Live Real, Now

The no-pants guide to spending, saving, and thriving in the real world.

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Don’t Screw Future-You

Finance, Life

A conversation between me and my temporally displaced self.
Future Me: Excuse me, Jason?
Me: Yes?
FMe: <Slap!>
Me: May I ask what that was for?
FMe: Of course.
Me: What was that for, jerk?
FMe: That was payback for all of the hell you have put me through.
Me: What?!?  I’ve never even met you, before.
FMe: Of course you have.  I am future-you, and I’m sick of getting screwed by past-me, that is, you.
Me: Huh?
FMe: Listen close.  You’re not  the sharpest brick in the box and I don’t want to explain this twice.
Me: ???
FMe: A long time ago, when you first met our wife, you were dumb.
Me: I don’t appreciate….
FMe: Shut up.  I was dumb then, too.  Remember?  You…err…we bought a new truck, built an addition on our…err…your…err…whomever’s house, got married in the same year.  On top of many other expensive decisions.  Do your recall?
Me: Yes, I do.  So what?
FMe: If that wasn’t enough, you and your smoking-hot bride are still shopping like you’re rich. You drive a new car.  Your kids wear new clothes.  You’ve got a house full of new furniture.  How did you pay for all of that?
Me: Naturally, I charged it.  Zero payments, zero interest for a year!  Pretty smart, huh?
FMe: What happens in a year?
Me: I don’t know.  I’ve got a full year to figure that out.
FMe: <Slap!>  I’ll tell you what happens!  Future-you, that’s me, gets screwed!   Your raise didn’t come through.  You had a baby. The truck broke down.  Your wife took maternity leave.  A roommate moved out.  You took a loss in the stock market.  You didn’t plan!  You had no savings to cover any of those problems because you were too busy servicing debt to pay for your current life.
Me: How was I to know?
FMe: <Slap!>  Life happens!  You never know what is coming next.  You need to plan and save for what might happen.  Otherwise, you’ll just accumulate more debt to be serviced by yours-truly.  That is not acceptable.
Me:  So?  What are you going to do about it?
FMe: <Slap!>
Me: Really?  Again?
FMe: <Slap!>  I’m struggling to pay your debt. Your son starts college next year, but you’ve left me completely unable to help.  Your daughter wants to get married in a couple of years, but the Father-of-the-Bride can’t afford a tux.  My wife, your beatiful bride, wants a vacation that I can’t afford.   You’ve screwed me, dude.
Me: I’m sorry.  What can I do to fix it?
FMe: Buy me dinner, first.
Me: Huh?!?!?
FMe: Stop the excess spending. Spend less than you make, for a change.  No credit.
Me: None?
FMe: None.  Nada.  Zip.  Zilch.  Only spend what you can afford. Budget.  Pay off those nasty bills.  Don’t leave me hanging.
Me: So, what you’re saying is that, if I don’t have the money, I shouldn’t buy it?
FMe: Exactly.  That’s the path to wealth, freedom, and financial independence.  Live in the real world.
Me: Gee, thanks, Future-Me!  Now I know.
FMe: And knowing is half the battle.

What would your future-you have to say to you?

 

Carnivals

Finance

I’ve been a bit of a slacker when it comes to posting the carnivals I’ve been included in.   This is me playing catch-up.

Live Real, Now was included in five carnivals last week:

Prior to last week, I was included in:
Thanks to all of the hosts for including my posts and my apologies for not posting the links sooner.  If I missed you, please let me know.

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Have a great week!

Priorities

Business

I once saw a sign on the wall in a junkyard that said, “Failure to plan on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part.”

Another good one: “If everything is top priority, nothing is top priority.”

Once a week, I meet with my boss to discuss my progress for the previous week and my priorities for the coming week.   This is supposed to make sure that my productivity stays in line with the company’s goals.

Great.

Once a day, my boss comes into my office to change my top priority based on whichever account manager has most recently asked for a status update for their customer.

