This is a conversation between me and my future self, if my financial path wouldn’t have positively forked 2 years ago. The transcript is available here.
What would your future self have to say to you?
A Brighter Future: 3 Simple Things Parents Can Do to Make a Difference
[Editor: This is a guest post from my good friend Terra. I’ve know her for–jeez, really–20 years. If you’re looking for a staff writer, hit her up. Seriously. She’s good people.]
Who doesn’t want a brighter future for their child? Book store shelves overflow with parenting advice tomes and how-to guides to make “uber-kids”. Eager parents lap up promises to raise their children’s I.Q., increase their chances to get into college, and improve their social skills.
From books to apps to specialized software, there is a dizzying number of products available to help your child grow into the genius you know he or she is.
But what if I told you that the secrets to increasing your child’s likelihood to succeed in life were absolutely free. Simple things you have complete control over. No batteries or special upgrades required. No matter your income, education level, or what country you live in, these deceptively simple tips offer powerful results.
- Make Mealtimes Sacred
Food connects people. From the dawn of time, our species has gathered around the fire, to break bread and share our stories.
In modern times, our schedule can be crazy (between work, social activities, and, you know, life) so having dinner on the table at 6 o’clock every night is not always possible. However, studies consistently show that having a family meal at least 3 times a week has huge benefits for children (from teenagers being less likely to abuse drugs and alcohol, to increased academic success, to reduced risk of developing eating disorders or becoming obese, the implications are impressive). And it doesn’t have to be dinner, any meal will work. Consistency is the key.
Far from being boring, children find the predictable routine of family meals reassuring, promoting warm, fuzzy feelings of closeness and comfort (though teenagers will never admit it). Whether it’s take-out or made from scratch goodness, nothing says “I care about you” like sharing a meal.
Quality matters here, so remove distractions during meal time (turn off the TV, ban phones) and focus on each other. Take this time to reconnect and talk about your day and ask the kids about theirs. Make this time sacred. It matters that much.
- Hug Frequently
“We need 4 hugs a day for survival. We need 8 hugs a day for maintenance. We need 12 hugs a day for growth.” – Virginia Satir, psychotherapist
Receiving a loving hug feels wonderful. But beyond feeling “nice”, hugs literally have the power to heal us and improve our lives.
Hugs have superpowers. A hug has the power to release a “happiness hormone cocktail” of oxytocin (natural antidepressant, promotes feelings of devotion, trust and bonding), dopamine (intense pleasure), and serotonin (elevates mood, negates pain and sadness) in both the giver and receiver. Bonus, hugs are naturally gluten-free, organic, and have no unpleasant side effects.
To get the most benefits, prolonged hugging is recommended, around 20 seconds. A full-body hug stimulates your nervous system while decreasing feelings of loneliness, combating fear, increasing self-esteem, defusing tension, and showing appreciation. However, this hug fest only works its magic if you’re hugging someone you trust. Since children love to be held and cuddled, this is ideal for family bonding. Not so much with that new client you just landed (awkward…).
How does hugging effect children specifically? Children who aren’t hugged have delays in walking, talking, and reading. Hugging boosts self-esteem; from the time we’re born our family’s touch shows us that we’re loved and special. All of those cuddles we give to our children are imprinted on them at a cellular level and will still be imbedded in their nervous system as adults. Hugs today equal the ability to self-love as adults. That’s an awesome gift.
- Create a Home Library
We all know how important reading aloud to children is, from infants to teenagers. Reading is one of the most important factors affecting the development of a child’s brain. But reading skills are not hardwired into us; we don’t pop out of the womb quoting “Pride and Prejudice”. Reading skills need to be taught and encouraged.
Parents are a child’s first, and most important, teachers. While children can learn from flashcards and workbooks, nothing is more powerful than seeing your passion for reading. Whether you like it or not, your children are learning from your every move. What you find important, they will find important. No pressure! Teaching reading to your child requires attention, focus, and motivation. It also requires access to books, lots and lots of books.
Libraries are a great resource for developing a love of reading in your child. Most have a thoughtfully arranged children’s area offering story-time and other enrichment opportunities. However, nothing beats having a book to call your own, to hold and cherish, until the edges are worn with love.
Having a well-stocked home library, it turns out, matters. A lot. This study found that having a 500-book library was equivalent to having university-educated parents in terms of increasing the level of education their children will attain. That’s pretty powerful. It doesn’t matter if your family is rich or poor, from North America or Asia, if your parents are illiterate or college-educated, what matters is that you have books in your home.
