Search Results for “three-alternatives-to-a-budget/budget-lesson-part-5/debt-burnout/budget-lesson-part-3/travel-expenses-why-i-splurge/future-dreams/budget4/subscribe-by-email/contact-me/4-ways-we-keep-wasting-money/garage-sale-manual” — Page 9

Toxic People

You should never be in the company of anyone with whom you would not want to die.

-Duncan Idaho, from God-Emperor of Dune

Some people suck the life out of everyone they encounter. Whether it be through lies, unreasonable demands, emotional abuse or manipulation, or just a vile personalty, the people they meet are worse off for the encounter. The people they interact with every day are screwed.

My time is too precious to waste any of it unnecessarily on people who remove value from it. I like being with people who enrich my life, instead.

Unfortunately, since I’m not an advocate for the use of hitmen, not every toxic person is easy to eliminate from your life.

Toxic people come in 3 basic varieties: professional, personal, and family. There is some overlap between the categories.

The personal category is easiest to deal with. These people aren’t relatives or coworkers, so you won’t see them at family gatherings or at work. I’ve dealt with these people in two ways.

First, there is the direct approach. One former friend, who was really only a friend when it was convenient for him(a pure leech), got told that he wasn’t invited to one of our parties because I was inviting his ex-wife, instead. That was the last time he called me.

The second option is far more passive. I set up a contact group in my phone called “Life’s too short”. At first, I set it up with a fairly insulting ring tone, but I later switched it to no ring at all. I don’t know they’ve called until I check my voicemail. It’s far less direct, but also far easier than the direct approach.

Dealing with the toxic people in your family is more complicated. You’ll see them at holiday gatherings, or hear about them during unrelated visits. You probably have a lot of memories growing up with them, and may feel some level of obligation–deserved or not–to maintain contact. It’s hard to break a tie that you’ve had your entire life.

Can you fix their behavior? It’s worth trying to have a frank discussion about how they are treating you, or the things they are doing. If the problem is that they are constantly bringing over their methhead boyfriends, banning the drug addicts from your home, while still welcoming the relative may be an acceptable fix. If the problem is a constant need to belittle you, demanding they stop may work. If the problem is a lifetime of emotional abuse, it probably isn’t fixable.

Is banishment an option? Can you put that creepy cousin on the Life’s Too Short list? You’ll still have to deal with him at family gatherings, but you can always leave the room when he comes in, right? Don’t engage, don’t participate in any conversation beyond a polite greeting, and don’t offer any encouragement towards regular contact.

It’s possible that it won’t be possible to fix their behavior and that you won’t want to banish the offender. If, for example, the offender is your mother (Not you, Mom!), you may feel a sense of obligation to maintain contact, or even be a primary caregiver at times. This is a line nobody else can draw for you. At some point, the current bad behavior could overwhelm the past obligations. When that happens are you prepared for it? That can be a traumatic break.

The other option, as cold as it sounds, is to wait it out. Nature will take its course, eventually. Can you wait that long, while maintaining your sanity and emotional equilibrium?

Professional toxic people include customers, vendors, and coworkers, none of whom are easy to get rid of.

If you own the business, you can fire your problem customers if the hassle outweighs the benefits you get from the relationship. You can find a new vendor, and you can fire the problem employees.

What happens if you are an employee?

If the problem is your boss, your options are to suck it up, talk to his boss, or find a new job. If the first is intolerable, and the second is impossible, it’s time to polish your resume.

If the problem is a vendor, you’ve got some options. Document the problems, first. Does he make inappropriate jokes, or badmouth you to your customers? Then, research the alternatives. Does one of his competitors offer an equivalent product or service? Take the documentation and research to your boss, or whoever makes that decision, and see if you can get your company to make the switch. The other option, is to request someone new to deal with at the vendor’s company, but that may not always be possible.

Finally, we come to the problem of toxic coworkers.

Some coworkers have the same problems as a toxic boss. Is the company vice-president the boss’s baby brother? You’re probably not going to find a win there. You’ll have to suck it up or move on.

Is the problem person working in an unrelated department doing unrelated tasks? It may be possible to start taking breaks at different times and leave him where he belongs: in the past.

Is the difficult individual sharing an office with you, demanding everything be done his way, and throwing daily tantrums? This is the one that has to be dealt with. He’s the one sucking the life out of you every single day.

First, start making use of a voice recorder. If you’ve got a smartphone, you’ve probably already got one. Otherwise, drop the $20 to buy one. This lets you document the evil. When his behavior goes hinky, record it.

