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Kids Are Temporary
Have you ever watched someone go nuts after they have kids?
I mean, even after the I-haven’t-slept-more-than-20-minutes-in-a-row-for-3-months stage of babydom?
These people dedicate their lives to their kids. They sacrifice all of their hopes and dreams and focus on the brats. They can’t have a date night because little Sally might get lonely without mommy and daddy. Can’t have a hobby because Johnny’s on the traveling soccer team. Can’t get laid because it’s a family bed and that’s kind of creepy when the kids are right there.
Everything for the kids.
As they grow, it gets worse. You spend more time helping with homework and less time talking to your wife. More time playing chauffeur, less time playing doctor.
It’s a nasty cycle, and it comes with an abrupt stop.
What happens when school’s out? Little Johnny graduates with a dual degree in Practical Philosophy and Experimental Art History, gets a job at the local Stab-and-Grab, gets married, and starts a family.
When that happens, parents suddenly become “extended family”. The kid has a life of his own and probably doesn’t need his clothes picked out in the morning, a ride to soccer practice, or someone to write his name in his underwear.
This is planned. It is–in theory–the reason we raise our kids. It shouldn’t be a surprise, even if it is a bit of a shock.
Can you survive it? Can your marriage?
If you’ve spent the last 20 years of your life pretending you are nothing but a system for delivering food, rides, and gadgets for your kids, what are you going to do with your time when they are busy pretending they are that system for their kids? If you’ve never developed a hobby, are you going to go extra-special, bat-**** crazy now?
For 20 years, have all of your conversations been about your kids? Have all of your outings been birthday parties? Will you have anything to say to your spouse when the kids are gone?
Your kids are temporary.
They are important. They are your genetic legacy and the people who will choose your nursing home. Don’t neglect them, but you do have to hold something back. Make time for yourself. Make time for your husband or your wife. Or both, if you can make that work.
When your kids are working 90 hour weeks building a new career, or hustling 4 kids to 10 after-school activities, your life doesn’t get to revolve around them.
All you’ve got is yourself and your wife. If she’s not feeling secure about your feelings now, when she loses the distraction of puke in her hair, that insecurity will blossom in unpleasant ways. If you can’t find a conversation that doesn’t involve the kids now, the silence will be blistering when you eventually lose that crutch.
If you don’t have a hobby, get one.
If you don’t have a relationship with your wife, get one. Take her on a date tonight. Your kids are temporary, your marriage shouldn’t be. This is the rest of your life. Make it worthwhile.
I’d Tap That: Making Life Difficult for Government Spying
Skip to the bottom if you’re familiar with PRISM and don’t want to hear any political talk and rampant violations of our Constitutional rights, but still want to protect your privacy.
For those of you who haven’t been paying attention, the PRISM program is an NSA program to monitor electronic activity.
Lots of electronic activity.
The companies identified to be working with the NSA in this grand overreach include AOL, Apple, Facebook, Google, Microsoft, PalTalk, Skype, Yahoo! and YouTube. For most people, that is the definition of “the internet”. If you’re doing it online, the NSA is–or could be, at their leisure–watching.
This isn’t a crazy conspiracy theory. This is happening, and the government has admitted it. In fact, when this broke, the executive branch’s response was along the lines of, “Don’t worry, we’ll find the guy who leaked this information.”
On top of that, the government has been demanding phone records from at least Verizon on a daily basis.
In addition, the Justice Department was just busted wiretapping Associated Press phones.
Seriously, if you put this in fiction, nobody would buy it, because it’s ridiculous in the land of the free.
As far as the people who say I’ve got nothing to worry about if I’m not doing anything wrong: shut up. You can speak again when you give me your email passwords, bank records, and let me install a toilet cam in your house. What are you trying to hide?
Seriously, there is such a mess of non-legislative administrative regulations that are considered felonies that the best estimate is that most people commit three felonies a day, without realizing it.
- Catch your kid with a joint and neglect to call the cops? Welcome to the federal penitentiary.
- Use one of those pill planner things to sort prescription meds for your half-senile grandmother? In some states, that’s a felony.
When we live in a system with so many rules that have never been voted on and our legal system refuses to consider legitimate ignorance of the law to be a defense and we have a collection of secret laws that are a felony to disclose or violate, government spying gets far more dangerous.
- Many TSA guidelines are secret.
- The Banking Secrecy Act of 1970 has a number of secret provisions.
