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Budget Lesson, Part 1
budget” width=”300″ height=”185″ />Over the next few weeks, I will be going over my budget in detail.
The first section is income, but that’s straightforward. A line for each income source, bi-weekly, monthly and annual totals. Simple.
Before we start, a word on the organization. There are five columns:
- Category – This is the description of the line item.
- Cost – How much do you pay for this item?
- Time – What is the frequency of the payment? Valid values are ‘m’, ‘q’, ‘y’, ‘w’ for ‘Monthly’, ‘Quarterly’, ‘Yearly’ and ‘Weekly’.
- Monthly – Cost and Time are combined to calculate the monthly expense, to make it possibly to budget. If this is $100, I need to set aside a C-Note each and every month to make the payment when it comes due.
- Yearly – This column is mostly informative. It’s helpful to see this in comparison to my annual pay.
The first section I am actually going to address is discretionary spending.
- Groceries/Dining $475.00 – We don’t budget heavily for groceries, which would be a surprise if you saw me. At the smallest I have ever been, fit, I was never small. We shop smart, buy in bulk when it makes sense, and rarely eat out. We also keep cooked rice and beans in containers in the refrigerator as a cheap and healthy way to stretch almost everything we eat.
- Discretionary $250.00 – This gets used for household items, like toilet paper and soap. It also get used for the odd book or movie, or to cover the gaps between the other categories and reality.
- Baby stuff $60.00 – We have two children in diapers. ‘Nuff said. This category does get progressively smaller as the baby items are outgrown and the children get potty-trained.
- Gas/oil $200.00 – Gas and auto-maintenance. This is actually higher than monthly costs, allowing us to set some aside for larger maintenance issues.
- Clothes $15.00 – All of our dressers are overflowing, so this is strictly replacement cost for the time being. Our kids wear a lot of hand-me-downs.
- Blow Money $50.00 – Occasionally, habitual shoppers need to shop. If they don’t do it on-budget, they will do it off-budget and kill the whole idea.
Initially, we used a “virtual envelope” system. We had a spreadsheet and every time something was spent in this category, we entered the amount and stopped when the category was spent. Didn’t work. We are going on a pure, cash-only system as of the first of the year. No money, no spendy.
The Things That Bring You Here
I’ve been walking though my analytics data. That is the Big Brother software I use to know everything about each one of my dear readers. It’s all part of my master plan to rule the world. Muwahaha!
Some of the results are interesting.
The single most-used search term to find this site is “slow carb diet“, which is great, because I really enjoyed writing that post. I’ve been slacking on the diet lately, but I’m still down more than 30 pounds. I’m currently ranked #3 in Google for this term. If I move up 2 more spots, I’ll outrank Tim Ferriss for his own product. If I aggregated all of the “slow carb” variations, this post probably accounts for more than half of my traffic from Google.
Many of you come here by searching for “how to have a perfect life“. I’ll do everything I can to help you achieve that, but it’s going to take work on your part. There are no shortcuts.
“Beat the Check” is another popular search term, but a very bad game to play. It’s almost impossible to win it, since the Check 21 Act of 2004.
It’s interesting that “trained husband” brings a few of you each month. My question: are you shopping, or exploring a new fetish? Don’t be shy.
I’m a bit amazed that “zombie wheels” is something people actually search for, but 140 people hit Google looking for that term every month, and a few of them make it over here.
“How to stretch a meal“, “things you should buy online“, and “unsecured loan advice” are some of the top personal finance terms bringing you all in, though “how to make a bunker” and its variation are popular, too.
“Hoe can you force your wife” is a bit disturbing. Most of the results are naturally for sex. I can’t help but hope that I’ve either really disappointed this visitor, or convinced him that force is a bad idea.
“How much did a pound of gold weigh in 1854?” is a search that makes me giggle. To the best of my knowledge, the troy scale has been used to weigh gold for a lot longer than that.
That was a fun little stroll through my statistics. Hopefully the fact that I used “fetish” and “sex” in a post will draw more crazy search terms.
How did you find me? Inquiring minds want to know, so please tell me in the comments.
Dealing With the Police 101
Last night, a friend called me up and asked me to accompany him to the police station. The police had knocked on his door, waking up his girlfriend while he was out. When he called, they wouldn’t tell him why they wanted to talk to him. Was it an ex trying to make his life difficult or one of his employees getting investigated?
