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The no-pants guide to spending, saving, and thriving in the real world.

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Don’t Screw Future-You

Finance, Life

A conversation between me and my temporally displaced self.
Future Me: Excuse me, Jason?
Me: Yes?
FMe: <Slap!>
Me: May I ask what that was for?
FMe: Of course.
Me: What was that for, jerk?
FMe: That was payback for all of the hell you have put me through.
Me: What?!?  I’ve never even met you, before.
FMe: Of course you have.  I am future-you, and I’m sick of getting screwed by past-me, that is, you.
Me: Huh?
FMe: Listen close.  You’re not  the sharpest brick in the box and I don’t want to explain this twice.
Me: ???
FMe: A long time ago, when you first met our wife, you were dumb.
Me: I don’t appreciate….
FMe: Shut up.  I was dumb then, too.  Remember?  You…err…we bought a new truck, built an addition on our…err…your…err…whomever’s house, got married in the same year.  On top of many other expensive decisions.  Do your recall?
Me: Yes, I do.  So what?
FMe: If that wasn’t enough, you and your smoking-hot bride are still shopping like you’re rich. You drive a new car.  Your kids wear new clothes.  You’ve got a house full of new furniture.  How did you pay for all of that?
Me: Naturally, I charged it.  Zero payments, zero interest for a year!  Pretty smart, huh?
FMe: What happens in a year?
Me: I don’t know.  I’ve got a full year to figure that out.
FMe: <Slap!>  I’ll tell you what happens!  Future-you, that’s me, gets screwed!   Your raise didn’t come through.  You had a baby. The truck broke down.  Your wife took maternity leave.  A roommate moved out.  You took a loss in the stock market.  You didn’t plan!  You had no savings to cover any of those problems because you were too busy servicing debt to pay for your current life.
Me: How was I to know?
FMe: <Slap!>  Life happens!  You never know what is coming next.  You need to plan and save for what might happen.  Otherwise, you’ll just accumulate more debt to be serviced by yours-truly.  That is not acceptable.
Me:  So?  What are you going to do about it?
FMe: <Slap!>
Me: Really?  Again?
FMe: <Slap!>  I’m struggling to pay your debt. Your son starts college next year, but you’ve left me completely unable to help.  Your daughter wants to get married in a couple of years, but the Father-of-the-Bride can’t afford a tux.  My wife, your beatiful bride, wants a vacation that I can’t afford.   You’ve screwed me, dude.
Me: I’m sorry.  What can I do to fix it?
FMe: Buy me dinner, first.
Me: Huh?!?!?
FMe: Stop the excess spending. Spend less than you make, for a change.  No credit.
Me: None?
FMe: None.  Nada.  Zip.  Zilch.  Only spend what you can afford. Budget.  Pay off those nasty bills.  Don’t leave me hanging.
Me: So, what you’re saying is that, if I don’t have the money, I shouldn’t buy it?
FMe: Exactly.  That’s the path to wealth, freedom, and financial independence.  Live in the real world.
Me: Gee, thanks, Future-Me!  Now I know.
FMe: And knowing is half the battle.

What would your future-you have to say to you?

 

Cthulhu’s Guide to Finance

Finance

This is a guest post from Cthulhu, written in his house at R’lyeh.  In the eons of his imprisonment, he has never contributed a blog post…until now.   Be nice, this is his first post ever.

Cthulhu fhtagnCthulhu fhtagn. Cthulhu waits.   Eons in R’lyeh–dead but dreaming–have taught me well the virtue of patience.    Rush not into the abyss of hasty decisions.Lie patiently until the stars align and you can once again dominate your investments.  As much as I despise virtues, patience is the one I practice.

Just as looking upon my form may cost you your sanity, obsessing over your finances may cost your loved ones the same.   Instead, set your finances on a path of prosperity and work to hasten my return.     Spend less than you earn. Earn more than you need.    Give the rest to me.

Use the Shoggoth.  Thought the postules of greenish light light may disgust those who have never devoured an entire planet, they are good for menial work.   Use them, or their demented cousin, the automatic payment, to pay your bills.   Set them to the task of making sure all of your bills are paid on time, leaving you free for more productive works.  Do not, however, make the mistake of Ubbo-Sathla, whose fecundity spawned the vermin prototype known as homo sapiens.   Keep your Shoggoth under control so they do not spend what you have not yet earned.

