybody has a spending style. Like a fingerprint, it is unique to each individual, even if that individual is fictional.

Since it is the Halloween season, and The Rocky Horror Picture Show is a Halloween movie, I’m going to look at how those characters spend their money.

Janet Weiss – A Heroine

Janet is the stereotype of every suburbanite soccer-mom-who-hasn’t-gotten-married-and-had-kids-yet. She wants to keep up with the Joneses(“It’s nicer than Betty Monroe had! [Oh Brad!]”) and she is obviously impressed by and envious of people who have all of the trappings of the “finer things”. If she has a credit card, you can bet that it is peeling on the sides from over-use. While she wears conservative clothes and sensible shoes to go visit an old mentor, she’s almost definitely got a closet full of fancy shoes and a drawer full of real-baby-seal-skin g-strings. If Brad were smarter, he’d run, and not just because of her loyalty issues. She’ll never be content with a sensible car and modest house.

Brad Majors – A Hero

Brad is a pompous jerk who thinks he’s better than those around him. He’s also extremely conservative and slow to accept change. He’s going to give Janet an allowance and complain every time she spends a penny of it. His investment portfolio is well-balanced and configured for long-term growth and he’s going to rub your nose in it at the neighborhood barbecue. To shut him up, just ask why his kid was born with an accent and garters.

Magenta – A Domestic

What’s a domestic? Magenta is the most financially responsible person in the show. She’s third -in-command of an alien invasion, but still takes on a second job? That’s a woman planning for retirement. She’s not going to rely on anyone to support her. She knows how to enjoy a party, without having to spend all of her money on a glitter-suit.

Columbia – A Groupie (as Little Nell)

Columbia is incapable of making a decision that wasn’t pre-formed by her peer group. She’s doomed to chase every fad, hoping it will impress those around her. While she’ll always be remembered for her glitter-suit or the corset that isn’t quite tall enough, she’ll never be happy or have a spare penny in case of emergencies.

Riff Raff – A Handyman

Riff Raff has jealousy issues. He sees his boss and commander throwing a party and having a good time, but, instead of working towards being able to do that himself, he kills his boss and steals his house. He is greedy, jealous, and deceitful. Don’t ever turn your back on him, or he’ll steal your wallet, hit you over the head and bury you in the backyard just so he can pretend it’s his party.

Eddie – Ex Delivery Boy (as Meatloaf)

Eddie is out of his head (H-E-D). He’s the tag-a-long who will keep buying expensive dinners that he can’t afford in an attempt to impress whoever is around to see him pick up the check. He isn’t sure how to fit in, but he’s positive that he can buy his way there. In reality, he’s dead(spelled right) broke and will end up getting screwed.

Rocky Horror – A Creation

Here is the true blank slate. He’s just seven hours old, so he’s got no bad habits to break. Unfortunately, he’s never had to learn any hard lessons, so his head is easily turned by an glittered bauble or babbling, half-dressed flake. He’s incapable of making an informed decision about anything, so he follows everyone around getting whatever they like. He’ll spend his entire life getting by on his looks, which will almost always be successful, until life catches up to him and he dies broke and alone.

Dr. Frank-N-Furter – A Scientist

Frank knows how to throw a party. He travels 12 billion light years brings not only a keg, but the entire party house with him. Who wouldn’t want to be his friend? There’s a fancy house, a room to stay in if you drink too much, pretty people being built in the lab, and gourmet corn-fed delivery-boy being served for dinner. Watch out, though. He doesn’t tend to his job. One day, the credit cards will be maxed, the bank will foreclose on the house and send it back to Sweet Transexual Transylvania, leaving Frank penniless. Who will be his friend then?

Which Rocky character are you?

           Science Fiction
           Double Feature.
           Frank has built and
           Lost his creature.
           Darkness has conquered
           Brad and Janet.
           The servants gone to
           A distant planet.

Living the XBox Life on an Atari Income

Finance

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At some point, everyone has “champagne wishes and caviar dreams.” Over the last 25 years, we’ve even been peddled the “you can have it all” myth from every direction, including the media and the government.