This friend has had a number of interactions with the police, but never learned how to deal with them. Before we left, I gave him a crash course in “stay out of jail”.
Lesson 1: The Police Are Not Your Friends.
During an investigation, you are a suspect. They are looking for a conviction. There may be a “good cop” trying to “help you out”, but he is trying to put you in jail. “Protect and Serve” doesn’t mean you. In general, it means society as a whole. During an investigation, they are serving the interests of the prosecutor.
Generally, they are going to look at you–as the target of their investigation–as the enemy. This is normal. They spend all of their time dealing with scumbags and s***heads. Naturally, they start to assume that everyone who isn’t a cop will fall into one of those categories.
Don’t get pissed when they act rude, ignore you, or anything else. It isn’t a lack of professionalism, it’s just a different profession. They are using interrogation techniques that have been proven successful. Ignore it and focus on Lesson 2.
It will feel wrong to disobey the authority you’ve been taught your entire life to obey. You’re not. You are standing by your rights. Nobody cares about your future more than you do. Certainly not the guy investigating you.
Lesson 2: Your Lawyer is Your Friend.
The second a police interaction starts to look like they are investigating you, demand your lawyer, then see Lesson 4. When you demand an attorney, they stop asking you questions. You can take it back and start talking, so again, see Lesson 4. It’s your attorney’s job to talk to the police and, if necessary, the media. It’s your job to talk to your attorney.
You don’t need an attorney ahead of time. Criminal defense attorneys are used to getting calls at 3AM. It’s part of their job. If you have a low enough income as defined by whatever jurisdiction you are being investigated in, you can get a public defender. That’s better than nothing, but I’d prefer to hire a professional shark, even if it means mortgaging my future. Prison is a big gamble.
Lesson 3. Consent is Your Enemy.
The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no Warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by Oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized.
“Officer, I do not consent to any search and I would like to speak to my attorney.” Remember this. Memorize it.
They need probable cause, a warrant, or permission to search your stuff. Never agree to it. Don’t stop them if they search anyway, but never, ever agree to a search. If the search is done improperly, your lawyer(see Lesson 2) will get the results of that searched thrown out.
It isn’t possible to get into more trouble for standing by your rights. There is no crime on the books anywhere in the US called “Refused Consent to Search”. Your day will not go worse because you defended your Constitutional rights.
Lesson 4. Shut Up.
I know a few defense attorneys. According to them, most of the people in jail either committed a crime in front of a bunch of witnesses, or they talked their way into jail. Shut up. You’ll want to either justify or defend yourself depending on the circumstances. Don’t. Shut up. It may be one of the hardest things you ever do, but keep your mouth closed. The only thing worse than talking is lying. Don’t lie, just keep quiet.
There is nothing you are going to say that will make your interrogator invite you home for Christmas. He isn’t your friend, you won’t meet his parents, you aren’t going to his birthday party. There is absolutely no win in talking to him. Shut up. The answer to every question is “Lawyer.” If the only thing you say babble is “Lawyerlawyerlawyerlawyerlawyerlawyer”, you’re probably not going to do too badly.
In your car, the dynamic changes a bit, but the principles don’t. When a cop pulls you over, don’t argue. You can’t win an argument with a cop on the side of the road. Be nice, be polite, and as soon as possible, pull into a parking lot and take as many notes about the encounter as you can. If you are planning to fight whatever he pulled you over for, don’t give him any reason to remember you or spin his official report to make you look bad. Again, shut up. Catching a theme?
Gambling With Your Future
If you are being investigated by the police, your future–or some part of it–is on the line. While you are gambling with your criminal record and your freedom, don’t forget that you are an amateur in this arena. The police, the prosecutor, and your attorney are the professionals and the stakes can be huge. Keep your mouth shut, call your attorney, and thank me later.
Teaching My Child about Money in a Way I Was Not Taught
When I was in high school and working 15 to 20 hours a week, my mom gave me free rein to use the money I earned as I would like. Actually, she said nothing to me about saving for college or putting some money into savings.
When I had friends who complained that they had to put away some of their earnings, I commiserated with them. How unfair of their parents to make them save some of their money! They worked hard for their money, often at crappy part-time jobs. They deserved to spend the money any way they saw fit.
