This is a conversation between me and my future self, if my financial path wouldn’t have positively forked 2 years ago. The transcript is available here.
What would your future self have to say to you?
Bonding Relationships
People can’t be happy in a vacuum. We are social creatures. Even the most anti-social among us needs some human contact. How can you make that contact happen in a meaningful way? How can you connect with other people beyond some superficial meaningless chatter?
According to Keith Ferrazzi in his book, Who’s got your back, there are four mindsets necessary to build lifelong relationships.
1. Generosity. This is your promise to help others succeed. If have a skill that can help someone you know, why not give them a hand? when you help others, you are building social capital, which is a currency that cannot be bought. Since our lives are not ledger books, you can’t do favors with repayment in mind, but it is reasonable to assume that the people ou help will want to help you some day.
An often overlooked generosity strategy is to give away 90% of everything. I’m not suggesting you give away 90% of your wealth or possessions. I’m suggesting you give away 90% of your personal product. Plan to give away 9 times more than your receive. This will not only keep your from being disappointed, but it will also leave you feeling very fulfilled.
2. Vulnerability. It is important to let down your guard and let the world see your humanity. It’s almost impossible to truly connect with someone who’s shields are always up: the guy who seems to be invulnerable and unapproachable. The people you spend time with know your flaw anyway. If you pretend they don’t exist, you are only fooling yourself. I have a lot of problem with this one. Letting down my guard is incredibly difficult, in almost every circumstance. It is far easier to be strong than to let myself be vulnerable.
3. Candor. Total honesty is vital to establishing–and maintaining– lifelong relationships. Even the white lies can destroy your connections. If you can lie about the little things, you are planting doubts on everything else you do and say. Who can trust you then? Lying is inappropriate in almost all conceivable cases. I was raised that a man’s word is his bond. Almost everything you have can be taken away from you, but not your honor. That can only be destroyed by you. Without it, what do you really have?
4. Accountability. You need to follow through on your promises. Be Mr. Reliable(or Mrs!). If you say you will do something, do it! Nothing builds resentment faster than disappointing the people who are counting on you. If you can’t meet a commitment, let the soon-to-be-let-down know as early as possible, so other plans can be made. If you have a hard time keeping promises, then make fewer of them.
If you embrace these principles, you will be well on your way to building–and keeping–strong, satisfying relationships that benefit everyone.
How do you build your relationships?
$1500 Luxury
I’ve got some expensive habits. Not like Charlie Sheen snorting $2500 of blow of a hooker’s boobs, but still expensive.
My latest one is dancing lessons. Linda surprised me on one of weekly date nights a few months ago. She found a Groupon for the dancing studio we used before we got married. It was $69 for a month of unlimited group lessons.
When the month was up, we signed on for their beginner cycle of lessons, which cost another $400.
And now we’re starting the Social Foundation program.
Social Foundation is a series of classes that teach some advanced moves, but also to teach dancers how to lead and follow properly and how to dance socially and look respectable on a dance floor in any number of situations. Leading and following are important because every single dance move out there has specific cues that tell your partner what’s coming next. If she doesn’t know, you both look clumsy.
So we chose the four dances we’re going to learn better and signed up. We’re going to learn the Rumba, Waltz, Tango, and Swing. We’re already pretty good at Rumba and Swing, but we’re going to get better. Personally, I’m hoping to also figure out how to use the Tango on an open dance floor without crashing into people. That way, we can pretend to be Gomez and Morticia, my heroes.
Now, the thing is, dance lessons aren’t cheap. They cost about $100 per hour, where an hour is defined as 45 minutes. We’re rolling the last half of our beginner lessons into our social foundation lessons and paying $1400.
Ouch.
They gave us the option of financing it over 3-4 months, but I didn’t want to pay an extra $200 for the privilege. I think we’ll be tapping the vacation fund to pay for the lessons.
Why am I willing to pay this much?
