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Living in Debt: How I Sacrificed My Future
For those of you who haven’t been following along, I’m in debt. Starting 13 years ago, when I was 19, I managed to bury myself in debt, until I decided I’d had enough of that…almost 2 years ago.
Why?
It wasn’t because of college expenses, though they contributed to my debt level. I was in debt before I went to college. Heck, I was a daddy before I went to college.
It wasn’t because of major medical procedures. The only major medical procedures we’ve ever had were the births of our children, and we had two of them well after we built our shackles.
It wasn’t because we bought more house than we could afford. We own a modest house that we bought before the bubble started.
Then what was it? Why did we do the things we did that have financially crippled us for so long?
It was a combination of things, crowned by a glorious lack of financial sophistication. As I wrote in No Brakes, neither of us had the early training to really understand our financial decisions. We knew bills need to be paid, but what was the difference if the money came from a credit card versus our checking account? Why did it matter if we carried a balance on the cards, as long as we could make the payments? What’s wrong with just making the minimum payment?
Naïve. Unsophisticated.
That day-to-day lack of sophistication was only part of the problem, and it wasn’t the biggest part. We made a lot mistakes, but they were all small. Before 2001, I think our total was about $5000. Too much, but not painful.
Between the fall of 2001 and the winter of 2002, we took our naïve decision-making process and ran with it. It was a full-scale mistake marathon.
That year, we built an addition on our house, because a full dining room and a bigger kitchen would make our house so much more livable and it was cheaper than buying a home, new. Oh, and since the difference between the mandatory crawlspace and a full basement room was just a few rows of concrete blocks, let’s expand it. Wait, don’t bedrooms require walls, sheetrock, windows, closets, paint, furniture, and electricity?
That was also the year that the car companies all jumped on the 0% loan fad. In case you don’t remember, that was the program that meant you could get a 0% loan on a new car if you picked up a 3 year term on your loan. At 22, making maybe $45,000 combined, we decided that buying a $35,000 truck was a good idea. To save money. Rationalization is wonderful. Or at least, effective.
That summer, we got married. We did a phenomenal job getting married on the cheap. We had about 100 guests, a park to get married in, flowers, food, and a hall to eat and dance in, for about $3000. The problem was, we didn’t have $3000. We didn’t have the $1500 + activities for our 10 day honeymoon on a Caribbean cruise, either, though I still plan on returning to St. Thomas.
None of those individual payments were terrible. The biggest problem was that we piled them all so close together that we never had time to absorb their impact before taking on the next obligation. When we did realize how much we had to pay, we made up for it by only buying big things that came with a “0% for a year” deal, like our living room set, our carpet, and our dining room table.
Then, when we finally did pay something off, or came into more money, we’d immediately expand our lifestyle to fill the void. The month we paid off our truck, I got a significant raise. Did we use it to pay off some other debt? Of course not, we bought a new car on a six year term.
We had so many opportunities to make bad decisions with our money, and I think we took them all and have suffered for it, since.
If you’re in debt, what made you decide to get that way?
Carnival of Personal Finance #307: The Silver Edition
This is the 307th Carnival of Personal Finance, the Silver Edition. As of 10:00 PM CDT last night, silver is at $43.76 per ounce. Three years ago, when I last bought silver, it was at $11.30. In honor of that, and inspired by my first editor’s pick below, I’m going to share some facts and history about silver.
The last time prices rose like this was in 1979, when the Hunt brothers bought or controlled close to 50% of the world’s silver. They managed it by leveraging their silver hoard. As they bought more, prices went up, increasing the value of their hoard, which they then used as collateral for more loans to buy more silver, which caused the prices to go up so they’d use it as collateral…. You get the idea. Prices went from $11 per ounce to $50 per ounce in less than a year, before the regulators figured out the game and changed the rules, bringing the whole thing crashing down. The resulting losses and lawsuits bankrupted the former billionaires within 10 years.
