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Fighting Fair
This was a guest post on another site early last year.
Everyone, at times, has disagreements. How boring would life be if everyone agreed all of the time? How you handle those disagreements may mean disaster.
This is particularly true when you are arguing with your spouse. You spend most non-working moments with this one person, this wonderful, loving, infuriating person. Your emotions will naturally run high while discussing the things you care most about with the person you care most about. Arguments are not only natural, but inevitable.
How do you have an argument with someone you love without lasting resentment?
You have to argue fairly. There are a few principles to remember during an argument.
- When your partner is talking, your job is to listen with all of your energy. You are not interrupting. Your are not planning your rebuttal while waiting for your turn to talk. Your are listening, nothing else. If you don’t listen, you can’t understand. If you don’t understand, you can’t find a resolution.
- Remember that your partner cares. If she didn’t care, she wouldn’t feel so strongly about the argument. This isn’t a war, just an argument. She still wants to spend the rest of her life with you. Keeping this in mind will change the entire tone of the argument into a positive interaction. You will still disagree, but you will be looking for a solution together, instead of finding a “win” at any cost.
- Search for the best intent. Remember #2? There is an incredibly good chance that, if there are two ways to interpret something your partner has said–a good way and a bad way–your partner probably meant the good way. Even if you are wrong, it is far better to err on the side of resolution than the side of antagonism.
- When your partner has finished speaking, it’s still not your turn to argue. Your job now is to repeat your understanding of the issue, without worrying about problem-solving. Before you can refute the argument–or even establish your disagreement–you have to know that you understand her position and she has to know that you do. Without understanding, there can be no path to resolution that doesn’t cause resentment. If you have too much resentment, you won’t have a marriage.
After all of this, it will finally be your turn to make your point. Hopefully, your partner will be following the same rules so you can solve your problems together, without learning to hate each other.
Arguments in your marriage aren’t–or shouldn’t be–intended to draw blood. Fights happen. If your goal is to win at any cost, you will both lose, possibly everything.
Book Review: Small Message, Big Impact
I was recently given an advanced reader copy of Small Message, Big Impact by Terri L. Sjodin. It’s a book on crafting an effective and persuasive elevator speech.
An elevator speech is, according the the author, “a brief presentation introducing a product, service, philosophy or an idea. The name suggests the notion that the message should be delivered in the time span of an elevator ride, up to about 3 minutes. Its general purpose is to intrigue and inspire a listener to want to hear more of the presenter’s complete proposition in the near future.” It’s a 3-minute speech you give to intrigue someone enough that they will let you give a real presentation.
A lot of people–probably most–use their 3 minutes of unexpected access as an “information dump”. They pour as much data as possible into their audience. According to Sjodin(and I agree!), and elevator speech needs to be primarily persuasive, not informative. You need to include enough information to back up your persuasive arguments, but too much information is at least as bad, if not worse, than too little.
An elevator speech is either a sales pitch or a waste of time. You are selling the right to give more detailed information at a later time. The elevator pitch is not about making the sale. It’s about advancing the ball toward the eventual sale.
Who needs an elevator pitch? You do. Everybody sells. Even if you don’t have a product, a service, or a business, you have yourself. Can you pitch your boss on why you deserve a raise or a promotion?
The author walks you through creating an elevator speech that takes advantage of Monroe’s Motivated Sequence to advance your goal, whatever that is. She’ll teach you how to grab your audience’s attention and make them recognize a need for change. You’ll offer a solution, help them see the super-ninja-awesome future you’re offering, and give them a clear call to action. All in 3 to 5 minutes. Small Message, Big Impact will also teach you to provide a clear progression through those steps, making it easy for your target to say yes.
You’ll learn the basic outline of an elevator speech, including how to grab your target’s interest, build a persuasive case, and establish credibility when you’ve been surprised with a few moments of access. The three pieces of any successful presentation, from an elevator speech to a full-day presentation are
- Case. If you can’t make your case, nothing else matters.
- Creativity. You won’t win by being the same as everyone else. The same product, the same service, the same buzzwords won’t differentiate yourself from the competition.
- Delivery. Stumbling, stammering, and talking to the wall will make the the best product and the most creative presentation sound like crap, every time. You need to build your presentation and practice it, so you come across and smooth an knowledgeable.
One of the best ways to sound credible, which will assist your delivery like nothing else, is to use an authentic voice. Be sincere and sound it. Believe in the material and yourself. Know the material–inside and out–and practice it until you can deliver it smoothly, even if that means enlisting a friend for speech practice.
Of the books I’ve reviewed, I think this is my favorite. If you need to design an elevator speech or improve the one you’ve been using, you should read this book. Even if you don’t care about an elevator speech, the book provides a decent education on persuasive selling that easily carries over to the written word.
How would you(or do you) use an elevator speech?
