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The Unfrugal Meal

A Teppanyaki chef cooking on a modern gas powe...
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I spend a lot of time talking about how to save money here.  It’s kind of what I do.

Not today.

Today, I’m going to talk about the best way I’ve wasted money during my vacation this week.

First, so my feelings are completely understood:  A vacation is about experiences and memories.   I could spend all day at the park with my kids, or I could spend a memorable meal with them.   Which will they remember longer?

It ain’t the park.  They are there almost every day.

Of course, if the restaurant is McDonald’s they wouldn’t remember for long, either.

Tuesday, after a long day of hands-on, interactive museum-going, we took the kids to a Japanese steakhouse.   Teppanyaki, where they cook the food at the table, complete with fire, spatula spinning, and airborne food.

I’m the only one in my family who has seen that before.    Honestly, watching the art, the skill, the banter, and the giant fireball leaves me as wide-eyed as my kids.

They loved it.

Watching the chef throw a bowl full of rice across the table made my son’s jaw drop.

Seeing the chef carry fire from one side of the grill to the other on his fingers made my youngest squeal and beg for more fire tricks.

Getting squirted by the chef when he was putting out a flare-up made the middle brat giggle, possibly because the squirt gun was a little kid, dressed up as a fireman, with his pants down.   She got “peed” on and loved it.

Aside from cooking-as-a-show, the service was fantastic.   There was always a waiter nearby to keep our water glasses full or to provide “little kid” chopsticks, which are modified with rubber band to remove the need for skill to eat.   They had the courses perfectly timed.   The minute the salad was cleared, the soup was delivered.   When that was done, the chef rolled up to start on the rice.  My two-year-old was eating white rice without complaint for the first time.

Giggles and squeals.  Three days later, they are still talking about it.   My 11-year-old, who’s trying so hard to be an unimpressible teenager, says it was the coolest restaurant he’s ever seen.

Frugal, it wasn’t, but the memories were worth the money.

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Priorities

I once saw a sign on the wall in a junkyard that said, “Failure to plan on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part.”

Another good one: “If everything is top priority, nothing is top priority.”

Once a week, I meet with my boss to discuss my progress for the previous week and my priorities for the coming week.   This is supposed to make sure that my productivity stays in line with the company’s goals.

Great.

Once a day, my boss comes into my office to change my top priority based on whichever account manager has most recently asked for a status update for their customer.

Not so great.

At least twice a week, he asks for a status update on my highest priority items.   Each time, he could mean the items we prioritized in the weekly meeting, or the items he chose to escalate later.   Somehow, getting a new task escalated doesn’t deescalate an existing task.

Everything is a top priority.

To compensate, I’ve been working a few 12 hour days each week, and occasionally coming in on the weekends.

I’m dedicated and still behind.

Prioritizing is treated as an art, or in the case I just mentioned, a juggling act.  It should be considered a science.  It’s usually pretty simple.

  • Is the problem costing you money? +1
  • Is the problem costing your customer money? +2
  • Is the problem going to hurt your reputation? +1
  • Is there a deadline? +1
  • Is it soon? +2
  • Is it urgent? +1
  • Is it important? +2
  • Are there absolutely no real consequences for anyone if it doesn’t get completed? -500

That’s it.    Too many times, we get hung up on urgent-but-not-important items and neglect the important things.

The hard part comes when it’s someone else setting your priorities, particularly when that person doesn’t rate things on urgency, importance, and cost but rather “Who has bitched the loudest recently?”

Can I tell my boss that I’m not going to do things the way he told me too?  No.  A former coworker very recently found out what happens when you do this.

Can I remind him that I’m busting my butt as hard as I can?  Yes, but it will just earn me a request to come in on the weekend, too.

Can I ignore the official priorities part of the time, and work on what I feel is most important to keeping our customers happy?  Yes, but it’s easy to go too far.  “Boss, I ignored what you said, but this customer is happy, now!” won’t score me any points if it happens every week.

Priorities are simple, but not always easy.  How do you balance your priorities?

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The Happy Challenge

Watch this video.


Done?

Great.

For the cheaters, the part I am most interested in is the bit about reprogramming your brain for happiness.   Studies are showing that you can rewire yourself to be happier by doing happy things.

The science is sound.  Good things trigger a dopamine reaction.  Your body likes dopamine, so you start craving the things that make it happen, which all happen to be good things.  As you suffer dopamine withdrawal, you become driven to do what it takes to get your fix.

The process is similar to heroin withdrawal, with no downside.

Hugging your kids(assuming you like them) triggers the reaction.  So does sex, successes at work, and beating a video game.

The specific plan mentioned in the video is to write down three things that you are grateful for, once per day, for 21 days in a row.  That will begin the self-reinforcing training that can get you hooked on being happy.

That’s a win. 75% of job success is predicted by your attitude.  You are 31% more productive when you are happy.  You’re also more fun to be around.

That’s a win.

