- Watching Gamers:Dorkness Rising #
- Charisma? Weee! #
- Tweeting a dork movie? I'm a bit of a geek. #
- We just met and the first thing you do, after boinking a stranger in the presence of the king, is to murder a peasant? #
- Every movie needs a PvN interlude. #
- Everything's better with pirates. #
- Waffles? Recognize. #
- The Spatula of Purity shall scramble the eggs of your malfeasance. #
- Checkout clerks licking their fingers to separate bags or count change is gross. #
- Watching Sparkles the Vampire, Part 2: Bella's Moodswing. #twilight #
- @penfed was a waste of money. $20 down the drain to join, wouldn't give a worthwhile limit, so I can't transfer a balance. #
- @JAlanGrey It's pretty lame. The first one was ok. This one didn't improve on the original. in reply to JAlanGrey #
- RT @tferriss: Are you taking snake oil? Beautiful data visualization of scientific evidence for popular supplements: http://ping.fm/pqaDi #
- Don't need more shelves, more storage, more organization. Just need less stuff. #
- @BeatingBroke is hosting the Festival of Frugality #226 http://su.pr/80Osvn #
- RT @tferriss: Cool. RT @cjbruce link directly to a time in a YouTube video by adding #t 2m50s to end of the URL (change the time). #
- RT @tferriss: From learning shorthand to fast mental math – The Mentat Wiki: http://ping.fm/fFbhJ #
- RT @wisebread: How rich are you? Check out this list (It may shock you!!!) http://www.globalrichlist.com/ #
- RT @tferriss: RT @aysegul_c free alternative to RosettS: livemocha.com for classes, forvo.com for pronunc., lang8.com for writing correction #
- Childish isn't an insult. http://su.pr/ABUziY #
- Canceled the Dish tonight. #
Fighting Fair
This was a guest post on another site early last year.
Everyone, at times, has disagreements. How boring would life be if everyone agreed all of the time? How you handle those disagreements may mean disaster.
This is particularly true when you are arguing with your spouse. You spend most non-working moments with this one person, this wonderful, loving, infuriating person. Your emotions will naturally run high while discussing the things you care most about with the person you care most about. Arguments are not only natural, but inevitable.
How do you have an argument with someone you love without lasting resentment?
You have to argue fairly. There are a few principles to remember during an argument.
- When your partner is talking, your job is to listen with all of your energy. You are not interrupting. Your are not planning your rebuttal while waiting for your turn to talk. Your are listening, nothing else. If you don’t listen, you can’t understand. If you don’t understand, you can’t find a resolution.
- Remember that your partner cares. If she didn’t care, she wouldn’t feel so strongly about the argument. This isn’t a war, just an argument. She still wants to spend the rest of her life with you. Keeping this in mind will change the entire tone of the argument into a positive interaction. You will still disagree, but you will be looking for a solution together, instead of finding a “win” at any cost.
- Search for the best intent. Remember #2? There is an incredibly good chance that, if there are two ways to interpret something your partner has said–a good way and a bad way–your partner probably meant the good way. Even if you are wrong, it is far better to err on the side of resolution than the side of antagonism.
- When your partner has finished speaking, it’s still not your turn to argue. Your job now is to repeat your understanding of the issue, without worrying about problem-solving. Before you can refute the argument–or even establish your disagreement–you have to know that you understand her position and she has to know that you do. Without understanding, there can be no path to resolution that doesn’t cause resentment. If you have too much resentment, you won’t have a marriage.
After all of this, it will finally be your turn to make your point. Hopefully, your partner will be following the same rules so you can solve your problems together, without learning to hate each other.
Arguments in your marriage aren’t–or shouldn’t be–intended to draw blood. Fights happen. If your goal is to win at any cost, you will both lose, possibly everything.
Over-scheduled
- Image via Wikipedia
Wow. I’m having a hard time believing it’s August already. Every year seems to slip by a little faster, but this summer has truly flown by, somehow without anything to show for it. I haven’t gotten any of the yard work or household projects finished. I’ve taken on so much that I can’t do anything but the side hustles.
This summer, I’ve been busy. I teach classes one Saturday each month, I’ve picked up a couple of web design jobs, I’m the webmaster for a nonprofit, and I’ve taken on an affiliate marketing project. Oh, and I can’t forget my 50-hour-per-week day job or the ebook I’ve promised to help prep and launch. With all of these projects, my cash flow situation is better than its been in a while, but my time is seriously crunched.
