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Dealing With the Police 101
Last night, a friend called me up and asked me to accompany him to the police station. The police had knocked on his door, waking up his girlfriend while he was out. When he called, they wouldn’t tell him why they wanted to talk to him. Was it an ex trying to make his life difficult or one of his employees getting investigated?
This friend has had a number of interactions with the police, but never learned how to deal with them. Before we left, I gave him a crash course in “stay out of jail”.
Lesson 1: The Police Are Not Your Friends.
During an investigation, you are a suspect. They are looking for a conviction. There may be a “good cop” trying to “help you out”, but he is trying to put you in jail. “Protect and Serve” doesn’t mean you. In general, it means society as a whole. During an investigation, they are serving the interests of the prosecutor.
Generally, they are going to look at you–as the target of their investigation–as the enemy. This is normal. They spend all of their time dealing with scumbags and s***heads. Naturally, they start to assume that everyone who isn’t a cop will fall into one of those categories.
Don’t get pissed when they act rude, ignore you, or anything else. It isn’t a lack of professionalism, it’s just a different profession. They are using interrogation techniques that have been proven successful. Ignore it and focus on Lesson 2.
It will feel wrong to disobey the authority you’ve been taught your entire life to obey. You’re not. You are standing by your rights. Nobody cares about your future more than you do. Certainly not the guy investigating you.
Lesson 2: Your Lawyer is Your Friend.
The second a police interaction starts to look like they are investigating you, demand your lawyer, then see Lesson 4. When you demand an attorney, they stop asking you questions. You can take it back and start talking, so again, see Lesson 4. It’s your attorney’s job to talk to the police and, if necessary, the media. It’s your job to talk to your attorney.
You don’t need an attorney ahead of time. Criminal defense attorneys are used to getting calls at 3AM. It’s part of their job. If you have a low enough income as defined by whatever jurisdiction you are being investigated in, you can get a public defender. That’s better than nothing, but I’d prefer to hire a professional shark, even if it means mortgaging my future. Prison is a big gamble.
Lesson 3. Consent is Your Enemy.
The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no Warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by Oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized.
“Officer, I do not consent to any search and I would like to speak to my attorney.” Remember this. Memorize it.
They need probable cause, a warrant, or permission to search your stuff. Never agree to it. Don’t stop them if they search anyway, but never, ever agree to a search. If the search is done improperly, your lawyer(see Lesson 2) will get the results of that searched thrown out.
It isn’t possible to get into more trouble for standing by your rights. There is no crime on the books anywhere in the US called “Refused Consent to Search”. Your day will not go worse because you defended your Constitutional rights.
Lesson 4. Shut Up.
I know a few defense attorneys. According to them, most of the people in jail either committed a crime in front of a bunch of witnesses, or they talked their way into jail. Shut up. You’ll want to either justify or defend yourself depending on the circumstances. Don’t. Shut up. It may be one of the hardest things you ever do, but keep your mouth closed. The only thing worse than talking is lying. Don’t lie, just keep quiet.
There is nothing you are going to say that will make your interrogator invite you home for Christmas. He isn’t your friend, you won’t meet his parents, you aren’t going to his birthday party. There is absolutely no win in talking to him. Shut up. The answer to every question is “Lawyer.” If the only thing you say babble is “Lawyerlawyerlawyerlawyerlawyerlawyer”, you’re probably not going to do too badly.
In your car, the dynamic changes a bit, but the principles don’t. When a cop pulls you over, don’t argue. You can’t win an argument with a cop on the side of the road. Be nice, be polite, and as soon as possible, pull into a parking lot and take as many notes about the encounter as you can. If you are planning to fight whatever he pulled you over for, don’t give him any reason to remember you or spin his official report to make you look bad. Again, shut up. Catching a theme?
Gambling With Your Future
If you are being investigated by the police, your future–or some part of it–is on the line. While you are gambling with your criminal record and your freedom, don’t forget that you are an amateur in this arena. The police, the prosecutor, and your attorney are the professionals and the stakes can be huge. Keep your mouth shut, call your attorney, and thank me later.
Toxic People
You should never be in the company of anyone with whom you would not want to die.
-Duncan Idaho, from God-Emperor of Dune
Some people suck the life out of everyone they encounter. Whether it be through lies, unreasonable demands, emotional abuse or manipulation, or just a vile personalty, the people they meet are worse off for the encounter. The people they interact with every day are screwed.
My time is too precious to waste any of it unnecessarily on people who remove value from it. I like being with people who enrich my life, instead.