Second, stand up for yourself. If he’s making unreasonable demands, tell him it’s inappropriate. He’s a bully, and bullies tend to back down when they are confronted.

Third, make sure the boss knows about the behavior. Yes, this is tattling. Get over it. If he wasn’t acting like he was a spoiled 4 year old, you wouldn’t have to tell the boss that he was. If the boss doesn’t know there’s a problem, he can’t deal with it.

Fourth, for any problem that isn’t directly aimed at you, ignore it. If he makes a habit of throwing a tantrum because somebody emptied the coffee pot, or because the company switched health plans, let him. Only get in the way if it’s directed at you. Over time, the tantrums will get more noticeable and out of hand, forcing the boss to deal with it, preferably by handing him a pink slip.

Your goal is documentation, awareness, and avoidance. Make the worst of it go elsewhere so you can be as productive as possible, document what you can, and let the boss become aware of the situation and how bad it has become. And be patient. This isn’t an overnight fix.

How do you deal with the toxic people in your life?

Sunday Roundup: Spent weekend

Misc

The problem with running a training class for a side hustle is that it sucks up half of my weekend, whenever I hold a class. I like my weekends. Unfortunately for downtime, I like extra money more.

30 Day Project Update

This month, I am trying to do 100 perfect push-ups in a single set. I’m recording each session in a spreadsheet. I am currently up to 50 in a set and 175 in a session, spread across 5 sets. This week, my elbow started hurting, so I took 2 and a half days off.

Weight Loss Update

I am on the Slow Carb Diet. At the end of the month, I’ll see what the results were and decide if it’s worth continuing. For those who don’t know, the Slow Carb Diet involves cutting out potatoes, rice, flour, sugar, and dairy in all their forms. My meals consist of 40% proteins, 30% vegetables, and 30% legumes(beans or lentils). There is no calorie counting, just some specific rules, accompanied by a timed supplement regimen and some timed exercises to manipulate my metabolism. The supplements are NOT effedrin-based diet pills, or, in fact, uppers of any kind. There is also a weekly cheat day, to cut the impulse to cheat and to avoid letting my body go into famine mode.

I’m measuring two metrics, my weight and the total inches of my waist , hips, biceps, and thighs. Between the two, I should have an accurate assessment of my progress.

Weight: I have lost 38 pounds since January 2nd. That’s 2 pound since last week.

Total Inches: I have lost 22.5 inches in the same time frame, down 1.5 inches since last week. My biceps, which are part of this measurement, have grown half an inch each since I started doing push-ups twice a day.

Best Posts

My mother-in-law hates dandelions, with a passion that just isn’t sane. I want to make her a meal that consists of nothing but dandelions.

When I got my first RSA SecureID card, I thought it was the coolest thing ever. If you’ve never had one, it gives you a rotating password that changes every 30 seconds, so nobody can guess you password for long. It was neat, and, apparently, not that secure.

The idea of a tortoise on wheels makes me smile.

I’d like to try to make yogurt. I can try whatever flavors I like. Poptart-and-broccoli yogurt just sounds….

I work really hard to save money on vacations, and this post is full of good ideas to help me do that.

eBay is making changes to their fee structure that will make it a lot cheaper to sell things. I’m guessing the back-the-customer-no-matter-what-at-the-expense-of-the-seller’s-getting-scammed policy was costing them some money.

The big box stores are pushing for Amazon to collect sales tax on all sales, in opposition to a Supreme Court ruling on the topic. It won’t make a difference in sales. Amazon will still be cheaper. And I’ll get a Canadian mail drop.

LRN Timewarp

This is where I review the posts I wrote a year ago. Did you miss them then?

I talked about teaching my kids the joy of delayed gratification. Interestingly, my son has since decided he doesn’t want an XBox 360, because the buy-in is too high, with having to buy games and controllers to match the console. We’ve also changed his allowance to savings ratio. Now, 25% of everything he makes hits his bank account. The rest is his to do with as he sees fit.

Last year at this time, it was scam week here. I wrote a post on debt scams and another on disaster scams.

Carnivals I’ve Rocked and Guest Posts I’ve Rolled

Money Problems: Boosting Your Income was included in the Totally Money Carnival.

Living in Debt: How I Sacrificed My Future was included in the Carnival of Personal Finance.

My post on spendthrift whiners was hosted on Faith and Finance. In return, I hosted his post on paper statement fees.