The way I saw it, why save for college? According to financial aid rules, if the student has any savings, she would have to use the majority of it to pay for college. How unfair. To add insult to injury, if prospective college students have some savings, they would qualify for less financial aid, which often meant fewer student loans.
The injustice.
Yes, it was better to spend my hard earned money than save it and be penalized.
No one told me differently. In fact, many people in my family agreed with me and encouraged me to buy a used car to get to and from my job. Of course, I paid the loan payments for the car, the gas I used and my insurance out of money from my job. That was a responsible use of money, but I also went out to eat with friends, a lot. At 16, I was going out to eat with my friends twice a week at least.
However, my plan worked perfectly. When I went to college, I didn’t have to use any of my hard earned cash. No, not me, because I hadn’t saved anything. Instead, I left college with nearly $20,000 in student loan debt. I took two years off and paid down as much student loan debt as I could, getting it down to about $8,000, but then I went to graduate school and took on more student loan debt. I graduated with nearly $25,000 in debt total. I am still paying on it today, 13 years later.
Now that I am the parent, I am one of those “awful” parents who makes her kids save. My son knows when he gets his allowance, some goes to save, some goes to donate, and some goes to spend. True, it makes me cringe when he uses his spend money on little trinkets like temporary tattoos, stickers, and gum, but I keep silent. He did the work to earn the money, and he can spend it as he likes. However, I am inflexible with saving; that money must be set aside. When he goes to college, I expect that he will have to use the majority of that money. Rather than seeing it as a waste, I see it as an important component of his financial education. Spending his money to pay a portion of his college education will hopefully make him take college more seriously.
Meanwhile, I have already begun having chats with him about money, spending, and budgeting. He watches his dad and I work hard to pay down our debt with gazelle intensity. He sees me use a calculator at the grocery store to see how much our groceries will be.
Ultimately, he will make his own financial decisions as he grows up, but I plan to teach him throughout these important years so that even if he turns into a spendthrift, he will have a firm financial understanding to revert to as he ages. While my mom taught me how to stretch money further, she never taught me how to save; I hope saving is a lesson my son takes with him throughout his adulthood.
How do you teach your kids about money management?
Melissa writes at Fiscal Phoenix where she encourages people to rise from the ashes of their financial mistakes as she and her husband are doing.
Budget Lesson, Part 3
I keep calling these lessons, but they are examples and explanations, more than lessons. Names aside, please see Part 1 and Part 2 to catch up. The Google Doc of this example is here.
This time, I’m going to review my non-monthly bills. These are the bills that have to be paid, but not on a monthly basis. Some are annual, others are quarterly, or even weekly. Every month, the amount–adjusted to the monthly equivalent–is set aside in Quicken.
- School Lunch – We don’t qualify for any of the reduced lunch plan, and I don’t know that it is possible to send a brown-bag lunch that is both cheaper and healthier than the school’s menu. This is automatically replenished whenever it gets below $15. This actually gets paid about every other month.
- Property Taxes – Semi-annual and increasing every year. I know the valuations around me, so I don’t think an appeal would win.
- Life insurance – We pay this quarterly. If I die, my family will be completely covered for several years, without adjusting a single expense. If the expenses are adjusted to account for the fact that I won’t be eating, driving, or using electricity, it will last much longer. This is a separate policy from the one discussed in Part 2. GET INSURANCE! Take care of your family.
- AAA – Since we got reliable cars, this hasn’t been a money-saver, but it’s priceless in terms of peace of mind.
- Vehicle Registration – We have two cars and a motorcycle that need registration every year. I’m planning to sell the bike in the spring, but I was planning that for last spring, too. It’s easy to put that off, since I enjoy riding.
- Daycare – Daycare is a weekly expense. As a two-income family, this isn’t an expense we can do away with…yet. As time goes on, the bill will be getting lower. In June, my youngest reaches a cheaper pricing table and my oldest is almost ready to be done with daycare completely.
- City Bill – Our garbage and sewer are paid through the city on a quarterly basis.
- Web host – I’ve got this blog, plus a few other side projects hosted here. I have been simplifying and reducing the projects that aren’t fun or profitable, but I’m not sure this expense will ever go away.
There aren’t too many items here that can be legitimately and responsibly trimmed.
