Life is crazy.
Ending A Streak
The first year I decorated our yard for Halloween was 1999. The first year we through a Halloween party was 1998.
Our parties tend to fall on the legendary side. Between setup, cleanup, and out-of-town guests, the party is a 3-4 day affair. People reserve our spare beds a year in advance. The day of the party itself, we’re going from 10AM until 5AM, cooking, drinking, and talking. Over the 10 hours the party is actively going, we have 50-60 guests in and out.
Our yard is a neighborhood attraction. We’ve been on the news and in the newspaper. By the end of Halloween night, the path through the yard is nearly worn down to bare dirt. The spot the large coffin sits takes 6 weeks to rejuvenate in the spring. I’ve literally scared kids right out of their masks. Little old ladies have jumped out in the air, shrieking, only to ask me to hide again, so they can bring their husbands over to enjoy the startle.
This year, we end the 13-year unbroken streak of fear and debauchery. We’ve been doing this since before any my oldest kid was weaned.
It’s hard to take a break, but…
Dealing with my mother-in-law’s house has been far too much work for us. We spent all summer cleaning out the hoarding mess.
And fixing up the yard.
And replacing the boiler.
And fixing the plumbing.
And updating the electrical system.
And fixing up the basement.
And patching the walls.
And selling the cars.
And sorting through 30 years of every scrap of paper that has ever come through the house.
And dealing with all of the memories, and the pictures, and the past.
It’s been too much, and it’s not done.
Now, it’s the middle of October, and the idea of stealing the extra time to add the extra stress of setting up the yard and throwing a big party makes me want to break down.
Two days to set up the yard, only to have some kid steal my favorite, irreplaceable pieces, then two days to pack it all up.
A day of decorating inside, followed by a party and a hungover day of cleaning it all up.
All of that, while losing time from the side business and pushing through to the end of the property preparation from hell.
I can’t do it, so, as sad as it makes me, we’re taking the year off. No Halloween events at my house this year.
IRA or Powerball?
“When I win the Powerball, I’m going to buy that house and kick him out. I play diligently, so you know it’s going to happen.”
I had a friend say this to me this week. He’s poor–living on about $500 per month–and he was recently evicted from his apartment.
His plans for the future involve taking nearly 20% of his income and burning it playing the lottery. When he found out that I don’t play, he looked at me like I was stupid.
The odds of winning a life-changing amount of money are 1 in 5,153,632.65. That’s for a $1,000,000 prize. The next step down is $10,000, which, while helpful, won’t change many people’s situation for long. One in 5 million. That’s 5 times worse than your odds of being hit by lightning this year. It is, however, 4 times better than your odds of being sainted and 12 times worse than your odds of dating a supermodel.
It’s not going to happen.
Sure, play for fun–because turning cash into valueless slips of paper is a blast–but don’t play the lottery instead of working to improve your future. The lottery is NOT a retirement plan.
Instead, a much more reasonable plan is to date a millionaire. The odds of making that happen are just 215 to 1, and you can do things to improve your chances.
Improving the odds of dating a millionaire:
- Hang out where millionaires go. Yacht clubs, nice restaurants, rehab, that dark corner of their bedroom where the lamp never quite reaches that just looks perfect for a stalker-cam.
- Do what millionaires do. Golf, high-stakes poker, oppress third-world countries, Centrifugal Bumblepuppy.
- Look like millionaire-bait. For my friend, the 50-year-old black man, it might be hard to look like a 23-year-old blonde hardbody, but it’s worth the effort.
- Be nice, be polite, give good h…nevermind.
Seriously, getting a regular job and socking money away every month will give you a far better return on your investment than playing the lottery. Even if you’re saving it in a mayonnaise jar buried in the backyard next to that obnoxious guy who used to live next door, you will be building security and peace of mind. Every month, you will be better prepared for the storm of crap life tends to throw around.
Do you play the lottery? Why or why not?