That’s not even counting the family activities. We’ve had swimming lessons, birthday parties and family reunions…all in the last month.
Our family is seriously over-scheduled. It seems like there is no downtime, which is a situation I’ve always tried to avoid in the past. Somehow, I’ve lost the ability to say “no”. Because of that, I’m now left with the impossible task of trying to scale back. While I can’t abandon my commitments, I need to work towards resolving them all and not taking on more.
[ad name=”inlineleft”]It’s time to scale back through attrition. In a month or two, I should be down to a sane schedule again, and able to tackle the things I really want to do that have been indefinitely delayed.
Everybody takes on too much at times. How do you avoid over-committing?
- Learn to say no. It is okay to refuse to take on more projects. You probably aren’t the first person to turn down the project and you probably won’t be the last. Don’t assume its your responsibility. It is fine to leave it for someone else.
- Prioritize. Don’t prioritize your projects, prioritize yourself. Know what you need to accomplish. Know what you want to accomplish. Deny the things that other people want you to accomplish if the new tasks don’t fall into the first two categories. You need to feed your family. You need to pay your bills. You don’t need to take on the soccer team’s newsletter or volunteer to make 1000 cupcakes for some fundraiser.
- Know your commitments. Most people overestimate how much available time they have while underestimating how long a new project will take. This leaves them double-booked. Take a realistic look at what you are currently doing, even if it means keeping a log of your day for a few weeks. You’ll probably be surprised by what you are already doing.
- Stay organized. If you aren’t keeping track of what you need to do, you’ll end up running around crazy trying to get it all done. Keep a calendar and leave yourself notes. I get daily reminders of what is on my Google calendar each morning.
- Know your limitations. If you aren’t technical, don’t volunteer to build a website. Do your strengths, let someone else deal with the things that are your weaknesses.
It’s entirely too easy to do too much. When every moment of your day has two of more things that need to be done, you’ll do them all poorly. How do you avoid taking on too much?
The Magic Toilet
- Image by tokyofortwo via Flickr
My toilet is saving me $1200.
For a long time, my toilet ran. It was a nearly steady stream of money slipping down the drain. I knew that replacing the flapper was a quick job, but it was easy to ignore. If I wasn’t in the bathroom, I couldn’t hear it. If I was in the bathroom, I was otherwise occupied.
When I finally got sick of it, I started researching how to fix a running toilet because I had never done it before. I found the HydroRight Dual-Flush Converter. It’s the magical push-button, two-stage flusher. Yes, science fiction has taken over my bathroom. Or at least my toilet.
I bought the dual-flush converter, which replaces the flusher and the flapper. It has two buttons, which each use different amounts of water, depending on what you need it to do. I’m sure there’s a poop joke in there somewhere, but I’m pretending to have too much class to make it.
I also bought the matching fill valve. This lets you set how much water is allowed into the tank much better than just putting a brick in the tank. It’s a much faster fill and has a pressure nozzle that lies on the bottom of the tank. Every time you flush, it cleans the inside of the tank. Before I put it in, it had been at least 5 years since I had opened the tank. It was black. Two weeks later, it was white again. I wouldn’t want to eat off of it, or drink the water, but it was a definite improvement.
Installation would have been easier if the calcium buildup hadn’t welded the flush handle to the tank. That’s what reciprocating saws are for, though. That, and scaring my wife with the idea of replacing the toilet. Once the handle was off, it took 15 minutes to install.
“Wow”, you say? “Where’s the $1200”, you say? We’ve had this setup, which cost $35.42, since June 8th, 2010. It’s now September. That’s summer. We’ve watered both the lawn and the garden and our quarterly water bill has gone down $30, almost paying for the poo-gadget already. $30 X 4 = $120 per year, or $1200 over 10 years.
Yes, it will take a decade, but my toilet is saving me $1200.
Zombie Wheels: How to Own a Car That Just Won’t Die
The average car dies somewhere between 100,000 and 150,000 miles. My car is coming up on the lower end of that range and I’d like to see it last a lot longer than the top end. I paid the thing off in January, and I’ve grown fond of not having a car payment. Extending the useful life of your car–and continuing to use it–means fewer car payments and cheap auto insurance premiums.
