Please email me at:
Or use the form below.
[contact-form 1 “Contact form 1”]
The no-pants guide to spending, saving, and thriving in the real world.
I don’t attach much importance to dreams. They are just there to make sleepy-time less boring. Last night, I had a dream where I spent most of my time trying to prepare my wife to run our finances before telling my son that I wouldn’t be around to watch him grow up. That’s an unpleasant thought to wake up with. Lying there, trying to digest this dream, I started thinking about the transition from “I deal with the bills” to “I’m not there to deal with it”. We aren’t prepared for that transition. Last year, we started putting together our “In case of death” file, but that project fell short. The highest priorities are done. We have wills and health directives, but how would my wife pay the bills? Everything is electronic. Does she know how to log in to the bank’s billpay system? Which bills are only in my name, and will go away if I die? Is there a list of our life insurance policies?
I checked the incomplete file that contains this information. It hasn’t been updated since September. It’s time to get that finished. Procrastinating is inappropriate and denial is futile. Here’s a news flash: You are going to die. Hopefully, it won’t happen soon, but it will happen. Is your family prepared for that?
The questions are “What do I need?” and “What do I have?”
First and foremost, you need a will. If you have children and do not have a will, take a moment–right now– to slap yourself. A judge is not the best person to determine where your children should go if you die. The rest of it is minor, if you’re married. Let your next-of-kin, your spouse keep it. I don’t care. Just take care of your kids! Set up a trust to pay for the care of your children. Their new guardians will appreciate it. How hard is it to set up? I use Quicken Willmaker and have been very pleased. Of course, the true test is in probate court, and I won’t be there for it. If you are more comfortable getting an attorney, then do so. I’ve done it each way. You can cut some costs by using Willmaker, then taking it to an attorney for review.
It’s a sad fact that often, before you die, you spend some time dying. Do you have a health care directive? Does your family know, in writing, if and when you want the plug pulled? Who gets to make that decision? Have you set up a medical power of attorney, so someone can make medical decisions on your behalf if you aren’t able? Do you want, and if so, do you have a Do-Not-Resuscitate order? Willmaker will handle all of this, too.
What’s going to happen to your bank accounts? I’m personally a fan of keeping both of our names on all of our accounts. I share my life and my heart, I’d better be able to trust her with our money. If that’s not an option, for whatever reason, fill out the “Payable on Death” information for your accounts, establishing a beneficiary who can get access to your money if you die. Do you want your spouse to lose the house or the car if you die? Should your kids have to miss meals? Make sure necessary access to your money exists.
Does anybody know what you have for life insurance? Get a copy of the policy and make sure your spouse and someone else knows what company holds it and how much it is worth.
Now, it’s time to make some lists. You need to gather account numbers and contact information for everything.
Non-financial information to list:
Now, take all of this information and put it in a nice, fat envelope and lock it in the fireproof safe you have bolted to the floor. Make a copy and give it to someone you trust absolutely. Make sure someone knows the combination to the safe or where to find the key.
Your loved ones will appreciate it.
Last night, a friend called me up and asked me to accompany him to the police station. The police had knocked on his door, waking up his girlfriend while he was out. When he called, they wouldn’t tell him why they wanted to talk to him. Was it an ex trying to make his life difficult or one of his employees getting investigated?
This friend has had a number of interactions with the police, but never learned how to deal with them. Before we left, I gave him a crash course in “stay out of jail”.
During an investigation, you are a suspect. They are looking for a conviction. There may be a “good cop” trying to “help you out”, but he is trying to put you in jail. “Protect and Serve” doesn’t mean you. In general, it means society as a whole. During an investigation, they are serving the interests of the prosecutor.
Generally, they are going to look at you–as the target of their investigation–as the enemy. This is normal. They spend all of their time dealing with scumbags and s***heads. Naturally, they start to assume that everyone who isn’t a cop will fall into one of those categories.
Don’t get pissed when they act rude, ignore you, or anything else. It isn’t a lack of professionalism, it’s just a different profession. They are using interrogation techniques that have been proven successful. Ignore it and focus on Lesson 2.
It will feel wrong to disobey the authority you’ve been taught your entire life to obey. You’re not. You are standing by your rights. Nobody cares about your future more than you do. Certainly not the guy investigating you.
The second a police interaction starts to look like they are investigating you, demand your lawyer, then see Lesson 4. When you demand an attorney, they stop asking you questions. You can take it back and start talking, so again, see Lesson 4. It’s your attorney’s job to talk to the police and, if necessary, the media. It’s your job to talk to your attorney.
