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Don’t Screw Future-You

Finance, Life

A conversation between me and my temporally displaced self.

Future Me: Excuse me, Jason?

Me: Yes?

FMe: <Slap!>

Me: May I ask what that was for?

FMe: Of course.

Me: What was that for, jerk?

FMe: That was payback for all of the hell you have put me through.

Me: What?!? I’ve never even met you, before.

FMe: Of course you have. I am future-you, and I’m sick of getting screwed by past-me, that is, you.

Me: Huh?

FMe: Listen close. You’re not the sharpest brick in the box and I don’t want to explain this twice.

Me: ???

FMe: A long time ago, when you first met our wife, you were dumb.

Me: I don’t appreciate….

FMe: Shut up. I was dumb then, too. Remember? You…err…we bought a new truck, built an addition on our…err…your…err…whomever’s house, got married in the same year. On top of many other expensive decisions. Do your recall?

Me: Yes, I do. So what?

FMe: If that wasn’t enough, you and your smoking-hot bride are still shopping like you’re rich. You drive a new car. Your kids wear new clothes. You’ve got a house full of new furniture. How did you pay for all of that?

Me: Naturally, I charged it. Zero payments, zero interest for a year! Pretty smart, huh?

FMe: What happens in a year?

Me: I don’t know. I’ve got a full year to figure that out.

FMe: <Slap!> I’ll tell you what happens! Future-you, that’s me, gets screwed! Your raise didn’t come through. You had a baby. The truck broke down. Your wife took maternity leave. A roommate moved out. You took a loss in the stock market. You didn’t plan! You had no savings to cover any of those problems because you were too busy servicing debt to pay for your current life.

Me: How was I to know?

FMe: <Slap!> Life happens! You never know what is coming next. You need to plan and save for what might happen. Otherwise, you’ll just accumulate more debt to be serviced by yours-truly. That is not acceptable.

Me: So? What are you going to do about it?

FMe: <Slap!>

Me: Really? Again?

FMe: <Slap!> I’m struggling to pay your debt. Your son starts college next year, but you’ve left me completely unable to help. Your daughter wants to get married in a couple of years, but the Father-of-the-Bride can’t afford a tux. My wife, your beatiful bride, wants a vacation that I can’t afford. You’ve screwed me, dude.

Me: I’m sorry. What can I do to fix it?

FMe: Buy me dinner, first.

Me: Huh?!?!?

FMe: Stop the excess spending. Spend less than you make, for a change. No credit.

Me: None?

FMe: None. Nada. Zip. Zilch. Only spend what you can afford. Budget. Pay off those nasty bills. Don’t leave me hanging.

Me: So, what you’re saying is that, if I don’t have the money, I shouldn’t buy it?

FMe: Exactly. That’s the path to wealth, freedom, and financial independence. Live in the real world.

Me: Gee, thanks, Future-Me! Now I know.

FMe: And knowing is half the battle.

What would your future-you have to say to you?

Bribes vs Rewards

Parenting

What’s the difference between a bribe and a reward? It’s a question that has been heavily on my mind lately. As a father of three–1, 3 and 10–motivating children occupies a lot of my thoughts. Is it possible to motivate a child and reward good behavior without resorting to a bribe?

First, let’s look at the definitions:

bribe n.
1. Something, such as money or a favor, offered or given to a person in a position of trust to influence that person’s views or conduct.
2. Something serving to influence or persuade.

re·ward n.
1. Something given or received in recompense for worthy behavior or in retribution for evil acts.
2. Money offered or given for some special service, such as the return of a lost article or the capture of a criminal.
3. A satisfying return or result; profit.
4. Psychology: The return for performance of a desired behavior; positive reinforcement.

In my mind, a reward is given either as a goal for planned activity or a surprise for good behavior. When used for surprises, it should never be common enough to be expected. If a child is only behaving because she is expecting a reward, it is bribed behavior. She should always be surprised to get the reward.

