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How to Build a Business on Cannibalism

Last week, my wife posted on Facebook that she was frustrated with her job hunt.

HUFU: The healther human flesh alternative.
HUFU: The healthy human flesh alternative.

An hour later, she got a call from someone she hadn’t talked to in 10 years.  He wanted to talk about a great business opportunity.  He wouldn’t say what it was, but wanted to bring a friend over to discuss it.

Fast forward to last night.

The night my wife agreed to meet with the old friend.

The meeting we forgot about.

So we invited our friend and his friends into the house.   We sat down at the dining room table to hear the pitch.  Our friend is just getting started so his “friend” delivered the pitch.

While I was waiting for him to explain the business, he was showing us pictures of he and his wife traveling  around the country.

Instead of explaining the product, he asked about our most expensive dreams.

Instead of telling us how the marketing worked, he mentioned something about utilizing the internet–and i-Commerce–and talked about changing our buying habits.

Instead of showing us a product, he talked about driving volume and building a team.

There was nothing concrete, but a lot was said to ride on the dreams of people who are frustrated with their income or are living paycheck-to-paycheck.

More than an hour into the presentation, it was revealed that the “product” is a buying portal to allow people to buy Amway products from your personal Amway store.

Freaking Amway.

How do they find your personal Amway store, you ask?  I don’t know, because you are supposed to be your own best customer.  You make money by buying the products you use anyway, but buy them from Amway.   For example, there’s the $10 toothbrush, the $16 baby wipes, or the $38 toilet paper.

For six frickin’ rolls.

Seriously, this stuff is meant to touch my butt once.   I don’t need it made from pressed gold.

As for the visual…you’re welcome!

So I sell a kidney to buy enough toilet paper to keep my nether bits clean for a month and I get one point for every $3 I spend.   I figure that’s about 50 points per month, given the foot traffic our bathrooms see.

If I hit 100(I think, he didn’t leave the paperwork) points, I get 6%(again, I wasn’t taking notes) back at the end of the next month.  For the sake of the math, I’m going to double the number of butts in my house.   100 points means I need to spend $300.    That’s 47 rolls of toilet paper.  In exchange for this $300–and on top of gold-embroidered silk I now get to flush down the toilet–I’ll earn $18.

I know exactly how much toilet paper I buy right now.  Amazon sends me a 48 roll package every other month for $31.42, shipped.

To simplify, Amway is offering me the ability to spend $300 to get $18 plus $31.42 worth of toilet paper.  I’m supposed to end my financial worries by turning $300 into $50 every month.

Yay!

[Note to self:  Demolish Amway’s business model by starting a company that will let people turn $200 into $50, without the nasty overhead of stocking overpriced crap.  A 33% increase in efficiency will make me rich!]

But wait, say the imaginary Amway proponents that I hope aren’t frequenting my site, you’re forgetting the most important part!

Oh really?

There’s also a thing called a “segmented marketing team”.  To the rest of the multi-level marketing world, this is known as your downline.  If you can con your family and friends into turning their $300 into $50 every month, then help them con their family and friends into turning $300 into $50 every month, you’ll get rich!  Amway has apparently figured out a way to share a small fraction of their 600% markup with their victims to make them feel like it’s a business opportunity instead of a robbery.

If I get 9 people in my “business team” and each of them build out their team, I get the coveted title of “Platinum Master” or whatever.  All I have to do is sell the souls of 72 people and I can make a ton of money!  If each member of my downline turns $300 into $50, Amway will get $18,000.  In exchange for delivering those souls, the “average” Platinum Ninja makes about $4500 per month.  That’s about $12,000–free and clear–for Amway.

When your business model consists entirely of your sales force doing all of the buying and consuming, it’s not a business model, it’s cannibalism.

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Making the Sale: How to Alienate Your Customers

Braun HF 1, Germany, 1959
Image via Wikipedia

Have you ever walked into a store only to be instantly surrounded by salespeople trying to sell you whatever their corporate office has decided is the most important thing for them to sell this week?

