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Don’t Screw Future-You

Finance, Life

A conversation between me and my temporally displaced self.

Future Me: Excuse me, Jason?

Me: Yes?

FMe: <Slap!>

Me: May I ask what that was for?

FMe: Of course.

Me: What was that for, jerk?

FMe: That was payback for all of the hell you have put me through.

Me: What?!? I’ve never even met you, before.

FMe: Of course you have. I am future-you, and I’m sick of getting screwed by past-me, that is, you.

Me: Huh?

FMe: Listen close. You’re not the sharpest brick in the box and I don’t want to explain this twice.

Me: ???

FMe: A long time ago, when you first met our wife, you were dumb.

Me: I don’t appreciate….

FMe: Shut up. I was dumb then, too. Remember? You…err…we bought a new truck, built an addition on our…err…your…err…whomever’s house, got married in the same year. On top of many other expensive decisions. Do your recall?

Me: Yes, I do. So what?

FMe: If that wasn’t enough, you and your smoking-hot bride are still shopping like you’re rich. You drive a new car. Your kids wear new clothes. You’ve got a house full of new furniture. How did you pay for all of that?

Me: Naturally, I charged it. Zero payments, zero interest for a year! Pretty smart, huh?

FMe: What happens in a year?

Me: I don’t know. I’ve got a full year to figure that out.

FMe: <Slap!> I’ll tell you what happens! Future-you, that’s me, gets screwed! Your raise didn’t come through. You had a baby. The truck broke down. Your wife took maternity leave. A roommate moved out. You took a loss in the stock market. You didn’t plan! You had no savings to cover any of those problems because you were too busy servicing debt to pay for your current life.

Me: How was I to know?

FMe: <Slap!> Life happens! You never know what is coming next. You need to plan and save for what might happen. Otherwise, you’ll just accumulate more debt to be serviced by yours-truly. That is not acceptable.

Me: So? What are you going to do about it?

FMe: <Slap!>

Me: Really? Again?

FMe: <Slap!> I’m struggling to pay your debt. Your son starts college next year, but you’ve left me completely unable to help. Your daughter wants to get married in a couple of years, but the Father-of-the-Bride can’t afford a tux. My wife, your beatiful bride, wants a vacation that I can’t afford. You’ve screwed me, dude.

Me: I’m sorry. What can I do to fix it?

FMe: Buy me dinner, first.

Me: Huh?!?!?

FMe: Stop the excess spending. Spend less than you make, for a change. No credit.

Me: None?

FMe: None. Nada. Zip. Zilch. Only spend what you can afford. Budget. Pay off those nasty bills. Don’t leave me hanging.

Me: So, what you’re saying is that, if I don’t have the money, I shouldn’t buy it?

FMe: Exactly. That’s the path to wealth, freedom, and financial independence. Live in the real world.

Me: Gee, thanks, Future-Me! Now I know.

FMe: And knowing is half the battle.

What would your future-you have to say to you?

Karate Guess So

Finance, Life

“Walk on road, hm? Walk left side, safe. Walk right side, safe. Walk middle, sooner or later, [makes squish gesture] get squish just like grape. Here, karate, same thing. Either you karate do “yes”, or karate do “no”. You karate do “guess so”, [makes squish gesture] just like grape. Understand?” -Mr. Miyagi

It occurred to me that lately, I’ve changed my day-to-day cash flow plans a couple of times.

A year ago, I was running on a fairly strict cash-only plan.

A month ago, I was running on a strict budget, but doing it entirely out of my checking account.

Now, I’m loosening the budget reins, and moving all of my payments and day-to-day spending to a credit card, including a new balance that I can’t immediately pay off.

The thing is, changing plans too often scares me. Like the quote at the beginning of this post, I start worrying about being squished like a grape.

The simple fact is that any plan will work.

