- Guide to finding cheap airfare: http://su.pr/2pyOIq #
- As part of my effort to improve every part of my life, I have decided to get back in shape. Twelve years ago, I wor… http://su.pr/6HO81g #
- While jogging with my wife a few days ago, we had a conversation that we haven’t had in years. We discussed ou… http://su.pr/2n9hjj #
- In April, my wife and I decided that debt was done. We have hopefully closed that chapter in our lives. I borrowed… http://su.pr/19j98f #
- Arrrgh! Double-posts irritate me. Especially separated by 6 hours. #
- My problem lies in reconciling my gross habits with my net income. ~Errol Flynn #
- RT: @ScottATaylor: 11 Ways to Protect Yourself from Identity Theft | Business Pundit http://j.mp/5F7UNq #
- They who are of the opinion that Money will do everything, may very well be suspected to do everything for Money. ~George Savile #
- It is an unfortunate human failing that a full pocketbook often groans more loudly than an empty stomach. ~Franklin Delano Roosevelt #
- The real measure of your wealth is how much you'd be worth if you lost all your money. ~Author Unknown #
- The only reason [many] American families don't own an elephant is that they have never been offered an elephant for [a dollar down]~Mad Mag. #
- I'd like to live as a poor man with lots of money. ~Pablo Picasso #
- Waste your money and you're only out of money, but waste your time and you've lost a part of your life. ~Michael Leboeuf #
- We can tell our values by looking at our checkbook stubs. ~Gloria Steinem #
- There are people who have money and people who are rich. ~Coco Chanel #
- It's good to have [things that money can buy], but…[make] sure that you haven't lost the things that money can't buy. ~George Lorimer #
- The only thing that can console one for being poor is extravagance. ~Oscar Wilde #
- Money will buy you a pretty good dog, but it won't buy the wag of his tail. ~Henry Wheeler Shaw #
- I wish I'd said it first, and I don't even know who did: The only problems that money can solve are money problems. ~Mignon McLaughlin #
- Mnemonic tricks. #
- The Wilbur and Orville Wright Papers http://su.pr/4GAc52 #
- Champagne primer: http://su.pr/1elMS9 #
- Bank of Mom and Dad starts in 15 minutes. The only thing worth watching on SoapNet. http://su.pr/29OX7y #
- @prosperousfool That's normal this time of year, all around the country. Tis the season for violence. Sad. in reply to prosperousfool #
- In the old days a man who saved money was a miser; nowadays he's a wonder. ~Author Unknown #
- Empty pockets never held anyone back. Only empty heads and empty hearts can do that. ~Norman Vincent Peale #
- RT @MattJabs: RT @fcn: What do the FTC disclosure rules mean for bloggers? And what constitutes an endorsement? – http://bit.ly/70DLkE #
- Ordinary riches can be stolen; real riches cannot. In your soul are infinitely precious things that cannot be taken from you. ~Oscar Wilde #
- Today's quotes courtesy of the Quote Garden http://su.pr/7LK8aW #
- RT: @ChristianPF: 5 Ways to Show Love to Your Kids Without Spending a Dollar http://bit.ly/6sNaPF #
- FTC tips for buying, giving, and using gift cards. http://su.pr/1Yqu0S #
- .gov insulation primer. Insulation is one of the easiest ways to save money in a house. http://su.pr/9ow4yX #
- @krystalatwork It's primarily just chat and collaborative writing. I'm waiting for someone more innovative than I to make some stellar. in reply to krystalatwork #
- What a worthless tweet that was. How to tie the perfect tie: http://su.pr/1GcTcB #
- @WellHeeledBlog is giving away 5 copies of Get Financially Naked here http://bit.ly/5kRu44 #
- RT: @BSimple: RT @arohan The 3 Most Neglected Aspects of Preparing for Retirement http://su.pr/2qj4dK #
- RT: @bargainr: Unemployment FELL… 10.2% -> 10% http://bit.ly/5iGUdf #
- RT: @moolanomy: How to Break Bad Money Habits http://bit.ly/7sNYvo (via @InvestorGuide) #
- @ChristianPF is giving away a Lifetime Membership to Dave Ramsey’s Financial Peace University! RT to enter to win… http://su.pr/2lEXIT #
- @The_Weakonomist At $1173, it's only lost 2 weeks. I'd call it popped when it drops back under $1k. in reply to The_Weakonomist #
- @mymoneyshrugged It's worse than it looks. Less than 10% of Obama's Cabinet has ever been in the private sector. http://su.pr/93hspJ in reply to mymoneyshrugged #
- RT: @ScottATaylor: 43 Things Actually Said in Job Interviews http://ff.im/-crKxp #
- @ScottATaylor I'm following you and not being followed back. 🙁 in reply to ScottATaylor #
Sunday Roundup: Home Depot and Your Kids
Yesterday, I took my girls to Home Depot. On the first Saturday of every month, Home Depot has a workshop for kids that gives kids a chance to make a small craft project with a parent. For free. This month was race cars. My girls look forward to it all month.
