It’s true that the benefits of a parent cannot be measured or quantified in any meaningful way. It’s hard to put a price on the emotional commitment and special experience of raising a child as a parent, some of which may not even be realized by the parents themselves until afterwards. But it is undeniable that the experience of parenthood is a rewarding and special time in someone’s life.
How Much is Too Much?
I work.
A lot.
Aside from my day job, I’ve got my gun training classes, this site, advertising and online marketing for a few companies, and a large custom software project. I’m working 60-70 hour weeks and have been for at least 2 years.
When it all started, it was all necessary. We were in debt, I was underpaid for my industry, and we couldn’t make ends meet. Today, our debt is nearly gone, our savings has grown, and I make considerably more money that I did 2 years ago.
But I’m still running as hard as I can.
My wife is unemployed, but I don’t think that matters much. I probably make enough at my day job to cover our lifestyle. I’ll know for sure in 2 weeks when my benefits all kick in.
But I’m still hustling.
When someone calls me up to ask to pay me for a project–a highly skilled, high-margin project–how can I turn them down? When the headlines drive people into my classes, how can I say no to the money?
I’ve been accused of being a workaholic, and I can’t argue with it anymore. I’m working all of the time, and the rest of my life–my marriage, my kids–is suffering for it. I’ve spent so long with not enough, is it possible to just enjoy what I’ve got?
I’ve got no hobbies. I rarely spend time with anyone. I quit working an hour before my kids are asleep, and see them in the morning just long enough to get them to daycare.
I’ve got to scale back. That means my plans to go self-employed are getting paused, but that was mostly an exit strategy for my last job. I enjoy my current job. I’m doing what I love in an industry I care about.
What can I cut?
- This site. I could sell this, make a bit of money and reclaim that time, but I need this vent. I need to be able to talk about my finances and release whatever pressure is building up.
- Gun classes. This business takes up about 10 hours per class, with 1-2 classes per month. It’s not a huge time sink. Right now, business is booming. There is an old saying: “You have to make hay while the sun is shining.” Eventually, the market will slow down, but for now, we’re one of the most successful businesses in our market. I can’t turn this tap off.
- Marketing company. This is the biggest time sink I’ve got. It’s also the most profitable. This is where I spend my time every evening, and where I think I need to wind down. I’ve got a couple of major commitments I can’t back out of, but when they are done, I think this has to go. I simply can’t keep going like this. We’ll keep the business entity, so we’ll be able to say yes to the right projects and be ready to go with the next brilliant idea….crap, there I go again.
My name is Jason, and I’m a workaholic. The idea of shutting down my business hurts, but the idea of losing my wife and kids hurts more. I don’t know how painful winding some of this down will be, but rest assured, I’ll be sharing the progress here.
Funerals Cost Too Much
When my mother-in-law died, we weren’t prepared to pay for her funeral. We were three years into our debt repayment and were throwing every available cent at our last credit card. We had a couple of thousand dollars in savings, but that was earmarked for property taxes, braces, and a few other things that make money go away.
Then we found out we had a $1500 bill just to get her released and moved to the funeral home.
And catering for the funeral.
And programs.
And the grave, marker, and urn.
Scratch the last one. My mother-in-law prepaid for her grave site and had a funeral insurance policy to cover the marker, cremation, vault, and urn. She paid $800 and saved us nearly $1900 last spring.
By the end, we spent about $2500 for everything, including a reception at the funeral home.
I can’t describe how helpful that was. We couldn’t have covered it without debt, and the money we inherited was months away.
A little pre-planning on her part smoothed out the hardest time in our lives.
In 2009, the average cost for a funeral was $7,755. That’s a lot of cake for something that often catches you by surprise. In 2012, the average savings balance in the U.S. was $5,923.
Unexpected funeral expenses are a “wipe me out” expense. In a flash–a heart attack, a car accident–your life savings can get sucked into death expenses, leaving your family with nothing.