If you want to get out of debt, just pick a plan and run with it. If that means you follow Dave Ramsey and do the low-balance-first debt snowball, good for you. Do it. If you follow Suze Ormann and do a high-interest first repayment plan, great. Do it. If you follow Bach and pay based on a complicated DOLP formula to repay in the quickest manner, wonderful! Do it!

Just don’t switch plans every month. If you do that, you’ll lose momentum and motivation. Squish like grape! Just pick a plan and go. It really, truly does not matter which plan you are following as long as you are following through.

This applies to other parts of your life, too. For example, there are a thousand fad diets out there. Here’s a secret: they all work. Every single one of them, whether it’s Weight Watchers, slow carb, or the beer-only diet. The only thing that matters is that you stick to the diet. If you manage that, you will lose weight on any diet out there. Except for the jelly bean and lard diet. That one will make you extra soft.

Another secret: the productivity gurus are right. Every single one of them. David Allen, Stephen Covey, Steve Pavlina, and the rest. They all have the One True Secret to getting the most out of your day. Really. Pick a guru and go! But don’t try to Get Things Done in the morning and do 7 Habits at night. Changing systems, changing plans, changing your mind will make you sabotage yourself.

The real secret to accomplishing great things, whether it’s paying off $100,000 of debt, dropping 40 pounds in 3 months, or tripling your productivity is to do it. Just get started and, once you’ve started, don’t stop. If you keep going and stay consistent, you’ll accomplish more than anyone who hops from system to system every few weeks.

Hayden Panettiere Gets Engaged – Crazy Wedding or Not?

Gossip

Hayden Panettiere has formally announced her engagement! The starlet will be marrying Vladimir Klitschko, who is a world renowned boxer that has won an Olympic gold medal. The unexpected public revelation has sparked rumor trails regarding glitzy wedding plans. While no date has been set, and nothing has been confirmed, there is widespread speculation that the event is going to be glamorously over-the-top.

A decadent gala may very well be in the planning stages. The “Nashville” actress, age 24, is one of America’s most idolized entertainers. She appeared on “Live with Kelly & Michael” to declare her commitment. During the show, she flaunted an extravagantly oversized engagement ring. This fancy display could be the precursor to an expensively ostentatious wedding.

Although Panettiere’s fiance is 13 years older than her, it is the first marriage for both partners. This may instill extra incentive for the couple to make their officiation an extremely flashy occasion. Because Klitschko is a famous Ukrainian athlete, he will also be anticipating a magnificently choreographed wedding. Both individuals could invest fortunes in perfecting their walk down the aisle together.

Of course, one of the biggest decisions that Panettiere faces is the selection of her gown. All eyes will be on the fabric that she chooses for this special day. If they go through with a public wedding, the dress will be permanently immortalized in global media. She is going to want to show off flawless class, glimmering austerity and sizzling sultriness. Fashion critics are eagerly anticipating her selection. The high-end designer that she picks will receive a tremendous boost in popularity, especially if she pulls off a beautiful presentation.

A crazy wedding would be completely in character for the young television star. Her most known role was a bubbly cheerleader on the long-running series, “Heroes.” With vivacious charm, she became a sex symbol across the country. Explosiveness is simply a part of her personality, so a bombastic celebration is to be expected. Furthermore, Ukrainian wedding parties have a tendency to be more raucous than American traditions. If they follow any of the groom’s cultural practices, the event could become out of control.

The massive ring on Panettiere’s finger indicates no desire for privacy regarding this affair. In fact, it was an invitation for the mainstream media to cover the entire ordeal. This hints that the couple might be planning a gigantic wedding event. They can easily afford it, and the public celebrations will rapidly enhance the star’s critical acclaim.

In contrast, a private exchange of vows would disappoint her legions of fans. Furthermore, paparazzi could still infiltrate the wedding to snap pictures. To avoid any uninvited intrusions, the couple should be open to media coverage during their nupital arrangements. This will let them control the event, and allow them to recoup some of the expenses through lucrative network contracts. Regardless of how they conduct the wedding, it is certain that the whole world will be diligently watching with admiration, and perhaps a slight tinge of jealousy.