Dancing is one of the very few things Linda and I both enjoy. We’re pretty good at it, it’s great exercise, it’s fun, and (shhh!) it counts as foreplay. It also doesn’t hurt to have the sidelines of the dance floor lined with people watching us dance, wishing they could do what we’re doing…or wishing their husbands were willing to learn how to dance. This also isn’t just something we’re doing at the studio. We are out on a dance floor dancing to a live band almost every week. That usually comes with about $25 in cover charges and drinks.
Fun, exercise, have sex, and inspire jealousy. That’s a winning combination. And finding things to do that we both love to do is difficult and easily worth the $2000 we’ve paid the dance studio this year.
Balance Your Borked Budget
You’ve got a budget worked out to the penny. You know every dollar that comes in and every dime that you spend. All of your bills are getting paid on time. Then, one day, it all comes crashing down. Your budget is no longer even a reasonable approximation of your cash flow. You’ve got no idea what’s coming in or going out. Bills are piling up and fees are digging you deeper in debt.
What happened? More importantly, how do you get back on track?
The first thing you need to do is identify the problem. What, exactly, went wrong? Did you lose your job or need a surprise botox injection? Your car died or your kid developed a hockey habit? Sports car or shoe sale? Whatever the cause, if you can’t identify it, you can’t deal with it. Some of the possible problems may be things that can get clubbed and buried in the backyard, while other things may be expenses that won’t be going away. If it’s a one-time expense, you can simply refocus your debt repayment to take it into account. If it’s an ongoing expense, you will need to adjust your other expenses, possibly in a drastic manner, to make ends meet. You can’t know which way to go without knowing what caused the problem.
Next, commit to to making it right. Don’t leave it at a mere commitment. Actually commit and actually do it right. Future-you is counting on you to fix the problem before he gets screwed. This is important. Without firm–and real–commitment, nothing else will matter. At best, you will be treading water. At worst, you will drown yourself in unanticipated bills.
Cut everything extra. Every expense–whether it’s your mortgage or your maid–is a rock in your pocket, one hundred miles from shore. How much can you carry and stay afloat? This isn’t the time to keep paying something because you enjoy it. If it isn’t absolutely necessary, it’s got to go. Cut your internet, cancel Netflix, learn to shut off the lights when you aren’t using them. Is the early termination fee less than 6 months of your cable bill, your satellite bill? Cancel it. You can always sign up again later. This is the time to be ruthless.
Is there a way to bring in some extra cash? Can you pick up a second job, or land a freelancing gig? If you’ve suddenly found yourself unemployed, can you spend some time on being a Mechanical Turk? Sell all of the things you don’t use anymore, or, more likely, never should have bought in the first place? Do you have a spare kidney?
Remember, this is a drastic situation calling for drastic measures. Your future is depending on you. Don’t make him come back and kick your butt.
Update: This post has been included in the Carnival of Personal Finance.
Sunday Roundup: Outta Town
This weekend, my wife is off scrapbooking with my mother and sister-in-law. Instead of hanging around the house trying to keep three kids entertained, I’m at my brother’s house, since his wife abandoned him with their kids, too. I’ll let his kids keep mine entertained, and vice versa. Woo!
30 Day Project Update
I am on the Slow Carb Diet. At the end of the month, I’ll see what the results were and decide if it’s worth continuing. For those who don’t know, the Slow Carb Diet involves cutting out potatoes, rice, flour, sugar, and dairy in all their forms. My meals consist of 40% proteins, 30% vegetables, and 30% legumes(beans or lentils). There is no calorie counting, just some specific rules, accompanied by a timed supplement regimen and some timed exercises to manipulate my metabolism. The supplements are NOT effedrin-based diet pills, or, in fact, uppers of any kind. There is also a weekly cheat day, to cut the impulse to cheat and to avoid letting my body go into famine mode.
I’m measuring two metrics, my weight and the total inches of my waist , hips, biceps, and thighs. Between the two, I should have an accurate assessment of my progress.
