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The Happy Butt

Do you find the cloud in every silver lining?   Is the glass not only half empty, but evaporating?  Do you start every day thinking

Smiley head happy
Smiley head happy (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

about how the effects of entropy on the universe make everything you do ultimately pointless?

You may be a pessimist.

Pessimism gets a bad rap.    Without pessimists, we wouldn’t have insurance plans, missile defense systems, or Eeyore, and what would the world be without those things?

The thing you have to ask yourself is “Does the negativity make you happy?”

The next thing you have to ask yourself is whether or not you were lying with your previous answer.

If you have a negative outlook on everything, I have good news for you:  it’s possible to defeat it.   No matter how long you’ve been looking at the world through coffin-colored glasses, no matter how ingrained your negative slant is, it’s possible to change it.

You have to want to change it, because, as the saying goes, old habits die hard.   Yippee kai yay.

You need a happy butt.

Little known fact: language shapes the way you think.   If your language has no words for a concept, you will have a difficult time thinking about that concept, or even understanding it.    Statistically, Asians are better at math than their western-world counterparts.  Why?   It’s not genetic.    When a family moves to the US, the edge is lost within 2 generations.    It’s not the amount of school they get.    Even in backwaters with limited school access demonstrate the same abilities.

It’s the language.   Euro-based languages are horrible.   They are a clumsy mish-mash of crap from around the world, and the numbering system makes no sense.   11, 12, 13, huh?   Spoken, that’s not a progression, it’s something we have to learn by rote.   Why is 13 pronounce “thirteen”, with the ones place first, but 23 is pronounced with the tens place first, the way it is written?   Where did the word “twenty” even come from?  It’s obviously a horrible bastardization of “two” and “ten”, but is it self-evident?   Does the progression through the decades follow some kind of rule?   Twenty, thirty, forty, fifty.  Nope.

The Asian languages (most of them) differ.   The numeric progression is spoken in a rules-based progression that makes sense.   23 is literally “two tens three”, making learning math less about rote memorization and more about masters some simple rules.

In the western world, we are handicapped by our language, at least when it comes to math.

The rest of our thoughts are formed by language, too.   Learn a language with different roots than the one your were born with and see how your perceptions change.

One of the signs of negative thinking is qualifying everything you say negatively.   For example, one person might say “It’s a beautiful day, today” while Mr. Negativebritches would say “It’s a beautiful day, but it’s probably going to rain.”   That’s a sad butt, err, but.   Every time you qualify a sentence with a sad butt, you are reinforcing your negative view of the world.

The solution?  Drop your drawers and paint on a smiley face.   You need a happy but(t).    You can rephrase the sentence into a happy thought without changing the sentiment or meaning  in any way.   Try this:  “It’s probably going to rain, but it’s a beautiful day, now.”   That’s a happy butt, and it reinforces the positive in your mind.

It sounds stupid, but it works.   Your language shapes your life.   Put a positive spin on what you say, and you will eventually start to think about life in a positive way.

Give it a shot.  For the next week, every time you say something negative, qualify it with a happy butt.   At the end of the week, come back here and tell me how it’s working and if you can sense a change in your mindset.

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The Happy Challenge

Watch this video.


Done?

Great.

For the cheaters, the part I am most interested in is the bit about reprogramming your brain for happiness.   Studies are showing that you can rewire yourself to be happier by doing happy things.

The science is sound.  Good things trigger a dopamine reaction.  Your body likes dopamine, so you start craving the things that make it happen, which all happen to be good things.  As you suffer dopamine withdrawal, you become driven to do what it takes to get your fix.

The process is similar to heroin withdrawal, with no downside.

Hugging your kids(assuming you like them) triggers the reaction.  So does sex, successes at work, and beating a video game.

The specific plan mentioned in the video is to write down three things that you are grateful for, once per day, for 21 days in a row.  That will begin the self-reinforcing training that can get you hooked on being happy.

That’s a win. 75% of job success is predicted by your attitude.  You are 31% more productive when you are happy.  You’re also more fun to be around.

That’s a win.

Here’s my challenge:

For the next 21 days, do it.  Write down 3 thing you are grateful for.  What makes you happy?  It’s okay if it’s hard.  If it’s hard for you, you need it more than most.

Now, the truly hard part:

Fill out this form every day.  Your answers can be as long or as short as you’d like, but there has to be 3 new things every day for 21 days.  We’re going to train your brain to look for the positive, so you can’t give me 63 things on day 21.  3 things, 21 days.

On day 22, tell me how the previous 3 weeks have been.

When it’s over, I’ll hold a drawing for everyone who completed the challenge.   Not everyone will see this immediately, so I’m going to run the challenge until May 15.    That means you have until April 24th to get started.

3 answers per day means three prizes.  I’ll give away a total of $250 to three lucky participants.   That’s a $125 prize, a $75 prize, and a $50 prize, but you have to obey the rules.  3 things, 21 days in a row.

Be happy.  I dare you.

Happy Challenge Winners

On April 4th, I issued a challenge and threw out a bribe to make it happen.

