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Anna Chapman and Edward Snowden: How to afford a long-distance romance?

Celebrities

100703anna_chapman
100703anna_chapman (Photo credit: alanconnor)

Recently Russian spy Anna Chapman tweeted a proposal to fellow spy Edward Snowden, as in a marriage proposal. News reports covering the Internet event report that Chapman would not reveal whether she was serious but asked reporters to use their imaginations. So it is yet to be seen whether there will be spy marriage ahead for the two notorious leakers. What is true, however, is that no nuptials can take place at the moment, even if Anna Chapman were serious and Edward Snowden. That is because the United States has revoked Snowden’s U.S. passport, and marriage ceremonies cannot take place in the airport where Snowden is trying to buy time. So how can Chapman and Snowden afford a long-distance relationship? Follow this quick guide of tips for helping the spies survive what could be a long road ahead!

Finding Deals

Anna Chapman has the most mobility right now, so she should be looking out for cheap flights to where Snowden is hiding out. A long-distance relationship can be expensive, so that is why finding deals on air travel is key. She can drop into the airport for a quick rendevouz. Why not?

Saving Money

These two potential spy lovers and super team need to save their money at every turn. Hiding out in secrete is costly, so they should create a special account that they both can add to for getaway and meeting expenses. Meeting at the airport is going to get old after a while, so they need to find a safe space where they can enjoy one another and sustain their relationship. Long-distance relationships are known for their difficulty because a couple spend so much time trying to reconnect every time they see one another.

Pick Your Fights

Long-distance relationships have little room for petty fighting. You see each other so infrequently that you have to cherish the time you have together. Instead of talking spy business, Anna Chapman and Edward Snowden should make sure they are focusing on each other by getting to know each other and focusing on the small things that make them happy together. Petty fighting will destroy a long-distance relationship. Chapman and Snowden should part each meeting feeling good about the other instead of feeling frustrated.

Kiss and Makeup

The key to long-distance relationships is always to kiss and makeup before leaving. No matter what the spies face together or apart, they cannot let their professions and media scrutiny come between them. Instead, they need to focus on their love and passion. Make sure to share a passionate kiss before leaving each meeting so that the memory of love and admiration is fresh on the mind. With a little effort in the romance department, Chapman and Snowden will be well on their way to creating harmony in their relationship. Moving from shallow levels to more deeper levels, however, is going to take time.

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Net Worth Update

Misc

Now that my taxes are done and paid for, I thought it would be nice to update my net worth.

In January, I had:

Assets

  • House: $252,900
  • Cars: $20,789
  • Checking accounts: $3,220
  • Savings accounts: $6,254
  • CDs: $1,105
  • IRAs: $12,001
  • Investment Accounts: $1,155
  • Total: $297,424

Liabilities

  • Mortgage: $29,982
  • Credit card: $18,725
  • Total: $48,707

Overall: $249,717.00

Here is my current status:

Assets

  • House: $240,100 (-12,800)  Estimated market value according to the county tax assessor.   This will be going down in a few months when the estimates are finalized for the year.  I don’t care much about this number.  We’re not moving any time soon, so the lower the value, the lower the tax assessment.
  • Cars: $15,857 (-4,932)   Kelly Blue Book suggested retail value for both of our vehicles and my motorcycle.
  • Checking accounts: $4,817 (+1,597)   I have accounts spread across three banks.  I don’t keep much operating cash here, so this fluctuates based on how far away my next paycheck is.
  • Savings accounts: $6,418 (+164)   I have savings accounts spread across a few banks.  This does not include my kids’ accounts, even though they are in my name.  This includes every savings goal I have at the moment.  I swept a chunk of this into an IRA to lower my tax bill, which is also why my IRA balance is up as much as it is.
  • CDs: $1,107 (+2)   I consider this a part of my emergency fund.
  • IRAs: $16,398 (+4,397)  I have finally started to contribute automatically.  It’s only $200 at the moment, but it’s something.
  • Investment Accounts:  $308 (-847)  I pulled most of this out and threw it at a credit card.
  • Total: $285,005 (-12,419)

Liabilities

  • Mortgage: $28,162 (-1,820)
  • Credit card: $16,038  (-2,687)  This is the current target of my debt snowball.  This has actually grown a bit over the last week.  I did a balance transfer that cost $400, but it gives me 0% for a year, versus the 9% I was paying.  That will pay for itself in 3 months, while simplifying my payments a bit and saving me almost a thousand dollars in payments this year.
  • Total: $44,200 (-4,507)

Overall: $240,805 (-8,912)

Well, I lost some net worth over the last quarter, but it’s still a good report.  If I disregard the change in value of my house and cars–two thing I have no control over–my overall total would have gone up almost $9,000.

All in all, it’s been a good year for me, so far, though paying off that credit card by fall is going to be a challenge.

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Emergency Fund Goodness, Reasons #491,207 and #491,208

Finance, Life

When you run a big company that handles a lot of one-year renewable contracts with the government at every level from city to federal, you tend to expect that you’ll need to do some legwork on the contract renewals before they expire.  Preferably, you’d do this a few weeks before they expire so the bureaucratic mess that is the federal government can process the renewal on their end.