Weight: I have lost 30 pounds since January 2nd! That’s only 1 pounds since last week. 12 more to meet my goal for February. The difference this week? I’ve cut back on the supplements, to see if they actually make a difference. It would appear they do.
Total Inches: I have lost 16 inches in the same time frame, down 1.5 since last week.
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LRN Timewarp
This is where I review the posts I wrote a year ago. Did you miss them then?
This was Scam Week last year. I had a post on debt scams and scams that target disaster victims. As we roll into flooding season, it’s important to know how these scams work.
I also discussed my attempt to teach my son to savor delayed gratification. It has been working. He makes long-term(for an 11 year old) plans regularly.
Carnivals I’ve Rocked and Guest Posts I’ve Rolled
Money Problems: Setting Goals was included in the Festival of Frugality.
Your Budget is Worthless was included in the Carnival of Personal Finance.
Brown Bagging Your Way to Savings was included in the Carnival of Money Stories.
Debt Burnout was included in the Totally Money Carnival.
Thank you! If I missed anyone, please let me know.
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Have a great week!
The Tax Man Cometh
- Image by brianjmatis via Flickr
Is the IRS after you? Did you forget to file your tax returns for the last 10 years? Are you worried that they are going to seize your bank accounts, leaving you broke and unable to finance your latest Pokemon acquisition?
There are many reasons people neglect to file their tax returns. None of the reasons are good. The usual reason is that you know you’ll owe money you can’t afford to pay, so you wrap yourself in denial and attempt to delay the inevitable. For future reference, the government always wins. Not filing is a temporary solution at best, and a really bad one at that. Not paying just guarantees that you will owe more penalties than if you had filed and gotten on a repayment plan. Avoiding your tax return will come back to haunt you eventually.
If you haven’t filed your tax returns, you need to do so as soon as possible. The longer you wait, the fewer options you have and the more likely the account seizures. Keep your money under your own control. Another problem with not filing is that the IRS will estimate your tax debt. The estimate is always in their favor. If you file, you get to list your deductions. If you don’t file, they give you the standard deduction and ignore almost everything in your favor. In some cases, this can mean they think you owe $10,000 when in reality, if you file, you will only possibly owe $1500.
To get started, you need to do is call the IRS at (800) TAX-1040. This call serves three purposes.
First, you need to confirm which years you need to file. Simply ask for the last year in which you have filed.
Second, request a transcript of all of your 1099s and W-2s. These are the forms that your employers, investments, and banks have sent to the IRS detailing your income. Over the years, it’s easy to lose paperwork, so this will ensure that you’re records match theirs. Depending on the time of the year, you should have the files in under a week. You’ll get one per delinquent year.
Third, this call gives you a chance to get on the “good debtor” list. You may have to get transferred to the collections department, but make sure you get someone to update your file with the fact that you are making good on your taxes. They will probably give you 30 days to file. Treat this as a hard deadline.
[ad name=”inlineleft”]Now that you have all of your paperwork, it’s time for the long slog. You have to do several years worth of returns, generally in one or two sittings. You can usually find back years of Turbo Tax on Amazon for cheap. As of this writing, the back years are under $10 per year. While you are filing, please keep in mind any charitable donations or business expenses you may have had. If you are missing a receipt for a major business purchase, never fear! The IRS does accept reasonable alternatives. I know of one case of an individual writing a letter to the IRS that read:
To Whom it May Concern:
Please accept this letter as a receipt for the purchase of a snowplow in the amount of $3000.
If you do this, you had better be able to back it up with the existence of an actual snowplow.
After you prepare your returns, look at the amounts you owe. You can only collect a refund for the last three years. If you owe more than you can afford to pay, you have two option, payment plans or settlement.
