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Funeral Costs: How to Keep it Inexpensive, Without Being Cheap

MIAMI - JANUARY 24:  A pallbearer for Poitier ...
Image by Getty Images via @daylife

The average funeral costs $6500.    Many people die with absolutely no savings.   Even if there is life insurance, it takes weeks to get the money, while a funeral is completed within a week.

Funeral homes have an easy sales pitch.  Nobody wants to sully the memory of their loved ones.   The tiniest hint of a guilt trip will have most families upgrading to the silk pillow in a second.   Here’s a secret: Your loved one doesn’t care.  I’m not recommending using garbage bags and a dumpster.   By all means, treat your loved ones with care, but don’t go overboard.

Not everyone is comfortable with cremation, and some religions don’t permit it, but it is probably the least expensive way to process a body.   It costs approximately $1400 to cremate a body and you can get very attractive urns for under $100.  Compare that to a $3500 casket and storage & transportation fees, and–from a strictly monetary standpoint–the choice is clear.

Don’t worry too much about decorating.   Flowers aren’t cheap and florists don’t tend to offer discounts to people who aren’t emotionally prepared to negotiate and who are in a time crunch to find the flowers they need.   Get a few bouquets for a small display around the casket or urn, and let the rest take care of itself.   Many of the guests will bring flowers, so the entrance will soon be decorated for free, and that’s the part that makes the first impression.

Shopping online can save you a lot of money on an urn.  Funeral homes will try to sell you a $500 urn, which may include a 1000% markup.    If you buy online, you will have to pay for overnight shipping, but that’s a small cost compared to the standard markup.  You can also find a huge discount on attractive caskets by shopping outside of the funeral home.   Federal law prohibits funeral homes from requiring that you buy a casket from them or charging you a fee for getting one elsewhere.
This may be the most ghoulish part of this article, but you can dig the grave yourself.   It’s probably not worth it for a full-size casket, but for an urn, you can save hundreds of dollars.   An urn generally only needs to be buried 18 inches deep, as opposed to the 6 feet required for caskets.  Just be sure to check with the cemetery and get the burial location right.  If you think it’s ghoulish to dig the grave, just picture digging it up.  Not fun.
Planning a funeral is never enjoyable, and it’s often expensive.  Nothing you do will make it fun, but it is possible to make it affordable.
Have you had to coordinate a funeral?  Did you take the funeral director’s recommendations, or did you cut some costs?

 

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Two Reasons to Save And One Reason Not To

I’m a fan of saving money.   I’m not doing as much of it as I’d like, but that’s because I’m focusing on killing my final credit card, first.    I postpone saving, knowing that it’s

English: Nursing home in Crick
Image via Wikipedia

something that I need to do the moment my credit cards are paid off.   It won’t wait any longer than that.

Why do I care so much about saving?  It’s because I’m risk-averse.  If I can avoid risk, I do, in most situations.   I don’t want to risk going hungry if I lose my job, and I don’t want to risk eventually(very eventually!) having to fight the cockroaches for the right to drink my fiber supplements.

There are a couple of excellent reasons to save:

1. Peace of Mind.   There is a certain calm that comes from having enough savings to weather a few storms.    If your car dies when you’re broke, it’s a tragedy.  If it dies when you’ve got some cash saved up, it’s a minor inconvenience.  Knowing that the vagaries of fate aren’t going to shatter your life against a cliff is a reward all its own.

2. Cheap nursing homes suck.   When I get old, I want to live in a comfortable nursing home.  One with extended cable, nice beds, and attractive coeds in charge of the sponge-baths.   That’s not too much to ask, but I have to save up for it now.  Medicaid doesn’t cover homes like that.  Those are strictly a private affair.   To make that happen, I need to save and invest now, or I won’t be able to enjoy the fruits of my labors then.

And, of course, there is one shining reason not to save:

1.  You’re living your life now.   Saving everything you’ve got, to the detriment of your current life, isn’t healthy either.   Life is short.   Do you really want to be curled up in bed, trying to enjoy a sponge-bath, shivering at the regrets you’ve built by denying yourself everything?  I’m certainly not suggesting you waste all of your money on coke, hookers, and video games, but it is important to take the time to build some memories, or your final years will be hollow.

You have to find the right balance between your future and your present.   Every moment of your life is important, not just the ones that haven’t happened, yet.

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Multiracial Skinhead Love Triangle

English: A goat
English: A goat (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

“Honey, here on national television, in front of a live studio audience, I’ve got a secret I’d like to share.   You’re not our child’s mother.  I’ve been sleeping with the milkman.  And the goat.  Your mom is the star of my new adult website.  With the goat.  And the milkman.  I’ve got three other families, in three other cities.  I lost the house to my gambling addiction.   Those sores?  Herpesyphiligonoritis.  I got it from the foreign exchange student we hosted before I moved her to Dubuque and married her.  The goat gave her away.  The milkman cried.   Oh, and I wore your panties to the Illinois Nazi reunion.   I know how much you hate Illinois Nazis.  But I still love you.  And your sister.  Especially your sister.  She does that thing with her tongue….”

Why would anyone go on national television to share things like that?

More interesting: why would anybody stay on stage after hearing that?

Stay tuned.

I have this friend.  He bought a couple of cars.  He’s got some issues with money, partially revolving around a need to keep his assets below a certain threshold.   So he put the cars in his girlfriend’s name.  I know, it’s slightly crooked, but that makes the story more fun.

They broke up.