The truth is simple: you cannot have it all. You can have anything, but you can’t have everything. In order to have one thing, you have to give up something else. It’s a law of nature. If you have $5, you can either get a burger or an overpriced cup of coffee, but not both.

“But wait!” you shout, rudely interrupting the narrator, “I have a credit card. I can have both!”

Wrong.

And stop interrupting me.

If you have $5 and borrow $5 to get some coffee to go with your burger, you will eventually have to pay that money back with interest. You will have to give up a future-burger AND a flavor shot in your overpriced coffee.

Everything you buy needs to be paid for, some day.

If you have an Atari income, but insist on living the XBox life, you will wake up one day, buried in bills, forced to live the Commodore-64 life out of sheer desperation.

There is a solution.

Don’t get all XBox-y until you are making XBox money. That way, you’ll never have to worry about going broke tomorrow paying for the fun you had yesterday.

Even when you have an XBox income, ideally you’ll restrict yourself to living a Gamecube life, so you’ll be able to put some money aside to support future-you instead of constantly having to worry about your next paycheck.

Quit Smoking: My First Frugal Move…Ever

Finance, Life

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It’s nearly the 5 year anniversary of my last cigarette, so I though I’d bring this post back to the front page.

A bit over three years ago, we found out that my wife was pregnant with baby #3. When we decided to have #2, it took us two years of trying. Naturally, we assumed we’d have the same issues with #3. Imagine our surprise when it only took 2 weeks. At that point, we were getting ready to celebrate brat #2’s first birthday.

That mean’s 2 kids under 2. Two kids in diapers. Three kids in daycare. Baby formula again.

We weren’t making ends meet with two kids, how were we going to manage three? I dropped my pack-or-two-a-day smoking habit.

But, I’ve gone over that before.

This post is about how I actually quit.

Some Facts About Me

I don’t do things by halves; I tend to do things all the way or not at all. For years, my wife would ask me to cut back, to just smoke a little less, but that never worked. If I had cigarettes, I smoked them. I always had cigarettes. When I eat, I eat. I’ve never managed smaller portions. I used to drink a case of soda each week, just because it was there. Moderation has never been my friend.

As a corollary, I don’t cheat. At anything. Ever. Because of the above fact about myself. I don’t moderate myself when I give myself rules either. If I draw a line, I obsessively avoid crossing it.

The problem comes when I try to give myself a “gray area” rule. “Smoke less” always leaves room for “just one more”, which easily leads to “I only cut out one cigarette yesterday, so what’s the use?” I had to be done.

After smoking for fifteen years–more than a pack a day for at least 12 of those–that’s an intimidating thought.

The Plan

The first thing I did was set a day to quit. I chose the day after my Halloween party. Before that would have been setting myself up for failure. Booze, food, and long conversations in a smoking-friendly environment were just 3 of my many triggers. I always smoked more at my parties, so the day after, I didn’t feel up to smoking much, anyway. I’d just ride that wave of “I don’t feel like it” to to holy city of “I quit”.

I didn’t quit smoking the next day, I just quit buying cigarettes. That left me half a pack to curb my cravings.

I also knew that nicotine cravings are about the most distracting thing I’ve ever had to deal with. That doesn’t make for a productive computer programmer, so I bought a box of the generic patch that Target carries. I started with Phase 2, because I wasn’t interested in prolonging the process. I just didn’t want to spend my work days thinking about smoking instead of designing software. I needed something to take the edge off, without actually smoking.

My plan was to have the patch at work, so I’d be able to work and to stretch those last 10 cigarettes out, as long as possible.

The Result

It worked. The pack lasted 4 days, I think. I smoked during my commute and after dinner. I used the patch only when the cravings got to the point that I couldn’t concentrate. After a week, I stopped using it at all. A few days later, I had a particularly stressful day and cheated. I took 3 puffs of that cigarette and threw it away, because it tasted like crap and I wasn’t enjoying it. That’s when I knew I was successfully done smoking. It was a 10 day variation of “cold turkey”. More than 3 years later, I have an occasional cigar, but never due to a craving. The day I experience a nicotine craving is the day I burn my humidor.

That’s how I quite smoking, strictly to try to get my finances in line. That has saved me at least $10,000 over the last 3 years.

