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Funerals Cost Too Much

When my mother-in-law died, we weren’t prepared to pay for her funeral.    We were three years into our debt repayment and were throwing every available cent at our last credit card.  We had a couple of thousand dollars in savings, but that was earmarked for property taxes, braces, and a few other things that make money go away.

Then we found out we had a $1500 bill just to get her released and moved to the funeral home.

And catering for the funeral.

And programs.

And the grave, marker, and urn.

Scratch the last one.  My mother-in-law prepaid for her grave site and had a funeral insurance policy to cover the marker, cremation, vault, and urn.  She paid $800 and saved us nearly $1900 last spring.

By the end, we spent about $2500 for everything, including a reception at the funeral home.

I can’t describe how helpful that was.   We couldn’t have covered it without debt, and the money we inherited was months away.

A little pre-planning on her part smoothed out the hardest time in our lives.

In 2009, the average cost for a funeral was $7,755.  That’s a lot of cake for something that often catches you by surprise.   In 2012, the average savings balance  in the U.S. was $5,923.

Unexpected funeral expenses are a “wipe me out” expense.  In a flash–a heart attack, a car accident–your life savings can get sucked into death expenses, leaving your family with nothing.

That reminds me, it’s time to buy a pair of grave plots.

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Multiracial Skinhead Love Triangle

English: A goat
English: A goat (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

“Honey, here on national television, in front of a live studio audience, I’ve got a secret I’d like to share.   You’re not our child’s mother.  I’ve been sleeping with the milkman.  And the goat.  Your mom is the star of my new adult website.  With the goat.  And the milkman.  I’ve got three other families, in three other cities.  I lost the house to my gambling addiction.   Those sores?  Herpesyphiligonoritis.  I got it from the foreign exchange student we hosted before I moved her to Dubuque and married her.  The goat gave her away.  The milkman cried.   Oh, and I wore your panties to the Illinois Nazi reunion.   I know how much you hate Illinois Nazis.  But I still love you.  And your sister.  Especially your sister.  She does that thing with her tongue….”

Why would anyone go on national television to share things like that?

More interesting: why would anybody stay on stage after hearing that?

Stay tuned.

I have this friend.  He bought a couple of cars.  He’s got some issues with money, partially revolving around a need to keep his assets below a certain threshold.   So he put the cars in his girlfriend’s name.  I know, it’s slightly crooked, but that makes the story more fun.

They broke up.

Recently, she called him to say she was suing him for the cars.  She wanted them.  She wanted to hurt him.  She was mean.   Somehow that turned into them agreeing to settle the case on Judge Joe Brown, on national television.

My friend spoke with the show’s producer, then last week, he was flown to California and put up in a hotel for a couple of days.   When he arrived at the TV studio, he was informed that it wasn’t Judge Joe Brown, but a new show that will start airing in the fall called, The Test.   According to CBS, The Test “is a one-hour conflict resolution talk show that will use lie detector and DNA tests to settle relationship and paternity disputes among the guests.”   Coincidentally, CBS also owns Judge Joe Brown.

My friend got on stage with Dr. Phil’s son, Jay McGraw, and was accused of cheating on his girlfriend and stealing her identity.   Lie detectors.  Yelling.  Accusations.

Why did he stay?

He wasn’t given his return plane ticket until they were done filming.

When he was done, they handed him a voucher for cab fare and the itinerary for his return flight.  Until then, he had no other way to get home.

That’s why people stay on stage.  It’s probably also why none of those shows ever have people with money of their own; they can find their own way home in a pinch.

Interesting side note:  The show paid $200  and booked the cheapest possible return flight, with a 6 hour layover.

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Born to Launch

I’ve recently discovered something about myself: I like doing new things.

More to the point of this post: I like making new things.

I also like learning new things.

Unfortunately, once the newness wears off, I start to lose interest.

I’m a software engineer, so I regularly build new things and solve new puzzles.  When a project gets into maintenance mode and the new stuff ends, I want to chuck the whole thing in the river and move on.

That carries over into other things, too.  Start a business, lock down some skills, get some customers, then enter maintenance mode.  Boring.

Pick up a new hobby, achieve a basic level of mastery, watch it stop being fun.

Play a new video game, get good at it, get bored.

It’s a flaw in my character and it’s a pretty serious flaw.  Soon after I reach the point where I can fly with a new skill or project, I quit wanting to do it.

When it quits being new, it quits being fun.

When I pick up a new hobby, I get good at it, I get bored with it, so the setup equipment tends to collect dust.

