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Don’t Screw Future-You

Finance, Life

A conversation between me and my temporally displaced self.

Future Me: Excuse me, Jason?

Me: Yes?

FMe: <Slap!>

Me: May I ask what that was for?

FMe: Of course.

Me: What was that for, jerk?

FMe: That was payback for all of the hell you have put me through.

Me: What?!? I’ve never even met you, before.

FMe: Of course you have. I am future-you, and I’m sick of getting screwed by past-me, that is, you.

Me: Huh?

FMe: Listen close. You’re not the sharpest brick in the box and I don’t want to explain this twice.

Me: ???

FMe: A long time ago, when you first met our wife, you were dumb.

Me: I don’t appreciate….

FMe: Shut up. I was dumb then, too. Remember? You…err…we bought a new truck, built an addition on our…err…your…err…whomever’s house, got married in the same year. On top of many other expensive decisions. Do your recall?

Me: Yes, I do. So what?

FMe: If that wasn’t enough, you and your smoking-hot bride are still shopping like you’re rich. You drive a new car. Your kids wear new clothes. You’ve got a house full of new furniture. How did you pay for all of that?

Me: Naturally, I charged it. Zero payments, zero interest for a year! Pretty smart, huh?

FMe: What happens in a year?

Me: I don’t know. I’ve got a full year to figure that out.

FMe: <Slap!> I’ll tell you what happens! Future-you, that’s me, gets screwed! Your raise didn’t come through. You had a baby. The truck broke down. Your wife took maternity leave. A roommate moved out. You took a loss in the stock market. You didn’t plan! You had no savings to cover any of those problems because you were too busy servicing debt to pay for your current life.

Me: How was I to know?

FMe: <Slap!> Life happens! You never know what is coming next. You need to plan and save for what might happen. Otherwise, you’ll just accumulate more debt to be serviced by yours-truly. That is not acceptable.

Me: So? What are you going to do about it?

FMe: <Slap!>

Me: Really? Again?

FMe: <Slap!> I’m struggling to pay your debt. Your son starts college next year, but you’ve left me completely unable to help. Your daughter wants to get married in a couple of years, but the Father-of-the-Bride can’t afford a tux. My wife, your beatiful bride, wants a vacation that I can’t afford. You’ve screwed me, dude.

Me: I’m sorry. What can I do to fix it?

FMe: Buy me dinner, first.

Me: Huh?!?!?

FMe: Stop the excess spending. Spend less than you make, for a change. No credit.

Me: None?

FMe: None. Nada. Zip. Zilch. Only spend what you can afford. Budget. Pay off those nasty bills. Don’t leave me hanging.

Me: So, what you’re saying is that, if I don’t have the money, I shouldn’t buy it?

FMe: Exactly. That’s the path to wealth, freedom, and financial independence. Live in the real world.

Me: Gee, thanks, Future-Me! Now I know.

FMe: And knowing is half the battle.

What would your future-you have to say to you?

How You’re Finding Me

Misc

Every once in a while, I like to dig through Google Analytics and see how people are finding this site. Some of the search terms are interesting.

“father of three” mid life crisis

Here’s a free piece of advice. As a father of three, you don’t get to have a mid-life crisis. It’s not allowed. Rather, it’s allowed, but you aren’t allowed to act on it. At a minimum, until your children are out of the house, you need to man up and provide all of the support you possibly can. No sports cars you can’t afford and no 22 year old hardbodies. Be there for your kids.

“payday loans” which accepts guest posts

Payday loan marketing. Just go away. You aren’t running a guest post here.

“slow carb” hungry all the time

You’re doing it wrong. If you are hungry, eat more bacon. Or beans. Beans fill you up longer.

$1000000 business idea

Ideas are the easy part. Execution makes you a millionaire.

articles on why appearance shouldn’t matter?