Who really wants to keep making car payments month after month, year after year? I want my car to outlast me. Scratch that. If that wish come true, I’ll have a meteor fall on me the day before the transmission explodes.
How can you help your car continue past undeath, past the point when other cars have given up and accepted the True Death?
Keep Your Gas Tank Full
Here in the frozen north(though not as frozen or as north as some of you), it’s conventional wisdom to keep your gas tank full in the winter to prevent your fuel lines from freezing. Did you know you should keep it full the rest of the year, too? An empty tank is more likely to rust. Even before the rust eats a hole through the tank, there are tiny flakes of rust drifting into the gas lines and clogging the fuel system.
Change Your Oil
When you run old oil, you’re leaving contaminants and little flakes of metal flowing through all of the important moving bits of your engine. Changing your oil removes those tiny abrasive bits from the equation. I don’t recommend buying into the propaganda put out by the oil-change stores and changing it every 3000 miles, but do it regularly. I aim for about every 5000 miles, but a better recommendation is to do whatever your owner’s manual says.
In between changes, don’t forget to check your oil level and top it off when it’s needed. All by itself, that will improve your fuel efficiency and keep your car running happy.
Consistently keeping up with just these two small things will keep your car running smoothly for a long time.
How many miles are on your car? How long do you plan to keep it?
The Happy Butt
Do you find the cloud in every silver lining? Is the glass not only half empty, but evaporating? Do you start every day thinking
about how the effects of entropy on the universe make everything you do ultimately pointless?
You may be a pessimist.
Pessimism gets a bad rap. Without pessimists, we wouldn’t have insurance plans, missile defense systems, or Eeyore, and what would the world be without those things?
The thing you have to ask yourself is “Does the negativity make you happy?”
The next thing you have to ask yourself is whether or not you were lying with your previous answer.
If you have a negative outlook on everything, I have good news for you: it’s possible to defeat it. No matter how long you’ve been looking at the world through coffin-colored glasses, no matter how ingrained your negative slant is, it’s possible to change it.
You have to want to change it, because, as the saying goes, old habits die hard. Yippee kai yay.
You need a happy butt.
Little known fact: language shapes the way you think. If your language has no words for a concept, you will have a difficult time thinking about that concept, or even understanding it. Statistically, Asians are better at math than their western-world counterparts. Why? It’s not genetic. When a family moves to the US, the edge is lost within 2 generations. It’s not the amount of school they get. Even in backwaters with limited school access demonstrate the same abilities.
It’s the language. Euro-based languages are horrible. They are a clumsy mish-mash of crap from around the world, and the numbering system makes no sense. 11, 12, 13, huh? Spoken, that’s not a progression, it’s something we have to learn by rote. Why is 13 pronounce “thirteen”, with the ones place first, but 23 is pronounced with the tens place first, the way it is written? Where did the word “twenty” even come from? It’s obviously a horrible bastardization of “two” and “ten”, but is it self-evident? Does the progression through the decades follow some kind of rule? Twenty, thirty, forty, fifty. Nope.
The Asian languages (most of them) differ. The numeric progression is spoken in a rules-based progression that makes sense. 23 is literally “two tens three”, making learning math less about rote memorization and more about masters some simple rules.
In the western world, we are handicapped by our language, at least when it comes to math.
The rest of our thoughts are formed by language, too. Learn a language with different roots than the one your were born with and see how your perceptions change.
One of the signs of negative thinking is qualifying everything you say negatively. For example, one person might say “It’s a beautiful day, today” while Mr. Negativebritches would say “It’s a beautiful day, but it’s probably going to rain.” That’s a sad butt, err, but. Every time you qualify a sentence with a sad butt, you are reinforcing your negative view of the world.
The solution? Drop your drawers and paint on a smiley face. You need a happy but(t). You can rephrase the sentence into a happy thought without changing the sentiment or meaning in any way. Try this: “It’s probably going to rain, but it’s a beautiful day, now.” That’s a happy butt, and it reinforces the positive in your mind.
It sounds stupid, but it works. Your language shapes your life. Put a positive spin on what you say, and you will eventually start to think about life in a positive way.
Give it a shot. For the next week, every time you say something negative, qualify it with a happy butt. At the end of the week, come back here and tell me how it’s working and if you can sense a change in your mindset.