Using a reward for goal setting is no different than collecting a paycheck. Is my company bribing me to do the work I do every day? They plan to reward or compensate me for the work I plan to do for them. While that my be blurring the line between compensation and rewards, it is valid. My future paycheck is the motivation for my current work.

Bribes, on the other hand, are reward for bad behavior. If my three-year-old is throwing a tantrum in the grocery store and I promise her candy to stop, I have just taught her that the “reward” for a public tantrum is candy. This is reinforcing negative behavior, which will only escalate in the future. If a temper tantrum earns a candy bar, what will she get for hitting Mommy with a frying pan?

The line is further blurred by preemptive bribes. If I tell my children there will be candy when we get home if they behave in the store, it’s still a bribe. Promising dessert if my son cleans his room is a bribe.

So what is the difference?

Bribes reward negative behavior. Whether that is actual behavior or anticipated behavior, bribes provide a reward for it. If you use a treat to end or preempt bad actions, you are bribing your child.

Rewards celebrate positive behavior. A promised treat for going beyond expectations or a surprise for excellent behavior is a reward. It should never become common, or the child will discover that withholding the positive behavior will generate promises of larger rewards. The goal is to reinforce the good to encourage positive behaviors even when there is no likelihood for reward.

For example, my son’s school is part of a reading contest. Over a two month period, if the students read 500 pages outside of school, they will get tickets to a basketball game. If they are in the top three for pages read, they will get personalize jerseys and on-court recognition. My son did the math and was reading enough to surpass the 500 page goal, but not enough to get into the top three. I offered a prize if he made it to 2500 pages. In my opinion, that’s a reward. He was already going beyond the requirement. I have provided motivation to push himself beyond what he thinks he can do. That’s positive reinforcement of good behavior.

On the other hand, when my eight-year-old was refusing to eat dinner, we offered a cookie for dessert if she ate well. That’s reinforcing negative behavior by giving a reward for misbehaving. A bribe.

Rewards are positive responses to positive behavior to motivate future good behavior. Bribes are rewards for negative behavior, real or anticipated, that only serve to encourage more bad behavior in the future.

30 Day Project Summary – January

Misc

This month, I had two 30 Day Projects: Get up at 5am and read to my kids before bed every night.

Getting up at 5 wasn’t as hard as I had feared. I’ve never been a morning person, but this was nice. I got a chance to wake up slowly, catch up on the world, make breakfast and get to work without feeling rushed. Those are all good things. I missed twice. The first time, I rolled over to get out of bed and didn’t make it. Somehow, I got stuck halfway through rolling over. The second time, I was up until after 2AM talking with my wife. I won’t give up that kind of quality time. When the alarm went off at 5, I gave myself two more hours.

The really interesting part, at least to me, is that I didn’t go to bed earlier most nights. This actually added an extra 90 minutes to my day. I’m going to keep this habit up. I may not be as firm about it every day, but it’s going to be my regular habit. No more snooze alarm, no more wasting half of my day in bed.

Reading to the kids was harder. Wrestling season started this month, which means we spend a lot more time chasing around to get our 10 year old where he needs to be. After the first week, the bedtime requirement went out the window. I decided to read to the girls whenever there was time, which made it work better. We chose practicality over strictly adhering to the letter of the goal. Over the course of the month, I missed 5 nights which isn’t too bad.

“Get a book” has turned into one of my girls’ favorite things to hear. They both run giggling for the bookshelf. It’s quiet time. It’s quality time. It’s teaching them to enjoy one of my favorite activities. Never turn down an opportunity to read to a child. It may be the only time they sit still all day and the experience will stick with both of your forever. The little things matter. A girl’s head on each shoulder and a book in front of us is something is something I will treasure forever and something that I am going to work to continue. I only have a few more years before they are reading on their own and won’t need Daddy for this anymore.

