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Meditation

Life is crazy.

“Really, Jason, that’s news?”

I spend so much time going in so many different directions.

Cleaning out our inherited hoarding house, managing the remodel, work, side hustles, kids, friends, family, relationships, maintaining our house, maintaining a relationship with my wife, garage sales, school starting, junior high football season, insurance policies, probate, rush hour, insomnia.

Some days, I feel insanely scattered. I can’t focus. I have a hard time making decisions. I waste time.

Those days, I need to clear my head.

That’s where meditation comes in.

I don’t do the money hum. (Om mone padme, Om)

Instead, I have three activities that demand a total focus. They drive out any scattered thoughts or unimportant concerns.

They have to because, quite frankly, they can be dangerous if I don’t concentrate.

1. I shave. I use a double-edged safety razor, so bleeding for the throat is a real concern. For 10 minutes, nothing else in the world matters. It has only recently struck me how valuable this is. That value makes me want to start shaving every day, with a straight razor. More focus, more often.

2. I ride. For the past couple of years, it’s been hard to find time get my motorcycle out. Small children seem to want attention every day. It got to the point where I was ready to sell my bike. This spring, it was seriously misbehaving. Finally, at the end of the summer, a friend got it running better than it ever has. I took it out for a couple of hours and came back feeling more clearheaded than I have in a long time. I won’t be selling my bike until I have its replacement.

3. I shoot. Shooting involves a series of simple actions that require concentration to do well. Load the gun, line up the sights, which eye is dominant, breathe, don’t breathe, squeeze the trigger, hole in the paper. Again, it’s not an activity that’s conducive to worrying about the bills or work. It’s a way to shut out the world for a few minutes.

For me, a few moments or a few hours of shutting down everything except one thing is the way to stay sane and focused.

How do you deal with it when the world comes crashing in from every direction?

Transparency

Business

A friend–let’s call him me–recently had a bit of a hangup with a business relationship.

On a long-term project, there were some unavoidable setbacks. My friend decided to work through them, hoping to get everything back up to speed…before the customer noticed.

It’s a funny thing, but customers like to look at status reports on long-term projects. A couple of months after the biggest problem, the customer called my friend wanting an in-person status update. They told him to be prepared for an uncomfortable conversation.

Crap.

Now, the setbacks were truly unavoidable. Things came up that were entirely outside the realm of my friend’s control, but he had to deal with them anyway. When the problems were laid out in front of the customer, it went from uncomfortable to a discussion on how to expand the business relationship.

Transparency for the win.

Bad things happen. Anybody who doubts this is clearly not equipped to deal in the adult (that’s adult in the “grown-up” sense, not adult in the “porn” sense) world. Companies know that bad things can happen to derail a project. They are going to be more interested in how you get the project back on track than anything else.

When things go wrong, be open about it. Your customers/family/friends/one-night-stands will appreciate not having to wonder what’s going on.

Find the Things That You Love

Life, Parenting

First, watch this.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H_BtmV4JRSc

“It’s not about what you love, it’s about how you love it. There’s going to be a thing in your life that you love, and I don’t know what that’s going to be…it doesn’t matter what that is. The way you love that–and the way you find other people who love it the way you do–is what makes being a nerd awesome. -Wil Wheaton”

In the video, Wil Wheaton gets asked to send a message about being a nerd to an audience members newborn baby, and he does.

Being a nerd isn’t about pocket protectors, or D&D, or chess club. Being a nerd is about finding something you love and loving it no matter what.

My son is obsessed with League of Legends and Minecrack. I don’t get it.

I don’t have to.

My wife and daughters are all horse, all the time. I don’t get it.

I don’t have to.

Growing up, we got our first computer when I was about 7. Thanks to 3-2-1 Contact magazine, I started programming it shortly thereafter.

A few years later, we got a computer that wasn’t Apples green-on-green monstrosity. My first instructions from my parents were “Don’t break it.”

It took me three days. I was 11.

At 14, I got sent to computer camp. Soon after, I was up all night writing code. I remember getting questioned when my dad got up for work. “Have you been on that thing all night?”

He didn’t get it.

He didn’t have to. It was enough that he didn’t stop me.

My obsession–and my parents’ tolerance for it–eventually led to a career that allows me to support my family.

In high school, I discovered roleplaying games.

NERD!

The friends I made there are my friends now, 15 years later. I rent a room to one of the first people I played D&D with. He introduced me to my wife.

My nerdy obsessions have formed the basis of everything I love today.

When you are raising your kids, or shaking your head at something your husband or wife is doing, just be happy that they have found something to love.

Don’t ever tell them they can’t love the things they love, and don’t ever let anyone tell you that you can’t love the things you love.

My Investment Portfolio

Business

I’m not a financial adviser. I haven’t taken any of the classes or certifications that allow me to give investment advice. Please don’t take this post as advice.

This is me, sharing what I have chosen to invest in. These investments are scattered across a few different IRAs and brokerage accounts. Copy me at your own risk.

BAC – Bank of America: I bought this low. When any major bank is low, it’s time to buy. I bought in stages starting at about $5 per share. What I’ve got now has given me a 57% return.

CVS – CVS Caremark: I bought this on the advice of a friend. It’s shown a 6% return over the past few months.

IAU & GLD – Gold ETFs: I wanted a way to get some precious metals into my IRA, so I bought a gold fund. It’s down 7%, but I’m confident it’s going to come back.

MSFT – Microsoft: This is one of the first stocks I bought with my 401k 10 years ago. It’s up about 5% since I rolled it into my current IRA.