Unfortunately, since I’m not an advocate for the use of hitmen, not every toxic person is easy to eliminate from your life.
Toxic people come in 3 basic varieties: professional, personal, and family. There is some overlap between the categories.
The personal category is easiest to deal with. These people aren’t relatives or coworkers, so you won’t see them at family gatherings or at work. I’ve dealt with these people in two ways.
First, there is the direct approach. One former friend, who was really only a friend when it was convenient for him(a pure leech), got told that he wasn’t invited to one of our parties because I was inviting his ex-wife, instead. That was the last time he called me.
The second option is far more passive. I set up a contact group in my phone called “Life’s too short”. At first, I set it up with a fairly insulting ring tone, but I later switched it to no ring at all. I don’t know they’ve called until I check my voicemail. It’s far less direct, but also far easier than the direct approach.
Dealing with the toxic people in your family is more complicated. You’ll see them at holiday gatherings, or hear about them during unrelated visits. You probably have a lot of memories growing up with them, and may feel some level of obligation–deserved or not–to maintain contact. It’s hard to break a tie that you’ve had your entire life.
Can you fix their behavior? It’s worth trying to have a frank discussion about how they are treating you, or the things they are doing. If the problem is that they are constantly bringing over their methhead boyfriends, banning the drug addicts from your home, while still welcoming the relative may be an acceptable fix. If the problem is a constant need to belittle you, demanding they stop may work. If the problem is a lifetime of emotional abuse, it probably isn’t fixable.
Is banishment an option? Can you put that creepy cousin on the Life’s Too Short list? You’ll still have to deal with him at family gatherings, but you can always leave the room when he comes in, right? Don’t engage, don’t participate in any conversation beyond a polite greeting, and don’t offer any encouragement towards regular contact.
It’s possible that it won’t be possible to fix their behavior and that you won’t want to banish the offender. If, for example, the offender is your mother (Not you, Mom!), you may feel a sense of obligation to maintain contact, or even be a primary caregiver at times. This is a line nobody else can draw for you. At some point, the current bad behavior could overwhelm the past obligations. When that happens are you prepared for it? That can be a traumatic break.
The other option, as cold as it sounds, is to wait it out. Nature will take its course, eventually. Can you wait that long, while maintaining your sanity and emotional equilibrium?
Professional toxic people include customers, vendors, and coworkers, none of whom are easy to get rid of.
If you own the business, you can fire your problem customers if the hassle outweighs the benefits you get from the relationship. You can find a new vendor, and you can fire the problem employees.
What happens if you are an employee?
If the problem is your boss, your options are to suck it up, talk to his boss, or find a new job. If the first is intolerable, and the second is impossible, it’s time to polish your resume.
If the problem is a vendor, you’ve got some options. Document the problems, first. Does he make inappropriate jokes, or badmouth you to your customers? Then, research the alternatives. Does one of his competitors offer an equivalent product or service? Take the documentation and research to your boss, or whoever makes that decision, and see if you can get your company to make the switch. The other option, is to request someone new to deal with at the vendor’s company, but that may not always be possible.
Finally, we come to the problem of toxic coworkers.
Some coworkers have the same problems as a toxic boss. Is the company vice-president the boss’s baby brother? You’re probably not going to find a win there. You’ll have to suck it up or move on.
Is the problem person working in an unrelated department doing unrelated tasks? It may be possible to start taking breaks at different times and leave him where he belongs: in the past.
Is the difficult individual sharing an office with you, demanding everything be done his way, and throwing daily tantrums? This is the one that has to be dealt with. He’s the one sucking the life out of you every single day.
First, start making use of a voice recorder. If you’ve got a smartphone, you’ve probably already got one. Otherwise, drop the $20 to buy one. This lets you document the evil. When his behavior goes hinky, record it.
Second, stand up for yourself. If he’s making unreasonable demands, tell him it’s inappropriate. He’s a bully, and bullies tend to back down when they are confronted.
Third, make sure the boss knows about the behavior. Yes, this is tattling. Get over it. If he wasn’t acting like he was a spoiled 4 year old, you wouldn’t have to tell the boss that he was. If the boss doesn’t know there’s a problem, he can’t deal with it.
Fourth, for any problem that isn’t directly aimed at you, ignore it. If he makes a habit of throwing a tantrum because somebody emptied the coffee pot, or because the company switched health plans, let him. Only get in the way if it’s directed at you. Over time, the tantrums will get more noticeable and out of hand, forcing the boss to deal with it, preferably by handing him a pink slip.
