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6 Questions to Financially Get to Know Each Other

This topic has been blatantly stolen from Budgets are Sexy.

1) How do you spend: cash, debit or credit? I use cash almost exclusively.  I live in Minnesota and have two small children, so bundling the brats up to go inside the gas station to pay is nuts.  Gas stations get the debit card.   Online shopping, or automatic payments set up in the payee’s system are done on a credit card that gets paid off every month.

[ad name=”inlineright”]2) Do you bank online? How about use a financial aggregator (Mint, Wesabe, Yodlee, etc.)?  I bank online.  I use USBank for my daily cash flow, INGDirect for savings management and Wells Fargo for business.  I used Mint strictly as a net worth calculator and alerting system.  I use Quicken to manage my money and a spreadsheet for my budget, but I really like the quick, hands-off way that Mint gathers my account information and emails low balance alerts.

3) What recurring bills do you have set on autopay? Absolutely everything except daycare, 2 annual payments, and 1 quarterly payment.

4) How are your finances automated? I use USBank’s billpay system, instead of setting up autopayments at every possible payee.   This gives me instant total control and reminders before each payment.   The exceptions are  my mortgage, netflix, and Dish.  My mortgage company takes the money automatically from my checking.  The other two hit a credit card automatically.  Our paychecks are direct-deposited and automatically transferred to the different accounts and banks, as necessary.

5) Do you write checks? If so, how often? Once per week, for daycare.  Occasionally for school fundraisers.

6) Where do you stash your short-term savings? I have quite a few savings accounts with INGDirect to meet all of my savings goals.  For the truly short term, I add a line item in Quicken and just leave the money in my checking account.

Who’s next?

Magical Thinking

dark alley 8698
Image by korafotomorgana via Flickr

A few weeks ago, on my way to work, while merging onto the highway, a soccer mommy in an SUV decided that she was going to accelerate to fill the opening I was going to use.  Not before I got there, which would have left her in the right, if still a jerk, but as I was moving into the lane.

The entire reasoning was that she could be rude and dangerous under the assumption that I would be more civilized and back down, allowing her to indulge her little fantasy about how the world works.  Luckily I saw her speed up, and had time to move out of the way.  Physics very nearly taught her an expensive lesson.

This is similar to the people who think they’ll be safe because “nothing has happened before” or think “He won’t hurt me because I;m a good person” when confronted with a mugger.

This is magical thinking. Basing assumptions of other people’s actions on nothing more than your personal hopes and biases.  The truth is,  your halo does not provide a shield.  Your luck at dodging criminals while strolling through bad neighborhoods does not circumvent statistical likelihood and your jerkface attempt to run me into a  guard rail had better be backed by the stones to deal with a wreck.

Magical thinking, wishful thinking, and baseless hope are not rational methods of running your life.  Criminals hunt for victims who wrap themselves in a smug, yet naïve, superiority.  Murphy’s Law is waiting for someone arrogant enough to think that the laws of physics don’t apply when you’re commuting.  The only rational means of predicting the behavior of others is to look at the signals they are actually producing.

Someone tentatively trying to squeeze into an opening in traffic is far more likely to submit to your passive aggression than the guy who merges with a  turn signal and the gas pedal.

Someone in the park after hours in a hoody is more likely to hurt you than the guy in running shorts.

The guy lurking in the shadows of the parking ramp, refusing to make eye contact is a more likely mugger than the suit trying to find his Lexus.

A million years of evolution have given us an incredible ability to detect danger.  A few hundred years of relative peace at the end of a few thousand years of relative civilization have not erased that ability, it has just convinced us to ignore our instincts under the mistaken assumption that all predators live in the jungle.

Fear has survival value.  Don’t allow your rational brain to override your lizard brain completely.  Let your fear keep you safe.

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What’s in it for me?

Fez (video game)
Image via Wikipedia

Lately my son has been in full-on greed mode. It seems like every time I talk to him he asks me to give him something buy him something, do something.

“Dad, can you buy me a Yu-Gi-Oh card?”

“Dad, can you buy me a videogame?”

“Dad, can I get this?”

“Dad, can I get that?”

That is really kind of obnoxious. My response has turned into “What’s in it for me?”

Really, he’s constantly asking for stuff and he’s trying to provide no value back.  What kind of lesson would I be teaching him by handing him everything he’s asking for?  So, I’ve decided to make him come up with a value proposition: “What’s in it for me?”

Now, when he asks me to buy him a video game, I ask what’s in it for me.

Sometimes, he comes back with “Well nothing, you just love me.” That is garbage.  I’m not going to buy him stuff just as because I love him and teach them that you can buy someone’s affection or that you should be paying for someone’s affection.

Other times he comes back with “If you buy me video game, I will clean all of the poop out of the backyard.” (We have a dog.  I’m not messy.) That seems like a much better deal.

Other times, he reminds me that I owe him back-allowance.  That one’s a given.  If I owe him more than whatever he is asking for, he’s going to get it.

Sometimes, he’ll say that he willing to do a bunch of extra chores or something, but he is learning that he needs to trade value for value instead of assuming that every whim he’s got is going to be indulged by me just because I’m his parent and I’ve been generous in the past.

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Did I Die?

If you’re reading this, you should probably be able to guess that I have not, in fact, died.

Rhythm, a sequence in time repeated, featured ...
Rhythm, a sequence in time repeated, featured in dance: an early moving picture demonstrates the waltz. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

So your next question may be “What the heck are you up to, if you’re not posting here?”

That’s a valid question.

It’s been a rough year, and I won’t share details about all of it, but here goes:

I’ve been trying to focus on my marriage.  We’ve had some problems that take time to work out.   One of the problems is that I’m traveling for work at least monthly.  That sounds like staying in a hotel with nothing to do would be great for writing, but it never seems to work out that way.   There’s always something going on.

One of the solutions for that–in relation to my marriage–is that we are going on weekly date nights.  Every Friday, the boy watches his sisters and the wife and I go out.  We usually have a dance lesson, followed by dinner and some activity, which has meant actual dancing in actual bars on actual dance floors with actual bands playing live music.  It’s fun, but it sidesteps frugality completely.  The dancing lessons run $95 each.  Most nights, there’s a $5 cover at the bar where we dance, and dinner is somewhere between $50 and $100, depending on the restaurant and drinks.  So, we’re dropping $150-200 per week on dates.

Totally worth it.

The date nights have also spun off into a new venture.  Dating & Dining (click the link!) is the site where we document and review our dates.  We’re not reviewing our date, because that would be weird.  “Honey, you rocked my world when we got home, bu you were kinda crabby tonight.  I’m only going to give you 3 stars.”

No.

We are reviewing the restaurants and activities we’re doing, using the traditional “Pants Off” rating system.  A really good restaurant will knock our pants off, sometimes literally.

That’s more writing and a lot of time gone.

On top of that, Linda has gotten both her motorcycle license and her carry permit, so there’s riding and shooting(never together!) to fill in the time.

And kids.  Kids–much like our dog, but totally unlike our pythons–want attention.   And food.  And games.  And a freaking overpriced American Girl Doll.  And time.  So we play games and bring out the Daddy/Daughter date.

In short, since we got our finances in order, I’ve been trying to draw back from being an obsessive workaholic and focus on the reason I became one in the first place: my family.