Money Problems: Day 9 – Health Insurance

Finance

Today, I am continuing the series, Money Problems: 30 Days to Perfect Finances. The series will consist of 30 things you can do in one setting to perfect your finances. It’s not a system to magically make your debt disappear. Instead, it is a path to understanding where you are, where you want to be, and–most importantly–how to bridge the gap.

I’m not running the series in 30 consecutive days. That’s not my schedule. Also, I think that talking about the same thing for 30 days straight will bore both of us. Instead, it will run roughly once a week. To make sure you don’t miss a post, please take a moment to subscribe, either by email or rss.

On this, Day 9, we’re going to talk about health insurance.

The first thing to understand is that there is a difference between health care and health insurance. Health care is what the doctors do. Health insurance is when the insurance companies pay for it. Or don’t. They are not the same thing. I won’t be addressing who should get care or who should be paying for insurance. That’s political and I try to avoid that here.

I won’t spend much time discussing health care as a “right”. It’s not. If a right requires somebody to actively do something for you, it’s not a right. It can’t be. The logical conclusion of requiring somebody to provide you care gets to be a intellectual exercise to be completed elsewhere. That, too, is political.

What I will discuss are the components of a health insurance plan is the U.S. and what to watch out for when planning your insurance coverage.

Premium

This is the amount you pay for your health insurance. For people with employer-sponsored insurance, this is usually paid out of each paycheck, deducted pre-tax. For those with an individual plan, it’s almost always a monthly payment. There generally isn’t much you can do to lower this much. Most employers offer, at most, 2-3 options, ranging from a good plan for a high premium to “we’ll mail you leeches if we think you’re dying” for a much smaller price.

Copay

This is a flat fee paid out of pocket when you get medical care. Depending on your plan and the type of visit, this could be $10-50 or higher. For example, with a plan I participated in recently, the copay was $15 for an office visit, $25 for urgent care, and $100 for an emergency room visit. The office visit and urgent care visit were billed the same amount to the insurance company, so the price difference was entirely arbitrary. Currently, all health insurance plans are required to pay preventative care visits at 100%, meaning there is no copay.

Coinsurance

This is the payment split between the insurance company and the insured. 80/20 is a common split for plans with coinsurance. That means the insurance company will pay just 80% of the bill, until the insured has paid the entire out-of-pocket maximum. After that, the coverage is 100%.

Deductible

This is the amount that an insurance company won’t pay. It has to be covered by the insured before the insurance company does anything. For example, if you have an insurance plan with a $25 copay, 80/20 coinsurance and a $100 deductible, and paying for an office visit costing $600 would look something like this: $25 for the copay, followed by $75 to max out the copay, leaving $500 to be split 80/20 or $400 paid by the insurance company and $100 paid by the insured. That office visit would cost $200 out-of-pocket. The next identical visit would be cheaper because the deductible is annual and doesn’t get paid per incident. That one would cost $115 out of pocket.

HSA

Health Savings Account. For people with a high-deductible plan–that is, a plan with a deductible of at least $1200 in 2011–they are eligible to open an HSA. This is a savings account dedicated to paying medical expenses, excluding OTC medication. It can be used for vision, dental, or medical care. Payroll contributions are taken pre-tax, which makes it a more affordable way to afford major medical expenses. Unfortunately, there are annual contribution limits. Currently $3050 for an individual account and $6150 for a family account. HSAs do not expire, so you can contribute now, and save the money for medical expenses after retirement.

FSA

Flexible Spending Account. This is similar to an HSA, but the contributed funds evaporate at the end of the year. It’s “use it or you’re screwed” plan.

Individual Plans

If you’re not getting health insurance through your employer or another group, you are on an individual plan. These cost more because they A) don’t benefit from the economy of scale presented by getting 50 or 100 or 1000 people on the same plan, and B) you don’t have an employer subsidizing your premium.

Employer-Sponsored Plans

If your employer provides health insurance, you have an employer-sponsored plan. Possibly the fastest way to correct problems with the health insurance industry would be to make individual plan premiums tax-deductible, while eliminating that deduction for employers and letting insurance companies work across state lines. That would eliminate the mutated pseudo-market we have right now, and force the insurance companies to compete for your business. Honest competition is the most sure way to increase efficiency and service while reducing costs. It beats “one payer” or “socialized” care which add overhead to the process and hide the premiums in increased taxes.

