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Don’t Screw Future-You

Finance, Life

A conversation between me and my temporally displaced self.

Future Me: Excuse me, Jason?

Me: Yes?

FMe: <Slap!>

Me: May I ask what that was for?

FMe: Of course.

Me: What was that for, jerk?

FMe: That was payback for all of the hell you have put me through.

Me: What?!? I’ve never even met you, before.

FMe: Of course you have. I am future-you, and I’m sick of getting screwed by past-me, that is, you.

Me: Huh?

FMe: Listen close. You’re not the sharpest brick in the box and I don’t want to explain this twice.

Me: ???

FMe: A long time ago, when you first met our wife, you were dumb.

Me: I don’t appreciate….

FMe: Shut up. I was dumb then, too. Remember? You…err…we bought a new truck, built an addition on our…err…your…err…whomever’s house, got married in the same year. On top of many other expensive decisions. Do your recall?

Me: Yes, I do. So what?

FMe: If that wasn’t enough, you and your smoking-hot bride are still shopping like you’re rich. You drive a new car. Your kids wear new clothes. You’ve got a house full of new furniture. How did you pay for all of that?

Me: Naturally, I charged it. Zero payments, zero interest for a year! Pretty smart, huh?

FMe: What happens in a year?

Me: I don’t know. I’ve got a full year to figure that out.

FMe: <Slap!> I’ll tell you what happens! Future-you, that’s me, gets screwed! Your raise didn’t come through. You had a baby. The truck broke down. Your wife took maternity leave. A roommate moved out. You took a loss in the stock market. You didn’t plan! You had no savings to cover any of those problems because you were too busy servicing debt to pay for your current life.

Me: How was I to know?

FMe: <Slap!> Life happens! You never know what is coming next. You need to plan and save for what might happen. Otherwise, you’ll just accumulate more debt to be serviced by yours-truly. That is not acceptable.

Me: So? What are you going to do about it?

FMe: <Slap!>

Me: Really? Again?

FMe: <Slap!> I’m struggling to pay your debt. Your son starts college next year, but you’ve left me completely unable to help. Your daughter wants to get married in a couple of years, but the Father-of-the-Bride can’t afford a tux. My wife, your beatiful bride, wants a vacation that I can’t afford. You’ve screwed me, dude.

Me: I’m sorry. What can I do to fix it?

FMe: Buy me dinner, first.

Me: Huh?!?!?

FMe: Stop the excess spending. Spend less than you make, for a change. No credit.

Me: None?

FMe: None. Nada. Zip. Zilch. Only spend what you can afford. Budget. Pay off those nasty bills. Don’t leave me hanging.

Me: So, what you’re saying is that, if I don’t have the money, I shouldn’t buy it?

FMe: Exactly. That’s the path to wealth, freedom, and financial independence. Live in the real world.

Me: Gee, thanks, Future-Me! Now I know.

FMe: And knowing is half the battle.

What would your future-you have to say to you?

How I Make Money Blogging

Business

A few days ago, my friend Crystal of Budgeting in the Fun Stuff released her ebook, How I Make Money Blogging.

This is the guide for starting a profitable blog. If you’re new to the blogging world, or just non-technical, Crystal takes you by the hand and shows you how to launch and promote your new blog.

From there–and this is the part that makes the earth shake–she peels open the curtains on her dealings with advertisers. She explains the different ad types and the metrics that advertisers use to evaluate sites.

Then–this will make you want to wander outside for a cigarette after–she tells you what to charge for the ads.

That’s huge. That page alone is worth the price of admission. It took me more than a year to develop my ad rates, and she’s handing it out with her book. On this topic above all others, Crystal is the expert. She is making a living managing advertiser relations for hundreds of bloggers. There is literally no one with a broader experience in advertiser/blogger negotiations.

I know I sound like I’m gushing, but I wish I would have had this book when I got started. Unfortunately, Crystal had the gall to wait until she was successful before writing a guide about how to copy her. Since this site predates hers by 3 months, I was out of luck.

If you are thinking about blogging, pick this up, just for the how-to guides.

If you are already blogging, get this and learn how to streamline and secure your blog.

If you’re already rocking the world, but need some help turning a profit, this is still the way to go.

If you don’t get it, you’re missing out. If you wait until too long, the price will go up.

