The no-pants guide to spending, saving, and thriving in the real world.
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At some point, everyone has “champagne wishes and caviar dreams.” Over the last 25 years, we’ve even been peddled the “you can have it all” myth from every direction, including the media and the government.
The truth is simple: you cannot have it all. You can have anything, but you can’t have everything. In order to have one thing, you have to give up something else. It’s a law of nature. If you have $5, you can either get a burger or an overpriced cup of coffee, but not both.
“But wait!” you shout, rudely interrupting the narrator, “I have a credit card. I can have both!”
Wrong.
And stop interrupting me.
If you have $5 and borrow $5 to get some coffee to go with your burger, you will eventually have to pay that money back with interest. You will have to give up a future-burger AND a flavor shot in your overpriced coffee.
Everything you buy needs to be paid for, some day.
If you have an Atari income, but insist on living the XBox life, you will wake up one day, buried in bills, forced to live the Commodore-64 life out of sheer desperation.
There is a solution.
Don’t get all XBox-y until you are making XBox money. That way, you’ll never have to worry about going broke tomorrow paying for the fun you had yesterday.
Even when you have an XBox income, ideally you’ll restrict yourself to living a Gamecube life, so you’ll be able to put some money aside to support future-you instead of constantly having to worry about your next paycheck.
It’s nearly the 5 year anniversary of my last cigarette, so I though I’d bring this post back to the front page.
A bit over three years ago, we found out that my wife was pregnant with baby #3. When we decided to have #2, it took us two years of trying. Naturally, we assumed we’d have the same issues with #3. Imagine our surprise when it only took 2 weeks. At that point, we were getting ready to celebrate brat #2’s first birthday.
That mean’s 2 kids under 2. Two kids in diapers. Three kids in daycare. Baby formula again.
We weren’t making ends meet with two kids, how were we going to manage three? I dropped my pack-or-two-a-day smoking habit.
I don’t do things by halves; I tend to do things all the way or not at all. For years, my wife would ask me to cut back, to just smoke a little less, but that never worked. If I had cigarettes, I smoked them. I always had cigarettes. When I eat, I eat. I’ve never managed smaller portions. I used to drink a case of soda each week, just because it was there. Moderation has never been my friend.
As a corollary, I don’t cheat. At anything. Ever. Because of the above fact about myself. I don’t moderate myself when I give myself rules either. If I draw a line, I obsessively avoid crossing it.
The problem comes when I try to give myself a “gray area” rule. “Smoke less” always leaves room for “just one more”, which easily leads to “I only cut out one cigarette yesterday, so what’s the use?” I had to be done.
After smoking for fifteen years–more than a pack a day for at least 12 of those–that’s an intimidating thought.
The Plan
The first thing I did was set a day to quit. I chose the day after my Halloween party. Before that would have been setting myself up for failure. Booze, food, and long conversations in a smoking-friendly environment were just 3 of my many triggers. I always smoked more at my parties, so the day after, I didn’t feel up to smoking much, anyway. I’d just ride that wave of “I don’t feel like it” to to holy city of “I quit”.
I didn’t quit smoking the next day, I just quit buying cigarettes. That left me half a pack to curb my cravings.
I also knew that nicotine cravings are about the most distracting thing I’ve ever had to deal with. That doesn’t make for a productive computer programmer, so I bought a box of the generic patch that Target carries. I started with Phase 2, because I wasn’t interested in prolonging the process. I just didn’t want to spend my work days thinking about smoking instead of designing software. I needed something to take the edge off, without actually smoking.
My plan was to have the patch at work, so I’d be able to work and to stretch those last 10 cigarettes out, as long as possible.
The Result
It worked. The pack lasted 4 days, I think. I smoked during my commute and after dinner. I used the patch only when the cravings got to the point that I couldn’t concentrate. After a week, I stopped using it at all. A few days later, I had a particularly stressful day and cheated. I took 3 puffs of that cigarette and threw it away, because it tasted like crap and I wasn’t enjoying it. That’s when I knew I was successfully done smoking. It was a 10 day variation of “cold turkey”. More than 3 years later, I have an occasional cigar, but never due to a craving. The day I experience a nicotine craving is the day I burn my humidor.
That’s how I quite smoking, strictly to try to get my finances in line. That has saved me at least $10,000 over the last 3 years.
There is a little-known secret to saving money on almost anything. If you want to know what it is, please send a case of beer and a self-addressed, stamped envelope to my house.