Don’t’ have the space for 500 books? No worries. Having as few as 20 books in the home still has a significant impact on propelling a child to a higher level of education, and the more books you add, the greater the benefit.
Having a variety of books available makes a difference; especially important are reference books, with history and science texts having the greatest benefit.
No money for books? No Excuse! Dolly Parton’s Imagination Library is a great resource for free, high-quality children’s books. When you sign up, your child is mailed a new book each month until the age of five, addressed to them (a very special thing indeed).
I hope these tips empower you to take action. Small changes can have a big impact on your child’s future. Just remember, it’s not the money you make or the tutor you’ve hired or the new app you’ve installed that will catapult your baby Einstein ahead in life. It’s the quiet moments with you at home, eating, hugging, and reading that will carry them through whatever life brings their way.
Are these things you would like to focus on in your family? Do you have simple parenting tips that have made a difference in your child’s life?
Inadvertent BOGO
I refuse to buy my kid more expensive video game systems. He’s got a friend who’s got one of each, going back 15 years.
We don’t do that, so he’s spent the last 6 months saving to buy his own XBox 360. After his birthday this month, he finally had enough, so we ordered it a few days ago.
Wednesday was the Great Unboxing.
I was making dinner in the kitchen while the punk and his friend unpacked the box from Amazon.
The squeals were normal. The shouts of “Dad, why did you buy two XBoxes?” were a surprise.
Two?
No.
Actually, yes. There were two of the things in the box. Did I order two? Did I accidentally pay for two?
Nope. The packing slip only listed one, my order history only showed one, and my credit card was only charged for one.
Yet, there were two in the box. Free XBox! Woot!
That means an XBox in the bedroom for Grand Theft Auto and Red Dead Redemption, and an XBox in the basement for Madden and Star Wars. No fighting. No turns to take. And it didn’t cost us an extra $200.
That’s all win.
If there’s nothing on the packing slip, then Amazon didn’t know I had it. Even if they did, I didn’t do anything to make them send it. There was no fraud. Legally, I had no obligation of any kind to do anything other than enjoy my new prize.
Lots of win.
The kids were excited. Everyone gets a turn. Multiplayer games.
The parents were excited. We get a turn. M-rated games.
So much freaking win in that box.
But….
There’s always a but.
We didn’t order it. We didn’t pay for it. It wasn’t ours.
A friend told me to sell it. She knows how hard we’re working to pay off debt.
A coworker said, “Screw them. They’re just a big corporation who’d be happy to screw you first.”
But it wasn’t ours.
I spent 12 hours trying to rationalize a way to keep it that wouldn’t be unethical, make me feel guilty, or–most important–send a horrible message to my kids.
I couldn’t do it.
It wasn’t ours.
I had a talk with my son. It was his money that got this little prize into our house, after all. He wanted to keep it, naturally. He’s got a lot to learn about persuasion. He acknowledged that sending it back was the right thing to do. He agreed that it would suck if the roles were reversed. His only argument in favor of keeping it was “I want it.”
Even he admitted that was completely lame.
It’s going back. I let him think that was his decision.
I talked to Amazon. They apologized for the inconvenience and gave me a UPS label to send it back at no cost. It didn’t cover pickup, but I’ve got a drop box in my office building, so I can deal with that.
My wife was pissed. The customer service rep never bothered to say thank you. She called Amazon to complain to a manager. After reminding him that we had no duty to return the free XBox, he gave us a $25 gift card to say thank you.
I love my wife.
My son, for deciding to to the right thing, gets to spend the gift card. My wife, for being awesome, gets to be with me. I miss my free XBox.
What would you do? Would you keep the free XBox, sell it, or send it back?
So You’re Getting Evicted…
Last week, I had the opportunity to visit eviction court, though not for anything having to do with my properties.
It was an interesting experience. Eviction court is a day when nobody is at their best. Landlords are fighting to remove bad tenants, sometimes questioning their desire to be a landlord, while tenants are fighting to keep their homes, often with no backup plan. Occasionally, you get someone who just wants to get out of their lease because the landlord is a creepy peeper who digs through the dirty laundry.
Nobody goes to eviction court in a good mood.
If you ever find yourself in eviction court, here are some things to remember:
Everyone
- If you don’t show up, you lose. Period. Landlord or tenant, judges don’t like waiting around. You will get the worst possible outcome if you stay home.
- The first day is a hearing. The judge will either accept a settlement between the two parties, or he’ll check if there is a valid reason for a full trial. The trial will be schedule for another day. In Minnesota, that happens within 6 days of the hearing.