New Debt

Finance

music therapy — Image by emanuela franchini via Flickr

For the first time in 2 years(almost to the day), I am acquiring new debt that I can’t afford to pay off immediately. On a credit card.

Last Thursday, my son entered vision therapy. He has what is commonly known as a “lazy eye”, but is more properly called a “wandering eye”. His eyes don’t always lock on to whatever he is looking at. Instead, one of his eyes will (occasionally, but not always) drift to the side and shut off. His brain doesn’t interpret the signals from that eye.

We had two sessions of tests to diagnose the specific problems: $350.

We will have 28 weekly sessions of therapy @ $140 per session: $3920

There is an equipment fee: $85

That’s a total of $4355 over the next 7 months.

Insurance covers some of it, but the therapist is out-of-network, so it’s “pay first, get reimbursed later from the insurance company”. If we pay up front, we get 1 session free, bringing the price to $4215, minus insurance.

I have a health savings account that I have been trying to max out to cover this, to make my payments all pre-tax. I haven’t been able to get enough in there, yet. In fact, since I don’t have my kids on my insurance, my maximum HSA contribution is $3050.

Since finding out that vision therapy was going to be necessary, I have managed to save $1000 in cash, and about $1500 in my HSA. That’s $2500 of a $4215 bill, leaving $1715 that I still need to be able to cover.

Here is my plan:

We’re charging the entire $4215 at 11.9% interest on a card with a 2% travel rewards program. This will give me $84.30 worth of travel rewards good for reimbursing any travel expenses.

I will immediately pay off $1000 from cash savings.

I will also immediately file for an insurance reimbursement, which will cover 80% – $500, or $2972 minus a bit. Our insurance got a waiver on the pseudo-wonderful healthcare ~~fraud~~ act on the grounds that the plan sucks so bad that it would cost too much to comply with the law. No joke. I’m expecting about a $2500 reimbursement, and I have no idea how long that takes.

In 6 weeks, when I have maxed out my HSA contributions for the year, I will file for an HSA reimbursement for about $2500, leaving about $500 to cover some medical costs for the rest of the year. Vision therapy doesn’t count against my deductible, since my kids are on my wife’s insurance plan.

Starting in June, my debt snowball will no longer be going to max out my HSA and will instead go straight to this card, to finish paying it off as quickly as possible. That’s $750 per month.

Any money from any side work will also go towards this bill, but I don’t budget for that, because it isn’t reliable money.

The projected results:

$3215 on the credit card for 6 weeks @ 11.9% = $50 in interest payments.

After the HSA reimbursement, there will be $715 left to pay, which will be paid off in June for another $10 in interest.

When we get the insurance reimbursement, we’ll replenish the medical bill account, to start getting ready for the kid’s braces next year. We’ll drop $1500 into that account and use the remaining $1000 as a debt snowball payment.

We’ll end up paying $60 in interest to save $140 in therapy costs, so it’s good math, but I hate the idea of racking up another credit card bill. I could drop the interest costs a bit by raiding my emergency fund, but that still wouldn’t cover it all, and it would leave me with very little left for an actual emergency. I could raid the emergency fund for half of its value($700), and reduce the initial interest paid to $25 and the total interest paid to about $40, then use the $1000 leftover from the insurance reimbursement to replace my emergency fund.

Kim Kardashian’s Baby Has It Easy: How Much Does It Cost To Have a Baby?

Celebrities

If you have not heard that Kim Kardashian has officially given birth to baby North West with rapper boyfriend Kanye West, you have probably been hiding under a rock.

Baby North was welcomed to the world several weeks early on June 15, and since then has been showered with thousands of dollars in gifts from family and celebrity friends like Beyonce and Jay-Z. Saying that baby North will never want for anything materialistic is putting it lightly, but how much does it truly cost for the average person to have a baby in today’s modern age? Here is a brief breakdown that will help you start saving before you start planning to have your very own precious baby.

The Hospital Bills and Doctor Visit Costs

While you probably will not have to pay for your prenatal and post-natal care out-of-pocket, the average insurance plan does come with out-of-pocket percentages that you must pay when you are hospitalized or when you visit the doctor. If you did not account for the medical bills when you were budgeting for baby, this is the first financial roadblock you will run into. You might not give labor in a luxurious suite like Kardashian, but it will feel like you did when you get the bill. Most parents report spending about $2000 out-of-pocket for the delivery and the hospital stay. This does not include the cost for co-pays for doctor visits. If you do not have insurance, expect to spend about $10,000 for a vaginal birth or $16,000 for a cesarean section, assuming there are no complications.