Avoid the Deep Ones.   When dealing with the paramount evil(though I shouldn’t say that as a bad thing) of lenders, beware my servants.    If they catch you in over your head, you will be screwed.    If you cannot pay the price, there will be fees and punishments galore.   A proper Cthulhu-fest of Chaos and Mayhem at your expense! A pound of flesh for every dollar not paid will be the standard when I arise, but for now, it is $39 for missing a payment or spending more than your limit.

“The only saving grace of the present is that it’s too damned stupid to question the past very closely.”  This quote by my favorite historian demonstrates the futility of your mortal existence.  If you learn from your mistakes, or–less painfully–the mistakes of others, you will grow as a person.   Personal growth is entirely at odds with my goals as the Greater Evil.   Learning from your mistakes will prevent you from making the same mistakes in the future.    Einstein once said “doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results” is the definition of insanity.  That, or looking upon my form.   One of those acts can be avoided.  It is in your best interests to avoid insanity, at least until I awaken.

So many of those inhabiting my Earthly domain seem to suffer from my get Ghatanothoa‘s curse–absolute petrification in the face of their travails.   When faced with a foe, fight!   Do not collapse under the burden of your debts!  Work!  An inch, a dollar, a pound at a time: Defeat it!  Do not quit and do not give up.  Cthulhu does not forget or forgive.

That is the wisdom brought forth from my dead-but-dreaming slumber in R’yleh.   Read it, understand it, follow it.  It will serve you well until my return.

This post has been resurrected because I want to see it on the front page again.

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Carnival of Money Stories – Halloween Aftermath Edition

Finance, Misc

Technicolor Zombie Apocalypse
Image by Dunechaser via Flickr

Welcome to the November 1, 2010 edition of the Carnival of Money Stories.  One thing I didn’t do when volunteering to host this was to check my calendar.  Did you know that November 1 follows October 31, every year?    On Saturday, I had 30 people over for my annual Halloween party.  On Sunday, I ran a haunt in my yard and coordinated to get a dozen kids out begging for candy while using my house as a base of operations.   I’ve had guest from out-of-town since Friday.  Halloween weekend is, by far, the busiest weekend of the year at my house.

Editor’s Picks

J. Savings presents Side Hustle Series: I’m a Restaurant Server posted at Budgets Are Sexy, saying, “Is serving tables thankless work? Yes. Are customers sometimes unpleasant? Of course. But the benefits are plenty!”

Wenchypoo presents Marketing, Marketing Everywhere–There’s No Escape! posted at Wisdom From Wenchypoo’s Mental Wastebasket.

The Wise Squirrel presents Does it Matter Who is the Main Provider Between Husband and Wife? posted at Squirrelers, saying, “Money story about a dual-income couple in which the husband had the opportunity for a big promotion that would have required a move, AND his wife to leave her job. Their different viewpoints are discussed.”

Business

Ryan @ CML presents Get a Tax Deduction for a Working Vacation posted at Cash Money Life, saying, “Tips on how to write off a business trip as a tax deduction.”

Career

Jeff Rose, CFP presents How to Pass the CPA Exam and Become a Certified Public Accountant posted at Jeff Rose, saying, “If you are interested in becoming a CPA, here are some of the experiences of someone who just recently passed the CPA exam.”

Jason @ Redeeming Riches presents What Sam Walton Teaches Us About Money, Success, and Family posted at Redeeming Riches, saying, “Sam Walton had it all – or did he? Find out the biggest regret he had on his death bed.”

Credit

Mr Credit Card presents Cash Vs. Credit, A Real World Experiment posted at Ask Mr Credit Card.

Debt

The Family CEO presents Debt Snowflakes: Or How I Made $821.73 in Extra Credit Card Payments This Month posted at The Family CEO.

Kaye presents Stuck in the Middle posted at Mrs Nespy’s World, saying, “The beginning of the journey was excited, the end will be exhilarating, but this “in the middle” stuff is for the birds.”

Kate Kashman presents Why Not To Bounce Checks posted at The Paycheck Chronicles, saying, “An accidental bounced check in college is still causing trouble, 20 years later.”

Michael Pruser presents Managing $225,000 in Debt Is Starting to Ware on Me posted at The Dough Roller, saying, “My struggles on managing a ton of debt!”

PT presents 5 Lessons Learned From Filing Bankruptcy posted at Prime Time Money, saying, “Lessons learned from an actual account of going through a bankruptcy.”

