- Watching Gamers:Dorkness Rising #
- Charisma? Weee! #
- Tweeting a dork movie? I'm a bit of a geek. #
- We just met and the first thing you do, after boinking a stranger in the presence of the king, is to murder a peasant? #
- Every movie needs a PvN interlude. #
- Everything's better with pirates. #
- Waffles? Recognize. #
- The Spatula of Purity shall scramble the eggs of your malfeasance. #
- Checkout clerks licking their fingers to separate bags or count change is gross. #
- Watching Sparkles the Vampire, Part 2: Bella's Moodswing. #twilight #
- @penfed was a waste of money. $20 down the drain to join, wouldn't give a worthwhile limit, so I can't transfer a balance. #
- @JAlanGrey It's pretty lame. The first one was ok. This one didn't improve on the original. in reply to JAlanGrey #
- RT @tferriss: Are you taking snake oil? Beautiful data visualization of scientific evidence for popular supplements: http://ping.fm/pqaDi #
- Don't need more shelves, more storage, more organization. Just need less stuff. #
- @BeatingBroke is hosting the Festival of Frugality #226 http://su.pr/80Osvn #
- RT @tferriss: Cool. RT @cjbruce link directly to a time in a YouTube video by adding #t 2m50s to end of the URL (change the time). #
- RT @tferriss: From learning shorthand to fast mental math – The Mentat Wiki: http://ping.fm/fFbhJ #
- RT @wisebread: How rich are you? Check out this list (It may shock you!!!) http://www.globalrichlist.com/ #
- RT @tferriss: RT @aysegul_c free alternative to RosettS: livemocha.com for classes, forvo.com for pronunc., lang8.com for writing correction #
- Childish isn't an insult. http://su.pr/ABUziY #
- Canceled the Dish tonight. #
Fighting Fair
This was a guest post on another site early last year.
Everyone, at times, has disagreements. How boring would life be if everyone agreed all of the time? How you handle those disagreements may mean disaster.
This is particularly true when you are arguing with your spouse. You spend most non-working moments with this one person, this wonderful, loving, infuriating person. Your emotions will naturally run high while discussing the things you care most about with the person you care most about. Arguments are not only natural, but inevitable.
How do you have an argument with someone you love without lasting resentment?
You have to argue fairly. There are a few principles to remember during an argument.
- When your partner is talking, your job is to listen with all of your energy. You are not interrupting. Your are not planning your rebuttal while waiting for your turn to talk. Your are listening, nothing else. If you don’t listen, you can’t understand. If you don’t understand, you can’t find a resolution.
- Remember that your partner cares. If she didn’t care, she wouldn’t feel so strongly about the argument. This isn’t a war, just an argument. She still wants to spend the rest of her life with you. Keeping this in mind will change the entire tone of the argument into a positive interaction. You will still disagree, but you will be looking for a solution together, instead of finding a “win” at any cost.
- Search for the best intent. Remember #2? There is an incredibly good chance that, if there are two ways to interpret something your partner has said–a good way and a bad way–your partner probably meant the good way. Even if you are wrong, it is far better to err on the side of resolution than the side of antagonism.
- When your partner has finished speaking, it’s still not your turn to argue. Your job now is to repeat your understanding of the issue, without worrying about problem-solving. Before you can refute the argument–or even establish your disagreement–you have to know that you understand her position and she has to know that you do. Without understanding, there can be no path to resolution that doesn’t cause resentment. If you have too much resentment, you won’t have a marriage.
After all of this, it will finally be your turn to make your point. Hopefully, your partner will be following the same rules so you can solve your problems together, without learning to hate each other.
Arguments in your marriage aren’t–or shouldn’t be–intended to draw blood. Fights happen. If your goal is to win at any cost, you will both lose, possibly everything.
The Magic Toilet
- Image by tokyofortwo via Flickr
My toilet is saving me $1200.
For a long time, my toilet ran. It was a nearly steady stream of money slipping down the drain. I knew that replacing the flapper was a quick job, but it was easy to ignore. If I wasn’t in the bathroom, I couldn’t hear it. If I was in the bathroom, I was otherwise occupied.
When I finally got sick of it, I started researching how to fix a running toilet because I had never done it before. I found the HydroRight Dual-Flush Converter. It’s the magical push-button, two-stage flusher. Yes, science fiction has taken over my bathroom. Or at least my toilet.
I bought the dual-flush converter, which replaces the flusher and the flapper. It has two buttons, which each use different amounts of water, depending on what you need it to do. I’m sure there’s a poop joke in there somewhere, but I’m pretending to have too much class to make it.
I also bought the matching fill valve. This lets you set how much water is allowed into the tank much better than just putting a brick in the tank. It’s a much faster fill and has a pressure nozzle that lies on the bottom of the tank. Every time you flush, it cleans the inside of the tank. Before I put it in, it had been at least 5 years since I had opened the tank. It was black. Two weeks later, it was white again. I wouldn’t want to eat off of it, or drink the water, but it was a definite improvement.
Installation would have been easier if the calcium buildup hadn’t welded the flush handle to the tank. That’s what reciprocating saws are for, though. That, and scaring my wife with the idea of replacing the toilet. Once the handle was off, it took 15 minutes to install.
“Wow”, you say? “Where’s the $1200”, you say? We’ve had this setup, which cost $35.42, since June 8th, 2010. It’s now September. That’s summer. We’ve watered both the lawn and the garden and our quarterly water bill has gone down $30, almost paying for the poo-gadget already. $30 X 4 = $120 per year, or $1200 over 10 years.