- FISA.
The Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act of 1978(FISA) is the law the NSA is using to justify all of these data requests. The law, that we all must obey, is being overseen by a small subcommittee in Congress, and the FISA courts are just a small subset of the judges. The judges are signing warrants allowing the wiretaps and massive surveillance, but that is clearly unconstitutional and, hence, illegal.
The text of the Fourth Amendment to the Constitution, the supreme law of the United States is: “The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no Warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by Oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized.”
Any warrant that cannot name a place to be searched is illegal.
Any warrant that cannot describe the person to be monitored is illegal.
Any warrant that is not backed by probable cause is illegal.
Tell me how “I want to watch what everyone is saying on Facebook and seize all of the data” meets any of those criteria.
Bueller?
Wiretapping the AP is a serious violation of the First Amendment, too. “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.”
“Congress shall make no law…abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press..and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.”
Monitoring the press in case somebody breaks a story the government doesn’t want broken is crap.
How can we petition the government for redress of grievances that they call a felony if the company discloses the violation to us? It’s self-serving circular crap.
When you throw the IRS harassing charities working for the “wrong” politics, you start to pine for the good old days of Nixon-level fair play and integrity.
To be fair, FISA got nasty with the Patriot Act, which was an abomination enacted by a different political party. Hey, Washington, next time try to remember that your laws will someday be administered by your political enemies, k? (NSA: I trust you’ll pass the message for me?)
Political talk is over. How do we stop the government snooping?
There are four main pieces to discuss, based on the scandalous Constitutional violations reported recently.
1. Social media monitoring. There’s nothing to this. If you post things on Facebook, the government sees it and knows it’s you. Don’t post anything you don’t want broadcast to the police, your grandmother, and your priest.
2. Internet browsing. There is very little that is secure on the internet. The government can subpoena your ISP and get any records they keep. Unless you go anonymous and encrypted. Welcome to TOR. The Onion Router is a system that encrypts your internet traffic and bounces it all over the world. Once you enter TOR, nothing you do can be tracked, until your internet request leave the TOR system. The system is not centrally owned or controlled, so nobody in the system can track what you are doing.
For example, if I use the TOR browser to search Wikipedia, a snoopy NSA goon could tell I’m using it, and they could tell there was a request from the TOR system to Wikipedia, but they can’t tie one request to the other. If I’m dumb and log into Facebook, I lose that anonymous shield.
That’s solid protection from anyone watching your internet traffic.
How do you use it?
Easy. Just install the Tor Bundle. When you want the NSA to stop snooping over your shoulder because you want to do a search on erectile dysfunction, you launch TOR and the TOR browser and search without having to share your embarrassing secrets.
3. Email. Email is easily the least secure means you can communicate. When you send an email, that message is in plain text, and it bounces from server to server until it reaches the recipient. Any of the involved servers can keep a log of the traffic and read your email.
Never, ever, ever, ever put anything incriminating or important in an email. Don’t send credit card numbers, your social security number, or the address of your meth lab.
But what if you want to have a dirty conversation with your spouse without letting the sick voyeurs at the NSA listen to you ask your wife what she’s wearing and how would she like it torn off?
Use PGP. OpenPGP is a free software encryption program that is basically impossible to decrypt. It’s known as public-key encryption, which means that anybody can encrypt a message to you that only you can read.
It’s like magic.
To use PGP, the easy way(for Windows users) is to get Gpg4win. Install that, then open Kleopatra. This will let you generate your encryption key. You do that by:
- Clicking File, then New Certificate
- Click Create Personal OpenPGP key pair
- Enter your name and email, then click next, then “Create Key”. Enter your passphrase when asked.
You now have a set of PGP keys. To get your public key that others can use to send you messages, right-click your certificate and select “Export certificates”. Pick a path to save the certificate, then do so. You can open this file with notepad to get your public key, or you can email the file out. There is no need to worry about security with this file.