Not so great.

At least twice a week, he asks for a status update on my highest priority items.   Each time, he could mean the items we prioritized in the weekly meeting, or the items he chose to escalate later.   Somehow, getting a new task escalated doesn’t deescalate an existing task.

Everything is a top priority.

To compensate, I’ve been working a few 12 hour days each week, and occasionally coming in on the weekends.

I’m dedicated and still behind.

Prioritizing is treated as an art, or in the case I just mentioned, a juggling act.  It should be considered a science.  It’s usually pretty simple.

  • Is the problem costing you money? +1
  • Is the problem costing your customer money? +2
  • Is the problem going to hurt your reputation? +1
  • Is there a deadline? +1
  • Is it soon? +2
  • Is it urgent? +1
  • Is it important? +2
  • Are there absolutely no real consequences for anyone if it doesn’t get completed? -500

That’s it.    Too many times, we get hung up on urgent-but-not-important items and neglect the important things.

The hard part comes when it’s someone else setting your priorities, particularly when that person doesn’t rate things on urgency, importance, and cost but rather “Who has bitched the loudest recently?”

Can I tell my boss that I’m not going to do things the way he told me too?  No.  A former coworker very recently found out what happens when you do this.

Can I remind him that I’m busting my butt as hard as I can?  Yes, but it will just earn me a request to come in on the weekend, too.

Can I ignore the official priorities part of the time, and work on what I feel is most important to keeping our customers happy?  Yes, but it’s easy to go too far.  “Boss, I ignored what you said, but this customer is happy, now!” won’t score me any points if it happens every week.

Priorities are simple, but not always easy.  How do you balance your priorities?

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How to Save Money On Anything

Finance

Haggling
Haggling (Photo credit: pritzkerphoto.com)

There is a little-known secret to saving money on almost anything.  If you want to know what it is, please send a case of beer and a self-addressed, stamped envelope to my house.

No takers?

In that case, I will share the secret that has been passed down from father to son since the Mesopotamians landed the Santa Maria at Plymouth Rock.

Ready?

The secret is to…ask.

That’s right, just suck it up and say “Pretty Please”.

How does it work?

In the easiest version, you call up one of the companies you pay regularly and you say “How can I save some money?”

Allow me to give you some examples.

How to save money on insurance

Call up your insurance company and ask, “How can I save some money with you?”  You may be offered a multi-line discount if you let them insure your home and your car or you might be told to raise your deductible.  If you have a $1000 emergency fund, you can afford a $500 deductible.   They may recommend that you drop some coverages that you don’t need or they may ask you some questions that will allow them to lower your rate.  For many years, I lived 2 miles from work and got a discount for the low mileage.

How to save money on utilities

When you call your electric company to ask the magic question, they may offer to conduct a home energy audit to determine where you home is leaking energy.  If they try to charge you for the audit, remind them how long you’ve been a customer in good standing.

Another option they may offer is to install a remotely-triggered switch on your air-conditioner.  Around here, that switch is good for a 15% discount off of my bill in the summer.

How to save money on your cell phone

If you are out of a contract or near the end of your contract you have leverage.  Look up the best comparable deal from another company.  Then, call your cell phone provider, ask to be transferred to the retention department, then ask them to convince you to stay.  They will.

If you aren’t near the end of your contract, you can still call and ask.  If that doesn’t work, watch the mail and any emails from the company.  If they change the terms of your contract, you can get out of it without paying a penalty.  If you get that opportunity, call and ask for the retention department.

How to save money on credit cards

I am assuming you have a credit card with a balance that gets carried from month to month.

Credit card companies are competitive.  Find a competing deal and call your company.  Ask them to beat the deal.  If the competitor is offering 9%, ask for 8%.  If they refuse, call up the competitor.  Tell them you will transfer your balance over if they will waive the transfer fee.    A surprising number of companies will be happy to do so.