Silicon Valley Blogger presents Should You Pay Off Loans or Invest Your Money? posted at The Digerati Life, saying, “So you’ve got some money. Should you pay off your debt with it or invest the money? Here’s a personal account on what I’ve done.”

Housing

BWL presents Success Story: Paying Off A House In 5 Years While Tithing posted at Christian Personal Finance, saying, “This is an encouraging story of a woman who stuck to her convictions about giving 10% of her income and still managed to pay off her house in less than 5 years!”

Miranda presents Do I Really Want to Rent Out My House? posted at Personal Dividends – Money+Lifestyle.

Investing

2 Cents presents What Would Make Me Invest in the Stock Market? posted at Balance Junkie, saying, “We have not invested in the markets for a while now. A reader recently asked what it would take for us to get back in. Here’s my answer!”

FIRE Getters presents Early Retirement Case Study – Sandy Aldridge and Dale Lugenbehl posted at FIRE Finance, saying, “At times the fast pace of our city lives appear stifling making us long for a slower pace of life with more exposure to clean air and green vegetation. Our souls yearn for a simple life which is in greater harmony with Mother Nature. Of late our work related health problems have been making us yearn, almost every morning, for a more relaxed life with greater freedom. So we were thrilled to read about Sandy Aldridge and Dale Lugenbehl who retired early (at ages 48 and 47 respectively) more than a dozen years ago to their eight-acre farm in Cottage Grove, Oregon …”

Other

Neal Frankle presents Find A High Paying 2nd Job Using Craigslist posted at Wealth Pilgrim: Money Management Advice, Financial Stess Management, Addiction Recovery Plan & Resources, saying, “You Can Find A High Paying 2nd Job Using Craigs List If you’re looking for high paying 2nd jobs, look no further than your computer screen.”

Super Saver presents Retiree Financial Lessons from the Recession posted at My Wealth Builder, saying, “Although I wish this recession had not happened, I am glad that it happened early in our retirement, while we were better able to meet the financial challenges.”

Craig Ford presents Medi-Share Medical Sharing | A Health Insurance Substitue posted at Money Help For Christians, saying, “Medical sharing is a great way to reduce your health insurance costs.”

passive family income presents Cutting Out Wasted Expenses to Save More Income posted at Passive Family Income, saying, “How many wasted expenses are you paying for? After sorting through my family’s past years credit card and bank statements, I have found several small money leaks in our personal finances.”

Kristina presents Our Parents Estate posted at Dual Income No Kids, saying, “If your parents are divorced, how has their separation affect the way you have planned your estate?”

Donna Freedman presents Rockin’ the surveys — when it’s worth it. posted at Surviving and Thriving, saying, “Online surveys can be a nice source of extra income — except when they aren’t.”

Joe Plemon presents My Car Needs an Engine. Should I Sell it, Fix it or Junk it? posted at Personal Finance By The Book, saying, “What do you do when your beloved car needs an engine: sell it, fix it or junk it? This post explores the options.”

FMF presents My Type of Couple posted at Free Money Finance, saying, “Story of a couple who collected 400k cans to pay for their wedding.”

Lindy presents Once Upon a Time…I Used an Iron posted at Minting Nickels, saying, “One of the likely first stops in expense-slashing is the luxury of paying for laundered shirts. This is a tale of my ironing saga (yes, it qualifies as a saga). And it’s not as boring as this description sounds. Thanks!”

Sandy presents One Disaster Away posted at Yes, I Am Cheap, saying, “We sometimes pass judgment on others for the financial situation, but most of us need to realize that all it takes is one disaster to be in the same situation.”

Bucksome presents Top 7 Ways I Budget My Time posted at Buck$ome Boomer’s Journey to Retirement, saying, “Budgets are needed for more than money in this story about 7 ways to budget time.”

Tom @ Canadian Finance Blog presents How to Watch Cheap and Free TV in Canada posted at The Canadian Finance Blog, saying, “Want to know how to see free TV in Canada? You have a few options with over the air free HDTV, broadcaster’s websites and cheap services like Netflix!”

Lauren Mendel presents A Very Scary Money Story posted at Richly Reasonable – Successes and failures, all in the name of living reasonably., saying, “This Halloween week read the true, terrifying tale of how Husband and I almost lost literally every important document that we have. Muahahaha! You might want to lock your doors and close the blinds before reading this one…”

Sun presents What’s in My Wallet? posted at The Sun’s Financial Diary.