Appearances do matter, and always will. Your appearance is what makes the initial impression when you meet someone new. You don’t have to be a model, but basic grooming and fashion sense is necessary. Take this with a grain of salt. I’ve got a week’s growth of a beard and I wear a different plaid, button-down shirt every day.

are push ups supposed to be hard

Only the first 50. After that, I kind of go on blissed-out autopilot. If you can do 100 pushups, you can probably do 200.

acceptable place to put tattoo

If you wear clothes there, you can put a tattoo there. Visible tattoos are called “job stoppers” for a reason. If you put a tattoo on your face, the only job you qualify for is “drug dealer’s girlfriend”. Or possibly prison janitor.

burning bridges with toxic people

If you must burn bridges, filling them with toxic people first isn’t a bad idea.

candied pork butt

Rule 34: If it exists, there is porn of it. Interesting side story: while double-checking the rule number, I stumbled across My Little Ponies doing things they never advertise on the box.

cut my wife’s hair

I did this once. Pro tip: In the back, at the bottom, cut small chunks and leave them longer than you think they should be. You can always cut more, but uncutting hair is really hard.

f***** on the roadside by your mechanic

He probably deserves a tip for that.

girls fart for money and girls live farts

See the bit about the pork butt, remove the funny, and…ewww.

how to be a successful debtor

I recommend starting by paying your bills. When the debts are gone, you win. Success!

i ate bacon on slow carb diet

So did everyone else, sweetie. It’s the biggest draw to the slow carb diet.

in memory of pets tattoos

When I get a pet, I get it with the understanding that I’m going to outlive it. The day I bring it home, some small part of me is preparing for the day when I have to dig a hole in my backyard. Tattooing that day? Not gonna happen.

thickening felt behind testicle

Why are you on google? Go to the doctor. Please?

Interesting. Between girls farting and my post about being well-trained, there is a significant amount of fetish traffic coming through here. Maybe I need to explore a new advertising strategy.

2011 Goals

Life

It’s that time of the year when people make public promises to themselves that last almost as long as the hangover most of them are going to earn tonight, otherwise known as New Year’s Resolutions.

Not a fan.

I am, however a fan of planning out some concrete goals and doing my best to meet them. I do this through a series of 30 day projects. I set a goal that can be reached in 30 days, and push for it. I tend to make my goals fairly aggressive, and I tend to meet them.

Here were my goals and results for 2010:

January: Wake up at 5am AND read to my kids every night before bed. These were easy goals to meet. A year later, I am still getting up much earlier than I ever have, even if it’s not 5AM. I write better late at night than I do early in the morning, anyway. I’m not still reading to my kids every night, but we are making progress on teaching my four-year-old to read.
February: Do 100 push-ups at one time by the end of the month. I accomplished this in 22 days. I also had a secret project that involved doing something sweet for my wife every day. By the end of the month, she was convinced I had done something horrible that I was trying to make up for.
March: Do 100 sit-ups at one time by the end of the month. It took me a week, but I found out how bad sit-ups are for your back. Pure failure.
April: Spring Cleaning. I will declutter every room in my house this month. We missed one room and one closet, but made a lot of charities happy.
May: Have a sit-down dinner with my family, at the dining room table at least 3 times per week. We managed this one and enjoyed it, but we haven’t managed to keep it up. I’ll have to try this again.
June: No computer use, while anyone else in the family is awake, except for household necessities, such as bills. This one worked well and improved the quality of our interaction. I’m not quite this strict about it, but my computer use has gone down dramatically while my family is awake.
July: Write fiction every day. I don’t think I wrote more than a few pages of fiction, but I did write every day.
August: Buy nothing new this month. We came very close to doing this one perfectly. It wasn’t easy.
September: Attempt to learn a new language. Total bomb. I never even got started.
October: No yelling at the kids. Have you ever thought about trying this with a a two-year-old and a four-year-old? We never got started.
November: No complaining. Not at home, not at work. I didn’t make this an actual month, but I’ve been trying to complain much less. I think it’s been working.
December: I will have done 14 projects this year. December is a month off. As planned, I took December off.

So I missed 4 months of projects. This year, I’m going to modify my overall plan and only do 6 projects, every other month. That will give me a month off to either relax or incorporate the goal into my ongoing habits without any stress.