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Editor’s Picks:
First, we have a post from Squirrelers, Is There a Silver Bubble? How High Can Prices Go?. This post reminded me of not only the Hunt brothers story, but the small box of silver I own. Now, I’m debating taking it to a precious metals dealer and cashing out for 400% of my purchase price.
Suba from Wealth Informatics brought Never Pay full price : How to save 10-50% on every purchase. This was entirely new to me, which surprised me. I see a lot of ideas presented in new ways, but rarely see something I know absolutely nothing about.
If you’ve got legal papers you need to fill out, or questions you need answered, you could do far worse than to start with the site Jeff Rose from Good Financial Cents gives us with 7 Free and Cheap Online Legal Resources. If you think you don’t need the resources, that means you a complete estate plan, right? You have a will?
Saving
Dimes, quarters, and half-dollars were 90% silver until 1964. Half-dollars continued to be 40% silver until 1971. At that time, the government tightly controlled the price of silver and kept it at $1.29 per ounce so the face value of the coins matched the value of silver they contained. Today, a supply of 90% silver coins with a face value of $5 can be had for the bargain price of $173.74.
Fanny from Living Richly on a Budget – Personal Budget Blog presents How to Build the Crucial $1,000 Emergency Fund, and says, “How do you finance unexpected personal expenses, such as car repairs, medical visits, home maintenance repairs, etc? The most effective way to finance these expenses is through a personal emergency fund.”
Flexo from ConsumerismCommentary presents Silent Inflation is Destroying Your Net Worth, and says, “Inflation continues to deflate individuals net worth and there are no signs of it getting any better.”
Adam Piplica from Magical Penny presents Avoid Hitting the Rocks of Financial Ruin, and says, “This post draws on a famous story in Homer’s Oddessey how a captain made it safely passed the Sirens because he had protected himself from making a poor short-term decision. It’s exactly the same thing you have to do if you want to grow your pennies.”
Clint from Accumulating Money presents Baby-Boomer Generation Must Get Serious About Planning for Retirement, and says, “The “Baby-Boomer” generation has undergone two severe business-cycle reversals in the past ten years alone. Many of these fifty and sixty year-olds are now facing a daunting task – how do you rebuild your net worth in so short a remaining time period?”
Jason from One Money Design presents Planting a Garden to Save Money, and says, “As Spring is here, planting a garden is a great way to help feed your family and save some money at the same time.”
Career
Silver is almost always found with lead. Through most of history, mining silver meant mining lead and breathing lead dust. In the ancient world, silver miners had a life span of about 3 years, so free men refused the job. This was a slave occupation.
Crystal from Budgeting in the Fun Stuff presents Job Experience – Don’t Rock The Boat, and says, “Being young and ambitious may seem like the best thing in the world but knowing your audience and environment is very important. You don’t want to come off as the young new hothead…here’s a story all about exactly that.”
Well Heeled Blog from Well Heeled Blog presents 5 Ways to Spend Your Raise, and says, “Congratulations, you got a raise! Now what? Now, what to do about this extra money? No matter what, don’t want to fritter this raise away. Here are 5 ways for the extra money to work hard for you. ”
Kathryn @ Financial Highway from Financial Highway presents 30 Common Interview Questions and How to Answer Them, and says, “This guide not only tells you what the interview questions are but also provides insight into what the interviewer is really asking and what types of answers will help you get the job.”
Credit
Around 500 BC, Athenians discovered a huge silver mine on land belonging the city-state. This find was used to finance building their first effective navy, which catapulted them to the heights of power they achieved.
Craig Ford from Money Help for Christians presents Best Ways to Maximize Cash, Credit Card, and Debit Card Rewards, and says, “How to maximize your credit cards or debit card rewards.”
Tim Chen from NerdWallet Credit Card Watch presents Premium Credit Cards: The Value Beyond the Cost, and says, “A premium credit card is a step above your average card: better rewards and extra perks offered at, well, a premium. These exclusive credit cards come with additional goodies like lounge access and free plane tickets, as well as hefty annual fees.”