My First Storage Auction
I’ve mentioned before that my wife is unemployed. Please note, this is unemployment, not “stay at home mom”. The differences are simple:
- She’s looking for a job
- The kids are still in daycare
While she’s looking for work, we’ve decided that it’s a good time to explore some other options for income. Recently, we decided to look into storage auctions.
For the uninitiated, a storage auction is held when someone with a rented storage locker quits paying their bill. Eventually, auctioneers come in and sell the unit–with minimal inspection–to the highest bidder. If you’ve watched Storage Wars or any of the dozen spin-offs or rip-offs, you’ve seen a storage auction.
Yesterday, a local auctioneer ran a circuit of 7 auctions for the different locations of one company. At 10AM, my wife set off for the first one with $1000 of seed money, a flashlight, and a couple of padlocks.
She didn’t get anything at that auction and she skipped the next two because they weren’t in very good neighborhoods. Poor neighborhoods come with safety issues and low-value stuff.
The 4th auction was just 2 miles from our house, so she picked me up. We got there about noon and were told they weren’t expecting the auctioneer until 1. They couldn’t tell us exactly because the auctions take as long as they take. If a lot of people show up, the inspection can take a long time, since everybody has to stand in line to get a minute or two to peer in at the unit up for sale. The auction actually started about 1:30.
There were 3 units up for sale. The listing said 4, but one of the renters ran in at the last minute to pay her bill.
None of the units were anything special. One had two dozen boxes of Grainger catalogs and $50 worth of tools. Another was full of broken box springs, but may have had a dresser in the back. The last had a tub full of (frozen) paint bottles and a box full of kids’ books.
After that, I went back home to work, while she left for her third and final auction of the day. Again, she didn’t get a locker, but she did convince someone to sell her a fancy mirror out of one of the lockers. She paid $60, and after a bit of touch-up, it should sell for $2-300.
We didn’t buy anything, but it was interesting to see the process. Dealing with an auctioneer rattling off numbers isn’t nearly as intimidating as it seems.
The whole setup is pretty simple.
My wife registered at the first auction, so we didn’t have to worry about that at the later auctions. That consisted of reading the rules, writing down her name, and signing the paper.
At each unit that was up for grabs, the door was opened and all of the potential buyers lined up to take a minute to see what they could. We weren’t allowed in the unit, and we couldn’t open any boxes.
Once everyone had a chance to peak, the auction started.
When each unit was sold, the winning bidder stuck a lock on it, and everybody moved to the next unit to repeat the process. The three units were done in 15-20 minutes.
If you’re going to a storage auction, you need to bring cash, a flashlight, and a padlock. Without those three things, you can’t inspect a unit or pay for it if you win.
Finding auctions isn’t intuitive, in any way. The best sites I’ve found are AuctionZip.com and StorageTreasures.com.
My wife also got contact information for the largest storage facility chain in the area and we got on that list so we’ll get the full schedule of their storage auctions each month. Next week, they have auctions in some of the richest suburbs in the area.
My wife is planning on running that circuit at least one day next week.
It’s not “easy” money, but it should be a good way to bring in a little more money. If we can make enough to keep her from having to get a traditional job, that’s gravy.
Have you ever tried out a storage auction? How did it go?
Personal Finance, Canine-Style
No matter how many excellent books you read, or how many experts you consult, sometimes the best advice comes from beast out fertilizing my yard. My dog is pretty smart. At middle-age, she’s got no debt, no stress, and no possibility of being fired. I asked her what her secrets are, and she gave me 5 rules for managing her finances.
- Sniff around. You never know when or where an opportunity will present itself. Keep your eyes open and look in some unusual places and you may just find the golden opportunity you’ve been waiting for. Jacob and Susan D’Aniello have a multi-million dollar franchise called DoodyCall. They have turned themselves into millionaires, starting with a shovel, a leash, and a plastic bag. Never be afraid to look your future in the eye.