Shopping

Money Beagle presents Costco Coupon Policies – Truth or Fiction? You Decide posted at Money Beagle.

ctreit presents Our family budget has to accommodate this chocolate snob posted at Money Obedience, saying, “Name brands versus store brands.”

Rachel presents Sometimes Less Is More | MomVesting posted at MomVesting, saying, “Melinda talks about how the value of many things isn’t necessarily determined by their cost.”

That concludes this edition. Submit your blog article to the next edition of Carnival of Money Stories using the carnival submission form. Past posts and future hosts can be found on the blog carnival index page.  Thank you, everyone, for participating!

New Debt

Finance

music therapy
Image by emanuela franchini via Flickr

For the first time in 2 years(almost to the day), I am acquiring new debt that I can’t afford to pay off immediately.  On a credit card.

Last Thursday, my son entered vision therapy.  He has what is commonly known as a “lazy eye”, but is more properly called a “wandering eye”.  His eyes don’t always lock on to whatever he is looking at.  Instead, one of his eyes will (occasionally, but not always) drift to the side and shut off.  His brain doesn’t interpret the signals from that eye.

We had two sessions of tests to diagnose the specific problems: $350.

We will have 28 weekly sessions of therapy @ $140 per session:  $3920

There is an equipment fee: $85

That’s a total of $4355 over the next 7 months.

Insurance covers some of it, but the therapist is out-of-network, so it’s “pay first, get reimbursed later from the insurance company”.  If we pay up front, we get 1 session free, bringing the price to $4215, minus insurance.

I have a health savings account that I have been trying to max out to cover this, to make my payments all pre-tax.  I haven’t been able to get enough in there, yet.  In fact, since I don’t have my kids on my insurance, my maximum HSA contribution is $3050.

Since finding out that vision therapy was going to be necessary, I have managed to save $1000 in cash, and about $1500 in my HSA.   That’s $2500 of a $4215 bill, leaving $1715 that I still need to be able to cover.

Here is my plan:

We’re charging the entire $4215 at 11.9% interest on a card with a 2% travel rewards program.  This will give me $84.30 worth of travel rewards good for reimbursing any travel expenses.

I will immediately pay off $1000 from cash savings.

I will also immediately file for an insurance reimbursement, which will cover 80% – $500, or $2972 minus a bit.   Our insurance got a waiver on the pseudo-wonderful healthcare fraud act on the grounds that the plan sucks so bad that it would cost too much to comply with the law.  No joke.  I’m expecting about a $2500 reimbursement, and I have no idea how long that takes.

In 6 weeks, when I have maxed out my HSA contributions for the year, I will file for an HSA reimbursement for about $2500, leaving about $500 to cover some medical costs for the rest of the year.   Vision therapy doesn’t count against my deductible, since my kids are on my wife’s insurance plan.

Starting in June, my debt snowball will no longer be going to max out my HSA and will instead go straight to this card, to finish paying it off as quickly as possible.   That’s $750 per month.

Any money from any side work will also go towards this bill, but I don’t budget for that, because it isn’t reliable money.

 

The projected results:

$3215 on the credit card for 6 weeks @ 11.9% = $50 in interest payments.

After the HSA reimbursement, there will be $715 left to pay, which will be paid off in June for another $10 in interest.

When we get the insurance reimbursement, we’ll replenish the medical bill account, to start getting ready for the kid’s braces next year.  We’ll drop $1500 into that account and use the remaining $1000 as a debt snowball payment.

We’ll end up paying $60 in interest to save $140 in therapy costs, so it’s good math, but I hate the idea of racking up another credit card bill.   I could drop the interest costs a bit by raiding my emergency fund, but that still wouldn’t cover it all, and it would leave me with very little left for an actual emergency.  I could raid the emergency fund for half of its value($700), and reduce the initial interest paid to $25 and the total interest paid to about $40, then use the $1000 leftover from the insurance reimbursement to replace my emergency fund.

 

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How to Live Happily Without a Budget

Finance

Three years ago, we sat down and built our budget. We spent 9 months adding the non-monthly bills that we forgot about when we created the budget.   Setbacks and shortfalls almost killed the budgeting plan completely. It took almost an entire year to get our budget right.

Unrelated Image

Now?  I refer to the budget once per month.   No more.   I don’t check it at bill-paying time. I don’t think about it daily.   It’s there as a reference when I need it, but it no longer drives our finances.  How did we get to that point?

First, we firmly established our budget.  We know exactly what we need to cover our expenses.   None of the predictable bills catch us by surprise any more.  This is important.