Kevin (for Moolanomy) from Moolanomy presents How to Avoid Credit Cards and Credit Repair Scams, and says, “Credit cards don’t have to be a bad thing, but they definitely have their fair share of scams out there. Here’s how to avoid them.”
Real Estate
In World of Warcraft, silver is a rare spawn of tin. If you want to find silver, you should try mining tin. Over and over. (Source)
Mike from Green Panda Treehouse presents How Much Should We Spend on Housing?, and says, “How much is the right amount for housing costs?”
Ben from Money Smart Life presents How to Use a Mortgage Calculator to Compare Home Loans, and says, “A post about how to use a mortgage calculator to screen and compare the rates and costs of home loans.”
Frugality
The early discovery that water, wine, milk and vinegar stayed pure longer in silver vessels, led to its desirability as a container for long voyages. Herodotus wrote that Cyrus the Great, King of Persia, a man of vision who established a board of health and a medical dispensary for his citizens, had water drawn from a special stream, “boiled, and very many four wheeled wagons drawn by mules carry it in silver vessels, following the king wheresoever he goes at any time.” (Source)
Donna Freedman from Surviving and Thriving presents This isn’t your grandparents’ recession, and says, “When the going gets tough, it’s tempting to invoke our grandparents and their tribulations during the Great Depression. But some of their advice wouldn’t help us. ”
Glen Craig from Parenting Family Money presents Inexpensive (Cheap) Date Night Ideas for Parents, and says, “It’s tough getting out with the spouse when you have kids. With babysitting and the date it can get expensive. See some inexpensive date night ideas and how you can save on babysitting as well.”
Finance
From 1998 to 2009, Bernard von NotHaus marketed the Liberty Dollar as an alternative to U.S. government fiat currency. Liberty Dollars were made from silver and later, gold and copper. von NotHaus was later convicted of–among other things–counterfeiting coins, even though he only produced his own coinage and didn’t pretend it was the same thing.
N.W. Journey from Net Worth Journey presents What is Compound Interest?, and says, “A basic introduction to compound interest.”
Bret from Hope to Prosper presents Age 21: A Year of Change and Humility, and says, “The year I turned 21 was the most tumultuous of my life. In many ways, that one year shaped my life more than any other and determined the direction of my future.”
Economy
Colloidal silver is claimed to be a near-magical cure-all. Its proponents claim it has the ability to “benefit the immune system; kill disease-causing agents such as bacteria, viruses, and fungi; serve as an alternative to prescription antibiotics; or treat diseases such as cancer, HIV/AIDS, diabetes, tuberculosis, syphilis, scarlet fever, shingles, herpes, pneumonia, and prostatitis (inflammation of the prostate).” Scientific evidence for any of this: none. (Source)
Money Beagle from Money Beagle presents The Economy Must Be Improving, and says, “I don’t need a government report to show me that the economy is improving; I look no further than the latest coupon offerings from local restaurants!”
Darwin’s Money from Darwin’s Money presents Stop Complaining About Gas Prices, and says, “Americans are complaining about prices at the pump. I say “Stop Complaining and Look in the Mirror”. Here are some very rational reasons and real solutions.”
Investing
The best method of storing silver is in bullet form. When the werewolves attack, none of us will have long to fight back.
Mike from The Dividend Guy Blog presents 7 Deadly Sins of Investments, and says, “Are you making these mistakes with investing?”
Mike Piper from Oblivious Investor presents Replacing Index Funds in Your Portfolio, and says, “For the most cost conscious of investors, it might make sense to build a portfolio of individual securities rather than index funds.”
RJ Weiss from Gen Y Wealth presents How to Convert a 401(k) to Traditional or Roth IRA, and says, “Reviewing your options with your 401(k) when leaving or changing jobs. More specifically, to look at the steps to convert your 401K(k) to an IRA, since this is most likely the optimal choice.”
Michael from DoughRoller presents How Half a Percent Can Ruin Your Retirement, and says, “Investing for retirement is crucial to securing your financial future. Make sure to find the best interest rates available, as even half a percent can ruin your retirement aspirations. ”
Money Management
I had a silver ring in my septum for almost 10 years and, in fact, still maintain the piercing, but it’s usually empty.