Open Enrollment

Most employer-sponsored plans only allow you to make changes at a specific time of the year, unless you have a “life changing event”, like marriage, divorce, death, or children.

Explanation of Benefits

After you use your health insurance, the company will send an EOB, showing you what was billed, what they paid, and what you’ll be responsible for. It’s fascinating to see the difference between what gets billed by the doctor and what the insurance company is willing to pay, by contract. You should read this, to at least understand what you are consuming and how much is getting paid for you.

Maximum Dollar Limit

If your insured care cost more than your maximum dollar limit, or maximum annual limit, the insurance company stops paying. this was supposed to be going away under the Patient Protection and Affordable Care ~~Fraud~~ Act. Unfortunately, if an insurance company offers a crap plan, they have been allowed to apply for waivers based on the fact that they offer a crap plan. The deciding factor in whether the waiver is granted seems to be the amount of the political contributions the insurance company has made to the correct political entities, but maybe I’m just bitter.

Out-Of-Pocket Maximum

This is the most you will have to pay directly with coinsurance. After you pay this amount, the insurance company will cover 100% of expenses, subject to the maximum limit.

COBRA

The Consolidated Omnibus Budget Reconciliation Act of 1985 is, in short, an opportunity to continue your employer-sponsored health plan–minus the subsidy–after you have left the employer. It’s expensive, but it keeps you covered, and will eliminate issue with pre-existing conditions when you get a new plan.

Catastrophic Health Insurance

This is an extremely-high-deductible plan, typically $10,000 or more. For the people who can’t afford coverage, this is insurance-treated-as-insurance. It’s coverage when you absolutely need it, not when you feel a bit ill. $10,000 isn’t a bankruptcy-level bill, while $100,000 usually is. This plan prevent medical bankruptcy for a small monthly fee. For the people who got screwed by a PPAACFA waiver, it bridges the gap between a plan that’s useful for minor things and protection when something goes really wrong.

Things to Watch Out For When Applying For Health Insurance

Now that we’ve looked at the terms you need to understand, we’re going to talk about some things to check before deciding what coverage is right for you.

Individual, Individual + 1, Individual + Family

Do you need coverage for yourself, or yourself and your family? If you and your spouse are both working, make sure to run the math for every possible combination that will cover everyone. Is it cheaper to have one of you cover yourself and the kids, while the other just gets an individual plan?

Maximum annual coverage

It’s really easy to blow through a $3000 annual maximum. If you’ve got a low annual max, look into a supplemental catastrophic plan.

Primary and Secondary Coverage

For years, my wife paid for insurance that covered herself and the kids, while I covered myself. When we were expecting brat #3, I added her to my insurance plan, without having her cancel hers. When the bill came, my insurance plan covered the coinsurance and deductible, which saved us thousands of dollars when the baby was born.

Pre-Existing Conditions

If you’ve got a pre-existing condition, it can be difficult to get insurance if you don’t already have coverage. This makes sense. It prevents someone from corrupting the idea of insurance by waiting until something goes really wrong before getting a plan. Without this, all of the insurance companies would be bankrupt in a year. This is one of the biggest benefits of COBRA. It’s a short-term bridge plan that eliminates the idea of a pre-exisiting condition deadbeat. If you’ve got insurance, you can transfer to a different plan. If you don’t, you can’t.

Homework

Your homework today is to get a copy of the details of your health insurance and look up all of the above terms and situations. How well are you covered? Did anything surprise you?

Money Problems – Day 8: Insurance

Finance

On this, Day 8, we’re going to talk about insurance.

What is insurance? Insurance is, quite simply a bet with your insurance company. You give them money on the assumption that something bad is going to happen to whatever you are insuring. After all, if you pay $10,000 for a life insurance policy and fail to die, the insurance company wins.