Yes, it will take a decade, but my toilet is saving me $1200.
Getting Back on Track
Have you ever set a goal…and failed?
At some point, it happens to all of us. After all, our reach should exceed our grasp, right? That doesn’t make it easy to admit failure, or to correct it. Did you let a New Year’s resolution lapse, or slip off of a diet? Have you started shopping indiscriminately again, or stopped going to the gym?
It’s okay if you did, but it’s time to fix it.
How can you get back on track after failing a goal?
1. Pick a day to start over.
Just like when you first started towards your goal, you have to decide when you’re going to get back on board. If you can’t decide, just pick the beginning of the next month. A new beginning is a great time to tackle your new beginning.
2. Recommit.
You failed once. Accept it and move on. Past behaviors don’t have to be an indicator of future performance. Just do better this time.
3. Announce it.
Somebody has noticed that you aren’t on the wagon. Your coworkers are seeing you eating candy, or your spouse has noticed you buying things you don’t need. Talk to these people. Tell them you’re going to redo the things you’ve undone. You’ll change the world, but you have to start with yourself.
4. Don’t be ashamed of your lapse.
Unless I have seriously misjudged my audience, you are human. Humans sometimes make poor decisions. Being ashamed won’t help you, but take the opportunity to learn from the past. Do you know what caused you to fail? Are there triggers to your behavior that you can avoid this time around? When I quit smoking, I tried to avoid rush hour, because I smoked heavily while I drove and I wanted to avoid being in car for as long as possible, minimizing one of my triggers. What cause your lapse, and can you avoid it?
5. Don’t do it again.
This one should be the most obvious, but the fact that it’s a problem means it’s not. Do whatever it takes to not make the same mistakes and uphold your goals. Don’t smoke. Don’t eat garbage. Exercise more. Whatever you’ve decided to do or not do, do it….or not.
Have you missed a goal? How have you picked it back up?
Zombie Wheels: How to Own a Car That Just Won’t Die
The average car dies somewhere between 100,000 and 150,000 miles. My car is coming up on the lower end of that range and I’d like to see it last a lot longer than the top end. I paid the thing off in January, and I’ve grown fond of not having a car payment. Extending the useful life of your car–and continuing to use it–means fewer car payments and cheap auto insurance premiums.
Who really wants to keep making car payments month after month, year after year? I want my car to outlast me. Scratch that. If that wish come true, I’ll have a meteor fall on me the day before the transmission explodes.
How can you help your car continue past undeath, past the point when other cars have given up and accepted the True Death?
Keep Your Gas Tank Full
Here in the frozen north(though not as frozen or as north as some of you), it’s conventional wisdom to keep your gas tank full in the winter to prevent your fuel lines from freezing. Did you know you should keep it full the rest of the year, too? An empty tank is more likely to rust. Even before the rust eats a hole through the tank, there are tiny flakes of rust drifting into the gas lines and clogging the fuel system.
Change Your Oil
When you run old oil, you’re leaving contaminants and little flakes of metal flowing through all of the important moving bits of your engine. Changing your oil removes those tiny abrasive bits from the equation. I don’t recommend buying into the propaganda put out by the oil-change stores and changing it every 3000 miles, but do it regularly. I aim for about every 5000 miles, but a better recommendation is to do whatever your owner’s manual says.
In between changes, don’t forget to check your oil level and top it off when it’s needed. All by itself, that will improve your fuel efficiency and keep your car running happy.
Consistently keeping up with just these two small things will keep your car running smoothly for a long time.
How many miles are on your car? How long do you plan to keep it?
The Virtues of Preparation
The first day of school caught me by surprise yesterday.
I knew it was coming, and we had almost all of the stuff we need in the brat’s backpack, but we weren’t ready for it.
Yesterday morning, we woke up. Brat #3 was uncooperative, to say the least, so I wasn’t playing my ‘A’ game. I woke up Brat #1 and sent him on his way to get changed and eat breakfast. Ten minutes later, I chased him off of the couch to go get changed and eat breakfast. He had forgotten that his school day starts at 7:30, now.
He ate and grabbed his backpack to leave. I sent him to his room to change.
He changed and grabbed his backpack to leave. I sent him to his room for socks.
He put on socks and grabbed his backpack to leave. Then he realized his shoes weren’t by the door.
Shoe hunt!
I got him out of the door, only to see his face again a minute later when he realized he had forgotten something else.
Please remember that Brat #3 was acting up the entire time.
During the course of this, I was trying to make my lunch, which spent the day sitting on my kitchen counter. I was dressing myself; I don’t know how many times I made it to the front door, only to realize I hadn’t put on socks, yet. Or pants, for that matter.
What could have gone better?
Preparation.
On Monday, the day we all had off, with no plans, we should have set our alarms and done a dry run, right up to the point of walking out of the door. Here’s how Monday should have gone:
- All the school and daycare stuff should have been ready to go the night before.
- I get up, have breakfast, then wake Brat #1.
- He gets up and has breakfast, while I dress Brats #2 & 3.
- Brat #1 gets dressed while I help the girls with their shoes and jackets.
- Brat #1 throws on shoes and heads out the door while I strap the girls into the car.
- Everybody’s happy.
That’s the well-oiled machine I would like to see in the morning. Am I dreaming? How do you handle your morning routine efficiently?
