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- I approve of the Nightmare remake. #Krueger #
Fighting Fair
This was a guest post on another site early last year.
Everyone, at times, has disagreements. How boring would life be if everyone agreed all of the time? How you handle those disagreements may mean disaster.
This is particularly true when you are arguing with your spouse. You spend most non-working moments with this one person, this wonderful, loving, infuriating person. Your emotions will naturally run high while discussing the things you care most about with the person you care most about. Arguments are not only natural, but inevitable.
How do you have an argument with someone you love without lasting resentment?
You have to argue fairly. There are a few principles to remember during an argument.
- When your partner is talking, your job is to listen with all of your energy. You are not interrupting. Your are not planning your rebuttal while waiting for your turn to talk. Your are listening, nothing else. If you don’t listen, you can’t understand. If you don’t understand, you can’t find a resolution.
- Remember that your partner cares. If she didn’t care, she wouldn’t feel so strongly about the argument. This isn’t a war, just an argument. She still wants to spend the rest of her life with you. Keeping this in mind will change the entire tone of the argument into a positive interaction. You will still disagree, but you will be looking for a solution together, instead of finding a “win” at any cost.
- Search for the best intent. Remember #2? There is an incredibly good chance that, if there are two ways to interpret something your partner has said–a good way and a bad way–your partner probably meant the good way. Even if you are wrong, it is far better to err on the side of resolution than the side of antagonism.
- When your partner has finished speaking, it’s still not your turn to argue. Your job now is to repeat your understanding of the issue, without worrying about problem-solving. Before you can refute the argument–or even establish your disagreement–you have to know that you understand her position and she has to know that you do. Without understanding, there can be no path to resolution that doesn’t cause resentment. If you have too much resentment, you won’t have a marriage.
After all of this, it will finally be your turn to make your point. Hopefully, your partner will be following the same rules so you can solve your problems together, without learning to hate each other.
Arguments in your marriage aren’t–or shouldn’t be–intended to draw blood. Fights happen. If your goal is to win at any cost, you will both lose, possibly everything.
Transparency
A friend–let’s call him me–recently had a bit of a hangup with a business relationship.
On a long-term project, there were some unavoidable setbacks. My friend decided to work through them, hoping to get everything back up to speed…before the customer noticed.
It’s a funny thing, but customers like to look at status reports on long-term projects. A couple of months after the biggest problem, the customer called my friend wanting an in-person status update. They told him to be prepared for an uncomfortable conversation.
Crap.
Now, the setbacks were truly unavoidable. Things came up that were entirely outside the realm of my friend’s control, but he had to deal with them anyway. When the problems were laid out in front of the customer, it went from uncomfortable to a discussion on how to expand the business relationship.
Transparency for the win.
Bad things happen. Anybody who doubts this is clearly not equipped to deal in the adult (that’s adult in the “grown-up” sense, not adult in the “porn” sense) world. Companies know that bad things can happen to derail a project. They are going to be more interested in how you get the project back on track than anything else.
When things go wrong, be open about it. Your customers/family/friends/one-night-stands will appreciate not having to wonder what’s going on.
6 Ways to Stretch a Meal
- Image via Wikipedia
You eat.
Right?
Sometimes, we have more money than month and wonder how we’re going to avoid going hungry at the end of the month. When the grocery budget has run out and the cupboards are almost bare, how do you keep the kids fed?
The secret is to keep some staple stocked all the time. If you have these ingredients, you can stretch $1 of beef into a meal for 10 people. Almost.
Rice
We buy rice 20 pounds at a time. I try to keep a bowl of cooked rice on hand at all times. When we cook a soup, stew, or hotdish, we add a cup or two of rice to the dish. If we’re running late for dinner(a painful situation with a 2-year-old, a 4-year-old, and an 11-year-old who’s about to hit 5′ 7″), we’ll dump a can of soup over the top of a bowl of rice. A quick trip through the microwave, and we’ve got a reasonably healthy meal in 2 minutes. Another trick is to add some to ground beef, whether it’s a meatloaf or sloppy joes.
Beans
This is another ingredient I try to keep on hand, cooked, and in the fridge. We use it like we use the rice. We add a cup to soup, or almost anything else. Throw some barbecue sauce on them, and you’ve got pseudo-baked beans for cheaper than you can buy a can. Mash them with taco seasoning and you have refried beans. Add a cup to scrambled eggs for a filling breakfast.
Potatoes
There are so many ways to use potatoes to stretch a meal. Shred them to cook with eggs or slice them onto a hotdish. Cube them into soup or dice it as a thickener in stew.
Pasta
Yet another item that can go into almost anything. Before I met my wife, I’d make a dish that consisted of nothing more than whatever pasta I had on hand, with a can of soup, cooked until the pasta was done and most of the liquid was absorbed by the noodles. I learned how to wield spices like a crazy Neptunian ninja.