Cathy Moran from Money Health Central presents An Alternate Truth About Financial Literacy, and says, “Financial literacy is grounded in understanding bigger truths about money, not in acting on those truths.”
Kara from Frugal In My Forties presents Worst Money Lessons My Family Taught Me, and says, “My parents had great financial skills: Unfortunately they weren’t really great about passing them on to their children. These are the 4 big things that I think they should have done differently!”
Mike from The Financial Blogger presents Teaching Finance In High School, and says, “A look at getting finance across at the high school level.”
Eric from Narrow Bridge Finance presents How Your Insurance Rates are Calculated, and says, “Ever wonder how insurance companies determine your monthly rates? Find out what you need to know here.”
FMF from Free Money Finance presents How Millionaires Become Millionaires, and says, “Many people mistakenly think that most millionaires have their wealth handed to them from either their relatives or some stroke of luck (like winning the lottery, being gifted with amazing abilities/talent, etc.) This is completely false. Most people with over seven-figure wealth got it the old-fashioned way, they earned it.”
Matt Bell from Matt About Money presents Money Lessons From the Royal Wedding, and says, “Amid all the royal wedding hoopla, did you notice what Prince William and his fiancée, Kate Middleton, asked for in terms of wedding gifts? Since this is one couple that truly does have everything, they asked anyone wanting to get them a gift to consider making a donation instead. For all of us commoners, there are two lessons we can learn from the royal couple’s philanthropic mindset.”
Debt
Sterling silver is 92.5% silver and 7.5% other, usually copper. Pure silver is too soft for most applications. It is, however, the most optically reflective element.
Jacob Irwin from My Personal Finance Journey presents Helping A Friend Get Out of Debt – Part 3 – Cut Your Interest Rates In Half, and says, “A look at the steps my friend and I took to get his credit card interest rates lowered, and how you can too!”
Junior Boomer from Consumer Boomer presents Top 5 Bankruptcy Myths Dispelled For You, and says, “For those who have been considering bankruptcy, but are concerned about the overall impact it could have on their financial future, we are going to break a few myths.”
Other
Silver fulminate is an explosive, ionic, fulminic acid salt of silver. Yes, silver goes boom.
Echo from Boomer & Echo presents Assessing Your Estate Plan, and says, “Before making an appointment with your lawyer take some time to assess your situation and review your estate plan.”
Sustainable PF from Sustainable Personal Finance presents Eight Favourite Blogs, and says, “There are some awesome PF blogs out there and these are 8 you shouldn’t miss!”
Nicole from Nicole and Maggie: Grumpy Rumblings presents Dissecting an emergency room bill, and says, “Nicole and Maggie discuss how a recent bead up a preschool nose cost one of them $1400. (Actually $1700– a additional bill just came.)”
Tom Drake from Canadian Finance Blog presents The new breed of financial bloggers: Young, frugal and vocal, and says, “I’ve discovered a lot of young bloggers who do care about personal finance. Young bloggers can fill a void in financial education for young people.”
Tom from Stupid Cents presents What Is Term Life Insurance?, and says, “Life insurance is important for everyone but it can be expensive. That is where term life insurance can be the most helpful.”
Philip from PT Money: Personal Finance presents How to Pick a College that Suits You, and says, “Financial and other considerations when deciding on a college.”
That’s it. If you enjoyed this little journey through silver, please take a moment to subscribe to Live Real, Now.
Debt Scams
When you are up to your eyeballs in debt, praying for a step-stool, sometimes life–more accurately, con-artists–try to trip you when you are vulnerable and look for a solution. They aren’t muggers on the street. They come at you wearing ties, invite you to a real office, with real furniture and a real nameplate on a real desk. They are a real company, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t trying to scam you out of the little money you have left to put towards your debt.
Yes, I am talking about debt management scams. These scams come in 4 main varieties.