PAYX -Paychex Inc: I hate payday loans, but a friend recommended this stock and it has given me a 10% return.

SIRI – Another recommendation from a different friend. I don’t think it will ever hit the moon, but you won’t see me complain about the 60% return, either.

SLV – Silver ETF: Another precious metals venture. It’s down 3% overall, but that’s varying day to day. A couple of weeks ago, it was around $19 per share, so it’s up nicely since then. I predict it will continue to rise.

SYK: Stryker Corp: Another friendly recommendation. This one is down 2%, but the recommender thinks it’s a good long-term bet, so I’ll hold it for a while.

VB – Vanguard Small-Cap ETF: I like Vanguard funds in general. This one has given me a 5% return.

VIG – Vanguard Dividend ETF: This one pays dividends, which is usually a sign of a strong stock. 1% return.

VWO -: Vanguard Emerging Market ETF: If our economy has problems, emerging markets tend to thrive in response, so I’m hedging my bets with this. It has lost 4% so far.

IDMOX – An ING family fund that has served me well. 13% return.

VFINX – Vanguard S&P index fund. 2% return.

RICK – Rick’s Cabaret: A few days ago, I read an article about Rick’s Cabaret losing a lawsuit that made all of it’s New York strippers into full employees entitled to minimum wage. The article mentioned that Rick’s is publicly traded, which amused me, so I bought a few shares.

Those are the positions I have with one brokerage, across three accounts. I didn’t share the balances, but overall, I have had a 10% return on these investments.

Now, I’ll share the contents of my wife’s inherited IRA. This money was entirely in a money market when she inherited it last year. She got nervous and would only let me play with half of it. That half has averaged a 20% return since June 2012, with part of it hitting 29%.

These are all Fidelity funds for a specific 401k program. I have no idea our accessible the funds are to the general public. We are working on an IRA-mandated withdrawal of this money, so it will be moving over the course of years.

PYR INX LFC 2010/2035/2040/2045/2050 – These are targeted date funds. Each of them has had at least a 20% return.

SM&MID Cap Equity – This fund currently has a 29% 1 year return.

That’s my investment portfolio. Some gambles, some amusement, some solid investments. I think I’m doing pretty well. What do you think?

Not the Center of the Universe

Parenting, Relationships

On Sunday, I dropped Punk #3 off at a birthday party. She walked into the yard, saw her friends and took off running. I confirmed times with the birthday girl’s mother and left. I went home and had Punk #2 help me with repairs to Coffin #1. It is Halloween season, after all.

When I came back two hours later, they had just finished eating cake and were about to open up presents, so I got to hang around for a while.

I noticed some amazing things:

Fully 75% of this family’s living room was devoted to play space for the kid. As you walk in the front door, you get to see a giant pile of toys and kid-craft crap. Most of what is traditionally a gathering area was taken over by kid.
Of the dozen or so children who came to the party, close to half of the parents stayed. Really, is your precious little snowflake so endangered by her friends that you can’t come up with something better to do that watch her play with her friends and ignore you for two hours while under the supervision of the resident parent?
Clowns. Ok, it wasn’t technically a clown, but a guy named Mr. Fun who hands out whoopie cushions and entertains kids while wearing odd clothes counts as a clown, to me. I get it, you want your special little snowflake to have a memorable birthday, but if every party is big and over-the-top, which one will she remember? Maybe she’ll only remember a sense of entitlement.

I very firmly believe that children should not be raised to feel like they are the center of the universe. Not even to Mom & Dad. They need to know that we have lives and interests that aren’t them.

Mothers and fathers NEED to have lives and interests that are entirely separate from their children. If your entire focus for 20+years is on the lives of your little brats, what is going to happen to you when they move out? Are you prepared to abandon two decades of self-training and suddenly become your own person again?

Husbands and wives need to have time to themselves that excludes the children. When the monsters finally leave, you need to be able to have a relationship that doesn’t revolve around who spilled what where and who’s turn is it to clean it up.

Children are not–and should not be–the focal point of a household. Leave them at a birthday party. Let them find a way to entertain themselves for a few hours. Go on a date.

I promise you, letting your kids see their parents happily doing things together–even if it’s gleefully leaving them with a sitter–will do more for their long-term well-being than knowing you’re standing in the corner at a birthday party watching her fake a fart with a 25 cent toy.

Let her be independent. Let her know that other priorities do exist for other people. Let her fall down and scrape her knees. Let her figure out how things work for herself.

That is life, after all. Let her live it and don’t forget to live it for yourself.

Oklahoma Tornadoes

News

English: A radar image of a supercell thunders... — A radar image of a supercell thunderstorm, which was producing tornado that was passing through Moore, Oklahoma at the time of the image. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

My heart goes out to all of the victims of yesterday’s tornado in Moore, Oklahoma.

I couldn’t imagine hearing that my kids’ school was demolished around them. Twenty or more dead children in any community is devastating.

On top of the sheer horror of dead children, the town is nearly wiped off of the map. Will they rebuild or cut their losses?

I hope everyone in the town was well insured, but that’s never the case. There will be many in the town that will have lost everything: their homes, their families, their jobs. Family is irreplaceable, but so is your home, if you don’t have insurance. To lose it all and not even have a place to mourn….

Have you checked your insurance policy to make sure you are covered in the event of whatever natural disaster is common in your area?

To help the victims, text REDCROSS to 90999 to make a $10 donation. It’s the least you can do.

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