Your goal is documentation, awareness, and avoidance. Make the worst of it go elsewhere so you can be as productive as possible, document what you can, and let the boss become aware of the situation and how bad it has become. And be patient. This isn’t an overnight fix.
How do you deal with the toxic people in your life?
Budget Lesson, Part 1
budget” width=”300″ height=”185″ />Over the next few weeks, I will be going over my budget in detail.
The first section is income, but that’s straightforward. A line for each income source, bi-weekly, monthly and annual totals. Simple.
Before we start, a word on the organization. There are five columns:
- Category – This is the description of the line item.
- Cost – How much do you pay for this item?
- Time – What is the frequency of the payment? Valid values are ‘m’, ‘q’, ‘y’, ‘w’ for ‘Monthly’, ‘Quarterly’, ‘Yearly’ and ‘Weekly’.
- Monthly – Cost and Time are combined to calculate the monthly expense, to make it possibly to budget. If this is $100, I need to set aside a C-Note each and every month to make the payment when it comes due.
- Yearly – This column is mostly informative. It’s helpful to see this in comparison to my annual pay.
The first section I am actually going to address is discretionary spending.
- Groceries/Dining $475.00 – We don’t budget heavily for groceries, which would be a surprise if you saw me. At the smallest I have ever been, fit, I was never small. We shop smart, buy in bulk when it makes sense, and rarely eat out. We also keep cooked rice and beans in containers in the refrigerator as a cheap and healthy way to stretch almost everything we eat.
- Discretionary $250.00 – This gets used for household items, like toilet paper and soap. It also get used for the odd book or movie, or to cover the gaps between the other categories and reality.
- Baby stuff $60.00 – We have two children in diapers. ‘Nuff said. This category does get progressively smaller as the baby items are outgrown and the children get potty-trained.
- Gas/oil $200.00 – Gas and auto-maintenance. This is actually higher than monthly costs, allowing us to set some aside for larger maintenance issues.
- Clothes $15.00 – All of our dressers are overflowing, so this is strictly replacement cost for the time being. Our kids wear a lot of hand-me-downs.
- Blow Money $50.00 – Occasionally, habitual shoppers need to shop. If they don’t do it on-budget, they will do it off-budget and kill the whole idea.
Initially, we used a “virtual envelope” system. We had a spreadsheet and every time something was spent in this category, we entered the amount and stopped when the category was spent. Didn’t work. We are going on a pure, cash-only system as of the first of the year. No money, no spendy.
Your Budget is Worthless
When you realize that you’ve buried yourself in debt and decide to get out from under that terrible burden, the first thing you’ve got to do is build a budget because, without that, you’ve got no way to know how much money you have or need. After you’ve got a budget, you’ll start spending according to whatever it says. Hopefully, you’ll stay on budget, but what happens when an emergency does come up? What do you do when your car dies? When you suddenly find out your kids needs vision therapy? How do you manage when your job suddenly gets shipped off to East De Moines?
Your budget isn’t going to help you meet those expenses. Most people don’t have enough money in their bank account to make it all the way to the next payday, let alone enough to keep the lights on and food on the table. How can you possibly hope to deal with even the little things that come up?
You whip out your emergency fund.
The problem with a budget is that it does a poor job of accounting for the unexpected. That’s where an emergency fund comes in. An emergency fund is money that you have set aside in an available-but-not-too-accessible account. Its sole purpose is to give you a line of defense when life rears up and kicks you in the butt. Without an emergency fund, everything that comes unexpectedly is automatically an emergency. With an emergency fund, the things that come up are merely minor setbacks. Without an emergency fund, your budget is nothing but a good intention waiting to get shattered by the next thing that comes along. With an emergency fund, you are managing money. Without it, it’s managing you.
How much money do you need in an emergency fund?
Every “expert” has their own opinion on this. Dave Ramsey recommends $1000 to start. Suze Orman says 8 months. The average time spent looking for work after losing your job is 24.5 weeks(roughly 6 months), so I recommend 7 months of expenses. That’s enough to carry you through an average bout of unemployment and a little more, but that’s not a goal for your first steps toward financial perfection. To start with, get $1000 in a savings account. That’s enough to manage most run-of-the-mill emergencies, without unduly delaying the rest of your debt repayment and savings goals.
How do you build an emergency fund?
Let’s not kid ourselves, $1000 is a lot of money when can barely make it from one check to the next. Unfortunately, this vital first step can’t get ignored. If you really work at it, you should be able to come up with $1000 in a month or so. Here are some ideas on how to manage that:
- Cut. Drop every possible expense. If you drop cable, your cell phone, Netflix, and a weekly dinner out, you will already be saving $400 that month. You’d be almost halfway there.