That’s a reasonable expectation after 30 years in the industry.

If, instead, you wait until the expiration date on the contract to submit the renewal to the federal agency in question, you’ll have a department to shut down for a week due to lack of work.

Then, at the end of that week, you’ll be reminded that the wheels of the federal government grind. very. slow.

So slow, in fact, that the department in question gets to stay shut down for at least another 2 weeks.

If you haven’t been doing the math, that is a surprise, unpaid, three-week vacation for my wife.

Our emergency fund hasn’t grown to the size that can handle this, but it is enough to take the edge off for a couple of weeks.  Yay!

We’d already decided that we would be skipping a vacation this year, to give us more time to deal with my mother-in-law’s estate and hoarding remnants, so the vacation fund will be tapped.  That should cover the rest, assuming her job does come back.

That’s part 1.

Part 2 is the story of a cat whose butt exploded on our bed at 1AM last week.

Poo–the cat named for her coloration–has been acting funny.   She’d suddenly sprint in a circle around the room, then poop on the floor.   Irritating.

One night, her sprint crossed our bed, so my wife pinned her down, hoping to break the cycle.

The cat screamed, then sprayed blood from her butt all over the pillows, blankets, sheets, and my wife.

That’s called a midnight visit to the emergency vet.

See, cats have anal glands that they use to sign their work when they are marking their territory.  Sometimes, these glands get infected.  Sometimes, the infection gets so bad the glands kind of…explode.

On my bed.

While I’m sleeping.

Pop.

Fixing that involves sedation, an ice cream scoop, and a sewing kit.  Or something.  I wasn’t really pushing for details when my wife called from the vet’s office.

For those of you who’ve never had a cat’s butt explode in your bed at one in the morning (and if you have, I’m not sure I want to hear the story), the emergency vet isn’t cheap.   This visit cost us $500.  It probably would have been half of that if we would have waited until the regular vet opened, but…ewww.

We’ll be starting our emergency fund from about 0 in the next few weeks, but it beats going in to debt over a couple of setbacks.

How’s your emergency fund?  Is it enough to carry you through any unexpected setback?

 

Twitter Weekly Updates for 2010-06-19

Misc

  • RT @bargainr: Life in North Korea is absolutely dreadful http://nyti.ms/dAcL26 #
  • RT @bitfs: Weekly Favorites and Gratitude!: My Favorite Posts this Week Jeff at Deliver Away Debt threw together the .. http://bit.ly/9J0gGo #
  • @LiveRealNow is giving away a copy of Delivering Happiness(@dhbook). Follow and RT to enter. http://bit.ly/czd31X # #
  • Baseless claims, biased assumptions, poor understanding of history. Don't bother. #AnimalSpirits #KeynesianCult #
  • RT @zappos: Super exciting! "Delivering Happiness" hit #1 on NY Times Bestseller list! Thanks everyone! Details: http://bit.ly/96vEfF #
  • @ericabiz Funny, we found a kitten in a box last week. Unfortunately, it was abandoned there, not playing. Now, we have a 5th cat. in reply to ericabiz #

Integrity

Life, Parenting, Relationships

The true measure of a man’s integrity is not what he will do, but rather what he won’t do.
-Flannery O’Connor

Have you watched a TV lately? Have you noticed that most sitcoms are based entirely on dishonesty? If the characters would stop lying to each other, the premise of most shows would fall apart. How much humor can be found in getting caught in a lie, week after week? If I lived in one of those homes, there would be a divorce happening immediately.  There’s no integrity in any of the relationships.

Integrity means no lying, cheating, or stealing.  It means you deal with everyone honestly and honorably.  You don’t cheat on your wife, or make BS excuses to your kids.  You have to make sure you have nothing to feel guilty about and expect the same from the people you deal with. It’s not always easy. If a waitress accidentally forgets to ring up a meal, or a store clerk only rings up one DVD, or the scanner borks itself and give an extra 50% off, you speak up, even if it costs $100. That’s honesty.

Ultimately, what you do during the day, you have to sleep with at night. This includes avoiding responsibilities.  Always do what you say, barring forgetfulness, and in that case,  make up for it immediately.  Don’t break promises,  don’t skip out on debts, and don’t get into commitments you have no intention of honoring.

I’ve discovered that the best way to keep your stories straight is to only tell the truth. I don’t have to coordinate an alibi or remember which lie I told to which person if I am honest in all of my dealings. It’s not the easy path. It would be easier to sneak large purchases into the house, or tell my wife I was working late instead of going out for a beer. There are a lot of shortcuts I refuse to take with my life. People act like I’m stupid because I won’t cheat anyone. I enjoy being treated like that, because it means I know who to avoid in the future.  If you break promises, lie, cheat, steal, or skip out on your responsibilities, I don’t want to associate with you.  Honesty is an important part of my life and relationships.  I won’t apologize for that.

What are your core values?