- Don’t make faces at the other side while they are talking to the judge. Do you want to go to jail for being a smartass? It’s called contempt of court.
Landlords
- Fix the mold, rot, and other habitability issues. You’ll have a hard time getting your rent back if you are a slumlord forcing your tenants to live in a biohazard.
- If you’ve got an automatically renewing lease, don’t file the eviction notice with the renewed lease for violations that happened under the old lease. If you do, you’ll be handing a win to your tenant.
- Make sure you lease has an eviction clause. If it doesn’t, you may not have the right to kick out your tenant for any reason.
- Your tenant’s dirty underwear is not a toy for you to play with. Creep.
Tenants
- Pay your rent. If you are withholding rent to get something fixed, you’ll be expected to put that in escrow the day of the hearing, so don’t spend it on vodka or a new stereo.
- Read your lease and the filing. It may have a backdoor that lets you escape the eviction.
- Try not to get evicted. An unlawful detainer can make it hard to rent again for a couple of years.
- Dress nice. I’m amazed by how many people showed up in ratty jeans and uncombed hair. Look professional. The judge will appreciate the effort.
All in all, it’s best if landlords and tenants try to keep each other happy. The whole business relationship will go much smoother if you do.
Sunday Roundup
I just realized that I screwed up on Friday’s post and accidentally scheduled it for July 31 instead of July 1. Sorry about that.
I am pretty excited about tomorrow’s post. I’m going to…well, that should wait for tomorrow. It’ll be fun, though.
Best Posts
It’s a basic economic principle: If you want to sell less of something, charge more for it. That works for labor costs, too. Raising the minimum wage, especially when there is a recession, will only cause less employment.
This is a neat business idea. Sometimes, a small business wants a mailing address that isn’t the owner’s home address.
Foreign CDs seem tempting. You can make a decent return in India. Just make sure it’s a legit bank, instead of the “Cayman Island” banks that exist just to collect wire transfers from the US.
In a high-tax, high-regulation environment, the underground economy will thrive, every time. Working for cash and no paperwork can be tempting.
Here’s a sample email to help you buy a car.
Carnivals I’ve Rocked and Guest Posts I’ve Rolled
Shattering Taboos was included in the Carnival of Personal Finance.
Thank you! If I missed anyone, please let me know. I’ve been slacking off on carnival submissions lately.
Get More Out of Live Real, Now
There are so many ways you can read and interact with this site.
You can subscribe by RSS and get the posts in your favorite news reader. I prefer Google Reader.
You can subscribe by email and get, not only the posts delivered to your inbox, but occasional giveaways and tidbits not available elsewhere.
You can ‘Like’ LRN on Facebook. Facebook gets more use than Google. It can’t hurt to see what you want where you want.
You can follow LRN on Twitter. This comes with some nearly-instant interaction.
You can send me an email, telling me what you liked, what you didn’t like, or what you’d like to see more(or less) of. I promise to reply to any email that isn’t purely spam.
Have a great week!
Sunday Roundup
I know I haven’t been doing the Sunday roundups very regularly. Do you miss them? Would you like to see something else here? When I do post them, I use it as a place to post some updates about my life that aren’t necessarily finance-related, and I post some links worth visiting.
Please let me know, I love feedback.
In the meantime….
Here are some great Yakezie sites to check out.
Carnivals I’ve Rocked
Vacation, Shmaycation, Staycation? was included in the Canadian Finance Carnival.
The Unfrugal Meal was included in the Yakezie Carnival and the Totally Money Carnival.
Annoying Your Wife: 5 Ways to Succeed was included in the Carnival of Financial Planning.
Money Problems, Day 11 was included in the Best of Money Carnival.
Is that the best you can do? was included in the Totally Money Carnival, by a different host.
Thank you! If I missed anyone, please let me know.
Get More Out of Live Real, Now
There are so many ways you can read and interact with this site.
You can subscribe by RSS and get the posts in your favorite news reader. I prefer Google Reader.
You can subscribe by email and get, not only the posts delivered to your inbox, but occasional giveaways and tidbits not available elsewhere.
You can ‘Like’ LRN on Facebook. Facebook gets more use than Google. It can’t hurt to see what you want where you want.
You can follow LRN on Twitter. This comes with some nearly-instant interaction.
You can send me an email, telling me what you liked, what you didn’t like, or what you’d like to see more(or less) of. I promise to reply to any email that isn’t purely spam.
Have a great week!
