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- [Read more…] about Twitter Weekly Updates for 2009-12-19
Deathbed Relationships
My great-uncle has been depressed lately.
He lives in the same apartment building and my grandmother, his sister. They are just down the hall from each other.
Over the holidays, he’s seen a steady stream of people visiting my grandma, bringing cards and pictures, or taking her out to eat. Over Christmas weekend, she spent far more time away from home, celebrating with her kids, grandkids, and great-grandkids than she did at home.
He’s never met his great-grandchildren. He’s in his 70s, living in a retirement home attached to the nursing home he will most likely die in, and he’d like to see his descendants.
It’s too late.
He didn’t lose his relationship with his kids and grandkids in a fight. Instead, he spent his entire life doing his best to avoid all forms of responsibility. He spent 50 years avoiding supporting his family. He wasn’t there for them.
Of course they won’t be there for him.
There is a simple way to get your kids and your grandkids to dote on you in your old age: You spend your entire life being there when you’re needed.
Simple.
Building a relationship that can survive–or even thrive–in the times when you’ve got very little left to give takes a lifetime of commitment.
It starts the day your children are born, when you hold that precious little high-maintenance paperweight and swear that nothing bad will ever be allowed to happen to them. Then you teach them to walk, and teach them to talk, and kiss their booboos when they fall. And they will.
Day in, day out, you be there. You feed them, clothe them, punish them when necessary, and love them unconditionally even when they make it hard to like them. Every blessed day.
You soothe their pains, manage their fears, help them grow and turn into useful adults. Every flipping year.
When they are adults, you lend an ear, you lend a hand, you help with their babies, you offer advice, you listen and talk and you are there. Decade after decade.
Then, when you are old and broke and broken down, you’ve got people who love you, who cherish their memories with you. These are the people who will drive an hour out of their way to pick you up for dinner. They’ll carry you up the stairs you have trouble with. They’ll sit at your feet and listen to you tell stories. They’ll be there for you because you’ve always been there for them.
That’s how you get your kids and grandkids to visit you in the nursing home. Simple, not easy.
If you’ve missed their childhood–for whatever reason–it’s still possible to build that relationship, but it’s so much harder. You start by taking time out of your life to do spend time and be there. Help when you can with what you can. Be there.
If you wait until you are old and broke and broken down to start your relationship, it’s too late. Your kids will know that it’s just another example of your selfishness. If you’ve never made an effort to give, you’ve got know business expecting to get. You’ll be lucky to get an occasional phone call and a greeting card for the holidays.
Integrity
The true measure of a man’s integrity is not what he will do, but rather what he won’t do.
-Flannery O’Connor
Have you watched a TV lately? Have you noticed that most sitcoms are based entirely on dishonesty? If the characters would stop lying to each other, the premise of most shows would fall apart. How much humor can be found in getting caught in a lie, week after week? If I lived in one of those homes, there would be a divorce happening immediately. There’s no integrity in any of the relationships.
Integrity means no lying, cheating, or stealing. It means you deal with everyone honestly and honorably. You don’t cheat on your wife, or make BS excuses to your kids. You have to make sure you have nothing to feel guilty about and expect the same from the people you deal with. It’s not always easy. If a waitress accidentally forgets to ring up a meal, or a store clerk only rings up one DVD, or the scanner borks itself and give an extra 50% off, you speak up, even if it costs $100. That’s honesty.
Ultimately, what you do during the day, you have to sleep with at night. This includes avoiding responsibilities. Always do what you say, barring forgetfulness, and in that case, make up for it immediately. Don’t break promises, don’t skip out on debts, and don’t get into commitments you have no intention of honoring.
I’ve discovered that the best way to keep your stories straight is to only tell the truth. I don’t have to coordinate an alibi or remember which lie I told to which person if I am honest in all of my dealings. It’s not the easy path. It would be easier to sneak large purchases into the house, or tell my wife I was working late instead of going out for a beer. There are a lot of shortcuts I refuse to take with my life. People act like I’m stupid because I won’t cheat anyone. I enjoy being treated like that, because it means I know who to avoid in the future. If you break promises, lie, cheat, steal, or skip out on your responsibilities, I don’t want to associate with you. Honesty is an important part of my life and relationships. I won’t apologize for that.
What are your core values?
Sammy’s Story, Part 4
If you haven’t been following along with Sammy’s story, please take a few minutes to do so here, here, and here.
We left off in September, with the yard done and the house almost ready to rent. Sammy and his guys worked their butts off getting the work done. It cost more than we had expected, but it got done.
Over the winter, we hired the crew to handle the snow at both of our properties. We paid Sammy a flat fee and he made sure the driveways and sidewalks were clear every time it snowed. We started paying him in November, and ran through until March, so he got a pretty good deal and we didn’t have to worry about the snow.