Payment plans involve delayed or continual payments. From IRS.gov:
Request an Extension of Time to Pay — Based on the circumstances, a taxpayer could qualify for an extension of time to pay. The IRS is willing to allow extensions of time to pay in order to assist in tax debt repayment. A taxpayer can request an extension from 30 to 120 days depending on the specific situation. Taxpayers qualifying for an extension of time to pay of 30 to 120 days generally will pay less in penalties and interest than if the debt were repaid through an installment agreement. Taxpayers can request an extension of time to pay using the Online Payment Agreement option available on thisWeb site.
- Apply for an Installment Agreement — The IRS may allow taxpayers to pay any remaining balance in monthly installments through an installment agreement. Taxpayers who owe $25,000 or less may apply for a payment plan electronically, using the Online Payment Agreement application. Alternatively, taxpayers may attach a Form 9465, Installment Agreement Request, to the front of their tax return. Taxpayers must show the amount of their proposed monthly payment and the date they wish to make their payment each month. The IRS charges a $105 fee for setting up an installment agreement. The fee is reduced to $52 for those who establish a direct debit installment agreement and $43 for those with an income below a certain level (for more information, see Form 13844). Taxpayers are required to pay interest plus a late payment penalty on the unpaid taxes for each month or part of a month, after the due date that the tax is not paid. A taxpayer who does not file the return by the due date — including extensions — may have to pay a failure-to-file penalty.
The IRS must accept your payment plan if your tax debt is under $10,000 and your proposed plan will pay it off within three years.
The other option is a settlement, or Offer in Compromise. Generally, only 10-15% of such offers are accepted. The IRS will rarely accept the off if they feel they can collect the debt for less than the amount owed. Don’t believe the guys on TV who pretend it is an effortless solution. From IRS.gov, the three acceptable reasons for OIC are as follows:
1. Doubt as to Collectibility – Doubt exists that the taxpayer could ever pay the full amount of tax liability owed within the remainder of the statutory period for collection.
Example: A taxpayer owes $20,000 for unpaid tax liabilities and agrees that the tax she owes is correct. The taxpayer’s monthly income does not meet her necessary living expenses. She does not own any real property and does not have the ability to fully pay the liability now or through monthly installment payments.
2. Doubt as to Liability – A legitimate doubt exists that the assessed tax liability is correct. Possible reasons to submit a doubt as to liability offer include: (1) the examiner made a mistake interpreting the law, (2) the examiner failed to consider the taxpayer’s evidence or (3) the taxpayer has new evidence.
Example: The taxpayer was vice president of a corporation from 2004-2005. In 2006, the corporation accrued unpaid payroll taxes and the taxpayer was assessed a trust fund recovery penalty as a responsible party of the corporation. The taxpayer was no longer a corporate officer and had resigned from the corporation on 12/31/2005. Since the taxpayer had resigned prior to the payroll taxes accruing and was not contacted prior to the assessment, there is legitimate doubt that the assessed tax liability is correct.
3. Effective Tax Administration – There is no doubt that the tax is correct and there is potential to collect the full amount of the tax owed, but an exceptional circumstance exists that would allow the IRS to consider an OIC. To be eligible for compromise on this basis, a taxpayer must demonstrate that the collection of the tax would create an economic hardship or would be unfair and inequitable.
Example: Mr. & Mrs. Taxpayer have assets sufficient to satisfy the tax liability and provide full time care and assistance to a dependent child, who has a serious long-term illness. It is expected that Mr. and Mrs. Taxpayer will need to use the equity in assets to provide for adequate basic living expenses and medical care for the child. There is no doubt that the tax is correct.
If you have a settlement accepted, you have three options for payment. A lump-sum payment must be paid in 5 installments or less, a short-term payment plan may be paid over 2 years, and the long-term repayment option has no set payment. Each of these options must meet differing levels of potential repayment, including figuring your real assets(your house and investments). In addition, you must include a non-refundable first payment and a $150 application fee when you apply for the settlement.
No matter which option you take, you can’t run from government debt. It will catch up to you and that will always be more painful that dealing with it on your own terms.
Update: This post has been included in the Carnival of Personal Finance.