5 Ways to Force Your Spouse to Get Frugal*

Finance, Relationships

Communication is important in a marriage. If you can’t communicate, how are you going to get your way?** I’ve helpfully compiled the best possible ways to get your spouse on board with your budget plans.

Don’t include her. When I absolutely, positively cannot afford to be working towards a different goal than my wife, I do my best to ignore her. I don’t tell her how much we’ve paid off, how much we have left, or what we can afford to spend on groceries. I think she enjoys not having to worry about the petty details like “Are we overdrawn?” or “Will we be eating Alpo next week?” I’ll do anything to make her life easier.
Nag. Nothing convinces my wife to do things my way like unending scolding. If I just remind her, day and night, surely she’ll cooperate with my budgeting plans and ideas to save money, right? Every body loves the attention, and, since we got a text messaging plan, I can shoot her a message every five minutes while she’s at the store. In all seriousness, this is actually a problem and a source of friction at my house. Reminding her every time she goes to the store is not an effective strategy.
Whine. If nagging fails, I always try to take the advice of my toddlers and whine until I get my way. “But Ho-uh-neee-eee! Why’d you buy tha-at?” It’s always been a big hit at my house. My wife appreciates the effort I put into getting the third, screechy syllable into simple words, just to try to convince her to give up or see things my way.
Obsess. This goes hand-in-hand with both #2 and #3. If I never giver her the chance to forget about our goals, she can never stray from them. A memo in the morning, hourly text reminders, and a daily summary of our account balances and month-to-date budget compliance just keeps us working together. Everything we do can be tied back to our frugal choices and debt repayment, whether it’s a game of Sorry or a trip to a wrestling tournament.
Yell. If all else fails, just turn up the volume. If there’s a problem, I nag at level 10. Whining loudly enough to wake the neighbors will convince her to comply with my wishes next time. This has the added benefit of allowing my kids to receive the wisdom of my experience, even if they are in the basement playing games with their friends.

*This obviously isn’t a gender-specific article, but, as a man, I write from a man’s perspective and my pronouns match my perspective.

**Sarcasm. Really. Following these rules should result in divorce, NOT happy agreement. If you are operating under this action plans, get therapy.

Update: This post has been included in the Carnival of Personal Finance.

Totally Money Carnival #5, the Superbowl Edition

Misc

Welcome to the Totally Money Carnival #5, the Superbowl Edition. It’s my privilege to be the first outside host for this carnival.

I don’t watch the Superbowl. I’ve never been into spectator sports unless I have some skin in the game. If I’m playing, or have some money riding on the outcome, I’m watching. Other than that, I’ll usually pass. Yesterday, a bunch of grown men in tights earning envy-inducing amounts of money ran around for a few hours in front of people, some of whom paid 5 figures for the privilege of watching. Yay!

Editor’s Picks

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hpjaOUjUPUc

Mike Piper presents Protecting Your Private Files posted at Oblivious Investor, “How can you keep your sensitive documents (scanned tax returns, for instance) both backed up and protected in the event of computer theft?” Ed. I love this solution, and I use it. All of my tax returns, online receipts, and documents I don’t want to lose get treated this way.

Suzanne K. presents The Psychology of Why You Can’t Budget—And Five Tips to Help You Do It posted at PsychologyDegree.net. Ed. I’ve always been a fan of trying to understand what makes people tick.

Silicon Valley Blogger presents Prepare Your Tax Return: Tax Products vs Tax Pros posted at The Digerati Life, saying “If you don’t enjoy preparing your taxes, you’re not alone. There are various ways to get your tax returns done. How do you go about preparing your taxes: DIY or with the help of a pro?” Ed. Tax time sucks. If we abolished payroll deductions and made everybody in the country write a check to the IRS every year, there would be a revolt on the next April 15th.