The Costs of Caring for a Newborn Baby

You will get some great gifts at your baby shower, but you still will spend money on the necessities. If you are not lucky enough to get $7000 gifts from your friends like Kanye and Kim, you should allot a budget for the big items first, and the basic daily necessities second. You will need a crib, a stroller, a car seat, and eventually a highchair, but these items are not as expensive as you might think. If you can pass up the designer brands, you can find great deals at consignment stores or retailers. Thrifty shoppers can purchase the must-haves like car seats, baby monitors, changing tables, cribs and strollers for $450 or less.

In addition to the immediate necessities, you will incur other regular expenses for diapers, clothing, wipes and childcare. Kim and Kanye may be guilty of buying $50 onesies, but you do not have to have custom Gucci clothing made for your little one. Remember that your baby will grow out of their infant clothing in a month or less. Accept hand-me-downs, and you can save quite a bit of money. Diapers, on the other hand, are a re-occurring expense that will not go away. Expect to spend at least $80 to $100 per month on diapers and wipes until your baby is potty trained. If you are not breastfeeding, allot about $100 per month for formula until your baby advances to baby food.

Kim and Kanye may have plenty of money to give Baby North whatever her heart desires, but new parents can raise a baby on a reasonable budget. It is difficult to put an actual number on how much it costs to have a baby, but being a parent is not cheap. Keep the fact in mind that love and affection is much more valuable than the material things. Consider the real costs of being a parent, and this includes lifestyle costs and monetary costs.

5 Ds of Identity Theft

Finance

Scanned image of author's US Social Security card. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Identity theft is, at its most basic level, the act of using someone else’s identity or credit without permission. From a stolen credit card to a forged phone bill in Moscow, it all involves your good money paying for the bad habits of another. Thankfully, there are ways to reduce the odds of having your identity stolen. LTC David Grossman reviews the “5 Ds of Survival” in his seminars and books. Today, I bring you the 5 Ds of Identity Theft.

In the words of the master, “Denial has no survival value.” Denying the possibility of identity theft will not keep it from happening. You have to take steps to keep yourself safe. “It could never happen to me” is not a valid defense mechanism in any situation, financial or otherwise.

Deterrence means keeping the information away from identity thieves. The harder it is for the criminals to get your information, the more likely it is that they will move on to an easier target. And yes, a kid stealing Grandma’s credit card is a criminal and needs to be treated as such.

Some people use a shredder, but not me. I have a fire pit that catches all of my personal documents. I’d like to see an thief get my social security number from the ashes in the bottom of the pit.
Don’t carry your social security card. If you lose your wallet, your driver’s license and social security card contain all of the information needed to steal your identity. Keep it locked up at home and don’t give the number out unless absolutely necessary.
Don’t use stupid passwords. Anything listed on yourFacebook profile or otherwise available on Google in association with your name is a stupid password. Don’t make life easy for the people looking to screw you. Your birthdate, maiden name, and “password” all qualify as stupid passwords. Use KeePass to securely generate and store your passwords.
Lock up your personal information. I throw two large parties every year. Purses and wallets get stored in a locked bedroom, so nobody can grab them. That was a lesson learned the hard way. If there’s someone in your home you don’t trust absolutely, lock up anything that can be used against you.
Don’t release personal information to anyone, for any reason, unless you have initiated the contact. Don’t give a credit card number to a telemarketer. Don’t give a spammer your personal information. It’s your privacy, use it.
Don’t click anything in an email. If it’s a company you have a relationship with, type the address in your browser by hand.

Detection is up to you. Some credit card companies will alert you to suspicious purchases, but you can’t rely on it. I was once called because I went to the gas station and Best Buy, which is apparently a common pattern for a stolen credit card.

Examine your credit card statements. If there’s a purchase you don’t recognize, find out what it is.
Watch for bills to arrive as expected. You do know when you pay the gas bill every month, right?
Watch for unexpected bills to arrive. If you get a statement for a credit card you don’t have, it’s a problem.
Check your credit report three times per year. AnnualCreditReport.com will let you see each of the three major credit reports each year. Space them out so you see your report every 4 months.