Most bills can be reduced in some way.  All you have to do is ask.

Have you had any luck pointing the shrink ray at your bills?

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Negotiating 101

Finance

In the US, haggling is something that makes a lot of people twitch and wet their pants.  It’s too hard/scary/intimidating, so most of us just take whatever price is offered, with a smile.

A Chinese gilt bronze stand and statuette of t...
A Chinese gilt bronze stand and statuette of the historical buddha on a lion throne, from Northern China, dated to the Northern Wei Dynasty, c. 480 AD. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The truth is, you can negotiate in almost any situation.   Sure, big-box retailers with low-price goods–like Walmart or a grocery store–aren’t going to go for it, but a lot of other businesses will.  Did you know you can haggle at Best Buy?  It’s true, but only on the bigger ticket items.

You can also easily negotiate at place like these:

  • Credit card interest rates and annual fees
  • Luxury utilities like cable
  • Rent
  • Hotel rates
  • Airline tickets
  • Gym memberships

“Great”, you say.  “Anyone can do it?”, you say.  “But how, jerk?”

No need to call names, I’m getting to that part.

I am about to share the First Secret Lesson of Negotiating.   This secret has been passed down from father to son among the celibate Shaolin monks for generations.   Breaking the code of secrecy may be putting my life in danger, but I’m willing to do that for you, no matter the risk.

I rock like that.

Are you ready to be initiated into the secrets of the Ancient Masters?  When our first abbot, Buddhabhadra, first wandered into the Northern Wei Dynasty branch of Best Buy in 477 A.D., he discovered the phrase most likely to break price barriers.

Are you ready, Grasshopper?  This is the “Wax on, wax off” of effective negotiation.

When you are given a price, no matter what it is, say “Is that the best you can do?”

“This T.V. costs $7495.” “Is that the best you can do?”

“That comes to $56.95.” “Is that the best you can do?”

“$149,499 for the Ferrari.” “Is that the best you can do?”

“$12,000 for the kidney.” “Is that the best you can do?”

“Only $8.50 for this set of 10 tupperware lids that have been warped in the dishwasher.” “Is that the best you can do?”

“$50 an hour, honey.” “Is that the best you can do?”

“The salary for this position is $50,000 per year.” “Is that the best you can do?”

It is magical, it’s easy to remember, and it’s low stress.  This is a non-combative question.  The worst possible scenario involves the other side saying, “Yes, that is the best I can do.”  No sweat.

Negotiating Lesson 101.2:

After saying  “Is that the best you can do?”, shut up.   The other party gets to be the next person to say something.

Go out and practice this over the weekend.   Master the First Secret Lesson of Negotiating.  I’ll be fighting off Shaolin ninjas for sharing the ancient secrets.

 

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Shaving for Real

Life

me getting ready to shave.
Image via Wikipedia

When you look at a safety razor, you see the mostly-unguarded blade.  When you look in the mirror, you see your throat and you see this blade–by definition, razor-sharp–and you realize that you are about to put a knife to your own throat.   Why?

Because shaving sucks.

For my 18th birthday, I received 2 Mach3 razors.  I used them  for more than 10 years.  It certainly beat disposable Bics, but not by much.

I liked it, but only because I didn’t have anything good to compare it to.

I’ve start using an old-fashioned safety razor.   Now, I can shave smoother and with less irritation than I ever could with a modern razor and it only takes a few extra minutes.

Why would you want to abandon modern technology to put a blade against your jugular?

Modernization isn’t always an improvement.  There is something about reaching back in time a couple of generations and doing things, not only the way they used to be done, but the way they should be done.  It’s the same feeling I get handling an old rifle or sitting in an antique car.

A real shave is 15 minutes of peace and focus. Lock the kids out of the bathroom and focus on the task at hand.  The concentration will usually give you a chance to forget about the rest of the world for just a few minutes.  This is pure meditation.

