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The no-pants guide to spending, saving, and thriving in the real world.

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Don’t Screw Future-You

Finance, Life

A conversation between me and my temporally displaced self.
Future Me: Excuse me, Jason?
Me: Yes?
FMe: <Slap!>
Me: May I ask what that was for?
FMe: Of course.
Me: What was that for, jerk?
FMe: That was payback for all of the hell you have put me through.
Me: What?!?  I’ve never even met you, before.
FMe: Of course you have.  I am future-you, and I’m sick of getting screwed by past-me, that is, you.
Me: Huh?
FMe: Listen close.  You’re not  the sharpest brick in the box and I don’t want to explain this twice.
Me: ???
FMe: A long time ago, when you first met our wife, you were dumb.
Me: I don’t appreciate….
FMe: Shut up.  I was dumb then, too.  Remember?  You…err…we bought a new truck, built an addition on our…err…your…err…whomever’s house, got married in the same year.  On top of many other expensive decisions.  Do your recall?
Me: Yes, I do.  So what?
FMe: If that wasn’t enough, you and your smoking-hot bride are still shopping like you’re rich. You drive a new car.  Your kids wear new clothes.  You’ve got a house full of new furniture.  How did you pay for all of that?
Me: Naturally, I charged it.  Zero payments, zero interest for a year!  Pretty smart, huh?
FMe: What happens in a year?
Me: I don’t know.  I’ve got a full year to figure that out.
FMe: <Slap!>  I’ll tell you what happens!  Future-you, that’s me, gets screwed!   Your raise didn’t come through.  You had a baby. The truck broke down.  Your wife took maternity leave.  A roommate moved out.  You took a loss in the stock market.  You didn’t plan!  You had no savings to cover any of those problems because you were too busy servicing debt to pay for your current life.
Me: How was I to know?
FMe: <Slap!>  Life happens!  You never know what is coming next.  You need to plan and save for what might happen.  Otherwise, you’ll just accumulate more debt to be serviced by yours-truly.  That is not acceptable.
Me:  So?  What are you going to do about it?
FMe: <Slap!>
Me: Really?  Again?
FMe: <Slap!>  I’m struggling to pay your debt. Your son starts college next year, but you’ve left me completely unable to help.  Your daughter wants to get married in a couple of years, but the Father-of-the-Bride can’t afford a tux.  My wife, your beatiful bride, wants a vacation that I can’t afford.   You’ve screwed me, dude.
Me: I’m sorry.  What can I do to fix it?
FMe: Buy me dinner, first.
Me: Huh?!?!?
FMe: Stop the excess spending. Spend less than you make, for a change.  No credit.
Me: None?
FMe: None.  Nada.  Zip.  Zilch.  Only spend what you can afford. Budget.  Pay off those nasty bills.  Don’t leave me hanging.
Me: So, what you’re saying is that, if I don’t have the money, I shouldn’t buy it?
FMe: Exactly.  That’s the path to wealth, freedom, and financial independence.  Live in the real world.
Me: Gee, thanks, Future-Me!  Now I know.
FMe: And knowing is half the battle.

What would your future-you have to say to you?

 

Sunday Roundup: Yep, It’s Saturday

Misc

funny road sign
Image by Sree_ via Flickr

Yes, it’s Saturday.  Tomorrow, I’m hosting the Yakezie Carnival, so I bumped this up a day.

This week has been super relaxing.  Wrestling season is over.  We’re done with activities for a while.

30 Day Project Update

Last month, I was trying to do 100 perfect push-ups in a single set.  I recorded each session in a spreadsheet.  I hit my goal on the 28th, 3 days early.  Since then, I’ve cut down to just one session per day.  I’m now doing 35 slow, deep push-ups every morning.  It’s not a goal, or a challenge, just part of a general effort to be healthier.

Weight Loss Update

I am on the Slow Carb Diet.   At the end of the month, I’ll see what the results were and decide if it’s worth continuing.   For those who don’t know, the Slow Carb Diet involves cutting out potatoes, rice, flour, sugar, and dairy in all their forms.   My meals consist of 40% proteins, 30% vegetables, and 30% legumes(beans or lentils).    There is no calorie counting, just some specific rules, accompanied by a timed supplement regimen and some timed exercises to manipulate my metabolism.   The supplements are NOT effedrin-based diet pills, or, in fact, uppers of any kind.  There is also a weekly cheat day, to cut the impulse to cheat and to avoid letting my body go into famine mode.

I’m measuring two metrics, my weight and the total inches of my waist , hips, biceps, and thighs.   Between the two, I should have an accurate assessment of my progress.