Thank you! If I missed anyone, please let me know.

Yakezie Blog Swap

Jacob hosted the Yakezie Blog Swap, which is a bunch of bloggers writing on the same topic and sharing the posts with each other. Here is his list of the participants this round.

He wrote about 3 of my financial pet peeves (spending too much money on drinks, financing expensive furniture, and active investing strategies) on Narrow Bridge Finance.

Robert from The College Investor wrote about how people making mistakes with their 401k accounts is a big “no-no” at Thousandaire.

Narrow Bridge Finance posted about how people not taking responsibility for their financial actions infuriates him on My Personal Finance Journey.

Prairie Eco-Thrifter posted about how sales tax is her biggest financial pet peeve at 101 Centavos.

101 Centavos posted about how wasting food makes his blood pressure rise at Prairie Eco-Thrifter.

LaTisha D Styles writes about how greedy banks upset her at Retire by 40.

Retire by 40 wrote about how bigger is not necessarily better at FSYA Online.

Bucksome Boomer writes about how advertisers that hide the real price of a product is maddening at The Single Saver.

The Single Saver wrote about parents who do not teach their children financial responsibility at Bucksome Boomer.

Kevin from Thousandaire writes about people having misconceptions about Roth IRA’s at The College Investor.

Time from Faith and Finance vents about financial institutions charging to send paper account statements, but still send out a plethora of paper junk mail at Live Real Now.

Jason from Live Real Now politely rants about how aggravating it is to see people whine about their less-than-ideal financial situations, yet do nothing about it, at Faith and Finance.

Money Sanity vents about people complaining about paying overdraft and bank fees, while at the same time, having no idea how much credit card debt they have or their checking account balance at The Saved Quarter

The Saved Quarter writes about people who are financially irresponsible and want to complain about how broke they are while showing off the new things they bought at Money Sanity

Barb Friedberg talks about how investment advisors that get paid to sell products (more salesman than investment advisors in my book) upset her at Happy Simple Living

Happy Simple Living writes about how companies and people that exploit others aggravate her at Barb Friedberg Personal Finance.

Get More Out of Live Real, Now

There are so many ways you can read and interact with this site.

You can subscribe by RSS and get the posts in your favorite news reader. I prefer Google Reader.

You can subscribe by email and get, not only the posts delivered to your inbox, but occasional giveaways and tidbits not available elsewhere.

You can ‘Like’ LRN on Facebook. Facebook gets more use than Google. It can’t hurt to see what you want where you want.

You can follow LRN on Twitter. This comes with some nearly-instant interaction.

You can send me an email, telling me what you liked, what you didn’t like, or what you’d like to see more(or less) of. I promise to reply to any email that isn’t purely spam.

Have a great week!

Budget Lesson, Part 6

Finance

It’s been a month since I’ve written a post for the budget series, so I’ll be continuing that today. See these posts for the history of this series.

This time, I’ll be reviewing my non-monthly bills. These are the bills that have to be paid, but aren’t due on a monthly basis. Some are annual, some are quarterly.

School Lunch – This could be cut by sending a bag lunch. We pay about $1.25 per day for school lunch. At that price, I don’t think I can beat the nutrition, let alone the convenience of the meal. We pay this whenever the account gets below $10.
Property Taxes – We pay this semi-annually. This bill goes up every year due to the ****** ***-******* ******-******* who don’t care about their constituents making ends meet. ******* ***** ******* *******. Huh. Who knew WordPress came with a censor? I could move, but I’d have to get out of commuting distance to get this down much.
Life insurance – I’ve got two quarterly life insurance policies. I can’t get these much cheaper, but I should be able to next year. The questions asked if I’ve smoked in the last three years, and that will be up on Halloween.
AAA – It’s only been recently that I’ve owned vehicles reliable enough to avoid paying my AAA dues for me. I could cancel this, but for $80 per year, the hotel discounts make it a wash. One vacation per year comes close to making the difference.
Vehicle Registration – The only way to cut this would be to get rid of a vehicle. I don’t think that’s possible for us. We work in opposite directions and, for at least one quarter per year, spend too much time chasing around for activities.
Daycare – We’ve been using our current daycare provider since my oldest(10) was one. When my youngest turns 2 in June, our costs will go down. Without one of us quitting our job, this bill can only go down as the kids grow up.
City Bill – This bill combines our garbage, water, and sewer. With three adults, three kids, and 5 animals in the house, reducing our garbage level is difficult. We do try to manage our water usage in the summer, to keep that down.
Web host – I have a few domain names and a hosting package to handle my side hustles and miscellaneous projects. This is a deductible expense. I have been allowing my domain names to expire if the project isn’t being actively pursued.
Memberships – I have annual dues to two organizations. I’m making payments on lifetime memberships, so these will be going away in about 18 months.