Recently, she called him to say she was suing him for the cars.  She wanted them.  She wanted to hurt him.  She was mean.   Somehow that turned into them agreeing to settle the case on Judge Joe Brown, on national television.

My friend spoke with the show’s producer, then last week, he was flown to California and put up in a hotel for a couple of days.   When he arrived at the TV studio, he was informed that it wasn’t Judge Joe Brown, but a new show that will start airing in the fall called, The Test.   According to CBS, The Test “is a one-hour conflict resolution talk show that will use lie detector and DNA tests to settle relationship and paternity disputes among the guests.”   Coincidentally, CBS also owns Judge Joe Brown.

My friend got on stage with Dr. Phil’s son, Jay McGraw, and was accused of cheating on his girlfriend and stealing her identity.   Lie detectors.  Yelling.  Accusations.

Why did he stay?

He wasn’t given his return plane ticket until they were done filming.

When he was done, they handed him a voucher for cab fare and the itinerary for his return flight.  Until then, he had no other way to get home.

That’s why people stay on stage.  It’s probably also why none of those shows ever have people with money of their own; they can find their own way home in a pinch.

Interesting side note:  The show paid $200  and booked the cheapest possible return flight, with a 6 hour layover.

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Can I Sell My Lottery Payments for a Lump Sum?

I took this photograph of a lottery document I own
I took this photograph of a lottery document I own (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

This is a guest post.

Winning the lottery is everyone’s dream. You hit the lotto, cash in your ticket and kiss all your troubles goodbye, right? Actually, that might not be true. Just look at the number of lottery winners who’ve ended up worse off than they were before they hit it big. There are several problems here. One problem is that people often spend their money unwisely, without learning how to manage it properly. Lottery annuity payments were designed to help with this. However, those annuity payments might not actually be enough to make a significant difference in your life. If that’s the case, you might be wondering if you can sell your payments for a lump sum. The answer is, yes, you can. But there’s a catch. Actually, there are a couple of catches.

Buyers Matter

First, let’s talk about buyers. They’re the ones who’ll be paying you a lump sum for your lottery payments. Now, you can’t expect a buyer to offer the full amount you’re owed from the lottery, but you should be able to expect a significant percentage of the winnings. That’s not the case with many buyers. They recognize your desperation and have no qualms about taking advantage of your situation. That’s not true for all buyers, though. You need to recognize qualified buyers from those better left alone. Obviously, that’s tough to do on your own. Most people have never been in the position of having to sell lottery payments before, and it’s easy to get lost in a world with which you’re not familiar.

Sell Only Part of It

Another important consideration is whether you need to sell all of your lottery winnings or only a percentage of them. You can easily sell just a specific portion of your winnings, enough to cover your immediate needs, and retain the remainder as regular ongoing payments. This ensures that you have the money you need right now, as well as a financial cushion for the future.

Work with a Go-Between

The ideal solution to your quandary is to work with a firm that acts as a go-between. The company will vet and investigate buyers, ensuring that you only have the cream of the crop to choose from. Not only that, but working with a reputable firm will also ensure that you get the highest percentage possible of your winnings, rather than leaving you with a mere pittance.

Of course, not all such firms are the same, and you need to recognize a reputable company. Look for a firm that’s been in business for a number of years – one with an established reputation and a list of satisfied clients. Second, make sure the company doesn’t work for the buyers – the firm should work for you, the seller. This ensures there’s no conflict of interest. A company that works on behalf of the buyer has no incentive to go above and beyond to ensure you get a fair deal. One that works for you certainly does.

Ditch Cable and Still Enjoy TV

A cutaway diagram of a coaxial cable
Image via Wikipedia

Cable is expensive. If you have more than just basic cable, you are probably paying at least $65 per month or more, just for TV.   How can you save on television, without stealing cable?

The good news is that, in the internet age, it is possible to fully enjoy TV without having to pay exorbitant fees to the cable company.

Basic Cable

Basic cable generally runs about $15 per month, but it usually comes with a $10 per month discount on internet access if you use cable for that.   For $5 per month, you can get all of the local broadcast channels, including the news and weather, which we use in the morning while getting ready for work.

Netflix

We watch movies.  We watch lots of movies.  Spending $14 per month for an unlimited 2-at-a-time plan is a no-brainer for us.  It has also enabled us to scratch the movie itch without resorting to HBO or incessant movie purchases, which used to run $100+ each month.   When you include Netflix instant in the equation, which gives us a ton of older movies to choose from at a moment’s notice, we are more than covered for our movie obsession.

Hulu

Hulu.com has a metric crapload of TV shows and movies available for free.   They are moving towards a partial pay model, but most of their content will still be free.  But, you don’t want to crowd your family around a 15-inch laptop screen to watch something, you say?  Fine. We went to our local computer parts store and bought cables and converters to go from the video-out and headphone jacks on the laptop to the inputs on our VCR.    That cost about $30 for 2 extension cords and 2 converters.   We use the analog outputs, which allows for cheaper converters.  The quality after conversion is no worse than watching a movie in the VCR.

TiVo

TiVo comes with a Video-On-Demand(VOD) section, if you connect it to the internet.   It’s mostly free, with hundreds of channels to choose from, ranging from trailers to full shows and movies.   I have a season pass to TEDTalks, which are always impressive and usually inspirational.   There are many more channels to choose from.

Torrent

I’m kidding.  I’m not advocate piracy.  This is just search-engine bait.

As you can see, it’s entirely possible to save money on cable, without missing out on anything you care about.  How do you save money on TV and movies?