Kevin McKee presents How To Know if Your Job is Expendable posted at Thousandaire, saying “When businesses start doing poorly, some people are at risk of losing their job, while others are safe. Find out which category you fall in with these simple questions.” Ed: I was given a demonstration that defines expendability in the workplace. Fill a glass with water and place it on the counter in front of you. Stick your finger in the glass. Now, pull it out. See the impression you’ve made? I’ve done the rockstar bit, and I’ve been in positions that were necessary for the profitability of larger divisions of large companies. It doesn’t matter. Corporate loyalty is a joke.

Budgeting

35% of people who attend the game write it off as a corporate expense. (source)

Miss T presents 5 Ways to Lower Your Monthly Bills | Prairie EcoThrifter.com posted at Prairie Eco-Thrifter, saying “Believe it or not, there are lots of ways to save money, no matter how much of it you have- or don’t have.”

Credit

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jRYLhkOV2so

Tim Chen presents Pentagon Federal Offers Best Gas & Airfare Credit Card Rewards, Period. posted at NerdWallet Blog – Credit Card Watch, saying “There is only one credit card in America that offers no strings attached 5% cash back at any gas stations (excluding the likes of Costco) – the Pentagon Federal Platinum CashBack. It also gets you 2% back at grocery stores.”

Miranda presents Accelerate Your Credit Card Debt Pay Down posted at CreditScore.net, saying “Use these techniques to pay down your credit card debt faster.”

Buck Inspire presents Moving Up and On From Prepaid Debit Cards posted at Buck Inspire.

Ryan Hudson presents How I Got a Credit Card Late Fee Waived posted at Best Credit Cards IQ, saying “Don’t take accidental late fees laying down. Do something about it. Here’s how I got rid of my late fee.”

Debt

No network footage exists of Super Bowl I. It was taped over, supposedly for a soap opera.(source)

John presents Get Out of Debt Fast – How to Speed Up the Process posted at Passive Family Income, saying “There are quite a few people today that are beginning to dig their way out of debt. They have monitored their spending, created a budget, and have done the best that they can to stick with it. But, as many of you have experienced, the excitement of becoming debt-free gets pretty old after a while.”

Finance

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VRDx18GYITw

Mike Collins presents Defined Benefit vs Defined Contribution posted at Saving Money Today, saying “Understanding the different types of retirement plans.”

Boomer presents 10 Ways For Women To Obtain Financial Empowerment posted at Boomer & Echo, “It’s not that difficult to get your financial life under control (your control). Remember, a man is not a financial plan.”

Frugality

The Super Bowl is measured in Roman numerals because a football season runs the span over two calendar years. This year the season began in 2010 and ends in 2011. (source)

Madison DuPaix presents Substitute, Improvise, and Make Do With What You Have posted at My Dollar Plan, saying “So often, when we run out of things we need, we run to buy something or spend money when we don’t have to. Find out how you can avoid this trap.”

Money Beagle presents The Power Of The Free Calendar posted at Money Beagle.

Amanda L Grossman presents Homemade Diversion Safes: Save Money by Making Your Own posted at Frugal Confessions – Frugal Living, saying “You can purchase your own home security money safes (diversion safes), but I thought it would be more frugal and fun to think of ones to make on your own. See what I can do with a used deodorant!”

Money Management

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KQkK1UCH1EU

MoneyNing presents What Would You Do with a Million Dollars? posted at Money Ning, saying “I know what I would do with a million dollars. How about you?”

Other

More drivers are involved in alcohol-related accidents on Super Bowl Sunday than any other day of the year (except St. Patrick’s Day), according to the Insurance Information Institute. (source)

Joe Morgan presents Is Gen Y Irresponsible, Or Is It A Matter Of Perspective? posted at Simple Debt-Free Finance, saying “Generation Y has a reputation for having a sense of entitlement, but here’s one reason it may just be a matter or perspective.”

