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Keep Your Friends Out of Debt

Local Brick
Image via Wikipedia

If you’re like me, you get a bit evangelical about getting out of debt.  I try to convert spendthrifts and irritate my fellow debtors.   I’m probably pretty annoying at times.   What I’ve learned–or at least pretend to have learned–is the direct approach rarely works.   Hitting someone over the head with a brick won’t convince them of anything, even if it’s a very frugal brick.  Try it sometime.  You may convince them to buy a bigger brick to return the favor, but you won’t convince them to save money.

What can you do?  Your friends want to spend money they don’t have and worse, they want you to come with to spend money you either don’t have or don’t want to spend on bad music and overpriced beer.  Suggest less expensive activities.

If your friends want to catch a movie, suggest a matinee or hitting redbox for a night in.   It may even be worth investing in a projector and screen if movie night becomes a habit.   My couch is certainly more comfortable than the theater seats and my soda is cheaper.

When you are invited to dinner, suggest a potluck or have a barbecue. It’s almost always cheaper to eat in, and cooking together can be a wonderful social activity.   If that’s not practical, use coupons.  Restaurant.com has some amazing deals, but don’t use them without an coupon.  Their default price is a $25 gift certificate for $10.  With a coupon (currently DAD), you can get that same certificate for $3.   That usually means a minimum tab of $35 and mandatory tip of 18%, but it’s still a good savings.  Your $35 meal will cost $19.30 when all is said and done.

[ad name=”inlineleft”]Don’t compete for the coolest gadgets. “I just got an iPod for $300″ should be countered with a receipt for a $20 mp3 player, not an ad for an iPad.   Race to zero, not zeros.

Don’t be ashamed of your frugality.   “I they are laughing you don’t need ’em, cuz they’re not good friends.”   My habits aren’t secret. If I say something isn’t in the budget, my friends know I won’t be doing it.  It’s not up for debate.

Above all, I try to be proactive. I try to suggest cheaper alternatives before the expensive options are on the table.   Having a beer on my deck and watching a movie in my living room is so much cheaper than drinks at a club before a concert.

Update:  This post has been included in the Carnival of Personal Finance.

Carnival Roundup: Bully Edition

My mother-in-law’s house is ready.   The walls are painted, the hardwood floors have been sanded and polished, the carpets have been cleaned.  Now, we just have to get the lease signed and let the renters in.

A school bus photographed in New York, New Yor...
A school bus photographed in New York, New York. Bus is a 2000-2001 Carpenter Classic 2000 body with an International 3800 chassis. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

This week, we had our first real bullying incident on the school bus.  I guess one of the benefits of having a kid who is the biggest in the school is that nobody punches him.  My daughter doesn’t have that benefit.   She was punched and pushed for being in the wrong seat on the bus a couple of days ago.   Thankfully, the school dealt with it quickly.   The bus is equipped with video and the little girl copped to it.  She’s s off of the bus for a few days and her parents have been informed.   Unfortunately, her twin sister seems to be the vengeful type.  She came home yesterday lying about how my daughter behaved on the bus and got another little girl to lie about getting hit and bit by my daughter in school yesterday.

How do I know it’s all lies?

First, my daughter didn’t ride the bus yesterday afternoon.  She was scared in the morning, so I promised to pick her up from school.   Hard to misbehave on the bus when she was cuddling with her mother on the couch.    The other little girl–who goes to daycare with the twins just up the street from our daycare provider (who happens to be the grandmother of the twins)–recanted once she was away from the vengeful twin.  Her mother filled us in last night.  I’m not a fan of a grandmother defending a kid’s lies.  No kids are angels, but helping them lie doesn’t make them better people.

Live Real, Now was included in the following carnivals recently:

I’m aware that I’ve been a bit of a slacker about posting these links.  My apologies to everyone who deserved a link but didn’t get it in a timely manner.

