- I tried to avoid it. I really did, but I’m still getting a much bigger refund than anticipated. #
- Did 100 pushups this morning–in 1 set. New goal: Perfect form by the end of the month. #
- RT @BudgetsAreSexy: Carnival of Personal Finance is live 🙂 DOLLAR DOODLE theme: http://tinyurl.com/ykldt7q (haha…) #
- Hosting my first carnival tomorrow. Up too late tonight. #
- Woot! My boy won his wreslting match! Proud daddy. #
- The Get Home Card is a prepaid emergency transportation card. http://su.pr/329U6L #
- Real hourly wage calculator. http://su.pr/1jV4W6 #
- Took my envelope budget out in cash, including a stack of $2s. That shouldn’t fluster the bank teller. #
Bribes vs Rewards
What’s the difference between a bribe and a reward? It’s a question that has been heavily on my mind lately. As a father of three–1, 3 and 10–motivating children occupies a lot of my thoughts. Is it possible to motivate a child and reward good behavior without resorting to a bribe?
First, let’s look at the definitions:
bribe n.
1. Something, such as money or a favor, offered or given to a person in a position of trust to influence that person’s views or conduct.
2. Something serving to influence or persuade.
re·ward n.
1. Something given or received in recompense for worthy behavior or in retribution for evil acts.
2. Money offered or given for some special service, such as the return of a lost article or the capture of a criminal.
3. A satisfying return or result; profit.
4. Psychology: The return for performance of a desired behavior; positive reinforcement.
In my mind, a reward is given either as a goal for planned activity or a surprise for good behavior. When used for surprises, it should never be common enough to be expected. If a child is only behaving because she is expecting a reward, it is bribed behavior. She should always be surprised to get the reward.
Using a reward for goal setting is no different than collecting a paycheck. Is my company bribing me to do the work I do every day? They plan to reward or compensate me for the work I plan to do for them. While that my be blurring the line between compensation and rewards, it is valid. My future paycheck is the motivation for my current work.
Bribes, on the other hand, are reward for bad behavior. If my three-year-old is throwing a tantrum in the grocery store and I promise her candy to stop, I have just taught her that the “reward” for a public tantrum is candy. This is reinforcing negative behavior, which will only escalate in the future. If a temper tantrum earns a candy bar, what will she get for hitting Mommy with a frying pan?
The line is further blurred by preemptive bribes. If I tell my children there will be candy when we get home if they behave in the store, it’s still a bribe. Promising dessert if my son cleans his room is a bribe.
So what is the difference?
Bribes reward negative behavior. Whether that is actual behavior or anticipated behavior, bribes provide a reward for it. If you use a treat to end or preempt bad actions, you are bribing your child.
Rewards celebrate positive behavior. A promised treat for going beyond expectations or a surprise for excellent behavior is a reward. It should never become common, or the child will discover that withholding the positive behavior will generate promises of larger rewards. The goal is to reinforce the good to encourage positive behaviors even when there is no likelihood for reward.
For example, my son’s school is part of a reading contest. Over a two month period, if the students read 500 pages outside of school, they will get tickets to a basketball game. If they are in the top three for pages read, they will get personalize jerseys and on-court recognition. My son did the math and was reading enough to surpass the 500 page goal, but not enough to get into the top three. I offered a prize if he made it to 2500 pages. In my opinion, that’s a reward. He was already going beyond the requirement. I have provided motivation to push himself beyond what he thinks he can do. That’s positive reinforcement of good behavior.
On the other hand, when my eight-year-old was refusing to eat dinner, we offered a cookie for dessert if she ate well. That’s reinforcing negative behavior by giving a reward for misbehaving. A bribe.
Rewards are positive responses to positive behavior to motivate future good behavior. Bribes are rewards for negative behavior, real or anticipated, that only serve to encourage more bad behavior in the future.