Weight: I have lost 41 pounds since January 2nd.   That’s 1 pound since last week and 8 pounds in March, while doing an insane amount of push-ups and packing on a few pounds of muscle.  Seriously, for the last couple of weeks, on the days I haven’t totally slacked off, I’ve been doing 500+ push-ups a day.  That’s a lot.

Total Inches: I have lost  23 inches in the same time frame, up 1 inch since last week.   That makes me sad, but it seems to be muscle growth, so it’s not too bad.

Best Posts

Mint shows how lazy employees are, on average.  Surprisingly, only 2.09 hours are wasted in the average 8 hour day.   The rule I’d heard before is that employers expect 2-3 good, solid hours of work our of their employees every day.

Money Crasher has some cheap appetizer recipes.   I can’t wait to make the biscuit meatballs.

The Mars Rover died.  Tragic.

Get Rich Slowly has a post on emergency preparedness.  If I mentioned that I keep enough supplies in my car to live for a week, would that make me a survivalist or just a fun guy?

LRN Timewarp

This is where I review the posts I wrote a year ago.  Did you miss them then?

First, I examined the value of exchanging your time to save a bit of money.

Then, I talked about the futility of trying to force your spouse into frugality.

Carnivals I’ve Rocked and Guest Posts I’ve Rolled

Filing Bankruptcy: Pride or Shame? was an Editor’s Pick in the Totally Money Blog Carnival at Debt Free Divas.  Thank you!

Budgeting tips – sticking to your budget was included in the Festival of Frugality.

Saving Money: The Warranty Fund was included in the Carnival of Personal Finance.

Thank you! If I missed anyone, please let me know.

Get More Out of Live Real, Now

There are so many ways you can read and interact with this site.

You can subscribe by RSS and get the posts in your favorite news reader.  I prefer Google Reader.

You can subscribe by email and get, not only the posts delivered to your inbox, but occasional giveaways and tidbits not available elsewhere.

You can ‘Like’ LRN on Facebook.   Facebook gets more use than Google.  It can’t hurt to see what you want where you want.

You can follow LRN on Twitter.   This comes with some nearly-instant interaction.

You can send me an email, telling me what you liked, what you didn’t like, or what you’d like to see more(or less) of.   I promise to reply to any email that isn’t purely spam.

Have a great week!

 

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Sunday Roundup: The Giant Marketing Fail

Misc

A mound of Girl Scout cookies. This mound cont...
Image via Wikipedia

When I was a kid, there were 44 cookies in a box of Thin Mints.   Now?  I’ve lost 16 cookies and that makes me sad.

When I was a kid, Girl Scouts went door-to-door selling cookies and freezing.  Now? Coworkers bring in the cookies to sell.

When I was a kid, there was a 6 week wait in between ordering cookies and eating them, creating a fantastic urge built on anticipation.  Now?  They are right there.

Girl Scout cookies have been an undeniable success as a fundraiser.   Entire generations have grown up waiting for that wonderful time of the year(February) when the little crack-hustlers come knocking on the door, trying to score some cash for their treats.

Remember the myth about drug dealers putting LSD on stickers and passing them out at elementary schools to hook children and make them addicts for life?  That was actually based on the true story of Girl Scouts and Samoas/Carmel Delites.   They came into our classrooms, plying their wares and hooked their classmates, a generation at a time.

Fast forward 20 years, and who are they marketing to?  The established addicts.   Now, it’s family, friends, and coworkers selling cookies, instead of the girls themselves addicting their classmates.    Who’s going to buy the cookies in 30 years?  Nobody.  The addicts are going to be falling out of the market and their replacements will be imaginary.  Really, who wants to buy half a box of cookies for $3.50 when the choice isn’t driven by nostalgia or addiction?

30 Day Project Update

This month, I am trying to do 100 perfect push-ups in a single set.  I’m recording each session in a spreadsheet.  I am currently up to 50 in a set and 145 in a session.

Weight Loss Update

I am on the Slow Carb Diet.   At the end of the month, I’ll see what the results were and decide if it’s worth continuing.   For those who don’t know, the Slow Carb Diet involves cutting out potatoes, rice, flour, sugar, and dairy in all their forms.   My meals consist of 40% proteins, 30% vegetables, and 30% legumes(beans or lentils).    There is no calorie counting, just some specific rules, accompanied by a timed supplement regimen and some timed exercises to manipulate my metabolism.   The supplements are NOT effedrin-based diet pills, or, in fact, uppers of any kind.  There is also a weekly cheat day, to cut the impulse to cheat and to avoid letting my body go into famine mode.

I’m measuring two metrics, my weight and the total inches of my waist , hips, biceps, and thighs.   Between the two, I should have an accurate assessment of my progress.