30 Day Project Update
This month, I am trying to do 100 perfect push-ups in a single set. I’m recording each session in a spreadsheet. As of this writing, I am up to 26 in a set, doing about 90 per twice-daily session. I’m expecting to do more tonight(Saturday) as I’m currently taking a 24 hour break to let my muscles heal a bit. By previous experience, I’m guessing I’ll hit 30-35 in the morning.
Weight Loss Update
I am on the Slow Carb Diet. At the end of the month, I’ll see what the results were and decide if it’s worth continuing. For those who don’t know, the Slow Carb Diet involves cutting out potatoes, rice, flour, sugar, and dairy in all their forms. My meals consist of 40% proteins, 30% vegetables, and 30% legumes(beans or lentils). There is no calorie counting, just some specific rules, accompanied by a timed supplement regimen and some timed exercises to manipulate my metabolism. The supplements are NOT effedrin-based diet pills, or, in fact, uppers of any kind. There is also a weekly cheat day, to cut the impulse to cheat and to avoid letting my body go into famine mode.
I’m measuring two metrics, my weight and the total inches of my waist , hips, biceps, and thighs. Between the two, I should have an accurate assessment of my progress.
Weight: I have lost 35 pounds since January 2nd. That’s 2 pounds since last week, meaning I missed my February goal by 7 pounds. I added some cheese back into my diet, to see if it hurt. It did. Research showed that dairy inhibits the insulin response, make dairy a bad thing for a diet entirely out of proportion to its glycemic index.
Total Inches: I have lost 19.5 inches in the same time frame, down 2.5 inches since last week.
Best Posts
Lifehacker ran a post on simple ways to make money online. They may not all pay well, but the poorly-paid tasks are something you can do while watching TV.
Finally! A post explaining the exact connection between autism and vaccinations.
I’d love to see free-market healthcare given a chance, just once. We’d never go back.
Going to college, try some of these scholarships.
Most observant people realize that TSA is a joke. For those who didn’t realize that, TSA admitted it, too.
LRN Timewarp
This is where I review the posts I wrote a year ago. Did you miss them then?
This week last year, I wrote a post about doing 100 push-ups in a single set. Is it a coincidence that I’m trying again a year later?
Carnivals I’ve Rocked and Guest Posts I’ve Rolled
Money Problems – Day 3: What’s Coming In? was included in the Festival of Frugality.
5 Reasons Why I Splurge On Travel was included in the Totally Money Carnival.
Ignore Your Budget was included in the Carnival of Personal Finance.
Thank you! If I missed anyone, please let me know.
Get More Out of Live Real, Now
There are so many ways you can read and interact with this site.
You can subscribe by RSS and get the posts in your favorite news reader. I prefer Google Reader.
