- @Elle_CM Natalie's raid looked like it was filmed with a strobe light. Lame CGI in reply to Elle_CM #
- I want to get a toto portable bidet and a roomba. Combine them and I'll have outsourced some of the least tasteful parts of my day. #
- RT @freefrombroke: RT @moneybeagle: New Blog Post: Money Hacks Carnival #115 http://goo.gl/fb/AqhWf #
- TED.com: The neurons that shaped civilization. http://su.pr/2Qv4Ay #
- Last night, fell in the driveway: twisted ankle and skinned knee. Today, fell down the stairs: bruise makes sitting hurt. Bad morning. #
- RT @FrugalDad: And to moms, please be more selective about the creeps you let around your child. Takes a special guy to be a dad to another' #
- First Rule of Blogging: Don't let real life get in the way. Epic fail 2 Fridays in a row. But the garage sale is going well. #
Repair Plans, Appliances, and Rancid Meat…Oh, My!
- Image via Wikipedia
We recently had our annual barbecue. (For the purists, I am Minnesotan. Barbecue means “cooked over fire”.) Due to massive scheduling conflicts, it was a bit smaller than normal; only about 20 people came. At least 10 other people RSVP-ed that they were going to make it, but didn’t. Grr.
Naturally, we had food for everyone said they would be there and enough for half of the people who didn’t say anything, since Minnesotans don’t RSVP well. That translates to a lot of leftovers. No problem. After all, leftover ribs are hardly a punishment.
Sunday morning, we woke up to find that our refrigerator was happier at room temperature than the standard “cold”. We didn’t know it at the time, but the defrost unit was borked, so the cold air couldn’t circulate from the freezer to the refrigerator. Bye-bye leftovers. Hello, Mr. Repairman. We needed an excuse to clean out the fridge, anyway, but not at the price of my beautifully seared meat! (Sadness strikes.)
Monday evening, the repairman came out, worked for 2 hours and left a functional refrigerator and a $240 invoice in his wake. Thankfully, we are on the appliance repair plan through the gas company. We pay $26.40 per month to cover repairs to our range, water heater, furnace, drier, sewer main, and refrigerator. The first four items are standard, the final two are options that cost extra.
We originally got on the plan for the sewer main. We had a tree whose roots grew into the main and clogged it every year. A backed-up sewer main is a crappy way to wake up. Getting that snaked to the street cost $200 per year. At the time, without the refrigerator, the plan cost about $12 per month. One $200 call-out more than paid for the plan for the year. That was easy math. Now, our 20 year old refrigerator has been repaired twice in the last year, giving us $500 worth of repairs for $316.80. I would like to take this time to thank all of the people with reliable appliances for subsidizing my repairs.
My furnace, drier, and range are all reasonably new and shouldn’t need repairs any time soon, but the refrigerator and sewer main have paid for the plan themselves, several times over.
Should you get a similar plan? If your covered appliances are more than 4-5 years old, I would consider it. If they are more than 10 years old, I wouldn’t hesitate at all. Repairing quality appliances is cheaper than replacing them, especially when the repair cost is paid monthly and subsidized.
Do you use a service plan?
Bribes vs Rewards
What’s the difference between a bribe and a reward? It’s a question that has been heavily on my mind lately. As a father of three–1, 3 and 10–motivating children occupies a lot of my thoughts. Is it possible to motivate a child and reward good behavior without resorting to a bribe?
First, let’s look at the definitions:
bribe n.
1. Something, such as money or a favor, offered or given to a person in a position of trust to influence that person’s views or conduct.
2. Something serving to influence or persuade.
re·ward n.
1. Something given or received in recompense for worthy behavior or in retribution for evil acts.
2. Money offered or given for some special service, such as the return of a lost article or the capture of a criminal.
3. A satisfying return or result; profit.
4. Psychology: The return for performance of a desired behavior; positive reinforcement.
In my mind, a reward is given either as a goal for planned activity or a surprise for good behavior. When used for surprises, it should never be common enough to be expected. If a child is only behaving because she is expecting a reward, it is bribed behavior. She should always be surprised to get the reward.
Using a reward for goal setting is no different than collecting a paycheck. Is my company bribing me to do the work I do every day? They plan to reward or compensate me for the work I plan to do for them. While that my be blurring the line between compensation and rewards, it is valid. My future paycheck is the motivation for my current work.
Bribes, on the other hand, are reward for bad behavior. If my three-year-old is throwing a tantrum in the grocery store and I promise her candy to stop, I have just taught her that the “reward” for a public tantrum is candy. This is reinforcing negative behavior, which will only escalate in the future. If a temper tantrum earns a candy bar, what will she get for hitting Mommy with a frying pan?
The line is further blurred by preemptive bribes. If I tell my children there will be candy when we get home if they behave in the store, it’s still a bribe. Promising dessert if my son cleans his room is a bribe.
So what is the difference?
Bribes reward negative behavior. Whether that is actual behavior or anticipated behavior, bribes provide a reward for it. If you use a treat to end or preempt bad actions, you are bribing your child.
Rewards celebrate positive behavior. A promised treat for going beyond expectations or a surprise for excellent behavior is a reward. It should never become common, or the child will discover that withholding the positive behavior will generate promises of larger rewards. The goal is to reinforce the good to encourage positive behaviors even when there is no likelihood for reward.