Once we had the budget established, the rest was easy.   I moved almost every bill to US Bank’s online bill-pay system and switched to electronic billing and automatic payments.   The automatic payments are all through US Bank.  I only allow my mortgage to be set up with the merchant. I want total, instant control over the rest.  I won’t call a merchant to ask them to change a payment if something comes up.   The bank sends me an email when a payment is automatically scheduled, and again when it is paid.

Once I got comfortable with the automatic payments, I switched to electronic billing. I don’t need to see the bill or waste the paper if I know it is being handled for me which is why I encourage you to manage all your finances online.  I do check the few bills that may change, like the credit card and cell phone.  Now, I see few of my bills.  They are all sent electronically to my bank, automatically paid, and scheduled in Quicken–all without intervention from me.

[ad name=”inlineleft”]We also use an envelope system.  I know how much we need for groceries, baby crap, clothes, etc.   At the beginning of the month, I take out all of that money in cash and put it into the appropriate envelopes.   Other than this money, almost everything else takes care of itself. I don’t need to pay attention to by bills on a day-t0-day basis.   Any extra money that comes in gets divided among our debt repayment and savings goals, which only takes a few minutes to arrange.

I glance over my budget at the beginning of every month, but I only review it when something changes. If we change our cell phone, or our budgeted gas bill changes, I make the change to our budget.  Other than that, it’s not even an afterthought.

That’s how we do it.

Another option includes the Sloppy Math System. This consists simply of rounding deposits down and rounding expenses up.  The more you round, the better the system works.    If you round every deposit down $50, and round every expense up to the next $10, you are naturally building more room for error.  Given enough time, you will have enough of a slush fund to handle emergencies and the occasional impulse purchase.

Sunday Roundup: Outta Town

Misc

Scrapbooking Cupcakes!
Image by clevercupcakes via Flickr

This weekend, my wife is off scrapbooking with my mother and sister-in-law.   Instead of hanging around the house trying to keep three kids entertained, I’m at my brother’s house, since his wife abandoned him with their kids, too.   I’ll let his kids keep mine entertained, and vice versa.  Woo!

30 Day Project Update

I am on the Slow Carb Diet.   At the end of the month, I’ll see what the results were and decide if it’s worth continuing.   For those who don’t know, the Slow Carb Diet involves cutting out potatoes, rice, flour, sugar, and dairy in all their forms.   My meals consist of 40% proteins, 30% vegetables, and 30% legumes(beans or lentils).    There is no calorie counting, just some specific rules, accompanied by a timed supplement regimen and some timed exercises to manipulate my metabolism.   The supplements are NOT effedrin-based diet pills, or, in fact, uppers of any kind.  There is also a weekly cheat day, to cut the impulse to cheat and to avoid letting my body go into famine mode.

I’m measuring two metrics, my weight and the total inches of my waist , hips, biceps, and thighs.   Between the two, I should have an accurate assessment of my progress.

Weight: I have lost 30 pounds since January 2nd!   That’s only 1 pounds since last week.  12 more to meet my goal for February.  The difference this week?  I’ve cut back on the supplements, to see if they actually make a difference.  It would appear they do.

Total Inches: I have lost 16 inches in the same time frame, down 1.5 since last week.

Best Posts

I totally got live this joke.

Are you a compulsive shopper?  Money Crashers has some tips to cut that down.

Before I got a smartphone, I relied on a PocketMod for almost everything a smartphone does.  Does that make me a geek?

$39Glasses is having a killer sale.  $15 off a $40 item is huge.

Tim Ferriss has a guide to slow-carb seasonings.   It’s worth reading if your food is boring you.

LRN Timewarp

This is where I review the posts I wrote a year ago.  Did you miss them then?

This was Scam Week last year.  I had a post on debt scams and scams that target disaster victims.  As we roll into flooding season, it’s important to know how these scams work.

I also discussed my attempt to teach my son to savor delayed gratification.  It has been working.  He makes long-term(for an 11 year old) plans regularly.

Carnivals I’ve Rocked and Guest Posts I’ve Rolled

Money Problems: Setting Goals was included in the Festival of Frugality.

Your Budget is Worthless was included in the Carnival of Personal Finance.

Brown Bagging Your Way to Savings was included in the Carnival of Money Stories.

Debt Burnout was included in the Totally Money Carnival.

Thank you! If I missed anyone, please let me know.

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