Defending your identity happens after you’ve detected a theft. This involves getting your credit and sometimes, your money, back.

File a fraud report with the credit bureaus. This will force potential creditor to follow certain procedures before opening new credit accounts for your identity, including calling your cell phone, if you choose. Stop the identity theft in its tracks.
Close the fraudulent accounts. Don’t leave them open for abuse.
File a police report and report the fraud to the FTC at ftc.gov/idtheft . This may or may not help catch the criminal, but without it, there will never be a punishment. Make stealing your identity an expensive proposition. Hopefully, 1o years of his life will be wasted in jail in return for the theft.

Destroy. Unfortunately, fraud and identity theft are not yet capital crimes. Maybe someday.

Deter, detect, defend. These are the secrets to avoiding, and recovering from, identity theft.

Fighting Evil by Phone

Finance

A few years ago, I was under the control of the Local Worthless Telephone Company(LWTC), and forced to use their long-distance provider, Evil Telephones & Thieves (ET&T). There was never a month that didn’t involve calling LWTC to get our bill corrected. Every month, something was wrong.

One month, we got a bill for $800 more than expected. Another month, another mistake. I called LWTC to get it corrected. This wasn’t a big deal, just another screwup in long list. They refused. They had never refused before. They informed me that the charge came from ET&T, not their system, preventing them from doing anything about it. There went an hour of hold time I’ll never get back.

I called the Evil Mother of All Telcos, The Malevolent Bastard Offspring of a Government-Shattered Monopoly, the Unholy Source of All Communications-Related Errors and Communicable Social Diseases. Hold. Hold for soul-rending abuse. Do you sense a pattern? Evil abounds. The inspiration for Wolfram & Hart. Employee meetings open with ritual sacrifice and close with the desecration of the holy symbols of obscure religions from distant corners of the globe.

Niue Island

When the customer service rep came on the line, I asked for an explanation of the charge. I was informed that I had made a 30 minute call to Niue Island. I politely reminded them that I had long-distance blocking on my phone. They couldn’t explain how the call went through, but it had, so I was obviously responsible. They refused to consider doing anything about the charge. The next day, I called back. I explained the situation to a new rep, one who hadn’t yet been trained in the art of stealing the souls of the living. She recognized the logical impossibility of international calls through the block and reversed the charge. She was swell.

Ten minutes later, her supervisor called to explain that the good witch didn’t have the authority to reverse those charges. I was responsible for paying the bill, even though she couldn’t explain how I was responsible for making the call. I explained the situation, again. I begged. I pleaded. Nothing. I was informed that I had to pay the bill. If I didn’t, they would take me to court to make me pay. She swore their computer system was solid enough to pass as evidence in court. She was angry, rude and snotty. She told me there was nothing I could do.

That wasn’t going to work for me.

I started gathering papers. The next day, a certified letter was sent to both ET&T and the Evil Para-Monopoly Telco. The contents of this letter were golden.

I sent:

A dispute letter crafted using every bit of my experience in one of the largest collection agencies in the world.
A copy of the problem bill, with the impossible charge and the long-distance blocking highlighted.
A copy of a Minnesota Attorney General complaint.
A copy of a Minnesota Public Utilities Commission complaint.
A copy of an FCC complaint.

That was the end of it. There was no follow-up call, no collections notice, no court notice. There was nothing. The following month, there was no mention of the unpaid balance. The bill disappeared. Victory! I had conquered evil, driven a righteous stake through its beating, dust-filled heart, and poured garlic salt in the wound. I never even had to submit the complaints to their respective agencies.

That was the month we dropped our home phone line to eliminate that headache. At the time, the cell phone with the best family plan gave us $300 shared minutes for $75. It was worth it to get away from the Abomination That was the Union of LWTC and ET&T. A year later, when a business telephone provider decided to expand into the residential market in our area, we had our home phone reinstated. In the nine years since, we’ve never had to dispute a bill with McLeod USA.

Lesson learned: When you are battling evil, go big or go home. It’s better to swat a mosquito with a sledgehammer than to poke a dragon with a safety pin.

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The Hospital Bills and Doctor Visit Costs

The Costs of Caring for a Newborn Baby

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