For the next 21 days, do it.  Write down 3 thing you are grateful for.  What makes you happy?  It’s okay if it’s hard.  If it’s hard for you, you need it more than most.

Now, the truly hard part:

Your answers can be as long or as short as you’d like, but there has to be 3 new things every day for 21 days.  We’re going to train your brain to look for the positive, so you can’t give me 63 things on day 21.  3 things, 21 days.

On day 22, tell me how the previous 3 weeks have been.

The contest ran until May 15th and generated 435 happy things across 145 cumulative days.    I’m going to spend some time crunching the data because it is inspiring to read the things that make all of you happy every day.   Mostly, it’s little things, like quiet Sunday mornings, fresh air, or family meals.  Those are the things life is made of.  The big things pass as milestones, but they can never create a happy life by themselves.

On to the winners!

These were chosen randomly.  I cannot and will not try to judge who has the best reasons to be happy.

In first place, K.C. wins $125.   K.C.’s Day 22 response was “It was really hard some days, but it showed me some important things about how I think. I think it would be good to do this with a small notebook and pencil. I found myself thinking of the same things several times, which made me think about treating those things more specially. Overall, it was a good exercise.”

Second place ($75) goes to Petra with, “I can’t believe I’m at day 22 already.  I’m not sure if this exercise made me a happier person, but it has gotten me to reflect and appreciate what (and who) I have and my surroundings.  Looking at my entries (yes, I kept track of them), I do notice patterns of the things I value most and that give me joy and gratitude.  These are: family, nature, a job that I enjoy, relationships, and anything that makes my life a little easier or enjoyable.  Thank you for providing this challenge to your readers.”

Third place ($50) goes to Lynda, who said, “I enjoyed this challenge. It wasn’t very hard. I noticed that when I was entering the giveaways each day, it helped me reflect on my day. But I didn’t really notice a change in my attitude.”

I’d like to thank everyone who participated, even if it was for just one day.  You’ve made my month brighter.

 

Sammy’s Story, Part 2

For those of you not following along, please read the previous installment of Sammy’s Story.  The short version is that we’re thinking about helping someone launch a small business and put “at risk” teenagers and young adults to work.

Sammy called me a couple of days ago.  He wanted to discuss working for some of the tools and toys he saw at my mother-in-law’s house and he said he had something to show us.   When I picked him up, he had a leather portfolio-style notebook and looked excited.

When we got to the house, he opened up his notebook and handed me two pieces of paper.   He said that the idea of being able to launch his business had him so excited that he couldn’t not do anything.   He had handed me a landscaping plan and materials list for fixing my mother-in-law’s yard.

We talked about the landscape plan, the business plan, and my wife’s old skateboard, then he had to go.   Last night was one of the nights he met “his” kids at a community center.

On the way to the community center, we stopped by his apartment, because he wanted to show me pictures of his kids, and his grandkids, and his foster mother.   He told me about his mother dying when he was 13 and his father dropping him with an aunt before disappearing.   He was nearly in tears when he asked how some strange white guy could see more in him than his own family did.

He told me about how the money he made working with me had put food on the table of the 14 year old he brought with–a 14 year old who is eager to work more.  It paid the weekly rent for one of the other workers and contributed to the rehab of Sammy’s ex.   The little bit we’ve done has already touched the lives of dozens of people.

We talked about the way he hates rap.  Not because of it’s musical value, but because it’s building a culture that considers women to be nothing but “bitches and hoes” while convincing kids that the only way they can improve their situation is to land a recording contract.  Those are the kids he wants to teach to take care of themselves and build their own lives.

Finally, he asked me for my honest opinion about his landscaping plan.

I said, “Sammy, that clinched the deal.  I was leaning towards helping you, but now it’s definite.  I know you’re serious, so we’re going to make this happen.”

He’s got no idea how to handle taxes, payroll, or insurance, and he has no tools, but we’re going to jump in with both feet.

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Transparency

A friend–let’s call him me–recently had a bit of a hangup with a business relationship.

On a long-term project, there were some unavoidable setbacks.   My friend decided to work through them, hoping to get everything back up to speed…before the customer noticed.

It’s a funny thing, but customers like to look at status reports on long-term projects.   A couple of months after the biggest problem, the customer called my friend wanting an in-person status update.   They told him to be prepared for an uncomfortable conversation.

Crap.

Now, the setbacks were truly unavoidable.   Things came up that were entirely outside the realm of my friend’s control, but he had to deal with them anyway.    When the problems were laid out in front of the customer, it went from uncomfortable to a discussion on how to expand the business relationship.

Transparency for the win.

Bad things happen.  Anybody who doubts this is clearly not equipped to deal in the adult (that’s adult in the “grown-up” sense, not adult in the “porn” sense) world.  Companies know that bad things can happen to derail a project.  They are going to be more interested in how you get the project back on track than anything else.

When things go wrong, be open about it.   Your customers/family/friends/one-night-stands will appreciate not having to wonder what’s going on.

 

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