A more traditional definition would be something along the line of giving money to your insurance company so they will pay for any bad things that happen to your stuff. How do they make money paying to fix or replace anything that breaks, dies, or spontaneously combusts? Actuary tables. Huh? The insurance company sets a price for to insure—for example—your car. That price is based on the statistical likelihood of you mucking it up, based on your age, your gender, your driving history, and even the type of car you are insuring. What happens if a meteor falls on your car? That would shoot the actuary table to bits, but it doesn’t matter. They spread the risk across all of their customers and—statistically—the price is right.

What kinds of insurance should you get?

Homeowner’s Insurance

For most people, their home is, by far, the largest single purchase they will ever make. If your home is destroyed, by fire, tornado, or angry leprechauns, it’s gone, unless you have it insured. Without insurance, that $100, or 200, or 500 thousand dollars will be lost, and that’s not even counting the contents of your home.

Homeowner’s insurance can be expensive. One way to keep the cost down is to raise your deductible. If you’ve got a $1500 emergency fund, you can afford to have a $1000 deductible. That’s the part of your claim that the insurance company won’t cover. It also means that if you have less than $1000 worth of damage, the insurance company won’t pay anything.

You can get optional riders on your homeowner’s insurance, if you have special circumstances. You can get additional coverage for jewelry, firearms, computer equipment, furs, among other things. You base policy will cover some of this, but if you have a lot of any of that, you should look into the extra coverage.

Auto Insurance

Car insurance is required in most states. That’s because the kind caretakers in our governments, don’t want anyone able to hit you car without being able to pay for the damage they caused. To my mind, I think it would be more effective to just make whacking someone’s car without paying for it a felony. If someone is a careful driver or has the money to self-insure, more power to them.

Auto insurance comes with options like separate glass coverage, collision, total coverage (comprehensive), or just liability. Liability insurance is what you put on cheap, crappy cars. It will only pay for the damage you do to someone else.

Rental

I’ve never had rental insurance. The last time I rented, I could fit everything I owned in the back of a pickup truck with a small trailer, and it could all be replaced for $100. Heck, I had the couch I was conceived on. Err. Ignore that bit.

Almost everything you can get homeowner’s insurance to cover will also cover renter’s insurance, except for the building. It’s not your building, so it’s not your job to replace it.

Life Insurance

If you care about your family, you need life insurance. This is the money that will be used to replace your income if you die. I am insured to about 5 times my annual salary. If that money gets used to pay off the last of the debt, it will be enough to supplement my wife’s income and support my family almost until the kids are in college. You should be sure to have enough to cover any family debt, and bridge the gap between your surviving family’s income and their expenses. At a minimum. Better, you’ll have enough to pay for college and a comfortable living.

Life insurance comes in two varieties: whole and term. Whole life…sucks. It’s expensive and overrated. The sales-weasels pushing it will tell you that it builds value over time, but it’s usually only about 2%. It’s a lousy investment. You’re far better off to get a term life policy and sock the price difference in a mutual fund that’s earning a 5-6% return.

Term life is insurance that is only good for 5, 10, or 20 years, then the policy evaporates. If you live, the money was wasted at the end of the term. The fact that it’s a bad bet makes it far more affordable than whole life. It doesn’t pretend to be an investment; it’s just insurance. Pure and simple

Personal Liability Umbrella

An umbrella policy is lawsuit insurance. If someone trips and hurts themselves in your yard, and decides to sue, this will pay your legal bills. If you get sued for almost anything that was not deliberate(by you!) or business related, this policy can be used to cover the bill.

If you call your insurance company to get an umbrella policy, they will force you to raise the limits on your homeowner’s and auto insurance. Generally, those limits will be raised to $500,000, and the umbrella coverage will be there to pick up any costs beyond the new limit.

A little-known secret about umbrella policies: They set the practical limit of a lawsuit against you. Most ambulance chasers know better than to sue you for 10 million dollars if you only have a policy to cover 1 million. They will never see the other 9 million, so why bother? They’ll go for what they know they can get.

The flipside to that is that you should not talk about your umbrella policy. Having a million dollars in insurance is a sign of “deep pockets”. It’s a sign that it’s worthwhile to sue you. You don’t want to look extra sue-able, so keep it quiet.

Insurance is a great way to protect yourself if something bad happens. Today, you should take a look at your policies and see where you may have gaps in coverage, or where you may be paying too much.