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3 Worst Things About Being Financially Responsible

Everybody talks about all of the wonderful things that happen when you’re saving money and being responsible. I know I do. It’s true, good things do happen. There’s really nothing like the feeling that you’re suddenly not living paycheck to paycheck.

But what about the other side of the coin? What sucks about staying in the black?

1. You have to make choices. When you’re living on credit, you can buy a car, charge an expensive dinner every week, and go on vacation. If you’re not spending real money, then who cares? When you’re living for real, you have to prioritize. Do you buy groceries or video games? Do you buy sexy lingerie or a fancy dinner? Braces or college? You’re given a lot of choices, but you can only pick the ones you can actually afford.

2. You’re no longer the Joneses other people are trying to keep up with. The guy down the street, with the fancy car, big screen TV, and artificially perfect noses on his teenagers? You’re not him, anymore, but that’s okay, because he’s financing his lifestyle 9.9% at a time. Yes, a bit of incoming envy can give you a warm, tingly feeling, but it doesn’t put food on the table.

3. It’s boring. Taking a trip in a fast car and picking up an entourage for a 10-day party is fun. Balancing your checkbook and spending 6 months saving up for your kid’s braces is not. If you’ve been living like a rockstar, rolling back to a responsible standard of living is going to come as a shock, but it’s better than suddenly running out of money and having your world come crashing down around you.

Being responsible comes with a lot of downside, but it’s all superficial. The benefits are real, and long-lasting. What’s the worst thing you’ve had to deal with by being responsible?

Don’t Be A Dick

Life

White chocolate is marketed by confectioners a... — Image via Wikipedia

Integrity is what you do when nobody is looking.

Do you cheat at solitaire, steal from an untended garage sale, or keep something a store forgets to charge you for? If so, integrity may not be your strongest trait.

Similarly, if you let the actions of others dictate your behavior, you may be integrity impaired.

If you get cut off in traffic, do suddenly feel justified in cutting off the next guy?

If you have a dollar stolen from your desk, does that make it okay to take a candy bar from the honor-system candy box?

If the last guy left the water cooler empty, are you going to refuse to refill it the next time you are the one to drink the last drop?

If you’re answering yes to these questions, it may be time to examine your moral code. Doing the right thing means doing the right thing all of the time. You can’t be an honorable person if you resort to dishonorable behavior whenever you dislike what someone else does, especially if your actions are hurting an entirely uninvolved 3rd party.

You know the proper behavior. You know what the ethical choice is. The fact that someone else made an unethical choice doesn’t give you a license to be a dick.

If it’s your turn to clean the community refrigerator, do it and do it well, even if the last guy did a poor job.

If the last mom driving the car pool showed up late, don’t deliberately forget her kid.

If someone forgot to pay at a group lunch and you covered it, that doesn’t mean you can skip out on the bill next time.

Even if everything else is taken from you, no one can ever steal your ethics, your integrity, or your honor. Those things are up to you to destroy, and they nearly impossible to replace.

In all cases, in all things, do the right thing. You won’t be sorry.

Resurrected from the archives.

Making Up Stories

Finance

Saturday night, as I was walking out of the pizza place, I saw a beautiful young brunette standing on the sidewalk talking on her cell phone.

As I walked past, I heard, “I could pay my rent if they’d just give me my last paycheck! They owe me like $200.”

That’s it.

Have you ever heard a tiny piece of a conversation and used that to build a back story in your own mind?

I do that all of the time.

In fact, I’m going to do that now.

First, what can I know from those two sentences?

She was unemployed. She was more worried about her last paycheck than her next one.
She had worked for a scummy, fly-by-night, something-or-other. Good companies don’t withhold paychecks.
She had no emergency fund. If she had one, $200 would be an inconvenience, not a disaster.
She rented, and had roommates. This conversation occurred in the parking lot of a pizza place in a reasonably affluent suburb. For $200, she wasn’t living alone. Whether she rented a room or shared an apartment would be a mere guess.

Those items can–I believe–be taken as fact, given the evidence at hand.

Now for the conjecture:

She was a waitress. A $200 final paycheck probably means her hourly wage was low. Besides, pretty, young, unskilled girls often become waitresses. It’s one of the few ways to make good money without a degree of any kind.
The restaurant wasn’t a chain. Chain stores have lawyers and procedures. They don’t withhold final paychecks.
She invites drama into her life. When you work for a company that makes a habit of shady practices, like withholding final paychecks out of spite, you know it happens. It’s not a surprise. If you continue working there, you are just waiting in line for your turn to have problems.
She wasn’t close to her family. In an emergency, $200 from Mom & Dad is nothing. In my mind, she only has one parent and isn’t close to that parent, but that’s purely invention.
Her friends are in the same boat. Short-term planning, no reserve cash, no room to let a friend couch-surf for a couple of weeks.
Next month, she’ll be having the same problems, but she’ll find someone else to blame. Her ex owes her money, or her roommate stole the last of her cash.

That’s my entirely unsupported guess of a young stranger’s life story. My opinion isn’t flattering, but how could it be, when $200 is enough to make the young woman panic?

Have you ever played this game?