I remember walking into a big blue electronics store to buy a TV.    The beautiful corner-unit entertainment center that perfectly matches my living room will fit–at most–a 32″ screen.   Unfortunately, any questions I asked were answered with an attempted upsell to a big screen. I don’t want a fancy TV.   I don’t have room for it.  It doesn’t fit my needs.

Why do the salespeople persist in strong-arming me into something I can’t use?

Later, I’ll be visiting a couple of potential customers.   I know from talking to them that they are expecting a hard sell and a push to sign a contract today.

I don’t do that.   I can’t do that.

My goal for these meetings is to find out what these people want, and–more important–what they need.   How can I know what they need before I have a chance to sit down and ask them?   Even bringing a proposal to the meeting would show that I cared less about them than I do about their checkbooks.

Here’s my checklist of items to bring:

  • Notebook
  • Pen
  • Spare pen
  • Business card
  • My winning personality

That’s it.

I can accomplish more with “How can I help you succeed?” than I can with “You really need to buy this from me, today.”

If the high-pressure sales-weasels at the big blue electronics store had been taught that lesson, I may have gone home with a high-end (though smaller) TV, rather than going home to buy online.

Have you ever had a sales-weasel try to convince you that you want something you don’t need or need something you don’t want?

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FINCON13 After Action Report

I spent most of last week at the Financial Blogger Conference, or FINCON.

First, since this is a personal finance blog, here is what it cost:

Hotel: $695.75 – I paid $119 per night, plus taxes and fees.  The travel rewards on my credit card will be making this go away.

Airfare: $211.80 – I bought early and live next to a Delta hub airport.  This will also be getting erased by my credit card rewards.

Ticket: $175.84 – I got a $25 discount for being a repeat attendee and I paid an extra $99 for the Bootcamp extension, which was 2 extra days that–alone–made the whole trip worthwhile.

Food: $203.53 – This includes a $90 splurge meal at Ruth’s Chris, which I was looking forward to for months before the conference.

Other – $113 – I brought $183 in cash with me.  This was used for some meals not included above, cab fare, and tips for bartenders, housekeeping, and the concierge.  I always tip a bartender, even if it’s an open bar.  It guarantees fast service and full-strength drinks all night.

Total cost: $1399.92

Total after credit card reimbursement: $492.37

Now for the important part: Was it worth it?

Yes.

The Bootcamp was a fantastic time to meet–and actually get to know–other bloggers.  There were only 50 of us, instead of 500 at the main event, so we were able to break into small groups and brainstorm useful projects and activities.  I learned more about podcasting than I ever had before and I got a chance to share some of what I know about SEO and managing virtual assistants.  In the larger sessions, questions are rushed and people are shy.

I got to beat up on my comfort zones.  

I presented some awards with Crystal at the Plutus Awards ceremony, which means cracking jokes about Canadians in front of 500 people who don’t know me.  I regularly stand and teach 30-50 people, but that’s always a warm crowd on a topic I know extremely well.  This was new for me.

I sang anatomically explicit songs to strangers during the Bootcamp karaoke night.  Selections were from Monty Python, DaVinci’s Notebook, and Denis Leary.

I was on a panel, by surprise.  I was asked to be available if I were needed for questions, then got dragged to the front of the room for the entire session.  I would do that again.

That’s 3 things that were all well outside of my comfort zone, but I’m happy I did them.  I don’t believe in not doing something simply because I’m afraid to do it.

Random gatherings are fun.

From people stopping by our staked-out territory in the lobby, to a surprise game of Cards Against Humanity in the lobby bar with Joe and Len to having a discussion about the meaning of “No” when you’ve got a pre-determined safeword, it was a good week.

The last 5 days were easily the most extroverted days I’ve ever had.  Since I didn’t force myself into any large groups for long periods of time, I never felt drained like I often do in similar situations.   It’s good to find a balance that let’s me meet and connect with other without exhausting myself.  I am seriously an off-the-charts introvert, even if I’m not even a little bit shy.

FINCON was totally worth it.  I was excited to go, and I’m excited to start acting on what I’ve learned, including being a part of a new mastermind group, with the awesomest lounge lizards in the PF world.