Weight: I have lost 36 pounds since January 2nd.   That’s 1 pound since last week.  I’m not surprised the rate of loss is down.  I’m doing a lot of push-ups, almost 1500 in the last week.

Total Inches: I have lost  21 inches in the same time frame, down 1.5 inches since last week.   Interesting tidbit:  I’ve lost 7 inches off of my waist since I went on the diet.

Best Posts

Have you ever used a credit card‘s concierge service?  Beats Google for some things.

Did you know that the TARP(Troubled Asset Relief Program/bank bailout administration) has its own armed police force?  Don’t defraud TARP, or a SWAT team could come knocking on down your door.

From now on, any story I read that doesn’t involve psychotic tree rats will lose a few points on the Jason Scale of Awesomeness.

LRN Timewarp

This is where I review the posts I wrote a year ago.  Did you miss them then?

I wrote a post about eliminating junk mail and spam phone calls.  I still smile when I think about the section on guerrilla warfare.

There’s also a timeless post on avoiding identity theft.

Carnivals I’ve Rocked and Guest Posts I’ve Rolled

Things to teach your kids about money was included in the Carnival of Personal Finance.

How to Deal with Debt While You’re Out of a Job was included in the Totally Money Carnival.

Thank you! If I missed anyone, please let me know.

Get More Out of Live Real, Now

There are so many ways you can read and interact with this site.

You can subscribe by RSS and get the posts in your favorite news reader.  I prefer Google Reader.

You can subscribe by email and get, not only the posts delivered to your inbox, but occasional giveaways and tidbits not available elsewhere.

You can ‘Like’ LRN on Facebook.   Facebook gets more use than Google.  It can’t hurt to see what you want where you want.

You can follow LRN on Twitter.   This comes with some nearly-instant interaction.

You can send me an email, telling me what you liked, what you didn’t like, or what you’d like to see more(or less) of.   I promise to reply to any email that isn’t purely spam.

Have a great week!

 

 

 

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Dealing With the Police 101

Life

NEW YORK, NY - FEBRUARY 01: Shackles for slav...
(Image credit: Getty Images via @daylife)

Last night, a friend called me up and asked me to accompany him to the police station.  The police had knocked on his door, waking up his girlfriend while he was out.   When he called, they wouldn’t tell him why they wanted to talk to him.   Was it an ex trying to make his life difficult or one of his employees getting investigated?

This friend has had a number of interactions with the police, but never learned how to deal with them.  Before we left, I gave him a crash course in “stay out of jail”.

Lesson 1:  The Police Are Not Your Friends.

During an investigation, you are a suspect.   They are looking for a conviction.   There may be a “good cop” trying to “help you out”, but he is trying to put you in jail.  “Protect and Serve” doesn’t mean you.  In general, it means society as a whole.  During an investigation, they are serving the interests of the prosecutor.

Generally, they are going to look at you–as the target of their investigation–as the enemy.  This is normal.  They spend all of their time dealing with scumbags and s***heads.   Naturally, they start to assume that everyone who isn’t a cop will fall into one of those categories.

Don’t get pissed when they act rude, ignore you, or anything else.  It isn’t a lack of professionalism, it’s just a different profession.   They are using interrogation techniques that have been proven successful.   Ignore it and focus on Lesson 2.

It will feel wrong to disobey the authority you’ve been taught your entire life to obey.  You’re not.  You are standing by your rights.  Nobody cares about your future more than you do.  Certainly not the guy investigating you.

Lesson 2:  Your Lawyer is Your Friend.

The second a police interaction starts to look like they are investigating you, demand your lawyer, then see Lesson 4.    When you demand an attorney, they stop asking you questions.   You can take it back and start talking, so again, see Lesson 4.  It’s your attorney’s job to talk to the police and, if necessary, the media.  It’s your job to talk to your attorney.

You don’t need an attorney ahead of time.  Criminal defense attorneys are used to getting calls at 3AM.  It’s part of their job.   If you have a low enough income as defined by whatever jurisdiction you are being investigated in, you can get a public defender.   That’s better than nothing, but I’d prefer to hire a professional shark, even if it means mortgaging my future.   Prison is a big gamble.

Lesson 3.  Consent is Your Enemy.

The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no Warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by Oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized.

“Officer, I do not consent to any search and I would like to speak to my attorney.”  Remember this.  Memorize it.

They need probable cause, a warrant, or permission to search your stuff.   Never agree to it.   Don’t stop them if they search anyway, but never, ever agree to a search.   If the search is done improperly, your lawyer(see Lesson 2) will get the results of that searched thrown out.

It isn’t possible to get into more trouble for standing by your rights.  There is no crime on the books anywhere in the US called “Refused Consent to Search”.   Your day will not go worse because you defended your Constitutional rights.

Lesson 4.  Shut Up.