Yakezie Carnival  hosted by Narrow Bridge

Finance Carnival for Young Adults   hosted by Finance Product Reviews

Carnival of Financial Planning   hosted by Family Money Values

Yakezie Carnival   hosted by Moneywise Pastor

Lifestyle Carnival hosted by Vanessa’s Money

Carnival of Money Pros  hosted by See Debt Run

Carnival of Financial Camaraderie #64 hosted by Master the Art of Saving

Carnival of Retirement #52  hosted by Master the Art of Saving

Yakezie Carnival  hosted by Your PF Pro

Lifestyle Carnival #33 hosted by Lifestyle Carnival

Carnival of Financial Camaraderie #62  hosted by Savvy Scot

Carnival of Money Pros   hosted by Debt Black Hole

Carnival of Money Pros    hosted by Making Sense of Cents

Lifestyle Carnival #31  hosted by Vanessa’s Money

Carnival of Money Pros  hosted by The Frugal Toad

Money Mail Carnival #5   hosted by The Money Mail

Carnival of Money Pros  hosted by Vanessa’s Money

Money Mail Carnival #4  hosted by The Money Mail

Finance Carnival for Young Adults #39 hosted by 20s Finances

Yakezie Carnival hosted by My Family Finances

Carnival of Money Pros    hosted by Growing Money Smart

Carnival of Financial Camaraderie #57  hosted by My University Money

Money Mail Carnival #3 hosted by The Money Mail

Yakezie Carnival    hosted by I Heart Budgets

Carnival of Retirement #46  hosted by Making Sense of Cents

Yakezie Carnival hosted by The Ultimate Juggle

Carnival of Money Pros   hosted by My Multiple Incomes

Carnival of Financial Planning hosted by Master the Art of Saving

Money Mail Carnival #2 hosted by The Money Mail

Carnival of Financial Camaraderie #56 hosted by See Debt Run

Carnival of Money Pros   hosted by Finance Product Reviews

Yakezie Carnival hosted by Parenting and Money

Lifestyle Carnival #27  hosted by Femme Frugality

Carnival of Financial Camaraderie #55 hosted by My University Money

Yakezie Carnival hosted by The Ultimate Juggle

Lifestyle Carnival #26 hosted by Mo Money Mo Houses

Carnival of Money Pros  hosted by Debt Black Hole

Carnival of Financial Camaraderie #54 hosted by Cash Net USA

Carnival of Financial Planning hosted by Young Family Finances

Yakezie Carnival   hosted by Portfolio Princess

Carnival of Money Pros   hosted by Thirty Six Months

Carnival of Retirement #41  hosted by Financial Conflict Coach

Lifestyle Carnival   hosted by Master the Art of Savings

Yakezie Carnival  hosted by Cult of Money

Lifestyle Carnival  hosted by Blue Collar Workman

Carnival of Money Pros   hosted by Making Sense of Cents

Carnival of Retirement #41 hosted by The College Investor

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Buying on Craigslist

Image by jcolman via Flickr

On Friday, I talked about selling safely on Craigslist.  Today, I’m going to talk about buying safely and getting a good deal.

I love Craiglist.  It’s safe to say I’m a fan. We’ve refurnished most of our house for 10-15% of retail by being patient and persistent there.   We scored a $1200 oak entertainment center for $200, a beautiful oak headboard/storage thingy for $150, a nice china cabinet for $70 and much, much more.   There are a lot of deals to be had, but you have to be careful.

I never buy anything without either a picture or a model number. Stock photos do not count.  I want to see an actual picture of the actual item.   With electronics, I want the model number so I can tell exactly what features it has.    If I can’t positively identify the item, the seller gets an email.  If I don’t know what it is, I’m not interested.

Once I have the item identified, it’s time to hit Amazon and Google for a quick price check.   Acceptable prices vary, but I’m generally looking for 25% of retail for items that aren’t collectible or antique.

While it’s not a common occurrence for the things I buy, some sellers do lie. The technical term for this is “fraud”.   Fraudulent sellers needs to be kicked in the shins.   Before I go to actually see an item, I do enough research that I will hopefully be able to pick out a fraud or forgery.   The easiest way to tell if the backstory is a lie?  If you are given a backstory, it’s probably a lie.  Never assume that the seller is telling the truth about the little old lady who only drove her TiVo to church on Thursdays in the summer and never went above channel 10.  The story is always a lie. Check the condition yourself.  Check the value yourself.   If you can’t verify it, it isn’t true.