No takers?
In that case, I will share the secret that has been passed down from father to son since the Mesopotamians landed the Santa Maria at Plymouth Rock.
Ready?
The secret is to…ask.
That’s right, just suck it up and say “Pretty Please”.
How does it work?
In the easiest version, you call up one of the companies you pay regularly and you say “How can I save some money?”
Allow me to give you some examples.
How to save money on insurance
Call up your insurance company and ask, “How can I save some money with you?” You may be offered a multi-line discount if you let them insure your home and your car or you might be told to raise your deductible. If you have a $1000 emergency fund, you can afford a $500 deductible. They may recommend that you drop some coverages that you don’t need or they may ask you some questions that will allow them to lower your rate. For many years, I lived 2 miles from work and got a discount for the low mileage.
How to save money on utilities
When you call your electric company to ask the magic question, they may offer to conduct a home energy audit to determine where you home is leaking energy. If they try to charge you for the audit, remind them how long you’ve been a customer in good standing.
Another option they may offer is to install a remotely-triggered switch on your air-conditioner. Around here, that switch is good for a 15% discount off of my bill in the summer.
How to save money on your cell phone
If you are out of a contract or near the end of your contract you have leverage. Look up the best comparable deal from another company. Then, call your cell phone provider, ask to be transferred to the retention department, then ask them to convince you to stay. They will.
If you aren’t near the end of your contract, you can still call and ask. If that doesn’t work, watch the mail and any emails from the company. If they change the terms of your contract, you can get out of it without paying a penalty. If you get that opportunity, call and ask for the retention department.
I am assuming you have a credit card with a balance that gets carried from month to month.
Credit card companies are competitive. Find a competing deal and call your company. Ask them to beat the deal. If the competitor is offering 9%, ask for 8%. If they refuse, call up the competitor. Tell them you will transfer your balance over if they will waive the transfer fee. A surprising number of companies will be happy to do so.
Most bills can be reduced in some way. All you have to do is ask.
Have you had any luck pointing the shrink ray at your bills?
English: Jalopy car in Joshua Tree National Park in Hidden Valley Campground (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
When it’s time to replace your car, most people focus on the new car, instead of the old, but that is ignoring real money. Your old car–unless it has disintegrated–still has value. Sometimes, it’s just time to ask yourself, “When should I sell my car?”
When you’re looking to sell your car (like with We Will Buy Your Car), you generally have several options:
Tow & crush. If your car has been wrecked, doesn’t run, or is just old and beat up, you may be stuck with calling a junkyard and accepting $50 for them to pick up your car and crush it for scrap.
Trade it in. This is probably the least hassle, but–other than #1–doesn’t pay well. Dealerships are willing to pay something under what they will get at a wholesale auction, which is quite a bit less than the blue book value.
Sell it yourself. Now you’re thinking, “He’s going to buy my car! Oh, bother.” It can be a pain, but it’s also the best way to get a decent price for your wheels.
When you sell your car, there are a few things to keep in mind, much like when you sell something on Craigslist.
Don’t be alone. There are bad people in the world, but they don’t like witnesses. Bad things are much less likely to happen if you have company.
Know your price. Specifically, know three price: your dream price, the price that would make you happy, and the absolute lowest price you are willing to accept. Make sure you figure these numbers out ahead of time. Know what you are comfortable with before it comes time to close the deal.
Check IDs. The buyer is going to want to test-drive your car. That’s fine, but you want to make sure you know who is driving off in your car. “Officer, Sumdood took my car. He was wearing jeans.” That won’t get your car back.
Clean it up. Get the car detailed before you show it to a potential buyer. A sparkling-clean car will almost always bring in a few hundred extra dollars. It’s well worth the expense.
Following this plan should make the sale go as smoothly as possible and bring you the most possible money.
Readers, what have you done to dispose of an old car?
This is a sponsored post written to provide some insight into the world of used car retail.
As much as I hate the idea of socialized health care, it does have one shiny selling point to counter its absolute immorality: it’s cheap. Assuming, of course, you ignore the higher taxes and skewed supply/demand balance.
Here in the US, we’re free from that burdensome contrivance. Instead, we have health care and health insurance industries that are heavily regulated and ultimately run by people who have A) never held a job outside of government or academia, and B) have no idea how to run either a hospital or a business. That works so much better. Some days, I think our health system would be better run by giving syringes and band-aids to drunken monkeys. The high-level decision making wouldn’t be worse.