Here’s my challenge:

For the next 21 days, do it.  Write down 3 thing you are grateful for.  What makes you happy?  It’s okay if it’s hard.  If it’s hard for you, you need it more than most.

Now, the truly hard part:

Fill out this form every day.  Your answers can be as long or as short as you’d like, but there has to be 3 new things every day for 21 days.  We’re going to train your brain to look for the positive, so you can’t give me 63 things on day 21.  3 things, 21 days.

On day 22, tell me how the previous 3 weeks have been.

When it’s over, I’ll hold a drawing for everyone who completed the challenge.   Not everyone will see this immediately, so I’m going to run the challenge until May 15.    That means you have until April 24th to get started.

3 answers per day means three prizes.  I’ll give away a total of $250 to three lucky participants.   That’s a $125 prize, a $75 prize, and a $50 prize, but you have to obey the rules.  3 things, 21 days in a row.

Be happy.  I dare you.

Happy Challenge Winners

On April 4th, I issued a challenge and threw out a bribe to make it happen.

For the next 21 days, do it.  Write down 3 thing you are grateful for.  What makes you happy?  It’s okay if it’s hard.  If it’s hard for you, you need it more than most.

Now, the truly hard part:

Your answers can be as long or as short as you’d like, but there has to be 3 new things every day for 21 days.  We’re going to train your brain to look for the positive, so you can’t give me 63 things on day 21.  3 things, 21 days.

On day 22, tell me how the previous 3 weeks have been.

The contest ran until May 15th and generated 435 happy things across 145 cumulative days.    I’m going to spend some time crunching the data because it is inspiring to read the things that make all of you happy every day.   Mostly, it’s little things, like quiet Sunday mornings, fresh air, or family meals.  Those are the things life is made of.  The big things pass as milestones, but they can never create a happy life by themselves.

On to the winners!

These were chosen randomly.  I cannot and will not try to judge who has the best reasons to be happy.

In first place, K.C. wins $125.   K.C.’s Day 22 response was “It was really hard some days, but it showed me some important things about how I think. I think it would be good to do this with a small notebook and pencil. I found myself thinking of the same things several times, which made me think about treating those things more specially. Overall, it was a good exercise.”

Second place ($75) goes to Petra with, “I can’t believe I’m at day 22 already.  I’m not sure if this exercise made me a happier person, but it has gotten me to reflect and appreciate what (and who) I have and my surroundings.  Looking at my entries (yes, I kept track of them), I do notice patterns of the things I value most and that give me joy and gratitude.  These are: family, nature, a job that I enjoy, relationships, and anything that makes my life a little easier or enjoyable.  Thank you for providing this challenge to your readers.”

Third place ($50) goes to Lynda, who said, “I enjoyed this challenge. It wasn’t very hard. I noticed that when I was entering the giveaways each day, it helped me reflect on my day. But I didn’t really notice a change in my attitude.”

I’d like to thank everyone who participated, even if it was for just one day.  You’ve made my month brighter.

 

Sammy’s Story, Part 2

For those of you not following along, please read the previous installment of Sammy’s Story.  The short version is that we’re thinking about helping someone launch a small business and put “at risk” teenagers and young adults to work.

Sammy called me a couple of days ago.  He wanted to discuss working for some of the tools and toys he saw at my mother-in-law’s house and he said he had something to show us.   When I picked him up, he had a leather portfolio-style notebook and looked excited.

When we got to the house, he opened up his notebook and handed me two pieces of paper.   He said that the idea of being able to launch his business had him so excited that he couldn’t not do anything.   He had handed me a landscaping plan and materials list for fixing my mother-in-law’s yard.

We talked about the landscape plan, the business plan, and my wife’s old skateboard, then he had to go.   Last night was one of the nights he met “his” kids at a community center.

On the way to the community center, we stopped by his apartment, because he wanted to show me pictures of his kids, and his grandkids, and his foster mother.   He told me about his mother dying when he was 13 and his father dropping him with an aunt before disappearing.   He was nearly in tears when he asked how some strange white guy could see more in him than his own family did.

He told me about how the money he made working with me had put food on the table of the 14 year old he brought with–a 14 year old who is eager to work more.  It paid the weekly rent for one of the other workers and contributed to the rehab of Sammy’s ex.   The little bit we’ve done has already touched the lives of dozens of people.

We talked about the way he hates rap.  Not because of it’s musical value, but because it’s building a culture that considers women to be nothing but “bitches and hoes” while convincing kids that the only way they can improve their situation is to land a recording contract.  Those are the kids he wants to teach to take care of themselves and build their own lives.

Finally, he asked me for my honest opinion about his landscaping plan.

I said, “Sammy, that clinched the deal.  I was leaning towards helping you, but now it’s definite.  I know you’re serious, so we’re going to make this happen.”

He’s got no idea how to handle taxes, payroll, or insurance, and he has no tools, but we’re going to jump in with both feet.

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