Small Business Solutions to Aid Expansion
For most small businesses much of their strategy will be tailored towards expansion. The transition between being a small and medium sized enterprise can, however, be as tough as it is important. What makes a successful businessman or entrepreneur is the ability to spot the areas in which their business can effect simple changes which have far reaching implications for the success of their company.
Stability online
One of the first places any entrepreneur should look at is cost-effective and comprehensive insurance cover. Firms like Hiscox – Business Insurance Specialist can aid small businesses by looking at what areas of their current business are vulnerable and need cover.
A common problem for smaller businesses which operate largely online can be the type of server they use. Basic servers do not offer the stability a business needs to thrive. For a small business, time offline can be a disaster. Unfortunately, dedicated servers are often costly and, however useful they are in a number of ways, they tend to provide a service which reaches beyond the requirements of most small businesses.
Shared servers often do not provide the flexibility that small businesses need to make the transition to the next stage. As we’ve mentioned, dedicated servers are rarely a viable option for most small companies; instead, many opt to use a virtual private server which simulates many dedicated server features while remaining integrated into a larger, shared server.
Using a virtual private server is a cost-effective way for small businesses to take full control over their server and to apply upgrades as they see fit. The increased levels of performance and independence that virtual private servers can offer a small business can be vital to the realisation of their expansion dreams.
Be critical when considering opportunities
When your company begins to grow and succeed, things are likely to snowball. It is not uncommon for small businesses to face merger propositions and takeover offers. To many young entrepreneurs, this can seem an attractive prospect. Often such deals will involve impressive, short-term financial benefits that make them look appealing to the newly successful business owner.
While mergers and acquisitions can benefit all parties involved, it is important to remain level-headed when considering offers from other companies. For example, in Bain & Company’s 2004 study, they found that shareholder value did not increase in 70% of mergers. A further study conducted at Paris’s Sorbonne found that in excess of 90% of European mergers failed to meet their financial targets.*
Independence and success
The business world has changed rapidly in recent years with the inclusion of social media sites into many businesses’ marketing strategies. With this shift in marketing procedure, the playing field from which businesses are able to reach out to customers has been levelled. This has positive implications worth considering for the small business owner.
It is now possible for any small business to reach millions of people without spending a penny on advertising. Thus, the need for smaller companies to accept stubborn deals from larger companies is lessening. This is not to say that mergers are no longer a viable option for small businesses. Often the resources available to larger companies are indispensable to the smaller company. Instead, this shift in the market could well see small businesses being made more attractive deals by larger companies with a vested interest in the takeover of young and growing companies: just look at the recent Facebook purchase of Instagram.
If your business is facing a similar request or even considering the takeover of a smaller business, speaking with specialists is an invaluable option. Experts can offer advice on the way that such methods of expansion will affect your business and the premiums that you pay.
Utilize Social Media
The establishment of a successful business in today’s climate requires a shrewd and thorough reading of the options available to you online. With a huge proportion of business, small and large, creating a presence on social media and networking websites, this is an area that no small business can afford to ignore.
While business accounts with Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn are already seen as somewhat necessary tools to the success of a business, use of social media need not stop there. Entrepreneurs who want to get their business on top will be looking to new services such as Google Plus, ensuring that they are the first amongst their competitors to join. Whichever social media platform your business deals with, it is essential to keep your account active, positive and efficient.
*http://edition.cnn.com/2009/BUSINESS/05/21/merger.marriage/index.html
This is a guest post.
A Look Back
I’m on vacation this week and thought it would be nice to post a look back at some of my early posts. These posts are some of my favorites, but were written when there were only 3 or 4 of you paying attention.
Since I know you don’t want to miss anything, here are 5 of my favorite early posts, in no particular order:
1. Cthulhu’s Guide to Finance. I’m more than a bit of a horror geek. Books, movies, or games; all keep me entertained. Over the weekend, I taught my Mom how to play Zombie Fluxx and Gloom. When Cthulhu approached me about writing a guest post, I couldn’t refuse.
2. Birthday Parties Are Evil. It’s hard to remember to be cheap when your little girl is asking for a bowling party. It can run $200 to get a dozen kids an hour of bowling and a bit of pizza.
3. No Brakes. This is a post about why I had a hard time coming to grips with financial responsibility.
4. 4 Ways to Flog the Inner Impulse Shopper. Who can’t love a BDSM-themed personal finance post? Every blog needs a dominatrix mascot, right?
5. Fighting Evil by Phone. In which I share the method of convincing Big Nasty Telephone Company and their Contracted, Soulless Long Distance Provider to leave me the heck alone and stop demanding $800 they refused to admit was their mistake.
Carnivals
I spent the day consoling (read: napping with) a tonsillitis-infected little monster.
Live Real, Now was included in two carnivals last week:
Festival of Frugality #327 hosted by Budgeting with the Bushmans
Yakezie Carnival – Setting Your Clocks Edition hosted by 20 and Engaged
Thanks to all of the hosts for including my posts.
Get More Out of Live Real, Now
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Have a great week!