Reviewing this list, there doesn’t seem to be too much I can cut and accomplish any meaningful savings. Am I missing something?

A Budget Isn’t Enough

Finance

: Image via Wikipedia

You know exactly how much you make, to the penny. You’ve listed all of your bills in a spreadsheet, including the annual payment for your membership to Save the Combat-Wombat. You know exactly how much is coming in and how much has to go out each month. Your income is more than your expenses, yet somehow, you still have more month than money.

What’s going on?

The short answer is that a budget is not enough.

A budget is not…

…a checkbook register. Do you track everything you spend? Are you busting your budget on $10 lattes or DVDs every few days? Is the take-out you have for lunch every day adding up to 3 times your food budget? Are you sure? If you don’t track what you spend, how do you know what you’ve actually spent? You have to keep track of what you are spending. Luckily there are ways to do this that don’t involve complex calculation, laborious systems or even proper math. The easy options include using cash for all of your discretionary spending(no money, no spendy!), rounding your spending up so you always have more money than you think you do, or even keeping your discretionary money is a separate debit account. That will let you keep your necessary expenses covered. You’ll just have to check your discretionary account’s balance often and always remember that sometimes, things take a few days to hit your bank.

…a debt repayment plan. You may know how much you have available, but if you aren’t exercising the discipline to pay down your debt and avoid using more debt, you not only won’t make progress, but you’ll continue to dig a deeper hole. Without properly managing the money going out, watching the money coming in is pointless.

…an alternative to responsible spending. Your budget may say you have $500 to spare every month, but does that mean you should blow it on smack instead of setting up an emergency fund? I realize most heroin addicts probably aren’t reading this, but dropping $500 at the bar or racetrack is just as wasteful if you don’t have your other finances in order. Take care of your future needs before you spend all of your money on present(and fleeting) pleasures.

A budget is a starting point for keeping your financial life organized and measuring a positive cash flow. By itself, it can’t help you. You need to follow it up with responsible planning and spending.

Where the hell have I been?

Finance

For the last year or so, I haven’t been writing much, which feels weird. I used to write three timer per week. I’d write about saving money, investing, frugality, sometimes, relationships and parenting.

But that stopped. Why?

When I started this site, I was about $110,000 in debt, and just starting my journey out of it. A few months before, I was looking into bankruptcy, because I didn’t know how to get out of debt.

For years, the ways I saved money, cut corners, and earned extra money was fodder for this site. Everything I did was about saving money, earning money, and paying off debt.

Now? I’m about 2 months away from being completely debt-free. I paid my mortgage off last month, and have about $10,000 in credit card debt at the moment. I know, I paid that off backwards, but there are reasons. Reasons I’ll share another time.

4 years ago, I was essentially working 4 jobs. My day job, my gun training business, my internet marketing business, and my websites(including this one). I was working all of the time. It was necessary, but it’s a path to burnout. Then, I changed jobs a couple of times, nearly doubling my day job’s pay. My business partner got promoted out of a position that generated leads for one of our businesses, then had an accident that the other shared business on hold for a while.

Suddenly, I had free time and enough money coming in that I didn’t need to work all of the time. It was a crazy place to be after spending more than a decade pretending to be a workaholic just to keep my head above water. (Here’s a secret: I’m incredibly lazy. I’m just the busiest lazy man I know.) So I started pursuing hobbies.

Linda and I have been taking ballroom dancing lessons and are nearly to the point that competing is a real possibility.

I cleaned out my garage and assembled a decent wood shop, which is something I’ve wanted to do roughly forever.

I’ve been taking blacksmithing lessons with my teenage son.

I’ve been playing games with my kids, dating my wife, and simply enjoying my life.

This site?

Through all of that, I haven’t known what to write about.

“Dear audience, this month, I paid my bills, didn’t go on vacation, and bought a drill press.”

“Dear audience, my debt went down another $500 this month.”

“Dear audience, I didn’t buy a car I can’t afford this month. Again.”