Debt Settlement companies instruct you to stop paying your bills completely and send them the money instead to be placed in a settlement fund. When your creditors get desperate enough, they will be willing to settle for pennies on the dollar.
In theory, this can be a good strategy for some debtors. Unfortunately, it has some drawbacks, even if the company is legitimate. They tend to charge high fees as a percentage of your deposits. Some take another fee when a settlement is accepted. The entire time you are building your settlement fund, your credit rating is sinking, leaving you open to being sued or garnished. The bad companies take the fund and run, while even the good companies can’t guarantee your creditors will play ball.
Ultimately, they aren’t doing anything you can’t easily do yourself. If you want to go the settlement route, stop making your payments and funnel the money into a savings account that you will use to offer settlements from. It takes discipline, but there is no upside to paying someone else for the same function.
Debt Management plans are used when you owe more than you can afford to pay. These companies work with your creditors to adjust interest rates and minimum payments and they try to get some fees waived for you.
A good company will work with you and your creditors to make sure everyone is working together towards the goal of eliminating the debt. A bad company will tell you they are working with your creditors while ignoring any contact from the creditor. They’ll tell you the creditor isn’t willing to negotiate while never stepping up to the negotiation table. Another trick is to offer the creditor a set payment, with a “take it or leave it” clause. Any input from the creditor is interpreted as a refusal to participate. This, coupled with high fees paid by the debtor, make debt management firms a risky proposition. Most states require the firms to be licensed. Check to make sure they are before giving them any information.
Debt/Credit Counseling companies work with you to establish a budget and eliminate expenses; in effect, they are training you to be in control of your finances. They are often organized as a nonprofit, but not always.
Some–the sleazy ones–lie about what they are doing, or attempt to misconstrue what you are agreeing too. Be careful not to use your home as collateral to consolidate unsecured debt and don’t walk into a Chapter 13 bankruptcy without that being your intention. Both of those are common debt counseling scams. If the company isn’t able to provide all of the details of a transaction–company name, address, licensing information–or they aren’t willing to spend as much time as necessary explaining the details of the transaction, walk away. This is your life, you are in charge of it. Don’t let anyone bully or prod you into signing something you aren’t comfortable with.
Credit Repair is almost always a scam. There are ways to get correct bad information removed from your credit report. If the information is correct, those methods are illegal. There are two legal methods to repair your credit. First, stop generating bad credit. Make your payments on time and eventually, the bad items will fall off. Second, write letters disputing the actual incorrect items on your credit report. There are no quick fixes, and anybody telling you different is flirting with a jail sentence, possibly yours.
How do you avoid the scammers?
- Be skeptical. If it looks to good to be true, it probably is. There is no such thing as a magic wand to fix your credit and make your debt disappear. Bankruptcy + 10 years of your life is the closest thing to magic credit repair in this world.
- Only use a legitimate credit counselor. Verify them through the Better Business Bureau and the National Foundation for Credit Counseling (1-800-388-2227 or www.nfcc.org)
- Check the license. Most states require credit and debt counselors to be licensed. If they’re not, run away and report them.
- Read the find print. Don’t sign anything you don’t understand. Like every other piece of your financial life, own the transaction. Know what your are doing, or don’t do it.
- Are they willing to work with you? If they’ve got a generic plan that doesn’t account for your specific situation, they are probably a con. At the very least, they are a worthless company and a waste of both time and money.
- Are they willing to work with your creditors? If not, they won’t be accomplishing anything for you.
- How much do they cost? Higher fees may not be an indicator of a scam, but call around and find out if they are in the right ballpark. Triple or quadruple the going rate is a sign of someone who will disappear late one night, with your hopes, dreams and savings in tow.
- Above all else, trust your gut. If it doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t. There is nothing a counselor can do that can’t wait a few days while you check them out.
There is no magic bullet to kill debt. You’re not fighting a werewolf, you’re fighting a lifetime of bad or unfortunate choices and circumstances. It’s important to keep a realistic outcome in mind.
Update: This post has been included in the Carnival of Debt Reduction.