 

 

 

 

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Best of Money Carnival #87, the Gold Rush Edition

1 oz (Troy ounce) of fine gold - detail
Image via Wikipedia

Welcome to the Best of Money Carnival #87, the Gold Rush Edition.

On January 24th, 1848, gold was discovered in Coloma, California by construction overseer James W. Marshall.  The following year, one hundred thousand people moved to California to either strike it rich, or profit from those who were trying to strike it rich.  The gold rush began 163 years ago today.

10. N.W. Journey presents Business use of Home Deduction posted at Networth Journey and says, “How to deduct your business home expenses.”

Some people recommend stockpiling gold so you’ll have something of value to spend after society as we know it collapses.   Does anyone know how to make change from a gold bar for a loaf of bread?

9. Darwin presents Present Value of Money Explained – MBA Monday posted at Darwin’s Money and says, “One of the most important financial concepts is also one of the most misunderstood. Make sure you understand the Present value of Money – with these real life examples. It will save you thousands!”

In 1854, a 195 pound gold nugget was found at Carson Hill in California.  It was valued at $43,534.   That would be worth $3,160,357.20 today.

8. RJ Weiss presents What Your Optimal Income? posted at Gen Y Wealth and says, “An exercise to find your optimal income level.”

Q: Which weighs more:  a pound of feathers, or a pound of gold? A: A pound of feathers.  Gold is weighed using Troy Weight, which only has 12 ounces per pound.

7. BWL presents How To Select A Financial Advisor posted at Christian Personal Finance and says, “Find out how to select the best financial adviser for you.”

Until the onset of modern electronics, which use gold because it doesn’t corrode or tarnish, gold had no practical value of its own.  Its entire value resided in the fact that it was pretty and relatively scarce.

6. Miss T presents 10 Ways to $ave Energy Comfortably | Prairie EcoThrifter.com posted at Prairie Eco-Thrifter and says, “How great is it to save money and the planet at the same time?!”

Q: Which weighs more:  a ounce of feathers, or a ounce of gold? A: A ounce of gold.  Troy Weight has fewer ounces that avoirdupois, but each ounce weighs more. There are 31.1 grams in a Troy ounce, but only 28.4 grams in a standard ounce.

5. Craig Ford presents Employers Look at Credit Reports | Ludicrous or Smart Business? posted at Money Help For Christians and says, “Should employers be able to see your credit report?”

Outside of collectible or government-issued coins, gold is priced according to it’s spot price, which fluctuates constantly.   Dealers will generally pay a percentage under spot when buying gold, then sell for a percentage over spot.  Always know the spot price of gold before you agree to buy or sell any.

4. MoneyNing presents Tax Time: Do I Have to Report that Income? posted at Money Ning and says, “Did you receive any income last year? Do you really have to report everything?”

Gold is the 58th most rare natural element, out of 92.

3. Silicon Valley Blogger presents I Just Lost My Job! How I’m Downsizing My Household Expenses posted at The Digerati Life and says, “I share my story of job loss and what ideas I have for paring down my expenses in order to cope with this loss of income. In the meantime, I’m doing what I can to find a new job!”

Only 20% of the gold from the Gold Rush deposits has been reclaimed.   The rest is still out there.

2. The Financial Blogger presents 5 Reasons Why You Need A Partner In Your Business posted at The Financial Blogger and says, “A post outlining the benefits of a business partner.”

As of the end of 2009, more than 160,000 tons of gold have been mined, most of which was done in the latter half of the 20th century.

And the winner is…

1. Amanda L Grossman presents Frugal Lessons from People Who Survived the Great Depression posted at Frugal Confessions – Frugal Living and says, “Have you ever met someone who was alive during the Great Depression? They are changed people. The Great Depression left a great impression on their thoughts, their styles, and their habits. I am fascinated by this time period, and researched the question of what frugal habits these people developed to survive.”

I’d like to thank everyone who participated.  Next week’s host is PT Money, so don’t forget to submit your entry!


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