You will end up with something that looks like my public key here:
—–BEGIN PGP PUBLIC KEY BLOCK—–
Version: GnuPG v2.0.20 (MingW32)mQENBFGyPPkBCAC8zc5B7srG/ZyRMpokP3KyIMd9GA4n94wT89sP/yWFylbTKXDM
S2vC0yXh4zDJshJ1odj+spJGeYaXHCJM21buzKYf0gZsUGIbkVZWRy8ch16+umFl
DuTMaCN5Yue6ehGsjH8N+4q7pmXSlyRXRXzG0A4d9de4SQnfO65e1CMaQhFMpJu0
mXK8KFLqJ560efzlTTZvN3o5RfxYhtB3ODoDfkGeBLIxGVYn1kYbowTcvwymATOb
iSHwNfH+vY+kuTnrG9ilLyprDKwAF+ErD87WP0pLKVIQvoMV69VHEoRhHqK45iJG
j0ZhtTA4emnGZtCNsdfPLUdws1k9SNeIpd9pABEBAAG0H0phc29uIDxqYXNvbkB3
YWxiZXJnb25saW5lLmNvbT6JATkEEwECACMFAlGyPPkCGw8HCwkIBwMCAQYVCAIJ
CgsEFgIDAQIeAQIXgAAKCRDRFT/09vSoj10ECACVE/ngHyzX1lnMlucW4Rx8b8ii
KK8v/AmVkrJZgI3umuJn906sGGA8fNjxUGYH5fX6R7Diud4SEnZWADSq5pAImOv+
qZnPdpJKjMaY6qr+trr0DGsCoen+TxzM7rClBz3TTURI5SbySojHvQoEiCHHPBw1
yY3+leoUzLmso98ocA2lY4Iuvr7/fAzuQEFhBdxxLtS7mDWdmUca+A6GsrCr4LZ7
fpovRCNv07BoAa5ql+GrPOcsIcLwSoEtkhjCo4vPDeveqsnLT0W7N9YBPiGMpHPm
0oFxniC6/eWtI+3C8QFYO3X+CC5yTYpqJJ0BJWhXjiqYmr290d3AN+hYck3T
=fHba
—–END PGP PUBLIC KEY BLOCK—–
To get your private key, that you can use with any number of plugins for your email client, right-click on your certificate and select “Export secret keys.”
You can either use PGP as a plugin for your email client, or you can use Kleopatra’s feature “Sign/encrypt files”. To do that, write your message in a file, then select the feature inside Kleopatra. You’ll end up with an encrypted file you can attach to your email that snoopy government man can’t read.
4. Phone calls. This would appear to be harder, since your phone is largely out of your control. There’s nothing practical you do about a landline, except to avoid saying anything sensitive. On your cell phone, you have options, assuming you use a smartphone.
For Android users, it’s free an easy. Install Redphone. If you place a call with Redphone, it checks to see if the caller also uses Redphone. If he does, it places an encrypted call over your data plan to the other phone. Nobody can listen in to an encrypted call. The same company also makes a program for texting.
For iPhone users, you’re stuck with Silent Circle for $10/month, which may be a better option, since there is support for more devices, including Android. It was designed by the guy who designed PGP and handles texting and email, too.
That’s it.
There you are, the whats, whys, and hows of modern, hassle-light, private communications. Doing what we can to foil bad government programs is our patriotic duty.
Tips to budget successfully
This is a guest post written by Andreas Nicolaides, a financial author for UK based MoneySupermarket.com.
Whether your aim is to save money for a special occasion or you just want to make sure you don’t have to struggle financially when it comes to the end of the month, a budget can be a saving grace. Budgets help us quickly and easily identify our total income and all our expenditure, allowing us to plan for the best and prepare for the worst financial situations.
Set yourself a target
If you have decided to set up a budget, then there must be a reason. Are you looking to save for an upcoming event? Or maybe you have realised that you are struggling to make your payments every month and you would like to feel more financially secure. Based on what you would like to get out of your budget, you should set yourself a specific, measurable objective.
My first objective I set for myself was to save $100 every month for a year. This sort of objective is easy to manage and easy to monitor and this is what we are trying to achieve. One important thing I would mention here is to ensure your objective is achievable; don’t set yourself a target that is too far out of your reach, being realistic is extremely important.
How do you set up your budget?
The main key thing when you start to put your budget together is to make sure you’re as honest as possible. Get yourself a pen and some paper and on one page detail all of your income. Include the obvious and also remember to include any benefits you are entitled too. Then grab another piece of paper and detail all of your monthly outgoings, remember to be honest and thorough and try not to forget anything. Once you have both figures, deduct your expenditure from your monthly income that will give you your monthly figure.
You have some extra cash?
If when you have your figure you realise that there is some cash left over, you can then decide what you want to do with it. My advice here depends on your own personal circumstances, for example if you have high levels of debt, your main aim should be tackle your high interest debt aggressively and as often as possible.