Some of this is work stuff, which isn’t supposed to be fun.  If it were, they wouldn’t call it “work”, they’d call it “happy fun time”.

Some of this could replace work stuff, but I’m not sure how to power through when I hit this particular wall.  Just making money doesn’t keep something exciting.  If I’m not excited, it’s hard to stay motivated, which is probably why I let the dishes pile up. (Sorry, honey!)

There is a good side to this flaw:  I’m never bored.  I fill notebooks with the things I want to do next, from blacksmithing lessons to building a foreign language learning site.  I have absolute confidence that I’ll never be bored for long, and I’ll never be short of new ways to make money, but that doesn’t make me feel stable.

I have a need for stability, and I have a need for new.   Finding that balance is a challenge.

Maybe I just need to launch things faster to build a bigger safety net.   That would let me revel in the new without putting my lifestyle at risk.

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Charlie Hunnam and the Success of 50 Shades of Grey

Charlie Hunnam
Charlie Hunnam (Photo credit: Gage Skidmore)

It looks like actor Charlie Hunnam is all set to cash in on the biggest romance novel of the decade. He is set to play the lead role of Christian Grey in the film adaptation of the salacious hit novel 50 Shades of Grey directed by Sam Taylor-Johnson.

Charlie Hunnam, with his English good looks and charm, will definitely make the fantasies of so many women into a reality. Born in Newcastle-upon-Tyne in 1980, Hunnam is already well known in the UK for his portrayal of Nathan Maloney in the television show Queer as Folk. He is also fresh off his recent role in the summer blockbuster Pacific Rim. Now, he will delve into the alternative, sexy, and edgy role of Christian Grey, the hero of the novels written by E.L. James.

With 70 million copies of the BDSM-themed trilogy sold around the world, even the novels themselves are a runaway success. Hunnam himself stands to make quite a bit of money off the film adaptation. If the initial film is a success on the level of Twilight, then Hunnam could easily become an A-list actor in Hollywood, which would boost the amount of money he earns per film. If the novels continue to be adapted into films, then he will be set for at least another few years. Who wouldn’t feel comfortable knowing they were starring in a saucy summer film that would be a guaranteed blockbuster? However, Hunnam didn’t jump straight away to become Christian Grey – he turned down the role at first, but then reconsidered it later. If the buzz surrounding the film means anything, then it’s a good thing that Hunnam changed his mind!

Production work on the film will begin in October 2013, and a release date has been scheduled for August 1st, 2014. With the recent announcement of the lead actors, the excitement is building, and it doesn’t seem like it will die down any time soon. It looks as if 50 Shades of Grey will be a wise career move for Charlie Hunnam as a well as a great way to boost his annual salary.

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Integrity

The true measure of a man’s integrity is not what he will do, but rather what he won’t do.
-Flannery O’Connor

Have you watched a TV lately? Have you noticed that most sitcoms are based entirely on dishonesty? If the characters would stop lying to each other, the premise of most shows would fall apart. How much humor can be found in getting caught in a lie, week after week? If I lived in one of those homes, there would be a divorce happening immediately.  There’s no integrity in any of the relationships.

Integrity means no lying, cheating, or stealing.  It means you deal with everyone honestly and honorably.  You don’t cheat on your wife, or make BS excuses to your kids.  You have to make sure you have nothing to feel guilty about and expect the same from the people you deal with. It’s not always easy. If a waitress accidentally forgets to ring up a meal, or a store clerk only rings up one DVD, or the scanner borks itself and give an extra 50% off, you speak up, even if it costs $100. That’s honesty.

Ultimately, what you do during the day, you have to sleep with at night. This includes avoiding responsibilities.  Always do what you say, barring forgetfulness, and in that case,  make up for it immediately.  Don’t break promises,  don’t skip out on debts, and don’t get into commitments you have no intention of honoring.

I’ve discovered that the best way to keep your stories straight is to only tell the truth. I don’t have to coordinate an alibi or remember which lie I told to which person if I am honest in all of my dealings. It’s not the easy path. It would be easier to sneak large purchases into the house, or tell my wife I was working late instead of going out for a beer. There are a lot of shortcuts I refuse to take with my life. People act like I’m stupid because I won’t cheat anyone. I enjoy being treated like that, because it means I know who to avoid in the future.  If you break promises, lie, cheat, steal, or skip out on your responsibilities, I don’t want to associate with you.  Honesty is an important part of my life and relationships.  I won’t apologize for that.

What are your core values?