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The no-pants guide to spending, saving, and thriving in the real world.
Last night, a friend called me up and asked me to accompany him to the police station. The police had knocked on his door, waking up his girlfriend while he was out. When he called, they wouldn’t tell him why they wanted to talk to him. Was it an ex trying to make his life difficult or one of his employees getting investigated?
This friend has had a number of interactions with the police, but never learned how to deal with them. Before we left, I gave him a crash course in “stay out of jail”.
During an investigation, you are a suspect. They are looking for a conviction. There may be a “good cop” trying to “help you out”, but he is trying to put you in jail. “Protect and Serve” doesn’t mean you. In general, it means society as a whole. During an investigation, they are serving the interests of the prosecutor.
Generally, they are going to look at you–as the target of their investigation–as the enemy. This is normal. They spend all of their time dealing with scumbags and s***heads. Naturally, they start to assume that everyone who isn’t a cop will fall into one of those categories.
Don’t get pissed when they act rude, ignore you, or anything else. It isn’t a lack of professionalism, it’s just a different profession. They are using interrogation techniques that have been proven successful. Ignore it and focus on Lesson 2.
It will feel wrong to disobey the authority you’ve been taught your entire life to obey. You’re not. You are standing by your rights. Nobody cares about your future more than you do. Certainly not the guy investigating you.
The second a police interaction starts to look like they are investigating you, demand your lawyer, then see Lesson 4. When you demand an attorney, they stop asking you questions. You can take it back and start talking, so again, see Lesson 4. It’s your attorney’s job to talk to the police and, if necessary, the media. It’s your job to talk to your attorney.
You don’t need an attorney ahead of time. Criminal defense attorneys are used to getting calls at 3AM. It’s part of their job. If you have a low enough income as defined by whatever jurisdiction you are being investigated in, you can get a public defender. That’s better than nothing, but I’d prefer to hire a professional shark, even if it means mortgaging my future. Prison is a big gamble.
The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no Warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by Oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized.
“Officer, I do not consent to any search and I would like to speak to my attorney.” Remember this. Memorize it.
They need probable cause, a warrant, or permission to search your stuff. Never agree to it. Don’t stop them if they search anyway, but never, ever agree to a search. If the search is done improperly, your lawyer(see Lesson 2) will get the results of that searched thrown out.
It isn’t possible to get into more trouble for standing by your rights. There is no crime on the books anywhere in the US called “Refused Consent to Search”. Your day will not go worse because you defended your Constitutional rights.
I know a few defense attorneys. According to them, most of the people in jail either committed a crime in front of a bunch of witnesses, or they talked their way into jail. Shut up. You’ll want to either justify or defend yourself depending on the circumstances. Don’t. Shut up. It may be one of the hardest things you ever do, but keep your mouth closed. The only thing worse than talking is lying. Don’t lie, just keep quiet.
There is nothing you are going to say that will make your interrogator invite you home for Christmas. He isn’t your friend, you won’t meet his parents, you aren’t going to his birthday party. There is absolutely no win in talking to him. Shut up. The answer to every question is “Lawyer.” If the only thing you say babble is “Lawyerlawyerlawyerlawyerlawyerlawyer”, you’re probably not going to do too badly.
In your car, the dynamic changes a bit, but the principles don’t. When a cop pulls you over, don’t argue. You can’t win an argument with a cop on the side of the road. Be nice, be polite, and as soon as possible, pull into a parking lot and take as many notes about the encounter as you can. If you are planning to fight whatever he pulled you over for, don’t give him any reason to remember you or spin his official report to make you look bad. Again, shut up. Catching a theme?
If you are being investigated by the police, your future–or some part of it–is on the line. While you are gambling with your criminal record and your freedom, don’t forget that you are an amateur in this arena. The police, the prosecutor, and your attorney are the professionals and the stakes can be huge. Keep your mouth shut, call your attorney, and thank me later.
Over the next few weeks, I will be going over my budget in detail.
The first section is income, but that’s straightforward. A line for each income source, bi-weekly, monthly and annual totals. Simple.