Twitter Weekly Updates for 2010-03-13
- Getting ready to go build a rain gauge at home depot with the kids. #
- RT @hughdeburgh: "Having children makes you no more a parent than having a piano makes you a pianist." ~ Michael Levine #
- RT @wisebread: Wow! Major food recall that touches so many pantry items. Check your cupboards NOW! http://bit.ly/c5wJh6 #
- Baby just said "coffin" for the first time. #feelingaddams #
- @TheLeanTimes I have an awesome recipe for pizza dough…at home. We make it once per week. I'll share later. in reply to TheLeanTimes #
- RT @bargainr: 9 minute, well-reasoned video on why we should repeal marijuana prohibition by Judge Jim Gray http://bit.ly/cKNYkQ plz watch #
- RT @jdroth: Brilliant post from Trent at The Simple Dollar: http://bit.ly/c6BWMs — All about dreams and why we don't pursue them. #
- Pizza dough: add garlic powder and Ital. Seasoning http://tweetphoto.com/13861829 #
- @TheLeanTimes: Pizza dough: add lots of garlic powder and Ital. Seasoning to this: http://tweetphoto.com/13861829 #
- RT @flexo: "Genesis. Exorcist. Leviathan. Deu… The Right Thing…" #
- @TheLeanTimes Once, for at least 3 hours. Knead it hard and use more garlic powder tha you think you need. 🙂 in reply to TheLeanTimes #
- Google is now hosting Popular Science archives. http://su.pr/1bMs77 #
- RT @wisebread 6 Slick Tools to Save Money on Car Repairs http://bit.ly/cUbjZG #
- @BudgetsAreSexy I filed federal last week, haven't bothered filing state, yet. Guess which one is paying me and which one wants more money. in reply to BudgetsAreSexy #
- RT @ChristianPF is giving away a Lifetime Membership to Dave Ramsey’s Financial Peace University! RT to enter to win… http://su.pr/2lEXIT #
- RT @MoneyCrashers: 4 Reasons To Choose Community College Out Of High School. http://ow.ly/16MoNX #
- RT @hughdeburgh:"When it comes to a happy marriage,sex is cornerstone content.Its what separates spouses from friends." SimpleMarriage.net #
- RT @tferriss: So true. "Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power." – Abraham Lincoln #
- RT @hughdeburgh: "The most important thing that parents can teach their children is how to get along without them." ~ Frank A. Clark #
Link Roundup
What has happened to this week? It’s already Friday afternoon, and I’m short a post today. Since I skipped the link roundup last week while I was off with family, I’ll do it early this week and cheat you out of a real post today.
Finance links:
I enjoy trying new foods and eating out. Christian PF provides tips on doing that frugally.
Trent talks about “Family Dinner Night”. Invite a bunch of friends over to help prep and eat a buffet-style meal. Good time for everyone on the cheap.
Free Money Finance shares his 14 Money Principles.
MoneyNing shares how to buy school supplies for less.
Miscellaneous links:
Netflix just volunteered to shaft its customers again. There’s a 28 day wait to get most new releases, now. If I didn’t have almost 500 movies in my queue, I’d be royally ticked.
Mother Earth News has plans for a smoker/grill/stove/oven. I’d love to build a brick oven with a grill and smoker. A complete, wood-fired cooking center would be perfect for my house.
Major kitchen cleaning on Lifehacker. We’re doing this tomorrow, as part of our April Declutter.
That’s the highlight of my trip around the internet this week.
Disclosure
I’m not terribly commercial, but I do enjoy making money.
As such, it is safe to assume that any company, entity, corporation, person, place, thing, or other that has a product, service, post, or link has in some way compensated me for said product, service, post or link. That compensation–direct or indirect–may be in the form of money, swag, free trips, gold bullion, smurf collectibles, super-models, or just warm-fuzzies. That list is NOT in order of preferred method of compensation.
To reiterate: If it’s commercial, and it’s here, I’m probably being paid for it.