Make Extra Money, Part 6: Setting Up a Site
In this installment of the Make Extra Money series, I’m going to show you how to set up a WordPress site. I’m going to show you exactly what settings, plugins, and themes I use. I’m not going to get into writing posts today. That will be next time.
I use WordPress because it makes it easy to develop good-looking sites quickly. You don’t have to know html or any programming. I will be walking through the exact process using Hostgator, but most hosting plans use CPanel, so the instructions will be close. If not, just follow WordPress’s 5 minute installation guide.
Installing WordPress
Assuming you can follow along with me, log in to your hosting account and find the section of your control panel labeled “Software/Service”. Click “Fantastico De Luxe”.
On the Fantastico screen, click WordPress, then “New Installation”.
On the next screen, select your domain name, then enter all of the details: admin username, password, site name, and site description. If you’ll remember, I bought the domain http://www.masterweddingplanning.net. I chose the site name of “Master Wedding Planning” and a description of “Everything You Need to Know to Plan Your Wedding”.
Click “install”, then “finish installation”. The final screen will contain a link to the admin page, in this case, masterweddingplanning.net/wp-admin. Go there and log in.
Configuring WordPress
After you log in, if there is a message at the top of the screen telling you to update, do so. Keeping your site updated is the best way to avoid getting hacked. Click “Please update now” then “Update automatically”. Don’t worry about backing up, yet. We haven’t done anything worth saving.
Next, click “Settings” on the left. Under General Settings, put the www in the WordPress and site URLs. Click save, then log back in.
Click Posts, then Categories. Under “Add New Category”, create one called “Misc” and click save.
Click Appearance. This brings you to the themes page. Click “Install Themes” and search for one you like. I normally use Headway, but before I bought that, I used SimpleX almost exclusively. Your goal is to have a simple theme that’s easy to maintain and easy to read. Bells and whistles are a distraction.
Click “Install”, “Install now”, and “Activate”. You now have a very basic WordPress site.
Plugins
A plugin is an independent piece of software to make independent bits of WordPress magic happen. To install the perfect set of plugins, click Plugins on the left. Delete “Hello Dolly”, then click “Add new”.
In the search box, enter “plugin central” and click “Search plugins”. Plugin Central should be the first plugin in the list, so click “install”, then “ok”, then “activate plugin”. Congratulations, you’ve just installed your first plugin.
Now, on the left, you’ll see “Plugin Central” under Plugins. Click it. In the Easy Plugin Installation box, copy and paste the following:
All in One SEO Pack Contact Form 7 WordPress Database Backup SEO SearchTerms Tagging 2 WP Super Cache Conditional CAPTCHA for WordPress date exclusion seo WP Policies Pretty Link Lite google xml sitemaps Jetpack by WordPress.com
Click “install”.
On the left, click “Installed Plugins”. On the next screen, click the box next to “Plugins”, then select “Activate” from the dropdown and click apply.
Still under Plugins, click “Akismet Configuration”. Enter your API key and hit “update options”. You probably don’t have one, so click “get your key”.
Tools
The only tool I worry about is the backup. It’s super-easy to set up. Click “Tools”, then “Backup”. 
Scroll down to “Schedule Backups”, select weekly, make sure it’s set to a good email address and click “Schedule Backup”. I only save weekly because we won’t be adding daily content. Weekly is safe enough, without filling up your email inbox.
Settings
There are a lot of settings we’re going to set. This is going to make the site more usable and help the search engines find your site. We’re going to go right down the list. If you see a section that I don’t mention, it’s because the defaults are good enough.
Writing
Set the Default Post Category to “Misc”.
Visit this page and copy the entire list into “Update Service” box. This will make the site ping a few dozen services every time you publish a post. It’s a fast way to get each post indexed by Google.
Click “Save Changes”.
Discussion
Uncheck everything under “Email me whenever…” and hit save. This lets people submit comments, without actually posting the comments or emailing me when they do so. Every once in a while, I go manually approve the comments, but I don’t make it a priority.