I know a few defense attorneys.   According to them, most of the people in jail either committed a crime in front of a bunch of witnesses, or they talked their way into jail.   Shut up.   You’ll want to either justify or defend yourself depending on the circumstances.  Don’t.  Shut up.  It may be one of the hardest things you ever do, but keep your mouth closed.  The only thing worse than talking is lying.  Don’t lie, just keep quiet.

There is nothing you are going to say that will make your interrogator invite you home for Christmas.   He isn’t your friend, you won’t meet his parents, you aren’t going to his birthday party.   There is absolutely no win in talking to him.  Shut up.   The answer to every question is “Lawyer.”  If the only thing you say babble is “Lawyerlawyerlawyerlawyerlawyerlawyer”, you’re probably not going to do too badly.

In your car, the dynamic changes a bit, but the principles don’t.  When a cop pulls you over, don’t argue.  You can’t win an argument with a cop on the side of the road.  Be nice, be polite, and as soon as possible, pull into a parking lot and take as many notes about the encounter as you can.   If you are planning to fight whatever he pulled you over for, don’t give him any reason to remember you or spin his official report to make you look bad.    Again, shut up.  Catching a theme?

Gambling With Your Future

If you are being investigated by the police, your future–or some part of it–is on the line.   While you are gambling with your criminal record and your freedom, don’t forget that you are an amateur in this arena.  The police, the prosecutor, and your attorney are the professionals and the stakes can be huge.  Keep your mouth shut, call your attorney, and thank me later.

 

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Sunday Roundup – Nook Failure

Misc

The manga section at Barnes & Noble at The Sho...
Image via Wikipedia

This week, I spent more than 2 hours, 20 emails, and 30 miles trying to convince UPS and Barnes & Noble to get me a Nook that I paid for 3 weeks ago.   Hopefully, I’ll have it early this week.  If not, I’m giving up.  The only other action I’m willing to take to get this resolved is to call my credit card company and file a chargeback.

Fun!

Weight Loss Update

I am on the Slow Carb Diet.   At the end of the month, I’ll see what the results were and decide if it’s worth continuing.   For those who don’t know, the Slow Carb Diet involves cutting out potatoes, rice, flour, sugar, and dairy in all their forms.   My meals consist of 40% proteins, 30% vegetables, and 30% legumes(beans or lentils).    There is no calorie counting, just some specific rules, accompanied by a timed supplement regimen and some timed exercises to manipulate my metabolism.   The supplements are NOT effedrin-based diet pills, or, in fact, uppers of any kind.  There is also a weekly cheat day, to cut the impulse to cheat and to avoid letting my body go into famine mode.

I’m measuring two metrics, my weight and the total inches of my waist , hips, biceps, and thighs.   Between the two, I should have an accurate assessment of my progress.

Weight: I have lost 41 pounds since January 2nd.   That’s no progress since last week.   I’m still doing push-ups every day, so it’s not surprising that I’m flunking weight loss.

Total Inches: I have lost  22.5 inches in the same time frame, up half an inch since last week.

Best Posts

Five Cent Nickel had a post on tipping.  I always tip, but I don’t consider 15% to be a requirement.  If the service sucks, I tip just a few cents.  If the service is great, I easily and always clear 20%.  A friend tried telling me that servers expect 20% to be standard, but that’s nuts.  They aren’t the people who get to make that decision.

Money Crashers talked about traveling for free.  In anticipation of the Financial Blogger Conference in October, I opened a travel rewards card.  I’m hoping to make the trip for free.

I watched a TedTalk yesterday about teaching kids about electricity with homemade play-dough.   This is a project that will be happening.

Carnivals I’ve Rocked and Guest Posts I’ve Rolled

Narrow Bridge Finance ran my post, Monsters, while I ran his, Living the High Life, for the Yakezie blog swap, answering the question “What motivates you financially?”

Negotiating Superstar was included in the Carnival of Personal Finance.

5 Ways to Change Your Spending Habits was included in the Totally Money Blog Carnival.

Thank you! If I missed anyone, please let me know.

Get More Out of Live Real, Now

There are so many ways you can read and interact with this site.

You can subscribe by RSS and get the posts in your favorite news reader.  I prefer Google Reader.

You can subscribe by email and get, not only the posts delivered to your inbox, but occasional giveaways and tidbits not available elsewhere.

You can ‘Like’ LRN on Facebook.   Facebook gets more use than Google.  It can’t hurt to see what you want where you want.

You can follow LRN on Twitter.   This comes with some nearly-instant interaction.

You can send me an email, telling me what you liked, what you didn’t like, or what you’d like to see more(or less) of.   I promise to reply to any email that isn’t purely spam.

Have a great week!

 

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