If you have some money left over and your aim is to save, then set up an interest bearing bank account. If you are based in the US then you could look to set up an LSA or lifetime savers account. In the UK we have the equivalent, that is called a cash ISA saving account.
No money left over?
If after working out your budget you find you have no money left over, then you need to do something about it. Debt is one of those things that won’t just disappear overnight; it’s something that takes time and commitment, but not giving up is paramount.
How to cut down your expenditures?
One of the main things you can do when you realise you are in a bad situation is to try and cut down on your expenditure. Here’s a couple of quick ways:
- Use price comparison sites – These sites are great to check and see if you are paying too much on your bills, and if you are, you will have a list of fantastic options available for you to choose from. This is a great way of saving money on things like your car insurance, see here.
- Sell unwanted items – Selling unwanted items is a quick way to making some cash, everyone has them around their home, so why not make use of them instead of letting them build up dust?
- Cut down on your spending – Try to avoid buying luxuries and try to stick to a specific shopping list when out doing the weekly food shop, this will help you avoid unnecessary purchases
A budget is used by many just to monitor what they spend month to month, but I hope I have detailed how it can be a helpful financial tool that can help you reach your financial goals. I hope my tips to budget successfully will help you get started on your way to financial freedom.
Carnival Roundup: Bully Edition
My mother-in-law’s house is ready. The walls are painted, the hardwood floors have been sanded and polished, the carpets have been cleaned. Now, we just have to get the lease signed and let the renters in.
This week, we had our first real bullying incident on the school bus. I guess one of the benefits of having a kid who is the biggest in the school is that nobody punches him. My daughter doesn’t have that benefit. She was punched and pushed for being in the wrong seat on the bus a couple of days ago. Thankfully, the school dealt with it quickly. The bus is equipped with video and the little girl copped to it. She’s s off of the bus for a few days and her parents have been informed. Unfortunately, her twin sister seems to be the vengeful type. She came home yesterday lying about how my daughter behaved on the bus and got another little girl to lie about getting hit and bit by my daughter in school yesterday.
How do I know it’s all lies?
First, my daughter didn’t ride the bus yesterday afternoon. She was scared in the morning, so I promised to pick her up from school. Hard to misbehave on the bus when she was cuddling with her mother on the couch. The other little girl–who goes to daycare with the twins just up the street from our daycare provider (who happens to be the grandmother of the twins)–recanted once she was away from the vengeful twin. Her mother filled us in last night. I’m not a fan of a grandmother defending a kid’s lies. No kids are angels, but helping them lie doesn’t make them better people.
Live Real, Now was included in the following carnivals recently:
I’m aware that I’ve been a bit of a slacker about posting these links. My apologies to everyone who deserved a link but didn’t get it in a timely manner.
Yakezie Carnival hosted by Narrow Bridge
Finance Carnival for Young Adults hosted by Finance Product Reviews
Carnival of Financial Planning hosted by Family Money Values
Yakezie Carnival hosted by Moneywise Pastor
Lifestyle Carnival hosted by Vanessa’s Money
Carnival of Money Pros hosted by See Debt Run
Carnival of Financial Camaraderie #64 hosted by Master the Art of Saving
Carnival of Retirement #52 hosted by Master the Art of Saving
Yakezie Carnival hosted by Your PF Pro
Lifestyle Carnival #33 hosted by Lifestyle Carnival
Carnival of Financial Camaraderie #62 hosted by Savvy Scot
Carnival of Money Pros hosted by Debt Black Hole
Carnival of Money Pros hosted by Making Sense of Cents
Lifestyle Carnival #31 hosted by Vanessa’s Money
Carnival of Money Pros hosted by The Frugal Toad
Money Mail Carnival #5 hosted by The Money Mail
Carnival of Money Pros hosted by Vanessa’s Money
Money Mail Carnival #4 hosted by The Money Mail
Finance Carnival for Young Adults #39 hosted by 20s Finances
Yakezie Carnival hosted by My Family Finances
Carnival of Money Pros hosted by Growing Money Smart
Carnival of Financial Camaraderie #57 hosted by My University Money
Money Mail Carnival #3 hosted by The Money Mail
Yakezie Carnival hosted by I Heart Budgets
Carnival of Retirement #46 hosted by Making Sense of Cents
Yakezie Carnival hosted by The Ultimate Juggle
Carnival of Money Pros hosted by My Multiple Incomes
Carnival of Financial Planning hosted by Master the Art of Saving