That reminds me, it’s time to buy a pair of grave plots.
Let’s Talk Pets and Other Unexpected Expenses
The following is a guest post by Crystal at Budgeting in the Fun Stuff. Her blog covers living expenses, saving for your future, and the fun stuff in between. (Ed. Thanks, Crystal!)
I’ve been complaining on and off about the cost of my poor Pug’s allergies, so I thought I’d do a little post to let all of us vent a little about unexpected expenses. 🙂
Here’s how much Mr. Pug has cost in vet bills and medicine alone since he developed major allergies to meat proteins and dairy in February 2010:
- February 4, 2010 – Mr. Pug licked off some hair, so we visited the crappy vet I will never go to again – $185.29
- May 11, 2010 – Mr. Pug stopped eating and his eyes looked cloudy, first visit to new vet for dry eye – $177.78
- May 12, 2010 – Dermatology Exam, Skin Scraping, Ear Check, and 6 medicines – $254.00
- May 18, 2010 – Check-Up on dry eye – $53.34
- June 2, 2010 – Check-Up on Ear Infections, Skin Infection, and medicine refills – $134.00
- July 8, 2010 – Check-Up on Skin Infection, 2 new medicines, and 2 refills – $146.80
- July 8, 2010 – Antibiotics – $60.60
AND we’re scheduled for another $105 check-up this coming week for his hopefully healed ear infection. So, between February 4 and this coming week, we will have paid at least $1116.81 for vet visits and medicines alone. That doesn’t even take into account the $45 bags of vegan dog food that only lasts about 6 weeks or the $500 we spent last year on 5 tooth extractions. 🙁
Thankfully we didn’t get pets until we had excess cash flow, but DANG! He’s an expensive little boy! I love him and we’d pay it again, but I wouldn’t suggest pure breeds for anybody not willing to lay out major dough for something as “simple” as allergies. We would totally let our dogs go if they needed chemotherapy or something (yes, I have my lines), but allergies…well, how do you turn down treatment that can make a pet 99% better? I’m a sucker for his big Pug eyes…I mean, look at him:
Have you had any unexpected expenses pop up? If so, what have they been and how are you dealing with it?
What motivates me financially?
This post was originally written for a blog swap run by the Yakezie personal finance blog network to answer the question “What motivates you to be financially responsible?“
This may not be the most original motivation, but I am financially motivated by my family. Before I had kids, I didn’t care much about money or “stuff”. My goal was to sell everything I owned and backpack Europe. Yeah, it’s a bit cliché, but that’s the way it is. I was also considering trying to live out of saddlebags while touring the country 1000 CCs at a time.
Now, I’ve got so many other considerations. Four, to be exact. A wife and three kids certainly change your perspective. If it doesn’t, you’ve got flaws that I can’t help you with.
When my family started, it was a huge wake-up call. Suddenly, I had responsibilities (cue scary music). Overnight, I had things to care about that didn’t involve a party, or instant gratification, or, well, me. Merlin the Stork floated down, waved a wand and Poof! I was a grown-up. This may not sound like much of a shock, but my wife and I had baby #1 when we were 20. Adulthood was still pretty new to us, and suddenly we’re parents?
As a grown-up, with three precious little monsters dependent on me for absolutely everything, I had to start worrying about their security. This was more than just keeping them physically safe. I’ve had to manage their emotional health, their physical needs, and their entertainment. They rely on me (and my wife!) for everything. How could I live with myself if I couldn’t put food on the table and a roof over their heads? Winter boots? Clothes without holes? Visits to the doctor? Have you ever noticed how much kids cost, even without considering the Japanese fad games and Barbie dreamhouses? Having a kid is like cutting a hole in your wallet and holding it over a blender nestled comfortably in a roaring fire fueled by napalm.