Thanks to that mess and the high unemployment rate that somehow hasn’t been remedied by the 27 bazillion imaginary jobs that have been save or created in the last 2 years, some people are hurting. Not the poor. We have so many “safety net” programs that the poor are covered. I’m talking about the “too rich to be considered poor, but too poor to be comfortable”, the middle class.
If are much above the poverty line, you will stop qualifying for some of the affordable programs. The higher above the line you go, the less you qualify for. That makes sense, but the fact that we have so many safety net programs means there is a lot of demand created by all of the people who are getting their health care “free”.
That drives the prices up for the people who actually have to pay for their own care. Yes, even if you have an employer-sponsored plan, you are paying for the health insurance. That insurance is a benefit that is a part of your total compensation. If employers weren’t paying that, they could afford higher wages.
As the price goes up, employers are moving to a high-deductible plans, which puts a squeeze on the employees’ budgets. Employees–you and I, the people who actually have to pay these bills–are looking for ways to save money on the care, so they can actually afford to see a doctor.
In response to that squeeze, some unscrupulous people(#$%#@%! scammers) are capitalizing on the financial pain and selling “health discount plans” which promise extensive discounts for a cheap membership fee. These plans are not insurance. In a best-case scenario, the discount plans will get you a small discount from a tiny network of doctors and clinics. Prescription drug plans are no better. You may get a 60% discount, but only if you use a back-alley pharmacy in Nome, Alaska between the hours of 8 AM and 8:15 AM on January 32nd of odd leap years.
How can you tell it’s a scam?
The scammers will try to sell you on false scarcity. They’ll say the plan is filling up fast and you have to buy now if you want to get in on it. For all major purchases, if you aren’t going to be allowed time to research your options, assume it’s a scam. Good deals won’t evaporate.
They aren’t licensed. Call the Department of Commerce for your state and see if the company is a licensed insurance provider. Pro tip: they aren’t.
They don’t want you to read the plan until after you’ve paid. That’s a flashing, screaming, electro-shock warning sign for anything. Once you’ve given them your money, your options are reduced.
The price is amazingly low. Of course it is. They aren’t actually providing any services, so their overhead is nonexistent. They only have to pay for gas to get to the bank to cash your checks.
Really, the best way to judge if something is a scam is to go with your gut. Does it feel like a scam? Do you feel like you’re getting away with something? Does it sound too good to be true?
To recap: health care/prescription discount plans = bad juju.
baby on the cheek.” width=”300″ height=”199″ />Image via Wikipedia
For years, my kids shared my bed.
When my oldest was a baby, I was working a graveyard shift, so my wife was alone with the baby at night. It was easy to keep a couple of bottles in a cooler by the bed and not have to get out of bed to take care of him when he woke up once an hour to drink a full bottle.
Then he got older. And bigger. And bigger.
We tried to move him to his own bed a few times, but it never worked well. He’d scream if we put him in a crib, so we got him a bed at 9 months old. That just meant he was free to join us whenever he woke up. Brat.
We finally got him to voluntarily move to his own bed after his sister was born. Shortly after she was born, I woke up to see him using her as a pillow. To paint the proper picture, this kid is 5’9″ and wears size 12 shoes. At 11. When I woke him up to tell him what he was doing, he decided to sleep in his own bed.
Method #1 to get your kids in their own bed: Have kid 1 try to crush kid 2 and feel bad about it.
Method #1 isn’t a great solution.
Soon, baby #3 showed up and we had 2 monsters in bed with us again. Once they started getting bigger, it became difficult for the 4 of us to sleep. We tried to get them into their own beds. Unfortunately, even as toddlers, my kids had a stubborn streak almost as big as my own. Nothing worked.
Eventually, they got big enough that I was crowded right out of the bed. At least we had a comfortable couch.
Sleeping on a couch gets old.
When the girls got old enough to reason with, we had a choice: We either had to find a way to convince them they wanted to sleep in their own room, or we had to have a fourth brat for them to attempt to crush at night.
We put a chart on the wall with each of their names and 7 boxes. Every night they slept in their own beds, they got to check a box. When all of the boxes were checked, they got $5 and a trip to the toy store.
It took 10 days to empty our bed and it’s been peaceful sleeping since. That’s $5 well-spent.
Have you done a family bed? How did it work? How long did it last?
baby