For example, my son’s school is part of a reading contest. Over a two month period, if the students read 500 pages outside of school, they will get tickets to a basketball game. If they are in the top three for pages read, they will get personalize jerseys and on-court recognition. My son did the math and was reading enough to surpass the 500 page goal, but not enough to get into the top three. I offered a prize if he made it to 2500 pages. In my opinion, that’s a reward. He was already going beyond the requirement. I have provided motivation to push himself beyond what he thinks he can do. That’s positive reinforcement of good behavior.
On the other hand, when my eight-year-old was refusing to eat dinner, we offered a cookie for dessert if she ate well. That’s reinforcing negative behavior by giving a reward for misbehaving. A bribe.
Rewards are positive responses to positive behavior to motivate future good behavior. Bribes are rewards for negative behavior, real or anticipated, that only serve to encourage more bad behavior in the future.
30 Day Project – February
My 30 Day Project for February is to be able to do 100 push-ups in a single set. The most common reaction when I talk about it? “You’re nuts!”
Is it ambitious to the point of being aggressive? You bet. 30 Day Projects aren’t supposed to be easy. This is going to be a difficult painful month.
On the other hand, I have five fingers. How many people do you know able to do 100 pushups? I don’t know any. In 4 weeks, I will know one.
What have I done to prepare? Nada. Nothing. Zip. Zilch. I am starting this from scratch.
Here’s my plan:
At this moment, I can d0 20 pushups. I am going to start with 5 sets of 2/3 of my max(14) with a one minute break in between sets . That will happen in the morning and before bed. Each session will involve more pushups. I need to add about 3 to a set each day to get to 100 by the end of the month.
Now, it’s entirely possible that I won’t be able to manage 5 sets of 14, or that my progression is unmanageable. That’s ok. I refuse to test my endurance on this, and I’ve done no research. I’m flexible and willing to adjust my plan to match reality.
Aggressive and painful. Wish me luck.
The Happy Challenge
Watch this video.
Done?
Great.
For the cheaters, the part I am most interested in is the bit about reprogramming your brain for happiness. Studies are showing that you can rewire yourself to be happier by doing happy things.
The science is sound. Good things trigger a dopamine reaction. Your body likes dopamine, so you start craving the things that make it happen, which all happen to be good things. As you suffer dopamine withdrawal, you become driven to do what it takes to get your fix.
The process is similar to heroin withdrawal, with no downside.
Hugging your kids(assuming you like them) triggers the reaction. So does sex, successes at work, and beating a video game.
The specific plan mentioned in the video is to write down three things that you are grateful for, once per day, for 21 days in a row. That will begin the self-reinforcing training that can get you hooked on being happy.
That’s a win. 75% of job success is predicted by your attitude. You are 31% more productive when you are happy. You’re also more fun to be around.
That’s a win.
Here’s my challenge:
For the next 21 days, do it. Write down 3 thing you are grateful for. What makes you happy? It’s okay if it’s hard. If it’s hard for you, you need it more than most.
Now, the truly hard part:
Fill out this form every day. Your answers can be as long or as short as you’d like, but there has to be 3 new things every day for 21 days. We’re going to train your brain to look for the positive, so you can’t give me 63 things on day 21. 3 things, 21 days.
On day 22, tell me how the previous 3 weeks have been.
When it’s over, I’ll hold a drawing for everyone who completed the challenge. Not everyone will see this immediately, so I’m going to run the challenge until May 15. That means you have until April 24th to get started.
3 answers per day means three prizes. I’ll give away a total of $250 to three lucky participants. That’s a $125 prize, a $75 prize, and a $50 prize, but you have to obey the rules. 3 things, 21 days in a row.
Be happy. I dare you.
Ending A Streak
The first year I decorated our yard for Halloween was 1999. The first year we through a Halloween party was 1998.
Our parties tend to fall on the legendary side. Between setup, cleanup, and out-of-town guests, the party is a 3-4 day affair. People reserve our spare beds a year in advance. The day of the party itself, we’re going from 10AM until 5AM, cooking, drinking, and talking. Over the 10 hours the party is actively going, we have 50-60 guests in and out.
Our yard is a neighborhood attraction. We’ve been on the news and in the newspaper. By the end of Halloween night, the path through the yard is nearly worn down to bare dirt. The spot the large coffin sits takes 6 weeks to rejuvenate in the spring. I’ve literally scared kids right out of their masks. Little old ladies have jumped out in the air, shrieking, only to ask me to hide again, so they can bring their husbands over to enjoy the startle.
This year, we end the 13-year unbroken streak of fear and debauchery. We’ve been doing this since before any my oldest kid was weaned.
It’s hard to take a break, but…
Dealing with my mother-in-law’s house has been far too much work for us. We spent all summer cleaning out the hoarding mess.
And fixing up the yard.
And replacing the boiler.
And fixing the plumbing.
And updating the electrical system.
And fixing up the basement.
And patching the walls.
And selling the cars.
And sorting through 30 years of every scrap of paper that has ever come through the house.
And dealing with all of the memories, and the pictures, and the past.
It’s been too much, and it’s not done.
Now, it’s the middle of October, and the idea of stealing the extra time to add the extra stress of setting up the yard and throwing a big party makes me want to break down.
Two days to set up the yard, only to have some kid steal my favorite, irreplaceable pieces, then two days to pack it all up.
A day of decorating inside, followed by a party and a hungover day of cleaning it all up.
All of that, while losing time from the side business and pushing through to the end of the property preparation from hell.
I can’t do it, so, as sad as it makes me, we’re taking the year off. No Halloween events at my house this year.