The Spending Styles of the Rocky Horror Picture Show
- Image via Wikipedia
Everybody has a spending style. Like a fingerprint, it is unique to each individual, even if that individual is fictional.
Since it is the Halloween season, and The Rocky Horror Picture Show is a Halloween movie, I’m going to look at how those characters spend their money.
Janet Weiss – A Heroine
Janet is the stereotype of every suburbanite soccer-mom-who-hasn’t-gotten-married-and-had-kids-yet. She wants to keep up with the Joneses(“It’s nicer than Betty Monroe had! [Oh Brad!]”) and she is obviously impressed by and envious of people who have all of the trappings of the “finer things”. If she has a credit card, you can bet that it is peeling on the sides from over-use. While she wears conservative clothes and sensible shoes to go visit an old mentor, she’s almost definitely got a closet full of fancy shoes and a drawer full of real-baby-seal-skin g-strings. If Brad were smarter, he’d run, and not just because of her loyalty issues. She’ll never be content with a sensible car and modest house.
Brad Majors – A Hero
Brad is a pompous jerk who thinks he’s better than those around him. He’s also extremely conservative and slow to accept change. He’s going to give Janet an allowance and complain every time she spends a penny of it. His investment portfolio is well-balanced and configured for long-term growth and he’s going to rub your nose in it at the neighborhood barbecue. To shut him up, just ask why his kid was born with an accent and garters.
Magenta – A Domestic
What’s a domestic? Magenta is the most financially responsible person in the show. She’s third -in-command of an alien invasion, but still takes on a second job? That’s a woman planning for retirement. She’s not going to rely on anyone to support her. She knows how to enjoy a party, without having to spend all of her money on a glitter-suit.
Columbia – A Groupie (as Little Nell)
Columbia is incapable of making a decision that wasn’t pre-formed by her peer group. She’s doomed to chase every fad, hoping it will impress those around her. While she’ll always be remembered for her glitter-suit or the corset that isn’t quite tall enough, she’ll never be happy or have a spare penny in case of emergencies.
Riff Raff – A Handyman
Riff Raff has jealousy issues. He sees his boss and commander throwing a party and having a good time, but, instead of working towards being able to do that himself, he kills his boss and steals his house. He is greedy, jealous, and deceitful. Don’t ever turn your back on him, or he’ll steal your wallet, hit you over the head and bury you in the backyard just so he can pretend it’s his party.
Eddie – Ex Delivery Boy (as Meatloaf)
Eddie is out of his head (H-E-D). He’s the tag-a-long who will keep buying expensive dinners that he can’t afford in an attempt to impress whoever is around to see him pick up the check. He isn’t sure how to fit in, but he’s positive that he can buy his way there. In reality, he’s dead(spelled right) broke and will end up getting screwed.
Rocky Horror – A Creation
Here is the true blank slate. He’s just seven hours old, so he’s got no bad habits to break. Unfortunately, he’s never had to learn any hard lessons, so his head is easily turned by an glittered bauble or babbling, half-dressed flake. He’s incapable of making an informed decision about anything, so he follows everyone around getting whatever they like. He’ll spend his entire life getting by on his looks, which will almost always be successful, until life catches up to him and he dies broke and alone.
Dr. Frank-N-Furter – A Scientist
Frank knows how to throw a party. He travels 12 billion light years brings not only a keg, but the entire party house with him. Who wouldn’t want to be his friend? There’s a fancy house, a room to stay in if you drink too much, pretty people being built in the lab, and gourmet corn-fed delivery-boy being served for dinner. Watch out, though. He doesn’t tend to his job. One day, the credit cards will be maxed, the bank will foreclose on the house and send it back to Sweet Transexual Transylvania, leaving Frank penniless. Who will be his friend then?
Which Rocky character are you?
Science Fiction
Double Feature.
Frank has built and
Lost his creature.
Darkness has conquered
Brad and Janet.
The servants gone to
A distant planet.