You don’t need an attorney ahead of time. Criminal defense attorneys are used to getting calls at 3AM. It’s part of their job. If you have a low enough income as defined by whatever jurisdiction you are being investigated in, you can get a public defender. That’s better than nothing, but I’d prefer to hire a professional shark, even if it means mortgaging my future. Prison is a big gamble.
The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no Warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by Oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized.
“Officer, I do not consent to any search and I would like to speak to my attorney.” Remember this. Memorize it.
They need probable cause, a warrant, or permission to search your stuff. Never agree to it. Don’t stop them if they search anyway, but never, ever agree to a search. If the search is done improperly, your lawyer(see Lesson 2) will get the results of that searched thrown out.
It isn’t possible to get into more trouble for standing by your rights. There is no crime on the books anywhere in the US called “Refused Consent to Search”. Your day will not go worse because you defended your Constitutional rights.
I know a few defense attorneys. According to them, most of the people in jail either committed a crime in front of a bunch of witnesses, or they talked their way into jail. Shut up. You’ll want to either justify or defend yourself depending on the circumstances. Don’t. Shut up. It may be one of the hardest things you ever do, but keep your mouth closed. The only thing worse than talking is lying. Don’t lie, just keep quiet.
There is nothing you are going to say that will make your interrogator invite you home for Christmas. He isn’t your friend, you won’t meet his parents, you aren’t going to his birthday party. There is absolutely no win in talking to him. Shut up. The answer to every question is “Lawyer.” If the only thing you say babble is “Lawyerlawyerlawyerlawyerlawyerlawyer”, you’re probably not going to do too badly.
In your car, the dynamic changes a bit, but the principles don’t. When a cop pulls you over, don’t argue. You can’t win an argument with a cop on the side of the road. Be nice, be polite, and as soon as possible, pull into a parking lot and take as many notes about the encounter as you can. If you are planning to fight whatever he pulled you over for, don’t give him any reason to remember you or spin his official report to make you look bad. Again, shut up. Catching a theme?
If you are being investigated by the police, your future–or some part of it–is on the line. While you are gambling with your criminal record and your freedom, don’t forget that you are an amateur in this arena. The police, the prosecutor, and your attorney are the professionals and the stakes can be huge. Keep your mouth shut, call your attorney, and thank me later.
Three years ago, we sat down and built our budget. We spent 9 months adding the non-monthly bills that we forgot about when we created the budget. Setbacks and shortfalls almost killed the budgeting plan completely. It took almost an entire year to get our budget right.
Unrelated ImageNow? I refer to the budget once per month. No more. I don’t check it at bill-paying time. I don’t think about it daily. It’s there as a reference when I need it, but it no longer drives our finances. How did we get to that point?
First, we firmly established our budget. We know exactly what we need to cover our expenses. None of the predictable bills catch us by surprise any more. This is important.
Once we had the budget established, the rest was easy. I moved almost every bill to US Bank’s online bill-pay system and switched to electronic billing and automatic payments. The automatic payments are all through US Bank. I only allow my mortgage to be set up with the merchant. I want total, instant control over the rest. I won’t call a merchant to ask them to change a payment if something comes up. The bank sends me an email when a payment is automatically scheduled, and again when it is paid.
Once I got comfortable with the automatic payments, I switched to electronic billing. I don’t need to see the bill or waste the paper if I know it is being handled for me which is why I encourage you to manage all your finances online. I do check the few bills that may change, like the credit card and cell phone. Now, I see few of my bills. They are all sent electronically to my bank, automatically paid, and scheduled in Quicken–all without intervention from me.
[ad name=”inlineleft”]We also use an envelope system. I know how much we need for groceries, baby crap, clothes, etc. At the beginning of the month, I take out all of that money in cash and put it into the appropriate envelopes. Other than this money, almost everything else takes care of itself. I don’t need to pay attention to by bills on a day-t0-day basis. Any extra money that comes in gets divided among our debt repayment and savings goals, which only takes a few minutes to arrange.
I glance over my budget at the beginning of every month, but I only review it when something changes. If we change our cell phone, or our budgeted gas bill changes, I make the change to our budget. Other than that, it’s not even an afterthought.
That’s how we do it.
Another option includes the Sloppy Math System. This consists simply of rounding deposits down and rounding expenses up. The more you round, the better the system works. If you round every deposit down $50, and round every expense up to the next $10, you are naturally building more room for error. Given enough time, you will have enough of a slush fund to handle emergencies and the occasional impulse purchase.