Here are my goals:

January: I’m going to do Tim Ferriss’s Slow-Carb diet. Yes, it’s a fad diet, but it beats the constant stream of garbage I eat now. The basic plan is to avoid anything white; no bread, pasta, rice, potatoes, or sugar. That’s accompanied by a targeted supplement regimen and a timed exercise plan to manipulate my metabolism. I’m not adding any aerobic exercise to my day, because I want this to be as controlled an experiment as possible. If it’s working at the end of the month, I will keep it going. It’s time to not be fat anymore.
March: In February, I managed to get myself able to do 100 pushups in a single set. In March, I hurt my back trying to do the same with sit-ups and that killed my workout habit. This March, I’m going to do the 100 pushups challenge again, but this time, I’m going for perfect pushups. Last year, they got sloppy after about 80. This year, that won’t be good enough.
May: I’m going to do at least 30 days of the Couch to 5k running program. It’s a 9 week program. As a 30 day project, it’s designed to establish the habit. When I tried picking up running last year, my knees were causing problems. Hopefully, my January project will mitigate that this year.
July: I’m going to pick up a new language. This is the failed plan from September 2010. I’ve narrowed it down to either Spanish, Swedish, or Italian. One is useful, one is a part of my heritage, and one is for fun. At the moment, I’m undecided.
September: Undecided. I am leaning towards a “nice” month. 30 days of doing something nice, for someone, somewhere. If I go this route, I’ve got 9 months to plan, because that’s a lot of things to do.
November: Absolutely undecided. Any suggestions?

That’s my plan for the new year. Six specific goals, each lasting 30 days. I could definitely use some help for September and November. Please give me some suggestions in the comments.

Budget Lesson, Part 7

Finance

It’s been a month(again!) since I’ve written a post for the budget series, so I’ll be continuing that today. See these posts for the history of this series.

This time, I’m looking at how to reduce my “set aside” funds. These are the categories that don’t have specific payout amounts and happen at irregular intervals. One of the convenient features of our set-aside funds–also a feature of our non-monthly bills–is that the money sits in our checking account, providing a buffer against overdrafts. The buffer is big enough that I can withdraw our entire month’s discretionary budget on the first of the month.

Parties – Twice a year, we have large parties. We have a barbecue(not necessarily low and slow, I’m in the midwest) and a Halloween party. We also have three kids with birthdays. Each year, we try to do something exotic at the barbecue. One year, it was a turducken. This year, we’ll be skipping the show-off portion of the show. The Halloween party is never expensive. I don’t drink much, so the bar stays well-stocked without frequent expensive shopping trips. We throw two large parties for less than $300 combined, and our guests start RSVPing a year in advance. We’re fun. The kids are getting gypped this year. I am over my addiction to expensive birthday parties for my kids. There will be a small party for one, a sleepover for another, and a party combined with some cousins’ birthday parties for the third. It sound horrible but all of them will have fun.
Gifts – We set aside money for presents, but we don’t feel we need to spend all of the money we have set aside. Anything left over stays here. Eventually, it will be something nice for all of us.
Pet Care – We have 4 cats and a dog. Cat litter and food are expenses that we can’t make disappear. We don’t buy the fancy food, but we also don’t buy the stuff that uses cardboard as filler. We have set a new limit at 3 pets, but that limit will only be reached through attrition. There’s nothing to cut here for a few years.
Car Repair – This is another category with nothing to cut. If we don’t spend it, and something catastrophic happens to a car, we’ll be covered. If it doesn’t, we’ll have a bit more cushion in our checking account.
Furnace Warranty – When we bought a new furnace and air conditioner, we got the extended warranty. This is an unlimited renewal warranty, so, in 5 years, we’ll have to buy it again to keep it. If we keep it forever, they will eventually replace our furnace when it dies.
Medicine/Medical – It’s a sad fact that people get sick. We set aside a small amount to cover our costs. The costs rise and fall, but over any given quarter, I don’t think I’ve been off by more than $5.

I’ve taken a hard look at most of the bills over time, so there isn’t always a lot to cut. Next time, I’ll be addressing our discretionary spending.

Living the High Life

Finance, Life

This post is part of the Yakezie Blog swap. I have swapped this week with Eric at Narrow Bridge Finance. This is a post from Eric discussing the theme: What Motivates You to be Financially Responsible? Please take a moment to read my post, Monsters, at Eric’s site.