Soup
Whenever we cook, whatever we eat, we make enough for leftovers. When the leftovers are no longer enough to make a meal for anyone, they go in a bag in the freezer. When we have enough, we put them all in a slow-cooker with some water and a ton of seasonings. When we get home from work, we have a delicious soup waiting for us–free soup. If we want stew, we throw in some rice. By the end of the day, the rice has completely dissolved, transforming our delicious freaking soup into yummy dang stew. Everything we make tastes good, so combining a dozen dishes into one soup should also taste good, right? The exception: fish. Never, ever add fish to free soup. Trust me.
Bread
I don’t use bread to cook much, though it’s harder to get much cheaper than a grilled-cheese sandwich. I like to serve a slice of bread with dinner. It just makes the food feel more filling.
That’s how I make a meal for two stretch to feed my family of five, without sacrificing taste or nutrition. How do you make a meal stretch?
Consolidating Student Loans
This is a guest post.
If you owe on multiple student loans, you may have heard of or are considering consolidating your student loan debt. Whether you are fresh out of college or struggling with making multiple student loan payments, consolidating your debt can relieve you of that burden in exchange for one manageable monthly payment.
What is Student Loan Consolidation?
Student loan consolidation is one personal loan big enough to cover the amount owed on multiple student loans. The loan amount you receive is used to pay off the other student loans which leave you with a single monthly payment to make. You can consolidate all federal student loans with a debt consolidation program through the US Department of Education. Although FFELP, or Federal Family Education Loan Program, no longer offers debt consolidation, you can still be eligible through the US Department of Education. You may also still qualify for the federal student loan consolidation program even if your college does not participate in the Direct Loan Program. Many private lenders also offer student loan consolidation options as well.
Eligibility Requirements for Student Loans
You may be eligible to consolidate student loans if you are enrolled at part time status or less or if you are no longer in school. You would also be considered eligible by most lenders if you are within the loan’s grace period or are currently paying on your loans. You should also have your loans in good standing and have at least $5,000 owed in student loans. Each loan consolidation lender may have their own eligibility requirements, so it is best to check with the specific ones you are considering.
The Benefits of Loan Consolidation
There are numerous potential benefits to consolidating student loans including streamlining multiple payments into one affordable monthly payment. You may have multiple due dates on loans and you may be struggling to remember which one is due on which date. Streamlining your student loans is simpler and easier to remember, it also allows you better control over your budget.
Another benefit of choosing to consolidate student loans is extending the repayment terms. Many student consolidation loans can be obtained as long-term debt. Although it will require you to pay your loan for a longer time period, it does reduce the amount paid each month into a more affordable payment.
You will also pay a lower interest rate with a consolidated loan. The interest rate is determined by weighing all the interest on your loans and finding the average rate. You may have variable interest rates on your student loans and consolidating them can give you a fixed rate which is highly advisable given the uncertainty of the US economy.
A lowered interest rate and a longer repayment term mean a lower monthly payment than what you were currently paying on multiple loans. A smaller monthly payment leaves more money in your pocket at the end of the month and allows you to use that money elsewhere.
The Disadvantage of Debt Consolidation
It is important to be aware of all aspects of a student debt consolidation loan in order to make the best and most informed decision. There are some drawbacks to consolidating debt including having a higher repayment term which means you, in the end, will be paying more than if you paid it off sooner. You will also end up paying more in interest on a long-term loan than a short-term as less of the monthly payment is applied to the principle. You may also have to pay prepayment penalties depending on your original student loan terms. There are some student loans that prohibit paying them in one lump sum or ahead of the schedule without incurring a monetary penalty. You may also be required to repay any waived fees or rebates. Check your current student loan contracts to find out if you may be penalized for paying off the debt through a consolidation program.
Unfortunately, there are countless fraudulent and unscrupulous lenders trying to talk you into consolidating your student loans with enticing introductory rates or temptingly low monthly payments. However, it is essential to read all the small print before signing any contract in order to avoid the numerous scams out there. You should be wary of any lender that is promising really low interest rates. You can determine your potential interest rate by compiling all the student loans, adding their interest rate and determine the average. You may have to round up to the nearest one-eighth of a percentage. Beware a lender that promises an interest rate significantly lower than that interest rate.
Let me check….
A few days ago, I asked a coworker if she wanted to go out for lunch. She said she’d have to check her bank account before she decided.
What?
If you have to check your bank balance to know if you can afford something, you can’t afford it. It really is that simple.
Now, strict budgets aren’t for everyone, but everyone should know how much money they have available to spend. If you don’t know what you have to spare, you need to set up a budget.
Period.
After you’ve done that, you can ignore it, with the exception of knowing how much you have available to blow on groceries, entertainment, and other discretionary purchases.
If you don’t know where your money needs to go, how can you determine how much you can spend on the things you want?