Money Mail Carnival #2 hosted by The Money Mail
Carnival of Financial Camaraderie #56 hosted by See Debt Run
Carnival of Money Pros hosted by Finance Product Reviews
Yakezie Carnival hosted by Parenting and Money
Lifestyle Carnival #27 hosted by Femme Frugality
Carnival of Financial Camaraderie #55 hosted by My University Money
Yakezie Carnival hosted by The Ultimate Juggle
Lifestyle Carnival #26 hosted by Mo Money Mo Houses
Carnival of Money Pros hosted by Debt Black Hole
Carnival of Financial Camaraderie #54 hosted by Cash Net USA
Carnival of Financial Planning hosted by Young Family Finances
Yakezie Carnival hosted by Portfolio Princess
Carnival of Money Pros hosted by Thirty Six Months
Carnival of Retirement #41 hosted by Financial Conflict Coach
Lifestyle Carnival hosted by Master the Art of Savings
Yakezie Carnival hosted by Cult of Money
Lifestyle Carnival hosted by Blue Collar Workman
Carnival of Money Pros hosted by Making Sense of Cents
Carnival of Retirement #41 hosted by The College Investor
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Money Problems: Day 12 – Paying for College by Doing Without
Today, I am continuing the series, Money Problems: 30 Days to Perfect Finances. The series will consist of 30 things you can do in one setting to perfect your finances. It’s not a system to magically make your debt disappear. Instead, it is a path to understanding where you are, where you want to be, and–most importantly–how to bridge the gap.
I’m not running the series in 30 consecutive days. That’s not my schedule. Also, I think that talking about the same thing for 30 days straight will bore both of us. Instead, it will run roughly once a week. To make sure you don’t miss a post, please take a moment to subscribe, either by email or rss.
On this, Day 11, we’re going to talk about one method of paying for college.
I have a secret to share. Are you listening? Lean in close: College is expensive.
You’re shocked, I can tell.
The fact is, college prices are rising entirely out of proportion to operation costs, salaries, or inflation. The only thing college prices seem to be pegged to is demand. Demand has gotten thoroughly out of whack. The government forces down the interest rates on student loans, then adds some ridiculous forgiveness as long as you make payments for some arbitrary number of years, creating an artificial demand that wouldn’t be there if the iron fist of government weren’t forcing it into place.
Somebody in Washington has decided that the American dream consists of home ownership and a college education. Everything is a failure. He’s an idiot.
College isn’t for everybody.
Read that again. Not everyone should go to college. Not everyone can thrive in college.
Fewer than half of students who start college graduate. The greater-than-half who drop out still have to repay their loans. Do you think college was a good choice for them?
Then you get the people who major in art history and minor in philosophy. Do you know what that degree qualifies you for? Burger flipping.
Yes, I know. Just having a degree qualifies you for a number of jobs. It’s not because the degree matters, it’s because HR departments set a series of fairly arbitrary requirements just to filter a 6 foot stack of resumes. The only thing they care about is that having a degree proves that you were able to stick college out for 4 years. That HR requirement matters less as time goes on and you develop relevant work experience.
A liberal arts education also—properly done—trains your mind in the skill of learning. First, not everyone is capable of learning new things. Second, not everyone is willing to learn new things. Third, a passion for learning can be fed without college. If you don’t have that passion, college won’t create it. Most of the most learned people throughout history managed without college, or even formal education. Even if you want to feed that passion in a formal classroom, you’re assuming the professors are interested in training your mind instead of indoctrinating it with their views.
Now there are some pursuits that outright require a college education. The sciences like engineering, physics, astronomy, and psychiatry all require college. You know what doesn’t require college? Managing a cube farm. Data entry. Sales. I’m not saying those are bad professions, but they can certainly be done without dropping $50,000 on college.
Some careers require an education, but don’t require a 4 year degree, like nursing(in most states), computer programming(it’s not required, but it makes it a lot easier to break into) and others. Do you need to hit a 4 year school and get a Bachelor’s degree, or can you hold yourself to a 2 year program at a technical college and save yourself 40,000 or more?
That should be an easy choice. Don’t go to college just because you think you should or because somebody said you should, or to get really drunk. College isn’t for everybody and it’s possible it’s not for you.