You can subscribe by email and get, not only the posts delivered to your inbox, but occasional giveaways and tidbits not available elsewhere.
You can ‘Like’ LRN on Facebook. Facebook gets more use than Google. It can’t hurt to see what you want where you want.
You can follow LRN on Twitter. This comes with some nearly-instant interaction.
You can send me an email, telling me what you liked, what you didn’t like, or what you’d like to see more(or less) of. I promise to reply to any email that isn’t purely spam.
Have a great week!
Balance Your Borked Budget
You’ve got a budget worked out to the penny. You know every dollar that comes in and every dime that you spend. All of your bills are getting paid on time. Then, one day, it all comes crashing down. Your budget is no longer even a reasonable approximation of your cash flow. You’ve got no idea what’s coming in or going out. Bills are piling up and fees are digging you deeper in debt.
What happened? More importantly, how do you get back on track?
The first thing you need to do is identify the problem. What, exactly, went wrong? Did you lose your job or need a surprise botox injection? Your car died or your kid developed a hockey habit? Sports car or shoe sale? Whatever the cause, if you can’t identify it, you can’t deal with it. Some of the possible problems may be things that can get clubbed and buried in the backyard, while other things may be expenses that won’t be going away. If it’s a one-time expense, you can simply refocus your debt repayment to take it into account. If it’s an ongoing expense, you will need to adjust your other expenses, possibly in a drastic manner, to make ends meet. You can’t know which way to go without knowing what caused the problem.
Next, commit to to making it right. Don’t leave it at a mere commitment. Actually commit and actually do it right. Future-you is counting on you to fix the problem before he gets screwed. This is important. Without firm–and real–commitment, nothing else will matter. At best, you will be treading water. At worst, you will drown yourself in unanticipated bills.
Cut everything extra. Every expense–whether it’s your mortgage or your maid–is a rock in your pocket, one hundred miles from shore. How much can you carry and stay afloat? This isn’t the time to keep paying something because you enjoy it. If it isn’t absolutely necessary, it’s got to go. Cut your internet, cancel Netflix, learn to shut off the lights when you aren’t using them. Is the early termination fee less than 6 months of your cable bill, your satellite bill? Cancel it. You can always sign up again later. This is the time to be ruthless.
Is there a way to bring in some extra cash? Can you pick up a second job, or land a freelancing gig? If you’ve suddenly found yourself unemployed, can you spend some time on being a Mechanical Turk? Sell all of the things you don’t use anymore, or, more likely, never should have bought in the first place? Do you have a spare kidney?
Remember, this is a drastic situation calling for drastic measures. Your future is depending on you. Don’t make him come back and kick your butt.
Update: This post has been included in the Carnival of Personal Finance.
Link Roundup
Wrestling season is finally over. Q1 is always such a busy time in my house. Now, spring has sprung and it’s time to start enjoying the weather.
On to the links.
Finance:
Here’s an intro guide to settling IRS debts.
Only someone who’s never had to deal with the full default process could think this was a good idea. The Department of Education outsources its collections for a reason. Eliminating private lenders will raise the students’ costs and eliminate options for troubled debtors. Yes, I worked in the industry for several years.
The Guide to Buying Glasses Online. I currently have 6 pairs of glasses that cost me a grand total of $150, with no loss in quality.
PenFed: Credit cards done right.
Not finance:
This is the coolest picture I’ve seen this year. Space pics for under $1000. NASA could take lessons, I think.
I miss the days when napping was possible.
38 Random Acts of Robyn. I’m thinking about incorporating this as a 30 day project.
Lawdog has a great idea to fix the problems with our legislature. It’s a beautiful Constitutional Amendment. If they have to play by the rules they set, the might start setting better rules.
“Only excepting such limited protection as offered by Article One, Section Six, Congress is hereby prohibited from exempting its Members from each, any, and all effects, duties or obligations rendered upon any citizen, or citizens, by any Law, Tax, or other action passed by Congress.”