Permalinks
Select “Custom structure” and enter this: /%postname%/
Click save.
All in One SEO
Set the status to “Enabled”, then fill out the site title and description. Keep the description to about 160 characters. This is what builds the blurb that shows up by the link when you site shows up in Google’s results.
Check the boxes for “Use categories for META keywords” and “Use noindex for tag archives”.
Click “Update Options”.
Date Exlusion SEO
Check the boxes to remove each of the dates and set the alt text to “purpose” or something. This will suppress the date so your posts won’t look obsolete.
SEO Search Terms 2
This plugin reinforces the searches that bring people to your site. It’s kind of neat. Skip the registration, accept the defaults and hit save.
WP Policies
Scroll to the bottom and click import. We’ll come back to this.
WP Super Cache
Select “Caching On” and hit save.
JetPack
Across the top of the screen should be a giant banner telling you to connect to WordPress.com and set up Jetpack. You’ll need an account on WordPress.com, so go there and set one up. After authorizing the site, you’ll be brought back to the Jetpack configuration screen. Click “Configure” under “WordPress.com Stats”. Take the defaults and hit save.
Contact
On the contact configuration page, copy the code in the top section. You’ll need this in a moment.
Pages
Now, we going to create a couple of static pages. On the left, click “Pages”, then “Add new”.
Name the first page “Contact” and put the contact form code in the body of the page. Hit publish.
Menus
Under Appearance, click “Menu”. Enter a menu name and hit save.
Then, under “Pages”, click the box next to “Contact”, “Disclaimer”, and any other policies you’d like to display. Hit save.
Widgets
Also under Appearance, click “Widgets”. This is where you’ll select what will display in the sidebar. All you have to do is drag the boxes you want from the middle of the page to the widget bar on the right. I recommend Text, Search, Recent Posts, Popular Search Terms and Tag Cloud. In the text box, just put some placeholder text in it, like “Product will go here”. We’ll address this next time.
Posts
We’re not going to worry about getting posts in place, yet. That will be the next installment. However, the steps in the next installment could take 2 weeks to implement, and we want Google to start paying attention now. To make that happen, we need to get a little bit of content in place. This won’t be permanent content. It’s only there so Google has something to see when it comes crawling.
To get this temporary, yet legal content, I use eZineArticles. Just go search for something in your niche that doesn’t look too spammy.
Then, click “Posts”, then delete the “Hello World” post. Click “Add new”. Copy the eZine article, being sure to include the author box at the bottom, and hit publish.
To see your changes, you may have to go to Settings, then WP Cache and delete the cache so your site will refresh.
Congratulations! You now have a niche blog with content. It’s not ready to make you any money, yet, but it is ready for Google to start paying attention. In the next installment, I’ll show you how I get real unique content and set it up so Google keeps coming back to show me the love.
Toxic People
You should never be in the company of anyone with whom you would not want to die.
-Duncan Idaho, from God-Emperor of Dune
Some people suck the life out of everyone they encounter. Whether it be through lies, unreasonable demands, emotional abuse or manipulation, or just a vile personalty, the people they meet are worse off for the encounter. The people they interact with every day are screwed.
My time is too precious to waste any of it unnecessarily on people who remove value from it. I like being with people who enrich my life, instead.
Unfortunately, since I’m not an advocate for the use of hitmen, not every toxic person is easy to eliminate from your life.
Toxic people come in 3 basic varieties: professional, personal, and family. There is some overlap between the categories.
The personal category is easiest to deal with. These people aren’t relatives or coworkers, so you won’t see them at family gatherings or at work. I’ve dealt with these people in two ways.
First, there is the direct approach. One former friend, who was really only a friend when it was convenient for him(a pure leech), got told that he wasn’t invited to one of our parties because I was inviting his ex-wife, instead. That was the last time he called me.
The second option is far more passive. I set up a contact group in my phone called “Life’s too short”. At first, I set it up with a fairly insulting ring tone, but I later switched it to no ring at all. I don’t know they’ve called until I check my voicemail. It’s far less direct, but also far easier than the direct approach.