30 Day Project Update

Life

My first 30 Day Project for the month of February has been to work my way up to doing 100 pushups in a single set. At the end of January, I did a test to find my baseline, my starting point. I could do 20 pushups, but there was no way 21 would happen.

My plan, based purely on the math, was to start from there, doing 5 sets in the morning and 5 more at night, adding a set number to each set every day. That lasted a day.

The problem with starting a new exercise routine at my max level and progressing from there is the pain. Holy wow, that hurt on the second day. I was doing sets of 5, then. Ow.

The new plan has worked much better. It is an aggressive, self-correcting progression that automatically correct for over-extending myself.

I do 5 sets. Each set is based on the maximum set in my previous session. My first set is half of my max. The next 3 sets are 3/4 of my max, and the final set ends when my abs are cramping and I want to cry, establishing my max for the next session. If I over-extended myself in the previous session, this set either shrinks or stays the same. If the final set stagnates for a couple of days, I take a day off to rest. When I come back, the sets improve drastically.

How well has this worked? Last night, at the halfway point for the month, I ended with a set of 75 pushups and noticable muscle growth. Next month, I’m doing situps and I will be using the same plan.

Plan #2 is also coming along well. Details in 2 weeks.

30 Day Project – July

Life

: Image via Wikipedia

My 30 Day Project for the month of July is to write. Every day.

Originally, it was going to be specifically to write fiction every day, but I’ve decided to change the rules.

I am going to write at least 500 words every day. That isn’t much, just a page or so. It may be fiction, it may be blog posts, it be other articles. Heck, it may even be an epic Facebook update! Some of the writing will be posted here, some will be submitted elsewhere, hopefully for pay. Some of it will live on in my personal archives, for cyber-archeologists of the future to one day uncover and use to determine that we all trying to build a jetpack that is cleverly disguised as a Hannah Montana moped. All of the writing will be original. There will be no rewritten or spun articles.

My tools? Clay tablets and a heavy stylus. Err….my computer for most of it, pen and paper for some of it, my blackberry for anything that strikes me while I left the good tools at home.

Why am I doing this?

I want to be a better writer. I’ve always had things to say and stories to share. I’ve rarely had the discipline to actually share them. I want to build that discipline, even though I’ve already missed two days this month.

I also want to develop my personal style–my voice–in a way that can only happen with experience. You get better at writing by writing, not reading about writing or thinking about writing. Putting pen to paper is the only way to improve your style and develop your voice.

So that’s what I’m going to do.

Naked Money

Finance, Parenting

In our house, the bills don’t get hidden. I’ve never tried to hide our finances from our children. I believe doing that is part of the reason I reached adulthood with no brakes. Growing up, finances were almost entirely invisible. Now, I believe is financial transparency.

Now, as a father, I balance the checkbook and pay bills on the laptop in the living room where my children can see me. They see the stack of bills and they watch me balance the checkbook. We discuss how much things cost and how we can cut expenses while the bills are being paid. Even the toddlers know Daddy is doing something important.

My ten-year-old son knows what sales tax is and where to find it on a receipt. He knows what property taxes are and how much they are in our neighborhood. He knows roughly what percentage of a paycheck gets withheld. I work to make my son financially aware. My girls are too young to understand the concept of money, but they will be receiving a thorough financial education as soon as they are able to grasp the concepts.

The hard part is explaining to my son how we screwed up our finances. I’ve shown him my paycheck and discussed our debt. I have explained to him that we were making much less money when we accumulated our doom debt, while maintaining a higher standard of living. Now, when we go to the store, he doesn’t even ask if he can borrow money until we get to his bank account. He has learned to dislike debt in almost all forms. I’m fairly proud that my kid voluntarily practices delayed gratification.

What he doesn’t quite grasp is the idea of living within your means, even if your means are limited. “But, Dad, what if you don’t have much money? Then you have to borrow money for nice things, right?” I’m not sure how to break him of that. Delayed gratification is an understandable concept for him, but the difference between wants and needs seems to be missing. Any ideas?

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