- Sell. How much stuff do you have that you don’t need, want, or use? I’d be willing to be there’s more than you realize. Last spring, I had a garage sale that brought in about $1300. Everything we sold was just crap we don’t use any more. We sold candles and candle-holders, DVDs, books, clothes, toys, electronics, games, and anything else we could find. I spent a month going through every room in my house to find my inventory. Craigslist is a good way to sell just one or two things at a time.
- Work. Have you thought about delivering pizza or working weekends in a gas station? If you have some technical or writing ability, you could pick up some part time work on oDesk or eLance. Your opportunities are only limited by what you are willing to do.
Stop at a grand?
Dave Ramsey’s advice is to get your fund up to $1000 and then leave it alone until your debt is paid off. Screw that. I’ve got money going into my fund every month. It’s only $25 per month, but over the last two years, it has almost doubled my fund. Don’t dedicate so much money that you can’t meet your other goals, but don’t be afraid to keep some money flowing in .
Using the fund?
When can you pull the money out? That is entirely up to you. I have ju st two points to make about withdrawing from your emergency fund:
- Don’t keep the money in an easy-to-access account. If your fund is in the savings account that serves as your overdraft protection account, it’s too easy to spend it, and it will go away. I keep it in my INGDirect account. I don’t use the checking account for anything in person, so I don’t carry the card. If I want to spend that money, it will take 2-3 days to transfer into my main bank account.
- Never decide to spend the money on the spur of the moment. There are very few major financial decisions that can’t wait until morning to be answered. Sleep on it. If it’s still necessary tomorrow, you can spend it without guilt.
An emergency fund makes your life easier and your budget possible when the unexpectable happens. Don’t forget to fund yours.
How much money do you keep in your emergency fund? What would it take to get you to spend it?
Hayden Panettiere Gets Engaged – Crazy Wedding or Not?
Hayden Panettiere has formally announced her engagement! The starlet will be marrying Vladimir Klitschko, who is a world renowned boxer that has won an Olympic gold medal. The unexpected public revelation has sparked rumor trails regarding glitzy wedding plans. While no date has been set, and nothing has been confirmed, there is widespread speculation that the event is going to be glamorously over-the-top.
A decadent gala may very well be in the planning stages. The “Nashville” actress, age 24, is one of America’s most idolized entertainers. She appeared on “Live with Kelly & Michael” to declare her commitment. During the show, she flaunted an extravagantly oversized engagement ring. This fancy display could be the precursor to an expensively ostentatious wedding.
Although Panettiere’s fiance is 13 years older than her, it is the first marriage for both partners. This may instill extra incentive for the couple to make their officiation an extremely flashy occasion. Because Klitschko is a famous Ukrainian athlete, he will also be anticipating a magnificently choreographed wedding. Both individuals could invest fortunes in perfecting their walk down the aisle together.
Of course, one of the biggest decisions that Panettiere faces is the selection of her gown. All eyes will be on the fabric that she chooses for this special day. If they go through with a public wedding, the dress will be permanently immortalized in global media. She is going to want to show off flawless class, glimmering austerity and sizzling sultriness. Fashion critics are eagerly anticipating her selection. The high-end designer that she picks will receive a tremendous boost in popularity, especially if she pulls off a beautiful presentation.
A crazy wedding would be completely in character for the young television star. Her most known role was a bubbly cheerleader on the long-running series, “Heroes.” With vivacious charm, she became a sex symbol across the country. Explosiveness is simply a part of her personality, so a bombastic celebration is to be expected. Furthermore, Ukrainian wedding parties have a tendency to be more raucous than American traditions. If they follow any of the groom’s cultural practices, the event could become out of control.
The massive ring on Panettiere’s finger indicates no desire for privacy regarding this affair. In fact, it was an invitation for the mainstream media to cover the entire ordeal. This hints that the couple might be planning a gigantic wedding event. They can easily afford it, and the public celebrations will rapidly enhance the star’s critical acclaim.
In contrast, a private exchange of vows would disappoint her legions of fans. Furthermore, paparazzi could still infiltrate the wedding to snap pictures. To avoid any uninvited intrusions, the couple should be open to media coverage during their nupital arrangements. This will let them control the event, and allow them to recoup some of the expenses through lucrative network contracts. Regardless of how they conduct the wedding, it is certain that the whole world will be diligently watching with admiration, and perhaps a slight tinge of jealousy.