Welcome to the Best of Money Carnival #87, the Gold Rush Edition.
On January 24th, 1848, gold was discovered in Coloma, California by construction overseer James W. Marshall. The following year, one hundred thousand people moved to California to either strike it rich, or profit from those who were trying to strike it rich. The gold rush began 163 years ago today.
10. N.W. Journey presents Business use of Home Deduction posted at Networth Journey and says, “How to deduct your business home expenses.”
Some people recommend stockpiling gold so you’ll have something of value to spend after society as we know it collapses. Does anyone know how to make change from a gold bar for a loaf of bread?
9. Darwin presents Present Value of Money Explained – MBA Monday posted at Darwin’s Money and says, “One of the most important financial concepts is also one of the most misunderstood. Make sure you understand the Present value of Money – with these real life examples. It will save you thousands!”
In 1854, a 195 pound gold nugget was found at Carson Hill in California. It was valued at $43,534. That would be worth $3,160,357.20 today.
8. RJ Weiss presents What Your Optimal Income? posted at Gen Y Wealth and says, “An exercise to find your optimal income level.”
Q: Which weighs more: a pound of feathers, or a pound of gold? A: A pound of feathers. Gold is weighed using Troy Weight, which only has 12 ounces per pound.
7. BWL presents How To Select A Financial Advisor posted at Christian Personal Finance and says, “Find out how to select the best financial adviser for you.”
Until the onset of modern electronics, which use gold because it doesn’t corrode or tarnish, gold had no practical value of its own. Its entire value resided in the fact that it was pretty and relatively scarce.
6. Miss T presents 10 Ways to $ave Energy Comfortably | Prairie EcoThrifter.com posted at Prairie Eco-Thrifter and says, “How great is it to save money and the planet at the same time?!”
Q: Which weighs more: a ounce of feathers, or a ounce of gold? A: A ounce of gold. Troy Weight has fewer ounces that avoirdupois, but each ounce weighs more. There are 31.1 grams in a Troy ounce, but only 28.4 grams in a standard ounce.
5. Craig Ford presents Employers Look at Credit Reports | Ludicrous or Smart Business? posted at Money Help For Christians and says, “Should employers be able to see your credit report?”
Outside of collectible or government-issued coins, gold is priced according to it’s spot price, which fluctuates constantly. Dealers will generally pay a percentage under spot when buying gold, then sell for a percentage over spot. Always know the spot price of gold before you agree to buy or sell any.
4. MoneyNing presents Tax Time: Do I Have to Report that Income? posted at Money Ning and says, “Did you receive any income last year? Do you really have to report everything?”
Gold is the 58th most rare natural element, out of 92.
3. Silicon Valley Blogger presents I Just Lost My Job! How I’m Downsizing My Household Expenses posted at The Digerati Life and says, “I share my story of job loss and what ideas I have for paring down my expenses in order to cope with this loss of income. In the meantime, I’m doing what I can to find a new job!”
Only 20% of the gold from the Gold Rush deposits has been reclaimed. The rest is still out there.
2. The Financial Blogger presents 5 Reasons Why You Need A Partner In Your Business posted at The Financial Blogger and says, “A post outlining the benefits of a business partner.”
As of the end of 2009, more than 160,000 tons of gold have been mined, most of which was done in the latter half of the 20th century.
And the winner is…
1. Amanda L Grossman presents Frugal Lessons from People Who Survived the Great Depression posted at Frugal Confessions – Frugal Living and says, “Have you ever met someone who was alive during the Great Depression? They are changed people. The Great Depression left a great impression on their thoughts, their styles, and their habits. I am fascinated by this time period, and researched the question of what frugal habits these people developed to survive.”
I’d like to thank everyone who participated. Next week’s host is PT Money, so don’t forget to submit your entry!
You should never be in the company of anyone with whom you would not want to die.
-Duncan Idaho, from God-Emperor of Dune
Some people suck the life out of everyone they encounter. Whether it be through lies, unreasonable demands, emotional abuse or manipulation, or just a vile personalty, the people they meet are worse off for the encounter. The people they interact with every day are screwed.
My time is too precious to waste any of it unnecessarily on people who remove value from it. I like being with people who enrich my life, instead.
Unfortunately, since I’m not an advocate for the use of hitmen, not every toxic person is easy to eliminate from your life.
Toxic people come in 3 basic varieties: professional, personal, and family. There is some overlap between the categories.