Integrity
I’ve spent my entire adult life trying to live to a fairly strict code of behavior.
I don’t cheat. Not at games, in my relationships, on my taxes, nothing. I don’t cut corners or try to get away with things.
The reason isn’t that I’m trying to be some fictional knight in a storybook. It’s been my experience that cutting those corners always seems to be more expensive in the long run, whether it’s fines, lost friends and relationships, or even a general crappiness of life. The people I know who are always trying to get away with stuff or get ahead at someone else’s expense have the least, whether that’s money, friends, loved ones, or happiness.
Living a noble, honorable life has benefits.
I don’t pay fines and penalties often. Just the occasional speeding ticket, but that’s been one in the last 10+ years. Not getting fined for parking in a handicap spot or cheating on my taxes makes it far easier to save my money and build my wealth than constantly handing money over to the government. I’ve got a friend who can’t keep himself away from the justice system. Spending 3 or more months in jail every year makes it hard to keep a job or have a relationship with your family.
My friends know they are my friends. They can count on me and that means I can count on them. They also know that if that equation falls out of balance, it will be over. I only want friends I can count on. If you can’t have my back, or you feel a need to gossip about my life, I don’t want you in it.
My kids have no insecurities about my love. They know I am here for them, no matter what happens. Even if the occasional temper tantrum has them screaming that I clearly hate them, they know better. They know this father’s love is unconditional.
Work trusts me. Last year, I basically created the department I work in my telling my boss that I was sure I could make it work.
I have some badass karma. In general my life if pretty good, and I like to think it’s because I work to be a good person, do good things, and treat the people in my life right.
There are some downsides. Not everyone lives like this and I have problems relating to them. I’m not a sympathetic person to someone who tries to duck out on child support or who has to spend 30 days in the workhouse for trying to hock a stolen stereo. I can come across as a bit self-righteous.
I expect the people in my life to live the same way and treat me the same way. When that fails to happen, those people are nearly always evicted from life.
Life’s too short for people willing to screw you over.
Sometimes, though, that eviction is too complicated to do quickly, cleanly, or easily. That’s can be a turmoil in my life, and I hate turmoil. I don’t normally have to debate the correct course of action. Something is either right or it’s not. If it’s not, I know it and it doesn’t get done. If I have to wonder, then it’s definitely not right.
Every once in a while, I get stuck with a choice between shitty options and that’s where this system fails. Sometimes, no option is good, right, and proper. Every choice has a big downside, and none of the choices are clearly right.
That’s turmoil. Indecisive, emotional, horrible turmoil.
How was your day?
Toxic People
You should never be in the company of anyone with whom you would not want to die.
-Duncan Idaho, from God-Emperor of Dune
Some people suck the life out of everyone they encounter. Whether it be through lies, unreasonable demands, emotional abuse or manipulation, or just a vile personalty, the people they meet are worse off for the encounter. The people they interact with every day are screwed.
My time is too precious to waste any of it unnecessarily on people who remove value from it. I like being with people who enrich my life, instead.
Unfortunately, since I’m not an advocate for the use of hitmen, not every toxic person is easy to eliminate from your life.
Toxic people come in 3 basic varieties: professional, personal, and family. There is some overlap between the categories.
The personal category is easiest to deal with. These people aren’t relatives or coworkers, so you won’t see them at family gatherings or at work. I’ve dealt with these people in two ways.
First, there is the direct approach. One former friend, who was really only a friend when it was convenient for him(a pure leech), got told that he wasn’t invited to one of our parties because I was inviting his ex-wife, instead. That was the last time he called me.
The second option is far more passive. I set up a contact group in my phone called “Life’s too short”. At first, I set it up with a fairly insulting ring tone, but I later switched it to no ring at all. I don’t know they’ve called until I check my voicemail. It’s far less direct, but also far easier than the direct approach.