When spring came, Sammy told me he needed to take a break from his business. Putting a yard care business on hold when spring hits is a bad idea, but it happened. He was dealing with some problems with his housing and couldn’t focus on anything else, even though the money would have helped him a lot.
When he lost his apartment, we let him store some of his things in the extra garage stall at the rental. This stall was reserved in the lease for us to use, and was the base of operations for the yard care business, since he was using our lawn mower and snow blower anyway.
And that was the last we saw of him for a month.
When we started nagging him to take care of his stuff, he kept telling us that he wanted to keep his business going, but he couldn’t, yet.
Then he’d leave his stuff for another month.
By the end of the summer, he’d gotten most of his stuff out and we’d only hear from him if he thought he could borrow money from us, which didn’t happen.
Finally, my wife called him and told him to get his crap out by the end of September.
Or else.
A week into October, we found out that he’d spent September in jail. Supposedly, he broke up with his(literal) crackhead girlfriend and she called the police and made up stories. He got arrested and couldn’t make bail.
Last week, he came to borrow our trailer to get the last of his stuff out, then returned it in the evening without moving any of his stuff. He said he was moving the stuff he had stored elsewhere and he’d be back on Monday.
Monday? Nothing.
Our relationship with Sammy has gone from helping him launch a business that helps fatherless teens, recovering crackheads, and the homeless to lies and getting begged for money.
My wife is ready to put his stuff on the curb.
What would you do? Toss his stuff? Give him another chance?
Cheap Drugs – How I Saved $25 in 3 Minutes
- Image by cackhanded via Flickr
Today, I stopped by the grocery store to pick up a couple of prescriptions. I always get the generics, because they are less than half the price of the name-brands, while still being chemically identical. That’s not what I’m talking about, although it did save me about $75 today.
When the pharmacist rang up my medications, the total came up to $35. That just wasn’t right.
Many chain pharmacies have gone to a cheap pricing model for generic drugs. That usually means $4-6 per monthly prescription. Cub Foods doesn’t have that.
So I asked for the price match.
Cub Foods matches prices on generics with whatever large pharmacy is nearby. In this case, they matched Target’s prices, bringing the price from $35 to $10. Instant $25 savings. I just had to wait for them to look up my prescriptions in their match-book.
Pharmacies with cheap generics:
K-Mart offers a 3 month supply for $15.
Target and Wal-Mart both have a 30-day supply for $4.
Publix offers a 14-day prescription for some antibiotics for free. That’s insane! It’s also a heckuva way to get people in the door. “Why don’t you shop for half an hour while I fill your scrip?”
If your pharmacy is anywhere near any of these stores, call and ask if they’ll match the price for generic drugs.
A few tips:
Before you go get your cheap drugs, call ahead and make sure what you need is on the cheap list. Don’t assume.
You won’t be able to use your insurance to buy the cheap generics. The overhead in insurance processing would mean that the pharmacies would be operating at a loss for each prescription. You can’t make that up in volume. Between our copays and deductibles, it’s far cheaper to just pay the generic price without involving the insurance company.
Don’t be afraid of generics. It’s not like Nike. Generics are chemically identical to the name brands. There are two differences: the price and the letter stamped on the side of the pill.
The stores offering cheap drugs are generally bigger stores hoping to use the drugs as a loss leader. Places like Walgreens or CVS make up to 70% of their profits from the pharmacy. They can’t stay open treating that as a loss leader.
How do you save money on prescriptions?
Black Friday Eve
Today is Black Friday Eve. It’s the day when people gather around the table and gorge in preparation for the mighty battle to
come on the fields of Wal-Mart.
We won’t be participating this year. My wife got laid off 3 weeks ago and I started a new job on Monday. The new job has a 2 week delay between pay period and pay check, so I won’t see a check until the middle of December.
We aren’t hurting but we are tapping into our savings to bridge the gap to paycheck #1. I just transferred $1200 to cover the gap. With that, the money we have to cover things not in our regular budget is $36. You can’t go too crazy on Black Friday with $36.
That isn’t draining our savings. We took some, but not all of it.
It isn’t raiding our Christmas present fund.
It isn’t taking money out of the braces fund.
Or any other fund.
This isn’t pain and we won’t be tasting poverty for Christmas. We just have to de-prioritize blind consumerism for the holidays.
Instead, we’ll sleep in a bit, then cuddle with a couple of little girls who will want to watch something horrible like Horseland first thing in the morning. We’ll follow that up with a leisurely breakfast, maybe a walk around the neighborhood pond and Thanksgiving-A-Day-Late with my wife’s family.
And a bit of remodeling and repair work on our rental property whenever my Dad can drag himself out of bed and come over.
It will be a good day and shouldn’t cost a cent. That’s what I’m thankful for.