- Don’t be afraid to sniff a butt. It’s important to know who you are dealing with, especially when your are making life-changing or expensive decisions. If it doesn’t smell right, bare your teeth and back off. Seriously, in most situations, you can trust your gut instinct. Especially if that instinct is telling you to run away. Read everything you sign. If you don’t understand it, find someone who does. Know what you are getting into at all times. Get referrals. Call the Better Business Bureau. You are in charge of protecting your own interests.
- Lick your own butt. Watching your emergency fund grow is nice, but not everything is. There are some aspects of personal finance that are downright unpleasant, but ignoring them is worse. You can’t ignore an upside-down budget forever, or it will never get fixed. Sometimes you just have to grit your teeth and do what needs to be done, no matter how distasteful. But keep the mouthwash handy.
- Bury a bone. Minds out of the gutter, please. Save for the lean times. You may have two bones today, but what about tomorrow, or next week? What if the bone-fairy never comes to visit again? Make your surplus last, because you never know when life will whack you with a newspaper. If you don’t have an emergency fund, start one. Today. Now. Go set up an automatic transfer of $10 per week. Now. If you don’t have an emergency fund, everything is an emergency.
- Wag your tail. Don’t be afraid to enjoy the good things. When you make progress on your debt, congratulate yourself. Take credit and take pride in what you’ve accomplished. It’s more important to be happy than rich, so don’t obsess over the little things, or the material things. Enjoy your family, enjoy your job(or find a job you can enjoy), enjoy your life.
Maybe I shouldn’t write while watching my dog poop at 5AM.
Update: This post has been included in Festival of Frugality.
Repo Man
Here is a fun blast from the past. This was originally posted in February 2010.
A few years ago, we bought a new truck. We brought our old truck in as a trade, but the offer was bordering on insulting, so we kept it.
We posted the old truck on CarSoup, the classifieds, and anywhere else we could find to post it. Nothing. After a few weeks, we finally found a
buyer–a friend we had hired to help with a large remodel on our house. He didn’t have all of the money to buy it, but we knew him, we knew his family, and he was work for us. It should have been a low-risk loan. We’d give him the truck, he’d make monthly payments. Simple, right?
That was the plan. He made payments for about six months. When the starter died, we forgave that amount of the debt. When we was short, we’d let him skip a payment. Were were good lenders, at least from his perspective.
Then, “I’m a little short this month” stretched into two months, three, six. Then one day, he fell off the face of the planet. I found out later, he’d canceled his phone and left the state. We were the kind of lenders that get banks closed down by bad business decisions.
What could we do? Fortunately, we’d created a written loan agreement and entered ourselves as the loan holder during the title transfer. I eventually filed the repossession payment…a year after he disappeared. I figured, if by some chance the truck got impounded, we’d get it back.
A few months later, we were driving down the highway that just happened to pass within sight of his brother’s shop. I just happened to glance in that direction as we drove past. I’m sure I caught my wife by surprise with the sudden u-turn. I found our truck. The long-lost friend was back in the state, staying in his brother’s shop.
[ad name=”inlineleft”]The next day, I brought another friend to the shop. We knocked on the door. No answer. I left a note on the shop door and we took the truck, using the spare keys I kept when we sold it. I had just completed my first–and so far, only–repossession. I’m not a bank or a repo man, just a guy who got screwed.
Possession was mine. Wrongs were righted. The truck was tentatively sold immediately. If the buyer couldn’t pay, the truck was gone. He called, offering his apologies and hoping to get the truck back and start making payments again. I accepted his apologies and kept the truck. People are only allowed to rip me off once. Almost two years without a payment or even an excuse is too much for me to accept. So far, I am the only person I know to manage a legal repossession as a private party.
The repo process varies by state, but the basics don’t change much. The loan holder can file for repossession as soon as the loan agreement is broken. They can repossess with no notice and the borrower is on the hook for the difference between what’s owed and twhat’s recovered during resale. If you get to the point of repossession, you are out of options. You are generally left to pay the debt in full, or lose the vehicle. If you are accepting payments from a friend to buy a car, make sure you have a written agreement and are listed as the loan holder on the title. Keep some leverage to avoid getting screwed.
How far have you gone to recover money you are owed?