Unlike my blogger buddy Jason here at LiveRealNow, I have no family. Quite the opposite in fact, I am loving the single guy life. I don’t have much debt. I love going to the bars and partying on the weekends. I have a good job. I have relatively low expenses. Things are good.

So what is my motivation to be financially responsible? It is two-fold. First, I want to be able to keep doing whatever I want whenever I want without worrying about money. Second, I do want to settle down someday in the not too distant future and make sure I have a good foundation to start the next chapter of my life.

I Want to Do Whatever I Want Whenever I Want

Is that selfish? Probably. But who cares? I don’t have kids, I don’t have a wife. I don’t even have a girlfriend at the moment. I do make an effort to donate to local organizations I believe in and I am happy to have friends over for a pre-game and buy a round of drinks, but that is as far as my obligation to others goes.

Doing whatever I want is not always cheap. I like going to concerts. I enjoy nightclubs. I love traveling and exploring new places. $80 tickets, a $15 cover plus drinks, and a $500 trip are fairly common occurrences in my life.

As you know, money doesn’t grow on trees. I have to work hard to pay for the things I want and the experiences I have. I am totally okay with that. But I have to plan now to be able to do what I want later.

I live in a modest and inexpensive apartment. I try to keep my food budget low. I bought a small car that would be reliable, low maintenance, and fuel efficient.

By cutting out wasteful spending and thinking before I spend, I am able to do pretty much whatever I want. If you have the same goal, dive into the depths of your budget. Dig in deep and see where you are spending money. Not to be cliché, but the ‘latte factor’ is a big deal. Those stops at Starbucks, afternoon snacks, energy drinks, cable bills, and other cash drains might not be worth it. If you don’t really, really enjoy it and get pleasure from it, why would you spend money on it?

My Future – Family, Travel, and Early Retirement

I am 26. I am at that point where I am going on a lot of dates. I am meeting a lot of great girls. One of these days, probably when I least expect it, I will fall madly in love and get married. You know the story.

My short term dream is a life of travel and urban living. My long term dream is to get married to a hot Jewish girl (I am Jewish, so it makes sense to “keep it in the tribe”) and have two or three kids. Once kids are in the picture, we move out from the urban fun areas and settle down in the burbs.

But just because I will give up the party life does not mean I have to give up my passions. I want to show my kids the world, give them amazing life experiences, and help them grow to hopefully be even more awesome than me, which is a hard bar to beat.

To do all of that and reach financial freedom, I have to set my goals and work to achieve them. (In case you were wondering, Jason recently wrote a great post on financial goal setting. If you have not read it yet, you really should.)

To get there, I am already working on saving and investing. I am contributing over 10% of my gross income at work to my retirement plans. I am working hard to pay down my student loans and save up a down payment fund. I am planning ahead and saving for my future goals.

How to Reach Your Goals

You probably have financial and life goals too. What are you doing to get there?

We can always tell people about our dreams. However, unlike when you are two years old and dream of being an astronaut police officer that lives in a toy store with an ice cream machine and a McDonald’s in it, your dreams today can be a reality.

With few exceptions, every person can reach their goals. Do you want to retire at 40? Take steps to save and create residual income streams. Do you want to travel in space? Save up to buy a ticket on Virgin Galactic. Do you not have enough money? Diversify your income streams and make more. Do you feel chained down by your traditional desk job that you hate? Start a business and transition to self employment.

Yes, it is easier said than done. But you will never reach your goals unless you take solid steps to get there. Don’t just dream it, live it.

Please take a moment to head over to Eric’s site, Narrow Bridge Finance. While you’re there, be sure to subscribe. You don’t want to miss his posts.

Money Problems – Day 7: Paying Off Debt

Finance

Today, I am continuing the series, Money Problems: 30 Days to Perfect Finances. The series will consist of 30 things you can do in one setting to perfect your finances. It’s not a system to magically make your debt disappear. Instead, it is a path to understanding where you are, where you want to be, and–most importantly–how to bridge the gap.