Dealing with the toxic people in your family is more complicated. You’ll see them at holiday gatherings, or hear about them during unrelated visits. You probably have a lot of memories growing up with them, and may feel some level of obligation–deserved or not–to maintain contact. It’s hard to break a tie that you’ve had your entire life.
Can you fix their behavior? It’s worth trying to have a frank discussion about how they are treating you, or the things they are doing. If the problem is that they are constantly bringing over their methhead boyfriends, banning the drug addicts from your home, while still welcoming the relative may be an acceptable fix. If the problem is a constant need to belittle you, demanding they stop may work. If the problem is a lifetime of emotional abuse, it probably isn’t fixable.
Is banishment an option? Can you put that creepy cousin on the Life’s Too Short list? You’ll still have to deal with him at family gatherings, but you can always leave the room when he comes in, right? Don’t engage, don’t participate in any conversation beyond a polite greeting, and don’t offer any encouragement towards regular contact.
It’s possible that it won’t be possible to fix their behavior and that you won’t want to banish the offender. If, for example, the offender is your mother (Not you, Mom!), you may feel a sense of obligation to maintain contact, or even be a primary caregiver at times. This is a line nobody else can draw for you. At some point, the current bad behavior could overwhelm the past obligations. When that happens are you prepared for it? That can be a traumatic break.
The other option, as cold as it sounds, is to wait it out. Nature will take its course, eventually. Can you wait that long, while maintaining your sanity and emotional equilibrium?
Professional toxic people include customers, vendors, and coworkers, none of whom are easy to get rid of.
If you own the business, you can fire your problem customers if the hassle outweighs the benefits you get from the relationship. You can find a new vendor, and you can fire the problem employees.
What happens if you are an employee?
If the problem is your boss, your options are to suck it up, talk to his boss, or find a new job. If the first is intolerable, and the second is impossible, it’s time to polish your resume.
If the problem is a vendor, you’ve got some options. Document the problems, first. Does he make inappropriate jokes, or badmouth you to your customers? Then, research the alternatives. Does one of his competitors offer an equivalent product or service? Take the documentation and research to your boss, or whoever makes that decision, and see if you can get your company to make the switch. The other option, is to request someone new to deal with at the vendor’s company, but that may not always be possible.
Finally, we come to the problem of toxic coworkers.
Some coworkers have the same problems as a toxic boss. Is the company vice-president the boss’s baby brother? You’re probably not going to find a win there. You’ll have to suck it up or move on.
Is the problem person working in an unrelated department doing unrelated tasks? It may be possible to start taking breaks at different times and leave him where he belongs: in the past.
Is the difficult individual sharing an office with you, demanding everything be done his way, and throwing daily tantrums? This is the one that has to be dealt with. He’s the one sucking the life out of you every single day.
First, start making use of a voice recorder. If you’ve got a smartphone, you’ve probably already got one. Otherwise, drop the $20 to buy one. This lets you document the evil. When his behavior goes hinky, record it.
Second, stand up for yourself. If he’s making unreasonable demands, tell him it’s inappropriate. He’s a bully, and bullies tend to back down when they are confronted.
Third, make sure the boss knows about the behavior. Yes, this is tattling. Get over it. If he wasn’t acting like he was a spoiled 4 year old, you wouldn’t have to tell the boss that he was. If the boss doesn’t know there’s a problem, he can’t deal with it.
Fourth, for any problem that isn’t directly aimed at you, ignore it. If he makes a habit of throwing a tantrum because somebody emptied the coffee pot, or because the company switched health plans, let him. Only get in the way if it’s directed at you. Over time, the tantrums will get more noticeable and out of hand, forcing the boss to deal with it, preferably by handing him a pink slip.
Your goal is documentation, awareness, and avoidance. Make the worst of it go elsewhere so you can be as productive as possible, document what you can, and let the boss become aware of the situation and how bad it has become. And be patient. This isn’t an overnight fix.
How do you deal with the toxic people in your life?