Saving

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_78ylMLa0JQ

Ryan @ MFN presents Roth IRA Qualifications posted at The Military Wallet, saying “Are you qualified to open a Roth IRA? Find out income and contribution requirements to see if you are eligible!”

Brian @ BeBetterNow presents Money’s Golden Rule: Spend Less Than You Earn posted at Be Better Now, “In the end, most personal finance advice boils down to spending less than you earn. Here’s another article to reinforce that.”

Spending

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g364TG_8Qmw

Barb Friedberg presents Wealth in Life: 25 Cheap Ideas for Fun posted at Barbara Friedberg Personal Finance, “Join in to build a massive list of low cost fun!”

Taxes

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R55e-uHQna0

PT presents Tax on Unemployment Compensation posted at PT Money, saying “A detailed look at what taxes are due on your unemployment compensation.”

Ken presents Important Tax Update for 2010 You Don’t Want To Miss posted at Spruce Up Your Finances, saying “A few of the tax provisions applicable to tax year 2010 such as the extension of tax filing date, expanded tax benefits, phase out on some limitations, etc.”

Fanny presents Top 10 Tax Deductions for Parents posted at Living Richly on a Budget, “Being a parent is one of the most important roles in life. Why not take advantage of all the deductions you qualify for?”

Thank you all for participating! Next week’s host is Saving Money Today, so be sure to submit your posts.

Budget Lesson, Part 7

Finance

It’s been a month(again!) since I’ve written a post for the budget series, so I’ll be continuing that today. See these posts for the history of this series.

This time, I’m looking at how to reduce my “set aside” funds. These are the categories that don’t have specific payout amounts and happen at irregular intervals. One of the convenient features of our set-aside funds–also a feature of our non-monthly bills–is that the money sits in our checking account, providing a buffer against overdrafts. The buffer is big enough that I can withdraw our entire month’s discretionary budget on the first of the month.

Parties – Twice a year, we have large parties. We have a barbecue(not necessarily low and slow, I’m in the midwest) and a Halloween party. We also have three kids with birthdays. Each year, we try to do something exotic at the barbecue. One year, it was a turducken. This year, we’ll be skipping the show-off portion of the show. The Halloween party is never expensive. I don’t drink much, so the bar stays well-stocked without frequent expensive shopping trips. We throw two large parties for less than $300 combined, and our guests start RSVPing a year in advance. We’re fun. The kids are getting gypped this year. I am over my addiction to expensive birthday parties for my kids. There will be a small party for one, a sleepover for another, and a party combined with some cousins’ birthday parties for the third. It sound horrible but all of them will have fun.
Gifts – We set aside money for presents, but we don’t feel we need to spend all of the money we have set aside. Anything left over stays here. Eventually, it will be something nice for all of us.
Pet Care – We have 4 cats and a dog. Cat litter and food are expenses that we can’t make disappear. We don’t buy the fancy food, but we also don’t buy the stuff that uses cardboard as filler. We have set a new limit at 3 pets, but that limit will only be reached through attrition. There’s nothing to cut here for a few years.
Car Repair – This is another category with nothing to cut. If we don’t spend it, and something catastrophic happens to a car, we’ll be covered. If it doesn’t, we’ll have a bit more cushion in our checking account.
Furnace Warranty – When we bought a new furnace and air conditioner, we got the extended warranty. This is an unlimited renewal warranty, so, in 5 years, we’ll have to buy it again to keep it. If we keep it forever, they will eventually replace our furnace when it dies.
Medicine/Medical – It’s a sad fact that people get sick. We set aside a small amount to cover our costs. The costs rise and fall, but over any given quarter, I don’t think I’ve been off by more than $5.

I’ve taken a hard look at most of the bills over time, so there isn’t always a lot to cut. Next time, I’ll be addressing our discretionary spending.

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