Those aren’t good articles. Financially–while paying off debt is disturbingly exciting–my life is very repetitive. That’s the hardest part about paying off a lot of debt. It’s good, it’s necessary, it’s boring. My wins have been spaced out by several years lately, and I haven’t been creatively frugal. Screw frugal. If you can afford some conveniences and luxuries, frugal sucks.

Anything new happening in my world that would apply to this site would make it read like an accountant’s ledger book. $100,000 minus $1500 plus $10,000 minus $300, ad nauseum.

Instead of inflicting boring accountancy on you, I’ve been absent.

What next? Who knows. I enjoy writing. I enjoy writing here. I’ve started writing a novel.

What would you like to see here?

Failure! 30 Day Project Summary – March

Life

My 30 Day Project for the month of March has been to do 100 sit-ups in a single set. Based on February’s results, I had a plan.

I will be doing 5 sets, morning and night, as follows:

Set 1: Half of my maximum amount.

Sets 2-4: 3/4 of my max.

Set 5: Do sit-ups until my abs start to cramp, thus setting my max for the next session.

I failed miserably.

It started off perfectly. My base amount was 20 sit-ups. I had a plan. I’d proven, at least to myself, that I was able to follow an intense workout plan, even through pain. I was encouraged by February’s results, so I dove in.

The first 3 or 4 days went well. I had some muscle strain, but that was expected. I hadn’t done sit-ups for years. I discovered muscles I actually hadn’t known existed, just from how they hurt. This was the good pain, the pain that shows progress. After doing the push-ups in February, this pain wasn’t as bad as I had expected. Push-ups are an excellent ab workout.

Maybe I became complacent. Either my form slipped, or I was going too fast and “bounced” through the sit-ups, but I pulled a muscle in my back. This was the bad pain, the pain that warns of fundamental problems. My form, my size, my history of back problems, who knows? One or more of those possible problems reared up to turn an excellent idea into a disaster. March’s plan got sidelined for a few days.

When my back was better, I started again. Again, everything was fine for 3 or 4 days. Then my back betrayed me, again. Another break, another try, another strain and I gave up. I made it to 50, then just stopped. Too much more, and I wouldn’t be able to tolerate sitting at my desk. Or maybe I just wimped out, afraid to hurt my back again.

I’m disappointed. I haven’t done a single sit-up in the last week.

To make matters worse, without the sit-ups to do in the morning, I’ve been letting myself snooze my alarm clock instead of getting up at 5. March has been such a slacker month.

Lesson learned: Always listen to your body. Don’t get tied into a specific routine–even one you created for yourself–if your body is demanding to stop. Watch your form and make sure you aren’t putting undue strain on anything that can cause long-term damage.

Lesson learned, part II: Push-ups are more fun and less painful than sit-ups. They will be getting incorporated into my ongoing routine.

Ending the sit-ups did leave me enough energy to get an early start on April’s 30 Day Project. The goal for next month is to declutter every room in the house: Every closet, every dresser, every drawer.

Loft Bed

To start, we replaced our son’s dresser, bed, and desk with a loft-bed that combines the three. While transferring items from the desk and dresser to the new bed, everything was sorted to make sure it still fit and was used and useful. If it didn’t meet those criteria, it was either tossed or priced and boxed for a garage sale.

In the girls’ room, we removed a dresser, the changing table, a toddler bed, a convertible crib/toddler bed. It all got replaced with a set of bunk beds and the dresser we took from our son. Everything got the same garage-sale check before it was put away.

Both of these changes easily tripled the usable floor space in each room and all of the kids love their new beds. Using the magic of Craigslist, I think we got the new furniture for 10-15% of retail, and have old furniture to add to our sale, which will further defray the cost.

This leaves the master bedroom, the bathroom, the front closet, the kitchen and our entire basement to go. Shoes and jackets that have never been worn. Books that will never be reread. Bye-bye. Some of it will be painful, but we all realize it’s necessary. We’ve already filled more than 2 dozen boxes of stuff to sell. None of it is coming back in the house. If it doesn’t sell, we’re donating it.

More to come as we progress through the mountains of crap.

Search Results for: three-alternatives-to-a-budget/budget-lesson-part-5/debt-burnout/budget-lesson-part-3/travel-expenses-why-i-splurge/future-dreams/budget4/subscribe-by-email/contact-me/4-ways-we-keep-wasting-money/garage-sale-manual

30 Day Project Update

Weight Loss Update

Best Posts

Carnivals I’ve Rocked and Guest Posts I’ve Rolled

Yakezie Blog Swap

Get More Out of Live Real, Now