Dealing with the toxic people in your family is more complicated. You’ll see them at holiday gatherings, or hear about them during unrelated visits. You probably have a lot of memories growing up with them, and may feel some level of obligation–deserved or not–to maintain contact. It’s hard to break a tie that you’ve had your entire life.
Can you fix their behavior? It’s worth trying to have a frank discussion about how they are treating you, or the things they are doing. If the problem is that they are constantly bringing over their methhead boyfriends, banning the drug addicts from your home, while still welcoming the relative may be an acceptable fix. If the problem is a constant need to belittle you, demanding they stop may work. If the problem is a lifetime of emotional abuse, it probably isn’t fixable.
Is banishment an option? Can you put that creepy cousin on the Life’s Too Short list? You’ll still have to deal with him at family gatherings, but you can always leave the room when he comes in, right? Don’t engage, don’t participate in any conversation beyond a polite greeting, and don’t offer any encouragement towards regular contact.
It’s possible that it won’t be possible to fix their behavior and that you won’t want to banish the offender. If, for example, the offender is your mother (Not you, Mom!), you may feel a sense of obligation to maintain contact, or even be a primary caregiver at times. This is a line nobody else can draw for you. At some point, the current bad behavior could overwhelm the past obligations. When that happens are you prepared for it? That can be a traumatic break.
The other option, as cold as it sounds, is to wait it out. Nature will take its course, eventually. Can you wait that long, while maintaining your sanity and emotional equilibrium?
Professional toxic people include customers, vendors, and coworkers, none of whom are easy to get rid of.
If you own the business, you can fire your problem customers if the hassle outweighs the benefits you get from the relationship. You can find a new vendor, and you can fire the problem employees.
What happens if you are an employee?
If the problem is your boss, your options are to suck it up, talk to his boss, or find a new job. If the first is intolerable, and the second is impossible, it’s time to polish your resume.
If the problem is a vendor, you’ve got some options. Document the problems, first. Does he make inappropriate jokes, or badmouth you to your customers? Then, research the alternatives. Does one of his competitors offer an equivalent product or service? Take the documentation and research to your boss, or whoever makes that decision, and see if you can get your company to make the switch. The other option, is to request someone new to deal with at the vendor’s company, but that may not always be possible.
Finally, we come to the problem of toxic coworkers.
Some coworkers have the same problems as a toxic boss. Is the company vice-president the boss’s baby brother? You’re probably not going to find a win there. You’ll have to suck it up or move on.
Is the problem person working in an unrelated department doing unrelated tasks? It may be possible to start taking breaks at different times and leave him where he belongs: in the past.
Is the difficult individual sharing an office with you, demanding everything be done his way, and throwing daily tantrums? This is the one that has to be dealt with. He’s the one sucking the life out of you every single day.
First, start making use of a voice recorder. If you’ve got a smartphone, you’ve probably already got one. Otherwise, drop the $20 to buy one. This lets you document the evil. When his behavior goes hinky, record it.
Second, stand up for yourself. If he’s making unreasonable demands, tell him it’s inappropriate. He’s a bully, and bullies tend to back down when they are confronted.
Third, make sure the boss knows about the behavior. Yes, this is tattling. Get over it. If he wasn’t acting like he was a spoiled 4 year old, you wouldn’t have to tell the boss that he was. If the boss doesn’t know there’s a problem, he can’t deal with it.
Fourth, for any problem that isn’t directly aimed at you, ignore it. If he makes a habit of throwing a tantrum because somebody emptied the coffee pot, or because the company switched health plans, let him. Only get in the way if it’s directed at you. Over time, the tantrums will get more noticeable and out of hand, forcing the boss to deal with it, preferably by handing him a pink slip.
Your goal is documentation, awareness, and avoidance. Make the worst of it go elsewhere so you can be as productive as possible, document what you can, and let the boss become aware of the situation and how bad it has become. And be patient. This isn’t an overnight fix.
How do you deal with the toxic people in your life?