The personal category is easiest to deal with. These people aren’t relatives or coworkers, so you won’t see them at family gatherings or at work. I’ve dealt with these people in two ways.
First, there is the direct approach. One former friend, who was really only a friend when it was convenient for him(a pure leech), got told that he wasn’t invited to one of our parties because I was inviting his ex-wife, instead. That was the last time he called me.
The second option is far more passive. I set up a contact group in my phone called “Life’s too short”. At first, I set it up with a fairly insulting ring tone, but I later switched it to no ring at all. I don’t know they’ve called until I check my voicemail. It’s far less direct, but also far easier than the direct approach.
Dealing with the toxic people in your family is more complicated. You’ll see them at holiday gatherings, or hear about them during unrelated visits. You probably have a lot of memories growing up with them, and may feel some level of obligation–deserved or not–to maintain contact. It’s hard to break a tie that you’ve had your entire life.
Can you fix their behavior? It’s worth trying to have a frank discussion about how they are treating you, or the things they are doing. If the problem is that they are constantly bringing over their methhead boyfriends, banning the drug addicts from your home, while still welcoming the relative may be an acceptable fix. If the problem is a constant need to belittle you, demanding they stop may work. If the problem is a lifetime of emotional abuse, it probably isn’t fixable.
Is banishment an option? Can you put that creepy cousin on the Life’s Too Short list? You’ll still have to deal with him at family gatherings, but you can always leave the room when he comes in, right? Don’t engage, don’t participate in any conversation beyond a polite greeting, and don’t offer any encouragement towards regular contact.
It’s possible that it won’t be possible to fix their behavior and that you won’t want to banish the offender. If, for example, the offender is your mother (Not you, Mom!), you may feel a sense of obligation to maintain contact, or even be a primary caregiver at times. This is a line nobody else can draw for you. At some point, the current bad behavior could overwhelm the past obligations. When that happens are you prepared for it? That can be a traumatic break.
The other option, as cold as it sounds, is to wait it out. Nature will take its course, eventually. Can you wait that long, while maintaining your sanity and emotional equilibrium?
Professional toxic people include customers, vendors, and coworkers, none of whom are easy to get rid of.
If you own the business, you can fire your problem customers if the hassle outweighs the benefits you get from the relationship. You can find a new vendor, and you can fire the problem employees.
What happens if you are an employee?
If the problem is your boss, your options are to suck it up, talk to his boss, or find a new job. If the first is intolerable, and the second is impossible, it’s time to polish your resume.
If the problem is a vendor, you’ve got some options. Document the problems, first. Does he make inappropriate jokes, or badmouth you to your customers? Then, research the alternatives. Does one of his competitors offer an equivalent product or service? Take the documentation and research to your boss, or whoever makes that decision, and see if you can get your company to make the switch. The other option, is to request someone new to deal with at the vendor’s company, but that may not always be possible.
Finally, we come to the problem of toxic coworkers.
Some coworkers have the same problems as a toxic boss. Is the company vice-president the boss’s baby brother? You’re probably not going to find a win there. You’ll have to suck it up or move on.
Is the problem person working in an unrelated department doing unrelated tasks? It may be possible to start taking breaks at different times and leave him where he belongs: in the past.
Is the difficult individual sharing an office with you, demanding everything be done his way, and throwing daily tantrums? This is the one that has to be dealt with. He’s the one sucking the life out of you every single day.
First, start making use of a voice recorder. If you’ve got a smartphone, you’ve probably already got one. Otherwise, drop the $20 to buy one. This lets you document the evil. When his behavior goes hinky, record it.
Second, stand up for yourself. If he’s making unreasonable demands, tell him it’s inappropriate. He’s a bully, and bullies tend to back down when they are confronted.
Third, make sure the boss knows about the behavior. Yes, this is tattling. Get over it. If he wasn’t acting like he was a spoiled 4 year old, you wouldn’t have to tell the boss that he was. If the boss doesn’t know there’s a problem, he can’t deal with it.
Fourth, for any problem that isn’t directly aimed at you, ignore it. If he makes a habit of throwing a tantrum because somebody emptied the coffee pot, or because the company switched health plans, let him. Only get in the way if it’s directed at you. Over time, the tantrums will get more noticeable and out of hand, forcing the boss to deal with it, preferably by handing him a pink slip.
Your goal is documentation, awareness, and avoidance. Make the worst of it go elsewhere so you can be as productive as possible, document what you can, and let the boss become aware of the situation and how bad it has become. And be patient. This isn’t an overnight fix.
How do you deal with the toxic people in your life?