I’m not running the series in 30 consecutive days. That’s not my schedule. Also, I think that talking about the same thing for 30 days straight will bore both of us. Instead, it will run roughly once a week. To make sure you don’t miss a post, please take a moment to subscribe, either by email or rss.

On this, Day 7, we’re going to talk about paying off debt.

Until you pay off your debts, you are living with an anchor around your neck, keeping you from doing the things you love. Take a look at the amount you are paying to your debt-holders each month. How could you better use that money, now? A vacation, private school for your kids, a reliable car?

If you’ve got a ton of debt, the real cost is in missed opportunities. For example, with my son’s vision therapy being poorly covered by our insurance plan, we are planning a much smaller vacation this summer–a “staycation”–instead of a trip to the Black Hills. If we didn’t have a debt payment to worry about, we’d have a much larger savings and would have been able to absorb the cost without canceling other plans. The way it is, our poor planning and reliance on debt over the last 10 years have cost us the opportunity to go somewhere new.

The only way to regain the ability to take advantage of future opportunities is to get out of debt, which tends to be an intimidating thought. When we started on our journey out of debt, we were buried 6 figures deep, with a credit card balance that matched our mortgage. It looked like an impossible obstacle, but we’ve been making it happen. The secret is to make a plan and stick with it. Pick some kind of plan, and follow it until you are done. Don’t give up and don’t get discouraged.

What kind of plan should you pick? That’s a personal choice. What motivates you? Do you want to see quick progress or do you like seeing the effects of efficient, long-term planning? These are the most common options:

Debt Snowball

Popularized by Dave Ramsey, this is the plan with the greatest emotional effect. It’s bad math, but that doesn’t matter, if the people using it are motivated to keep at it long enough to get out of debt.

To prepare your debt snowball, take all of your debts–no matter how small–and arrange them in order of balance. Ignore the interest rate. You’re going to pay the minimum payment on each of your debts, except for the smallest balance. That one will get every spare cent you can throw at it. When the smallest debt is paid off, that payment and every spare cent you were throwing at it(your “snowball”) will go to the next smallest debt. As the smallest debts are paid off, your snowball will grow and each subsequent debt will be paid off faster that you will initially think possible. You will build up a momentum that will shrink your debts quickly.

This is the plan I am using.

Debt Avalanche

A debt avalanche is the most efficient repayment plan. It is the plan that will, in the long-term, involve paying the least amount of interest. It’s a good thing. The downside is that it may not come with the “easy wins” that you get with the debt snowball. It is the best math; you’ll get out of debt fastest using this plan, but it’s not the most emotionally motivating.

To set this one up, you’ll take all of your bills–again–and line them up, but this time, you’ll do it strictly by interest rate. You’re going to make every minimum payment, then you’ll focus on paying the bill with the highest interest rate, first, with every available penny.

DOLP

This is the plan promoted by David Bach. It stands for Done On Last Payment. With this plan, you’ll pay the minimum payment on each debt, except for bill that is scheduled to be paid off first. You calculate this by dividing the balance of each debt by the minimum payment. This gives you an estimate of the number of months it will take to pay off each debt.

This system is less efficient than the debt avalanche–by strict math–but is better than the snowball. It give you “quick wins” faster than the snowball, but will cost a bit more than the avalanche. It’s a compromise between the two, blending the emotional satisfaction of the snowball with the better math of the avalanche.

Snowflaking

For each of these plans, you can give them a little steroid injection by snowflaking. Snowflaking is the art of making some extra cash, and throwing it straight at your debt. If you hold a yard sale, use the proceeds to make an extra debt payment. Sell some movies at the pawn shop? Make an extra car payment. Every little payment you make means fewer dollars wasted on interest.

Paying interest means you are paying for everything you buy…again. Do whatever it takes to make debt go away, and you will find yourself able to take advantage of more opportunities and spend more time doing the things you want to do. Life will be less stressful and rainbows will follow you through your day. Unicorns will guard your home and leprechauns will chase away evil-doers. The sun will always shine and stoplights will never show red. Getting out of debt is powerful stuff.

Your task today is to pick a debt plan, and get on it. Whichever plan works best for you is the right one. Organize your bills, pick one to focus on, and go to it.

Assuming you are in debt, how are you paying it off?