Crying is for Winners

Finance

Have you ever seen a kid come off a wrestling mat, crying his eyes out because he lost?

Wrestling Sideways - Really (Photo credit: Creativity+ Timothy K Hamilton)

Often, that kid will get told to be tough and stop crying.

That’s wrong.

I’m not opposed to teaching kids not to cry under most circumstances, but just after an intense competition, I love it. It’s the best possible sign that the kids was pouring his soul into winning. It means he was trying with everything he had.

It means he is–or will be–a winner.

When a kid, particularly a boy in a tough sport, is crying, you know he’s going to try harder and do better next time.

For all of the “tough guy” ability it takes to succeed as a wrestler, I’ve never seen another wrestler teasing the crier. They’ve all been there. Wrestling is a team sport, but you win or lose a match on your own. When you step out in front of hundreds of people and spend 3 to 6 minutes giving every ounce of everything you have to give, only to find it’s not good enough, you’ll often find you don’t have the final reserve necessary to control your emotions.

This is different than a kid crying because he lost a game, just because he lost. Some kids feel entitled to win anything they do, regardless of the effort they put it. That’s also wrong.

Crying at a loss is okay after putting in maximum effort and full energy, not because the dice went the wrong way.

Charity

Finance, Life

Charitable giving is down. Predictions have been that donations would be up this year, but the reality appears to be otherwise.

I have an admittedly low sample size; I don’t talk to many charities and the 2012 donation amounts aren’t out, yet. The one I do have access to says that donations this year are among the lowest in memory.

As I’ve mentioned before, I’ve been a bit busy cleaning out a hoader’s house. Last weekend, we tackled one of the stashes of toiletries. We came out with several cases of soap, shampoo, blankets, towels, and sleeping pads.

For the right charity, an unopened case of bar soap is better than gold.

When our new-found treasures were delivered to Mary’s Place, I’m told the nuns wept. Mary’s Place is a transitional housing complex attached to a homeless shelter. They were totally and completely out of hygiene products for the residents.

Something that means nothing to me meant the world to someone else. I was just looking for a useful place to dump the stuff we can’t use or don’t want to store, and I made a nun cry.*

People need so much, and so much of what they need is trivial to my family. A blanket? A bar of soap? That’s nothing…to me.

As we go through the rest of the stuff, our focus will be different. Instead of, “Can we sell this at a garage sale, or should we donate it?”, it’s going to be “Can someone get more value out of this than we’ll get by selling it?” We can sell a comforter for $5, or give it to someone who needs to stay warm in the winter.

I’ll forgo $5 for that warm fuzzy feeling.

*Check one off the bucket list.

The Story of Sammy

Business

As I’ve mentioned, we’re cleaning out my mother-in-law’s house. She was a hoarder who passed away a couple of months ago. As of yesterday, we’ve filled two 30-yard dumpsters. For perspective, that’s big enough to park our F150.

I’m not here to talk about that, or the 20 year old can of green beans that burst and ran down my leg on Saturday.

Last month, we put a recliner out on the curb with a free sign. A few minutes later, a couple of guys stopped by and grabbed it.

Last week, one of the guys–I’ll call him Sammy–stopped by and left a note on the windshield of one of our inherited cars, asking about buying it.

Long story short, we sold him two cars. One hadn’t been run in a year or two, and one had been parked for almost 20 years. We signed this titles and let him take the cars while he was still $50 short of the purchase price. This isn’t a story about the cars.

It’s a story about Sammy.

Sammy doesn’t have a lot of money. He’s living off of a monthly check from an old injury, and his fiancee works part-time. They’re living in Section 8 housing, and consistently have more month than money. When he was younger, he made some decisions that make some forms of employment difficult now.

On Friday, Sammy stopped by. He was supposed to give us $50, but said that getting one of the cars running had cost more than expected, and it still had a problem that was keeping it from being safe on the road. He asked about an extension.

No problem.

Then, he looked around my mother-in-law’s overgrown yard and asked if he could help. After we negotiated the price, he asked if he could a) borrow our tools for the work, and b) get a ride Saturday morning.

I am a nice guy.

Saturday, I was planning to pick him up, then drive downtown to pick up a friend who has been living at the Salvation Army since moving to the area. His friend was so excited about the work, he hopped on a bus at 6am and got to Sammy’s house.

When I got there, Sammy also had a teenager he was mentoring. He told me that his dream was to start a lawn-care business with his friend, so they can put kids to work and help them turn into productive citizens. Idle, broke, and bored teenagers are a recipe for disaster. Teenagers who grow into men not believing they have a chance to change their future are worse.

I dropped them off and went to have a chat with my wife.

We’re far from rich but, at the moment, we are fairly flush. We’ve found some cash, and a there is a bit of life insurance money. Most of that will be going into remodeling the house, but we have a bit extra. If we can take a few hundred dollars, and help launch Sammy into a business that will help him, his family, and a circle of kids with few prospects, I think it’s the right thing to do.

When I told Sammy what we were considering, he started to break down. It was a truly emotional experience for him to know that somebody was willing to take a chance on him.

I told him to put together plan. I want to know what it would take for him to get started. Hopefully, he’s serious enough to do that. I’d like to help.