As a benefit, when you’re done, you feel refreshed and well-groomed.  It feels good to take care of yourself.

What do you need to shave like a real man?

Start slow and ease your way into it.  Put a cup in the bathroom. If you shave with a modern razor, the easiest way to improve your shave is to use hot water.      Put your shaving cream in the cup and add a bit of hot water.   Mix that up and use it to shave.  The hot foam will do wonders for your skin and the closeness of your shave.   I did that and immediately start trolling antique stores looking for a good, cheap shaving brush.

A brush makes applying your shaving cream a small pleasure. Spreading the hot foam on your face with a brush gets in on all sides of each hair, softening it for the razor.   Ideally, you want a badger-hair brush, but I’ve been perfectly happy with boar hair.   I found one at an antique store for $5.

Shortly after acquiring my antique shaving brush, I decided to go even older-school and upgraded to an old-fashioned safety razor.   I took my life, and my life-blood, in my own hands to shave for real.  I went with a  Merkur 23C Long Handle Safety Razor.   It’s a basic razor with a longer handle, because I have large hands and long fingers.   Don’t worry about getting an adjustable razor.  There’s no point.   It cost $29 at West Coast Shaving*.

You will need blades for the razor.  West Coast Shaving sells a variety pack of 45 blades for $15.    Try them all and stick with the one that works best for your facial hair.   I tend to change blades every 4-5 shaves.   More than that, and they get a bit dull and make me bleed.  I try to avoid bleeding.
Now that you’ve got a brush, a razor, and blades, it’s time to get rid of the worthless can of shaving foam. Shaving soap works much better.    You can get 3 discs of Col. Conk’s soap for $15, and they will last 6 months each, easily.    They are almost exactly the same diameter as a regular coffee cup, so guess what?  Just drop it in your cup.
That’s everything you need to shave for just $65, and of that only the blades and soap are recurring costs.  Your razor and brush will last forever.   I figure it costs me about $1 per month to shave, now.

How do you avoid killing yourself while getting ready for work?

It’s all a matter of technique.

  1. Dampen your cheeks with hot water to soften the hair.  I prefer to shave immediately after I shower.
  2. Run hot water over your brush.  Get it thoroughly soaked, then shake off the excess water.  You want it hot and wet, but not dripping.
  3. Briskly brush the soap disk until the brush picks up as much soap as it can.   It may or may not form a lather in the cup.
  4. Put the brush on your face and whisk it around.   I use a quick circular motion to build up a lather on my cheeks.   This works the hot soap into each hair.   Keep brushing it onto your face until it forms peaks.
  5. Pick up your razor.   I run it under some hot water, just so the cold metal isn’t a shock after the hot foam.   From here, you need your full attention on what you are doing.
  6. Shave.

When you are shaving there are a few things to keep in mind.

  • Take your time.
  • Never, ever, ever, ever turn the blade while it is in contact with your face.  You will bleed.   Once the blade touches your face, it goes in a straight line.
  • Keep the edge of the blade as close to parallel with your face as possible.
  • The goal is hair reduction, not removal.

I make 4 passes when I shave.  First, I shave from the top down.   Next, from the back towards my nose and mouth.   Then, from the front to the back.  Finally, I shave against the grain from the bottom to the top.    This results in a closer shave than anything I’ve ever had with a modern razor.

When I think I’m done, I dip my fingers in some warm water and run them around my face, in all possible directions, to see if I missed a spot.

When the hair is gone, wipe of the remaining cream and splash cold water every place the razor touched.   This closes the pores and will help prevent infections and razor bumps.

The last step is aftershave.    Aftershave disinfects your face.   It also prevents infections and makes you stink nice.

There you have it: the secret to a baby-butt-smooth shave and 10-20 minutes of masculine meditation.   If you are looking for a present for someone, you could do a lot worse than a real razor set.

*I have absolutely no affiliation with WCS.  I am just very happy with the service and the product.