If you are buying tickets or documents, know what you are looking for to tell if it is a forgery.  If you can’t tell, ask the seller to meet with someone you trust who can verify it.   Ticketmaster tickets are laminated, so they glare slightly in the light. If you hold the tickets up to a strong light, the white parts will glow blue.    Finally, if the ticket looks like it was printed at home, don’t trust it.

[ad name=”inlineleft”]A few months ago, a local couple was trying to buy a car on Craigslist.   When they met the buyer, he took their cash and their car and left them on the sidewalk in an unfamiliar neighborhood.    The moral of the story?   Ride the bus. That, and always meet in a public, well-traveled spot.

If the seller suggest escrow, he’s probably actually the deposed ruler of Nigeria in need of someone to help him get his fortune safely out of the country.  You should immediately give him your name, address, social security number, PIN, place of business, all of your bank accounts, and the kidneys of your first-born.  He’ll hook you up. Really.

Don’t do that.   On the internet, escrow=fraud, almost every time.

Rental fraud is an issue I have absolutely no experience with, but it’s common in places with a competitive housing market.  The felonious candidates for extremely prejudiced termination will scan the real estate listings, and post some on Craigslist as a rental unit with a low-ball price.   People get excited for the extreme deal, shut off their critical thinking skills, and hand their nest-egg over to someone they’ve never met so they can keep the scam from being snatched up by some sucker who’s just a little bit slower at dumping his wallet into a crowded room on con-artists.   It’s a big decision, so take the time to research it and do it right. Find the ownership records and the owner.   If you’re buying, get an actual realtor to help you.  They are worth the money.

Tips for Buying Safely on Craigslist

Don’t wire money. Ever.   If someone suggests that for an internet sale, ask for their address and send a leg-breaker their way.  They are trying to steal from you.

Trust your gut.  If something smells fishy, it probably is.  Walk away.

Don’t ever give out personal information.  Nevernevernever.  Not your address, not your favorite flavor of chewing-cud, nothing.   Keep it private.[ad name=”inlineright”]

Meet in a public place.  Criminals tend to dislike witnesses, so go somewhere that has them by the score.

Bring a friend. I may be a bit of a chauvinist or over-protective, but my wife doesn’t bring money to go meet strangers on the internet without me.  If your local laws allow it, consider bringing some form of protection with you.

Craigslist can save you a ton of money, but it brings some risk with it.   Keep yourself safe.

Does a Gay Marriage Cost more than a straight marriage?

The costs of a wedding will depend on what state you live in. For gay couples this is even more important as only a few states allow gay marriage. These states are California, Connecticut, Delaware, Iowa, Maine, Maryland,

Crowd in support of Gay Marriage
Crowd in support of Gay Marriage (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Massachusetts, Minnesota, New Hampshire, New York, Rhode Island, Vermont, and Washington D.C.

Recent political events have reduced some of these costs by revoking Proposition 8 and returning gay marriage to California. Additionally, by removing the Defense of Marriage Act federal benefits are now available to all married couples gay or straight.
The biggest difference in the cost of the essential part of the marriage (the license) and any travel costs for those who do not live in states that allow gay marriage. The most expensive is Maryland which costs $85. Most marriage licenses seem to cost about $50 such as California’s $68, and Delaware’s $50. However in Connecticut and Iowa the license is only $30.
If you do not live in a state that allows gay marriage, there may be options including domestic partnerships. These states are Oregon, Nevada, New Jersey, Illinois, and Hawaii. Be careful considering these states however, as many domestic partnership benefits do not apply when traveling out of state. These are also not eligible for over 1000 federal benefits of marriage. In fact, domestic partnerships can act differently from zip code to zip code. Carefully read any agreement, as some do not provide any legal rights or protections but are simply a written commitment of a couple.
Also some states may recognize same sex marriages performed in other states though they do not allow the marriage to take place there. If you live in one of these states it may be worth the travel costs to go to a nearby state that allows gay marriage.
According to market watch, average spending on a ceremony is $25,000 however it varies depending on personal preferences and resources. Costs can depend on what season you get married in, real simple reports venue costs being reduced up to 20% if a wedding is in the winter, and not on a Saturday (the most common day for a wedding). Brides and grooms can consider renting their outfit to reduce costs. You can also consider cheaper alternatives such as having a family member doing the catering, or decorating your cake yourself. Party favors can be made by family members who like crafts.
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