Before we start, a word on the organization. There are five columns:
The first section I am actually going to address is discretionary spending.
Initially, we used a “virtual envelope” system. We had a spreadsheet and every time something was spent in this category, we entered the amount and stopped when the category was spent. Didn’t work. We are going on a pure, cash-only system as of the first of the year. No money, no spendy.
I keep calling these lessons, but they are examples and explanations, more than lessons. Names aside, please see Part 1 and Part 2 to catch up. The Google Doc of this example is here.
This time, I’m going to review my non-monthly bills. These are the bills that have to be paid, but not on a monthly basis. Some are annual, others are quarterly, or even weekly. Every month, the amount–adjusted to the monthly equivalent–is set aside in Quicken.
There aren’t too many items here that can be legitimately and responsibly trimmed.
It’s been a month since I’ve written a post for the budget series, so I’ll be continuing that today. See these posts for the history of this series.
This time, I’ll be reviewing my non-monthly bills. These are the bills that have to be paid, but aren’t due on a monthly basis. Some are annual, some are quarterly.
Reviewing this list, there doesn’t seem to be too much I can cut and accomplish any meaningful savings. Am I missing something?
I don’t attach much importance to dreams. They are just there to make sleepy-time less boring. Last night, I had a dream where I spent most of my time trying to prepare my wife to run our finances before telling my son that I wouldn’t be around to watch him grow up. That’s an unpleasant thought to wake up with. Lying there, trying to digest this dream, I started thinking about the transition from “I deal with the bills” to “I’m not there to deal with it”. We aren’t prepared for that transition. Last year, we started putting together our “In case of death” file, but that project fell short. The highest priorities are done. We have wills and health directives, but how would my wife pay the bills? Everything is electronic. Does she know how to log in to the bank’s billpay system? Which bills are only in my name, and will go away if I die? Is there a list of our life insurance policies?
I checked the incomplete file that contains this information. It hasn’t been updated since September. It’s time to get that finished. Procrastinating is inappropriate and denial is futile. Here’s a news flash: You are going to die. Hopefully, it won’t happen soon, but it will happen. Is your family prepared for that?
The questions are “What do I need?” and “What do I have?”
First and foremost, you need a will. If you have children and do not have a will, take a moment–right now– to slap yourself. A judge is not the best person to determine where your children should go if you die. The rest of it is minor, if you’re married. Let your next-of-kin, your spouse keep it. I don’t care. Just take care of your kids! Set up a trust to pay for the care of your children. Their new guardians will appreciate it. How hard is it to set up? I use Quicken Willmaker and have been very pleased. Of course, the true test is in probate court, and I won’t be there for it. If you are more comfortable getting an attorney, then do so. I’ve done it each way. You can cut some costs by using Willmaker, then taking it to an attorney for review.
It’s a sad fact that often, before you die, you spend some time dying. Do you have a health care directive? Does your family know, in writing, if and when you want the plug pulled? Who gets to make that decision? Have you set up a medical power of attorney, so someone can make medical decisions on your behalf if you aren’t able? Do you want, and if so, do you have a Do-Not-Resuscitate order? Willmaker will handle all of this, too.
What’s going to happen to your bank accounts? I’m personally a fan of keeping both of our names on all of our accounts. I share my life and my heart, I’d better be able to trust her with our money. If that’s not an option, for whatever reason, fill out the “Payable on Death” information for your accounts, establishing a beneficiary who can get access to your money if you die. Do you want your spouse to lose the house or the car if you die? Should your kids have to miss meals? Make sure necessary access to your money exists.
Does anybody know what you have for life insurance? Get a copy of the policy and make sure your spouse and someone else knows what company holds it and how much it is worth.
Now, it’s time to make some lists. You need to gather account numbers and contact information for everything.
Non-financial information to list:
Now, take all of this information and put it in a nice, fat envelope and lock it in the fireproof safe you have bolted to the floor. Make a copy and give it to someone you trust absolutely. Make sure someone knows the combination to the safe or where to find the key.
Your loved ones will appreciate it.