Then, after I’ve got them clothed, fed, sheltered, and entertained, I have to teach them how to be real people. I’m of the opinion that children in their natural state are little more than wild animals. Generally cuter, but that’s about it. It’s a parent’s job to train that ravenous little beast into an acceptable, successful person. Part of that consists of teaching the little brats how to start paying for their own clothes, food, shelter, and entertainment, and how to manage that without becoming a drain on society. Productivity and success can be defined a thousand different ways, but none of them include letting other people pay your way or borrowing money you have no intention or means of repaying. Ultimately, being an adult–being a successful part of society–involves recognizing your responsibilities and living up to them.
Caring for, providing for, and teaching my children the things I know provides me with an irreplaceable opportunity to watch them grow and learn, while giving me a chance to steer that growth. It is, without a doubt, the best, most satisfying, and most difficult thing I have ever done. The pleasure I get from raising my kids reinforces my desire to become the best person I can be.
Really, I just want to be the guy my kids think I am.
The Obligatory Thanksgiving Post
Tomorrow is Thanksgiving. Tomorrow is also Thursday, and I don’t post on Thursdays, so I’ll be posting about Thanksgiving today.
Thanksgiving is a day to be thankful for–first and foremost–capitalism.
When the Pilgrims first landed, they set up a communal farming arrangement, figuring that a good Christian community could take care of its own. From each according to his ability, to each according to his need, and all that. Everyone worked for the good of everyone else, so everyone benefited, right?
The Pilgrims, like every other group that has ever advocated communism, neglected to consider human nature. If you have no incentive to work, you don’t. If sleeping in and making babies still gets you fed and clothed, why work?
On the other side, if you work hard, only to see your hard work go to benefit your lazy neighbor, sleeping in and rattling the headboard, but never doing anything productive, why bother?
It didn’t take long for the Pilgrims to notice this tragedy of government wasn’t working.
The strong, or man of parts, had no more in devission of victails and cloaths, then he that was weake and not able to doe a quarter the other could; this was thought injuestice. The aged and graver men to be ranked and equalised in labours, and victails, cloaths, etc., with the meaner and yonger sorte, thought it some indignite and disrespect unto them. And for mens wives to be commanded to doe servise for other men, as dresing their meate, washing their cloaths, etc., they deemd it a kind of slaverie, neither could many husbands well brooke it. Upon the poynte all being to have alike, and all to doe alike, they thought them selves in the like condition, and ove as good as another; and so, if it did not cut of those relations that God hath set amongest men, yet it did at least much diminish and take of the mutuall respects that should be preserved amongst them.
It didn’t take long before nobody was working. Neighbors resented each other, because everyone had a right to the work of the other, with no need to compensate each other. That’s a case of “I’m starving because you aren’t working hard enough, but it’s not my fault you’re starving.”
At one point, the production of the colony was down so much that the colonists’ ration of corn was just 4 kernels per day. That’s how you kill a colony.
But they learned from their mistakes before they all died.
Yet notwithstanding all those reasons, which were not mine, but other mens wiser then my selfe, without answer to any one of them, here cometh over many quirimonies, and complaints against me, of lording it over my brethern, and making conditions fitter for theeves and bondslaves then honest men, and that of my owne head I did what I list. And at last a paper of reasons, framed against that clause in the conditions, which as they were delivered me open, so my answer is open to you all. And first, as they are no other but inconvenientes, such as a man might frame 20. as great on the other side, and yet prove nor disprove nothing by them, so they misse and mistake both the very ground of the article and nature of the project. For, first, it is said, that if ther had been no divission of houses and Lands, it had been better for the poore. True, and that showeth the inequalitie of the condition; we should more respecte him that ventureth both his money and his person, then him that ventureth but his person only.
The slavery of working for the benefit of others didn’t work, unless you were “theeves and bondslaves”. Then, it was great, living off of the sweat of others.
To make a long story short, the starvation ended when the Pilgrims were given parcels of land and told they could keep what they built from it. They went from the edge of extinction to being prosperous in a short time. The old and weak were cared for, not by the governor’s decree, but by the generosity of their neighbors.
Everybody in the colony won.